RotoScoop.com

By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 8-5, also winning my best bet. I’m 52-47-4 so far this year. Best bet is 3-3-1. Onto the Week 8 picks:

Saints -14 at RAMS

DOLPHINS +10 at Giants

Cardinals +13 at RAVENS

Vikings +3 at PANTHERS (Best Bet)

COLTS +9 at Titans

JAGUARS +10 at Texans

LIONS -3 at Broncos

REDSKINS +6 at Bills

Bengals -3 at SEAHAWKS

Browns +9 at 49ers

PATRIOTS -2.5 at Steelers

COWBOYS +3 at Eagles

CHARGERS -3.5 at Chiefs

Comments: Carolina’s defense is suspect, but I like them at home against an inferior Minnesota team this week. My teaser for the week is the Giants (I got them at -9.5 in Vegas) and 49ers. Obviously, I brought them both down seven points.

By Dalton Del Don

In one of the worst slates in recent memory, I expected the Falcons vs. Lions to be one of the better matchups in Week 7, but even that ended up being pretty ugly. Matthew Stafford has a 16:4 TD:INT ratio on the year, but while he’s limited turnovers recently, he’s gotten just 5.8 YPA over the past two weeks, giving him a 7.1 mark on the season – that number isn’t terrible on the surface, but when you factor in the current passing numbers in today’s NFL (it comes in as 17th best right now), him playing six of seven games in a dome this year and having Calvin Johnson as a teammate, he hasn’t been all that great. Although in his defense, the Lions might have the worst running game in the NFL…Matt Ryan has thrown for multiple touchdowns in just one of seven games this season. He’s yet to get 7.5 YPA in a contest…Michael Turner’s demise may have been a bit overstated, as he currently leads the NFL with 26 broken tackles…Pretty crazy the Jerome Harrison trade almost certainly saved his life.

This commercial isn’t exactly what I’d call PC.

Brandon Marshall has had numerous inexcusable drops, but he’s also had to face the Browns, Chargers, Jets (whom rank as three of the four best fantasy defenses against wide receivers so far this year) and Broncos (when Champ Bailey returned) the last four weeks. Even with Matt Moore – buy. Despite that, he’s still on pace to finish with 91 catches and 1,288 yards…Even without Brandon Lloyd, it looks like Eric Decker owners may be out of luck. Demaryius Thomas, while hardly a sure thing, looks like the Broncos’ preferred WR from here on out, as he was clearly Tim Tebow’s No. 1 target Sunday…Speaking of Tebow, at this point, what more can be said? The dude writes his own scripts. After going 4-for-14 for 46 passing yards over his first 11 drives, he decided to stop messing around and went 9-for-13 for 121 yards with two touchdowns over his final two drives in regulation (h/t ESPNStatsInfo). Also, on a game-on-the-line two-point conversation attempt with possibly the most inaccurate/best running QB in the NFL from the 2-yard line, might want to put a linebacker on him Miami. Not having their goal-line defense on the field in that situation is embarrassing.

Great announcer involved in a crazy set of events.

I can’t say I’m shocked the Texans won in Tennessee on Sunday, but I was rather surprised by the final score. This team may finally be getting it. Arian Foster’s breakaway speed on his 78-yard TD catch was sick, if a bit unexpected. I’d take him No. 1 overall in a redraft today…Ben Tate somehow has the 15th most carries in football so far this season…I’m beginning to think Matt Hasselbeck may miss Kenny Britt. Seriously, that performance was downright ugly coming off a bye against a defense that was missing Mario Williams and had Danieal Manning leave early with a broken leg…Chris Johnson, at least to me, is a true buy-low candidate, because I personally think it would take some guts to trade for him right now. He looks noticeably slower than ever, and while Tennessee’s run blocking has been bad, Javon Ringer looked superior whenever he entered the game last week. Johnson has got 1.9 YPC after contact this season, which ranks 53rd among running backs. But at least it hasn’t shaken his confidence: “Basically, if you are watching the game and you really can’t tell what is going on with the run game then I would say you really don’t know football,” Johnson said. “I wouldn’t say I am the issue.” Either way, his fantasy owners aren’t happy.

Worst liquor store robbery ever.

After posting a 15:1 TD:INT ratio over the final eight games of his sophomore season last year, Josh Freeman has an NFL-high 10 interceptions in 2011. His 6.4 YPA is also pretty pathetic, so he’s taken a major step back…Tough break for Earnest Graham owners. In fact, what a ridiculous week for running back injuries, also including Darren McFadden, Beanie Wells, Willis McGahee, Marshawn Lynch and Tim Hightower…Matt Forte’s touchdown upside is limited (thanks to his poor execution at the goal line throughout his career and now Marion Barber’s presence), but he’s currently on pace to finish with 2,494 yards from scrimmage, which would rank as the second-most all-time…Mike Williams remains a big disappointment, but his 60 targets rank as the fifth-highest in the NFL this year (although his six drops also rank as the second most, with only Brandon Marshall having more).

I’m not sure what’s crazier, the makeup job here or the tats.

The Seattle/Cleveland game set football back a good 30 years, although in fairness both teams’ defenses played pretty well. Although you have to work hard to score just six points while possessing the ball for 43 minutes like the Browns did Sunday…Relying on Marshawn Lynch is tough enough to begin with, but it doesn’t get much worse than not playing without any reports suggesting it was even a possibility beforehand. If you’re in a deep league, might as well add Leon Washington…I still like Greg Little as a WR3 for fantasy purposes moving forward…Tarvaris Jackson obviously sucks, but he’s better than Charlie Whitehurst. And Joe Haden’s return certainly contributed to Sidney Rice’s poor performance Sunday…Montario Hardesty’s 117 yards from scrimmage were nice, and it came against arguably (although I’m tired of calling them “surprisingly” at this point) the NFL’s best run defense, but it took a whopping 33 rushing attempts, as he simply hasn’t shown the ability to make defenders miss at the NFL level.

This guy ate a live giant scorpion just for fun.

At what point would it take the Chargers to further outperform their end results to get Norv Turner fired? I mean seriously, how long can this charade go? Frankly, it’s become beyond comical. At this point, no one should ever be throwing their hands up in the air and declaring how San Diego “should have won that game.” Even with Sunday’s latest example, realize they were also spotted a 7-0 lead on a “fluke” defensive TD…Not that Philip Rivers doesn’t deserve plenty of blame this season. His YPA and completion percentage remain high, but after posting a 30:13 TD:INT ratio last season (without Vincent Jackson and Antonio Gates for a significant amount of time), he’s totaled eight TDs while committing 11 turnovers through six games. Rivers hadn’t been picked off in his previous 100 throws in the fourth quarter before Sunday, when he was intercepted twice in the final frame and executed one of the worst two-minute drills you’ll ever see…Without question, one of my bigger fantasy disappointments this year has been Santonio Holmes. I expected so much more…I have no proof, but I’d imagine few players have ever managed just 6.3 yards-per-catch with three touchdowns like Plaxico Burress did Sunday…The Jets’ blocking was better, but I’d never seen Shonn Greene run as well as he did in Week 7. Maybe there’s hope for him after all…Quietly, Mark Sanchez has been a top-10 fantasy QB so far this season.

Parking like a boss.

Like clockwork, Coldplay’s new album is sugary sweet, not for music elitists, yet also has 4-6 songs that are legitimately catchy. I get they are easy to make fun of, but there isn’t a band more consistent (and more predictable) in the world. Their new album won’t sniff my top-5 for 2011, but I’d also suggest music snobs shouldn’t be totally dismissive.

Mike Shanahan was at it again Sunday, as I’d imagine far more fantasy owners started Ryan Torain than Tim Hightower, something I personally supported. While it didn’t work in Week 7, and Roy Helu may become a bigger factor, Torain owners still ultimately ended up with a big upgrade after Hightower was lost for the season with a torn ACL…The most rushing touchdowns by a QB since the merger was 12 (by Steve Crogan in 1976), with just two total reaching double digits. Cam Newton is on pace to finish with 16 during his rookie campaign. Oh, and also 4,807 passing yards, which would be the fourth most in NFL history. His rookie season has been pretty special, and fantasy wise, it’s been positively transcendental.

I have no clue why these two people are single. This is the best date ever.

Larry Fitzgerald has averaged 84.2 yards per game this season compared to 71.1 last year, but he’s also on pace to finish with 83 receptions and five touchdowns – both lower than last season’s disappointing numbers. So much for Kevin Kolb returning him to top-three fantasy WR status…It’s become a weekly joke about how badly Ben Roethlisberger had his knee turned or was hit or whatever. Let’s stop kidding ourselves. The guy is indestructible. A prison sentence or the Supervolcano is far more likely to be the cause of him missing a game than an injury…Speaking of injuries, Beanie Wells hurt yet again, ugh!…The Steelers have forced the fewest takeaways over the first seven games of a season since the merger (h/t Bill Barnwell)…Mike Wallace has got 14.3 yards-per-target this season, which I believe would go down as the best mark in NFL history.

I’m someone who still loves roller coasters, so make of this what you will, but if I lived in New York, I’d absolutely go to this Haunted House (tangent: in college, I tagged along with a few friends who had heard good things about this Haunted House in SLO, only when inside they locked the doors and it was a religious cult that preached for at least an hour. I guess ultimately the job was done, because believe me, I was “terrified” by the events at hand). I mean, just look at the rules. Tickets cost $40-60 (depending on the time you attend), and I especially love how you must be prepared to put something unknown in your mouth and how there’s a “safe word.” Sign me up!

Darren McFadden’s foot sprain is reportedly minor, but to me I’d rather a knee or hamstring injury. I hope I’m wrong…The Raiders and Chiefs combined for a 0:8 TD:INT ratio Sunday. That it came with just one total sack against two secondaries that rank in the bottom half of the NFL makes it all the more crazy. The bye week couldn’t come at a better time for Oakland…After starting the year 0-3 and being outscored 109-27 in the process, the Chiefs have rebounded by winning their last three contests by a combined score of 78-41…In Yahoo’s box score, their “top performer” on the day had one carry for seven yards.

Dirt bike lands on a “chick.”

Dallas’ defense by all means played well, but fantasy owners might feel a little disappointed with just one sack and two turnovers at home against a Rams offense that has averaged an NFL-low 9.3 points per game while starting A.J. Feeley…Through six games, the Rams have had a lead for a total of just six minutes and 28 seconds (h/t Bill Barnwell)…Brandon Lloyd received 12 targets immediately upon joining St. Louis and should see a nice increase in fantasy value down the stretch. He’ll no doubt be tougher to trade for now than he was 10 days ago, but there’s also a good chance his value will never be lower from this point moving forward…It’s tempting to not want to get overly excited with just one game (in ideal conditions), but it’s even harder not to be thoroughly impressed with DeMarco Murray, who had the type of performance Sunday that could lead to him being Dallas’ feature back from here on out. Felix Jones even when healthy has always been better in theory than reality, and while he’s hasn’t been able to exploit it, a lead runner in that situation could be quite productive. Murray, while still needing work as a blocker and receiver, could finally be the one to take advantage of it. He’s a must-start this week in Philadelphia. Realize his 3.6 YPC after contact this season ranks as the third-most in the NFL. He could be a true difference maker down the stretch.

The worst (best?) obituary of all-time.

Man who tried to turn his feces into gold is jailed.

Aaron Rodgers’ current 9.93 YPA mark would go down as the best in NFL history (since the merger), and he’s also totaled 21 touchdowns to just three turnovers. With a suspect pass defense, the league’s best passing attack that utilizes spread formations and terrific team speed yet with a shaky rushing attack, the Packers are actually best built to play in a dome, and ironically, poor weather late in the year in Lambaugh Field would actually do this group a huge disservice. They might be more vulnerable playing a home NFC title game than one in a controlled environment. The current Super Bowl odds are the NFC -3…Well, that’s not good…After something of a down year last season, Jared Allen has 10 sacks over his past five games, as he’s been an absolute beast.

If you’re into levitation and/or hover boards, watch these two clips. The future is upon us.

New Orleans’ 62 points scored tied for the most since the merger. Drew Brees had more touchdowns (five) than incompletions (four)…Seriously, how important is Peyton Manning?!!…Darren Sproles is somehow averaging more yards-per-carry (7.4) than he is yards-per-catch (7.3). What a fantastic season he’s having…Why, exactly did Joseph Addai return earlier than expected?…The funny thing about Reggie Wayne’s season is that he’s actually averaging his most yards-per-catch since 2007.

Two stories well worth reading, the first about overconfidence, which absolutely has relevance with fantasy sports (and the title is a clear shot at Malcolm Gladwell) and the second about the anatomy of a baseball trade.

What an ugly Monday night game. It’s almost as if the scheduling had something to do with it. Still not quite sure how Jacksonville went from having a historically bad secondary last year that allowed 8.3 YPA to one this season that has yielded just 6.4. A remarkable difference, especially without a ton of personnel change…What was up with Ray Rice and Maurice Jones-Drew’s fumbling problems? That was crazy…Joe Flacco has produced two games with a QB rating higher than 103.5 this season, and three others with less than 61.0. So inconsistent.

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By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 7-4-2, also winning my best bet. I’m 44-42-4 so far this year. Best bet is 2-3-1. Onto the Week 7 picks:

Chargers -1.5 at JETS (Best Bet)

Seahawks +2.5 at BROWNS

Falcons +3.5 at LIONS

Redskins +2 at PANTHERS

BEARS pick ‘em vs. Buccaneers

Broncos +1 at DOLPHINS

Texans +3 at TITANS

STEELERS -3.5 at Cardinals

Chiefs +4.5 at RAIDERS

Packers -9 at VIKINGS

Rams +12.5 at COWBOYS

COLTS +14 at Saints

Ravens -8.5 at JAGUARS

Comments: Don’t feel all that great about my “best bet” this week, and for whatever it’s worth, I ended up taking 10 home teams (compared to just two true road teams). No teaser this week; instead, I took a moneyline parlay with the Packers, Cowboys, Saints and Ravens.

By Dalton Del Don

Pretty crazy to get outscored 24-3 while gaining 25 more yards than their opponent like the Rams did Sunday. With the arrival of Brandon Lloyd (seriously, how ridiculous are NFL trades?), it was especially bad timing for Sam Bradford to suffer a high-ankle sprain…Jermichael Finley could explode at any moment and still needs to be viewed as a top-five fantasy tight end, but playing in such a terrific offense has actually hampered his production, as Aaron Rodgers continues to spread the wealth. Rodgers’ favorite receiver is the one he deems has the biggest mismatch on a given play, and Finley, who has finally been able to stay healthy, is on pace to finish with a modest 856 yards as a result, and he’s scored in just one of six games this season (albeit three times in that contest)…Jordy Nelson has averaged 57.5 yards per touchdown catch this season (and that’s with one of them being from three yards out!)…Rodgers is the first passer ever to post a QB rating of 110 or higher in six straight games.

Snoop Dogg is obsessed with the world’s largest turnip. This clip killed me.

Eli Manning owners have to be extremely frustrated, as he played a fantastic game Sunday only to see Ahmad Bradshaw cipher three touchdowns from the 1-yard line. Manning, who has yet to play a game indoors this season, enters his bye with a 9.1 YPA mark…I bet I was the only one to rank Fred Jackson ahead of Steven Jackson in the preseason (as seen in RW’s magazine), but believe me, this is more venting than bragging, as despite that, my cowardice ultimately won out, as he somehow ended up on just one of my (far too many) teams (although luckily, it’s a high stakes NFFC league). He’s easily been the best running back in football so far this season. Not only has he broken the most tackles in the league by far, but Pro Football Focus also grades him as the best blocking back (tied with Bradshaw)…Not only has Hakeem Nicks not dropped a single pass this year, but his seven broken tackles are also tied for the NFL lead.

Man fakes police brutality to get out of speeding ticket.

I killed Dallas Clark last week, but that was a sick one-handed catch he made in the end zone Sunday. Maybe his fantasy value isn’t toast after all…That’s back-to-back weeks the Bengals have scored a defensive touchdown in the final minutes of a game, and for that my fantasy teams thank you…Pat Angerer currently has 73 tackles – the next closest in football is teammate Kavell Conner with 58. Angerer is on pace to finish with 195 tackles. That’s a lot.

This is one of the better hockey fights I’ve seen, highlighted by the “nighty night” antics afterward.

Roddy White owners have to be extremely disappointed with his Week 6 production in a favorable matchup without Julio Jones playing but realize he drew numerous pass interference calls that prevented him from having a big fantasy game. Still, Matt Ryan’s lack of development combined with the return of Jones and the team’s success when relying on the run leaves White’s upside lacking…An NFL-high five passes intended for Steve Smith this season have been intercepted, and while some of that blame surely falls on Cam Newton, Sunday’s pick also revealed another reason why – Smith isn’t very good at becoming a “defender” on passes he’s not going to catch…I’m still looking for an explanation why Carolina spent all that money on DeAngelo Williams when they had Jonathan Stewart.

Man uses his 9-year-old daughter as his designated driver.

Not only do the 49ers look all but certain to have a home game in the playoffs, but they also might even have a bye (they still have five games remaining against the NFC West) – an unimaginable scenario entering the year. As a fan, I’m excited for the first time in years, but while the defense is legit, and the special teams is performing at a historical level through six weeks, it’s pretty easy to acknowledge the lack of a star at QB limits the upside come postseason. As much as I like to see Alex Smith improve, he’s not good enough to win a Super Bowl…And to think, they will be getting Braylon Edwards back soon!…I love Frank Gore, but it’s clear he’s lost a step after getting caught from behind twice Sunday…In a 3-4 base defense, Pro Football Focus currently grades Justin Smith and Ray McDonald as the top two defensive ends, Patrick Willis and Navorro Brown as the No. 2 and No. 5 inside linebackers and Carlos Rogers as the No. 1 cornerback (slightly ahead of Darrelle Revis). Rookie Aldon Smith has also racked up 5.5 sacks over the past three games while only playing situationally…Two huge coaching gaffes (during the game, that is) Sunday. Jim Harbaugh throwing a challenge flag on a scoring play (resulting in a penalty), and Jim Schwartz going for two with the score 19-15 with 14 minutes left (seriously mind boggling). As for the after game scuffle, even as an SF fan, I can easily see why a coach would be upset by Harbaugh’s behavior, although Schwartz in particular maybe should have let it go (exhibit A and exhibit B). Frankly, while admittedly way overblown in the media, I thought the incident was pretty damn funny. But come on, if those two really did fight, how badly would Harbaugh destroy Schwartz?!

This penguin has chosen a life of crime.

Fred Davis has been inconsistent this year, but in the three games in which Chris Cooley has been inactive, left early because of injury or been limited, he’s racked up 17 catches for 286 yards with a touchdown. Cooley is out indefinitely with a finger injury, and after he exited Sunday’s game, Davis was involved heavily, seeing 11 targets. Davis took responsibility for two of Rex Grossman’s four interceptions, but he’s physically gifted and will be given a ton of opportunities moving forward…Well, that was quite an inauspicious start to Vince Young’s tenure in Philly…Watch LeSean McCoy assault Andy Reid…Ryan Torain owners have to be disappointed considering how the Eagles’ run defense had played this year, but it was a jail break every time he touched the ball Sunday. Injuries to Washington’s offensive line and the score had a lot more to do with his poor performance than anything else. Barring health, I remain bullish moving forward.

I watched “Drive” this weekend, and it was easily my favorite movie of the year so far. In fact, no other has been even close.

McDonald’s cashier caught on video beating unruly customers.

Up 17-0 with 11 minutes left in the second quarter, it’s safe to say I didn’t expect the Steelers to win 17-13. The Jaguars’ defense is sneaky good…Rashard Mendenhall finally showed a pulse Sunday, rushing for 146 yards and a touchdown on 23 carries, returning from a hamstring injury while busting out of a season long slump in the process. Jacksonville isn’t any good, but its defense is the team’s strength, so it wasn’t against an easy opponent either. The opportunity to buy low has likely come and gone.

The baseball playoffs have been pretty awesome this year, but as someone who had a lot invested in the Brewers, Sunday’s loss was absolutely devastating. I was genuinely depressed. Let’s just say Tony LaRussa used his bullpen slightly better than Ron Roenicke. And while I knew Shaun Marcum was toast at that point, and despite the team’s UZR in the regular season, the defense was going to be a problem, I was ultimately disappointed in Zack Greinke (one swing and miss with no strikeouts?).

Las Vegas man with 100-pound scrotum seeks money for surgery.

Greg Little took advantage of his move into the starting lineup, catching six passes for 72 yards, although he lost a sure touchdown by tripping over his own feet with no defender near him at the 1-yard line. Little saw 12 targets, so he’s now a big part of Cleveland’s offense and clearly the team’s No. 1 option in the passing attack. Despite having just 20 receptions on the year, Little is tied for the NFL lead among wide receivers with seven broken tackles. The second round pick looks like a WR3 for fantasy purposes moving forward…Owner Mike Brown is stubborn, but he’d also have to be crazy to turn down the trade offered by the Raiders. Oakland sent a first and second (could become another first, although highly unlikely) round pick in order to acquire Palmer, and while it’s obviously a steep price (especially considering how cost controlled those top picks are now), it’s nice to see a team be so aggressive. The move was made thanks to Jason Campbell’s collarbone injury, and the team’s subsequent (rightfully so) lack of faith in Kyle Boller. It’s unclear what kind of shape Palmer is in, but at least he’s familiar with Hue Jackson’s offense. The former No. 1 overall pick’s play has fallen off over the past few seasons, but he did produce 50 touchdowns over the last two years, and it’s easy to forget he’s still just 31 years old. The signing is good news for Darren McFadden and especially Darrius Heyward-Bey owners. Also, Oakland’s odds to win the Super Bowl moved from 40/1 to 30/1 after the trade…For all the Raiders’ criticism with trades and draft picks, not only is it worth pointing out McFadden has become a top-five running back and DHB is emerging, but PFF has graded Richard Seymour as easily the top defensive tackle in the NFL this season (he finished No. 9 last year). That’s obviously worth whatever draft pick they gave up.

Pretty remarkable this guy survived a 900-foot fall after his parachute failed to open.

This news just made my day.

Arian Foster had a couple of bad drops, but his 11 targets tied Darren Sproles for the league-lead by running backs in Week 6. Although it was concerning for Foster owners seeing Ben Tate get nine carries to Foster’s 15…The Ravens have allowed a 65.9 QB rating to opposing passers along with a 3.3 YPC against mark with just one rushing score this season. This looks like the best defense in football.

This machine will shred anything.

Crazy sick pass by Rajon Rondo.

Although he didn’t play well Sunday, Drew Brees became the first quarterback in NFL history to throw for 350-plus yards in four straight games. Seriously, how many passing records are going to be set in 2011?…Nice to see Tampa Bay’s passing attack show a pulse, but Mike Williams owners are still left wanting (a lot) more…Darren Sproles is on pace to finish with 72 rushing attempts this season. And 1,363 yards from scrimmage.

Young woman ages 50 years in a matter of days.

New iPhone app may have ended a marriage.

Aaron Hernandez hauled in eight catches for 68 yards and a touchdown Sunday, and while he also lost a fumble (unbelievably, it was the Pats’ first fumble in 389 plays this season), his 14 targets tied for the most among tight ends with Brandon Pettigrew in Week 6. Hernandez is on a 16-game pace to finish with 108 receptions for 1,156 yards and 12 touchdowns. He’s the No. 2 option in arguably the best passing attack in the NFL. Only Jimmy Graham should be ranked ahead of him among fantasy tight ends, and it’s not particularly close…I admit I fell for the Felix Jones preseason hype, but it should surprise no one he’s once again injured, this time with a high-ankle sprain that will cost him multiple weeks. Jones’ YPC has fallen each year he’s been in the NFL, bottoming out at 4.0 this season. He’s reached 100 yards rushing in two of his 41 career games played. DeMarco Murray is the obvious beneficiary while Jones is sidelined…Dez Bryant has been held catchless in the second half in three of four games this season…The Cowboys have allowed 6.8 YPA while recording 16 sacks over just five games, while also yielding 3.3 YPC as the only team in football yet to allow a 20-yard rush this season. Their scoring against is also skewed thanks to two INTs returned for touchdowns in the Lions game, and they just held the Patriots to fewer than 30 points for the first time in 14 games (while in New England). In fact, the Pats had scored just 13 points until 22 seconds were left. This Dallas defense is legit.

This marketing ploy is pretty cool.

My friend has made some shirts for you S.F. fans, so buy accordingly. Seriously, the Tim Lincecum F bombs is quite clever. Also, Harbaugh should be considered God like at this point – the man is a deity.

Donovan McNabb has obviously “lost his fastball,” and I really have no problem with playing a rookie in order to assess the future, but it’s clear Minnesota is a worse team with Christian Ponder under center. Not that it should matter short-term to the franchise, but it’s also unclear if this could hurt his development, as Ponder looked overmatched in the preseason…Seriously, how much of a travesty was it that Jay Cutler’s girl Kristin Cavallari was voted off “Dancing With The Stars” so early?! I’m beginning to think straight men aren’t their target audience.

These two went next level with their sex life.

Funny tip left by a math nerd.

Brandon Marshall versus Darrelle Revis was one of the rare one-on-one matchups in the NFL that took over a game. I loved seeing two highly competitive players going at it like that, trying to salvage an otherwise unwatchable game in primetime. Pass interference could have been called on Revis’ sick 100-yard INT return for a TD, and Marshall had the disadvantage of Matt Moore throwing him the ball, but his drops remain a serious concern. His six are tied for the NFL “lead” with Mike Williams (TB)…And speaking of Revis, according to Pro Football Focus, QBs currently have a rating of 4.9 when throwing into his coverage. The next best corner is Jonathan Joseph at 47.0. After about a dozen or so quarterbacks are off the board, if starting a franchise, I’d take Revis and Calvin Johnson next (followed by about another dozen linemen)…I expected a lot more out of Santonio Holmes this year…If Shonn Green broke tackles like he did this ref, he’d be a lot better running back.

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By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 6-7, once again losing my best bet after jumping out to a huge lead (17-0). I’m 37-38-2 so far this year. Best bet is 1-3-1. Onto the Week 6 picks:

PANTHERS +3.5 at Falcons

49ers +4 at Lions

Colts +7 at BENGALS

EAGLES -1 at Redskins

Rams +15 at PACKERS

Jaguars +12.5 at STEELERS

Bills +3 at GIANTS

Browns +7 at RAIDERS

TEXANS +8 at Ravens

SAINTS -4.5 at Buccaneers

COWBOYS +7 at Patriots

Vikings +2.5 at BEARS (Best Bet)

Dolphins +7.5 at JETS

Comments: I hate taking nine favorites, but I’m not switching any single game just because of that fact. I must admit though, I worry I’ve switched from my previous strategy to going more “obvious” picks here, and not worrying about the public vs. sharps angle. I’ve clearly made a conscious choice to ignore the latter with these picks. Also, two people I respect think the Bears line is one of the worst/craziest ever, and while I made them my best bet, I’m kind of on the fence there. And to be fair, I’ll give my teaser of the week – Raiders and Jets.

By Dalton Del Don

Pregame reports suggested Ben Roethlisberger could barely walk onto the field while the rest of his teammates sprinted on, so naturally, he proceeds to throw five touchdowns against a secondary that had been playing at a very high level. Despite taking a constant beating, I’d give Big Ben about even odds the chances he misses his next game is due to suspension (for obvious reasons) rather than injury…The Steelers/Titans game wasn’t great, but it did feature the photo of the week.

Mountain biker gets taken out by buck.

As someone who started the Bengals in a few leagues, the ridiculous defensive touchdown on the final play of the game thanks to multiple laterals was a thing of beauty…Despite playing at least 83 fewer snaps than any of the four receivers listed above him, Mike Thomas has the fifth most targets in the NFL this season with 44…A.J. Green has committed by far the most penalties among wide receivers this year (five), but it’s hard not to consider him one of the brightest rising stars in the game.

Pimp of the Year (one of my favorite clips from one of the most underrated comedies of all-time).

There’s some concern Darren Sproles will eventually wear down with this kind of usage, but he’s actually averaged just 5.2 rushing attempts per game, and whether true or not, studies have shown receptions have less consequences on the body. He may only be 5-6, but he’s also 190, which isn’t exactly Dexter McCluster (170) territory. Sproles has always had a ton of talent as a third-down back, but he’s being utilized better than ever, and playing home games on turf highlights his quickness, which might be second to none in the NFL. Despite having just the 44th most rushing attempts among all backs, Sproles is on pace to finish with 1,437 yards from scrimmage and has been an absolute monster in PPR formats. I certainly didn’t expect him to be the most valuable of the three Saints’ running backs…Cam Newton has 13 carries inside the 10 yard line this season. DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart have a combined three…Can someone explain to me why the Panthers called a timeout on defense at the end of the first half to allow the Saints to kick a field goal?

Probably the craziest picture I’ve ever seen.

Darrius Heyward-Bey has racked up 214 receiving yards and a touchdown over the past two games, and while he’s showed promise before only to disappear shortly thereafter, it’s telling he saw a whopping 19 targets over that span. He was quite raw coming out of Maryland, so it’s no surprise it’s taken him a few years to get acclimated to the NFL. The Raiders are a run-heavy team, and talented rookie Denarius Moore could threaten to become the team’s WR1, but DHB is finally relevant in fantasy leagues. His upcoming schedule against a Browns secondary possibly without Joe Haden, followed by Kansas City and then Denver, looks enticing…I’m a Hue Jackson fan – he’s uncommonly aggressive, and I loved the emotion he showed at the end of the game, but going for two (in a 14-12 game) with 1:09 left in the first half was way too early. This looked bad at the time and even worse when the Raiders had a 25-17 lead in the fourth quarter…Arian Foster owners can be disappointed with 68 rushing yards on 22 carries against an Oakland defense that entered allowing an NFL-high 5.9 YPC, but the Raiders clearly adjusted and sold out to stop the run (especially with no AJ), and obviously, it’s tough to complain about Foster’s 116 receiving yards…Pretty crazy that Oakland made that stop on the final play of the game with just 10 defenders on the field.

This article about the Red Sox’s collapse is fascinating, albeit not for the author’s intended reasons. What an embarrassing piece of journalism (and this coming from someone who has little standards).

I had the Eagles as part of a parlay last week, and I deserved to lose. I do think they are better than they’ve played (obviously) and would once again take them against Washington this week, even as a pick ‘em at 1-4 on the road facing a 3-1 team coming off a bye, but they aren’t a team with terrific peripherals that their record doesn’t reflect (like San Diego last year). Advanced stats (like Brian Burke, Football Outsiders, etc.) had them as heavy dogs against the Bills, so shame on me for ignoring that (or not? I mean seriously, it was all crazy turnovers that are historically random. Ugh)…David Nelson has just three receptions for 24 yards over his past two contests. The loss of Donald Jones for 4-to-6 weeks with an ankle injury could theoretically result in more targets, but in reality it moves Nelson from the slot (an important position in a Chan Gailey offense) to the outside, which might not be the best fit. Take a wait-and-see approach here…Got to love Andy Reid (and by that I mean loathe if you bet on Philly), as he decided to punt Sunday on 4th-and-4 down 14 points at Buffalo’s 37 yard line. Naturally, it resulted in a touchback. But that pales in comparison to the indiscipline it takes to have his team jump offsides (coming off a timeout) on 4th-and-1 down 31-24 at midfield with 1:23 left, when the Bills clearly had no intention of ever snapping the ball, effectively ending the game…Fred Jackson has broken 23 tackles this year. The next highest is Adrian Peterson with 17.

Pretty sick goal.

The Cardinals were down 28-0 at the end of the first quarter. Even the Vikings couldn’t blow that lead in the second half…Donovan McNabb might not be the only quarterback Andy Reid recently sold high on, as Kevin Kolb’s hot start with his new team in Arizona has quickly turned south. He’s gotten 7.4 YPA, which is just OK in today’s NFL and not good when combined with a 5:9 TD:turnover ratio over five games. He’s also taken 16 sacks and committed the most penalties among quarterbacks with four, all while having the benefit of one of the NFL’s best receivers at his disposal. It’s certainly too early to call Kolb a bust, but the early signs aren’t encouraging…Percy Harvin continues to be given more carries than any other receiver and his snaps are up since Week 1, but after a one-catch, 11-yard performance Sunday, his fantasy owners have to be fed up. In fact, Harvin is on pace to finish with just 58 catches for 586 yards and zero receiving scores. I wouldn’t recommend dropping Harvin by any means, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult to keep betting on his talent overcoming his situation…The Cardinals for some reason attempted a 51 yard field goal on 4th-and-6 down 28 points Sunday.

If this isn’t “indisputable evidence” of the existence of an Abominable Snowman, I don’t know what is.

Over the past two weeks, my “best bets” have cumulatively been up 44-3, and I’ve lost both, despite each spread being less than three points. That’s hard to do. My latest bitterness involves the Colts’ collapse…Jackie Battle entered last week as an undrafted 28-year-old back who had gotten just 3.0 YPC in his career, but he made the most of his newfound opportunity, totaling 140 yards on just 21 touches. The performance raised his career YPC nearly a full yard (3.9), which shows how little work he was previously given. Battle’s big game came against a Colts defense that has allowed the sixth-most fantasy points to opposing running backs this season, but Thomas Jones looks done, and Dexter McCluster struggles to break tackles, so he should continue to get the majority of touches in Kansas City’s backfield. Battle isn’t a special talent, and there’s no telling how he’ll hold up physically, but he’s obviously a must-add in all fantasy leagues with his new role…In deeper leagues, pick up Steve Breaston…Dallas Clark has just six catches for 65 yards over his last three games total, including three bad drops last week (he “leads” all tight ends with six this season). Remarkably, Pro Football Focus currently rates him last among 57 tight ends who qualify in the NFL. With him performing so poorly and no Peyton Manning, it’s a combination that’s resulted in zero fantasy value…Pierre Garcon has been the No. 1 fantasy WR since Curtis Painter took over as Indy’s QB, and while Painter can’t be expected to continue getting 9.1 YPA (with a 48.5 completion percentage!), it’s clear the two have a strong rapport. Garcon is simply the superior athlete to Reggie Wayne at this stage of their careers, and precise route running doesn’t matter as much without Peyton Manning calling the shots. With such a poor defense, the Colts should continue to have to keep airing it out as well. Garcon’s 11.8 YAC/reception currently leads all wide receivers by a wide margin (second-best is Victor Cruz with 9.3).

I finally saw “Moneyball” and surprisingly really liked it. Maybe my low expectations helped (and yes, there were aspects to complain about), but I thought the filmmakers did a terrific job with the material at hand.

Also, having Tim Allen make a lame fantasy football joke during an NFL broadcast is more than a little questionable – I can’t wait to see his new show canceled within five episodes.

Victor Cruz has totaled 17 catches for 369 yards and three touchdowns over the past three games, none of which he’s started. He’s badly outplayed Mario Manningham in the process, but the latter can’t be written off, and Hakeem Nicks remains the team’s WR1, so some regression can safely be expected, but no receiver can keep that kind of pace no matter his situation. Cruz is obviously talented and will remain a major part of the Giants’ offense moving forward, although his targets may not be there on a consistent basis. Still, with New York’s shaky defense, especially in the secondary, and the running game struggling, the team’s passing attack will continue to be relied upon heavily. Despite playing limited snaps, Cruz’s five broken tackles are tied for fifth-most in the NFL among wide receivers…R.I.P., most “survivor” teams that were alive in Week 5. And with Charlie Whitehurst playing a big role on the road, no less!…The Giants completed a pass downfield to Hakeem Nicks with 40 seconds left in the first half, and despite having all three timeouts left, elected to waste 11 seconds to re-gather and spike the ball. Huh?

An unexpected ending to a horse race, although not as funny as this one (the first suffered no life-threatening injuries, to be clear).

The 49ers are the only team yet to allow a rushing TD or a running back to reach 65 rushing yards in a game this season. As a San Francisco fan who picked the Rams to win the NFC West before the season, it’s pretty shocking to even consider them having a home playoff game (way, way too soon), but a 48-3 victory over any team (let alone one 3-1, even if they are a fraud) in the NFL is pretty impressive. Consider me shocked…Mike Williams has just 19 catches for 183 yards on the year, with as many fumbles lost as touchdowns (one). His 9.6 yards-per-catch is downright anemic, as the entire Bucs’ passing attack has taken a major step back this season. I’ve preached patience with Williams, but it’s hard not to be concerned at this point, and those with viable alternatives can bench him for now. It’s hard not to think of the Michael Clayton comparison. Still, while it’s easy to point out last year’s 11-TD, 65-catch ratio was unsustainable, Williams was a beast in the red zone as a rookie and would have likely been a first round pick if not for off-field issues – he’s clearly a talented player, fully capable of breaking out of this slump…Football Outsiders lists San Francisco with a 97.5% chance of making the playoffs. Green Bay is at 97.4%…For what it’s worth, Alex Smith had the highest “QBR” in Week 5.

Taking a squash ball at 175 mph looks painful.

After taking over for Kyle Orton on Sunday and since being named Denver’s starter, Tim Tebow is the obvious top waiver wire add entering Week 6. He’s gotten 8.0 YPA during his brief career, which is almost certainly unsustainable unless he greatly improves his 48.9 completion percentage. Of course, fantasy owners care more about his ability to run than his poor mechanics and unlikelihood to be an above average NFL quarterback. Tebow should get an extended opportunity to show what he can do, and his seven rushing touchdowns over 12 career appearances reveal quite a bit of fantasy upside. Brandon Lloyd and Eric Decker give him a couple of quality receiving options, and he now has a bye week to work with the starters in practice. The Broncos’ schedule also looks favorable moving forward, so Tebow should be considered a top-12 fantasy QB right now…Willis McGahee has improbably topped 100 rushing yards in three of the past four games, including a remarkable 7.4 YPC mark over the last two. The designated goal-line back for Denver even before taking over as the team’s starter, McGahee has just one rushing score on the year (two total), and that number is unlikely to increase greatly with Tebow taking over. Still, a healthy Knowshon Moreno didn’t receive a single carry last week, as McGahee looks rejuvenated at soon-to-be age 30…As a huge Ryan Mathews backer, I’m not sure whether to be encouraged he returned from an injury he almost certainly looked unlikely to, or be discouraged that he continues to battle maladies regularly. At least he has a bye week to heal.

Case of the unwanted enema remains unsolved, according to California police.

I’m sure you’ve all heard it by now, but it’s still one of the most mind blowing stats I’ve heard in quite some time. Tom Brady threw the first interception of his career at home in the red zone Sunday, as he previously held a 91:0 TD:INT ratio. And naturally, Aaron Hernandez should have caught a would-be touchdown on the play. Speaking of Hernandez, he was targeted heavily, drawing multiple pass interference penalties that made an otherwise OK fantasy day a lot less than it could’ve been. He should be treated as a top-five fantasy tight end from here on out…BenJarvus Green-Ellis is essentially having the same season as last year, at least yardage wise. He’s actually on pace to finish with 16 touchdowns…I can’t blame Darrelle Revis, more so the scheme, since he’s the best defender in football, but why he allowed Wes Welker to release to the safety on his 73-yard catch is beyond me…People seem down on the Jets, but I don’t get it – their three losses have come against the Raiders, Ravens and Patriots all on the road, and they have held opposing passers to just a 66.6 QB rating (second-lowest only to Baltimore). New York will be fine.

Lawmaker wants state to reinstate dwarf tossing.

I had an extremely successful season betting (almost exclusively with teasers) last year, and even in the beginning of 2011, but I’ve hit a snag recently, with Week 5 no exception. Not only the aforementioned parlay loss, but I went in on Atlanta +6, which I felt pretty good about when they took a 14-0 lead. I actually don’t like the Falcons at all (I bet their “under” 10 wins before the season), but they typically play well at home, and I figured they’d be “up” in primetime after a slow start to the season versus the team that embarrassed them in the playoffs last year, and no matter how good the Packers are – it’s tough to win five straight games in the NFL, and they entered with a horrible pass defense. Shame on me. Aaron Rodgers versus Matt Ryan was a mismatch of epic proportions…Ryan has committed more turnovers (nine) than touchdowns (seven) this season, despite adding exciting rookie Julio Jones to the WR corps along with star Roddy White (although if you heard Cris Collinsworth, he claims White is far more injured than letting on). Tony Gonzalez has looked rejuvenated as well. Ryan’s 6.6 YPA mark ranks 25th in the NFL, behind the likes of rookie Andy Dalton. Thanks to 196 passing attempts that are tied for the second-most in football, he’s maintained some fantasy value, but Ryan is really struggling, and as a result, Atlanta looks like huge long shots to contend with the Saints for the NFC South crown.

Massively hung squirrel ruins televised bake-off.

The Lions have outscored their opponents 109-23 in the second half this season…The Bears had eight false starts Monday night, which is more than 25 teams have committed all year…Jahvid Best is fast, especially on turf…If Sam Hurd had scored on the final meaningless play of that game (he got to the two yard line), that would have been one of the worst (I only say this because I backed Detroit, of course) backdoor covers in recent memory…Who would have thought the 49ers at the Lions would be one of the most marquee matchups of Week 6?

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By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 7-9, although I lost my best bet despite Dallas being up 27-3 in the third quarter and with the ball. I’m 31-31-2 after three weeks. Even Steven like Jerry Seinfeld. Best bet is 1-2-1. Onto the Week 5 picks:

Saints -6.5 at PANTHERS

EAGLES -2 at Bills

Seahawks +10 at GIANTS

Bengals +1 at JAGUARS

Chiefs +1 at COLTS (Best Bet)

TITANS +4.5 at Steelers

Cardinals +2 at VIKINGS

RAIDERS +5.5 at Texans

Buccaneers +3 at 49ers

JETS +9.5 at Patriots

Chargers -4 at BRONCOS

Packers -6 at FALCONS

Bears +5.5 at LIONS

Comments: The Colts are bad but clearly better with Curtis Painter, and they are playing another league doormat. Look for desperate Indy finally to get into the win column, with home field being the difference…I wouldn’t be surprised by numerous upsets this week, and I’m not just talking about the games with spreads fewer than a field goal. Namely the Falcons and Raiders.

By Dalton Del Don

Seriously, how do you blow a 27-3 lead in the third quarter with the ball? With the way Dallas’ defense was playing, it’s safe to say having the offense kneel every play would have resulted in a win, but that’s obviously in hindsight. Tony Romo was unlucky two of his picks were returned for touchdowns, but some of those turnovers in that situation were simply inexcusable, and this coming from a full-blown Romo apologist. As someone who picked the Cowboys as my “best bet” of the week, I had to record a video to vent my frustrations…Calvin Johnson is beyond ridiculous. You know how they say some receivers are still open when covered? Well, he’s still open when double-covered…Detroit has now won eight straight games (they were 5-47 over their previous 52 contests). The Lions also tied the NFL record Sunday for biggest comeback ever on the road…I especially liked how on the final play of the game for Dallas they dumped it off to Felix Jones on 4th-and-20 and then he promptly ran out of bounds after breaking a tackle to gain seven yards…Four teams have already won after trailing by 20+ points this season – tied for most ever in NFL history…At this point, nothing short of a death on the field could get Joe Buck to raise his voice and act excited announcing.

Remi Gaillard is back, this time as The Spider.

After rushing for 205 yards on 25 carries Sunday, Matt Forte is now on pace to finish the season with 2,536 yards from scrimmage and eight touchdowns. He’s up to a career-high 5.4 YPC on the year, which is remarkable considering Chicago’s offensive line. Marion Barber stole a goal-line TD in Week 4, which could continue to be a problem moving forward now that he’s healthy, but it’s hard to argue with Forte’s yardage output. It’s becoming increasingly difficult not to consider him a special back…The Bears had somehow scored 24 points while throwing just one pass midway through the second quarter…Steve Smith was badly underthrown on his 53-yard catch, so it should have resulted in a touchdown. Remarkably, at age 32 and despite posting just 15 receiving yards in one game (thanks in part to a monsoon), Smith is on pace to finish with 2,120 receiving yards, which would be 272 more yards than Jerry Rice’s record-setting 1995 season.

Meet “SuperVaclav” – A budding superhero who fights crime against leaving dog poop and public smoking, although he’s also not a big fan of staying around for confrontations afterward.

Adrian Peterson is without question the safest fantasy asset, but it’s clear with his surroundings, Arian Foster, Darren McFadden, Ray Rice and LeSean McCoy possess more upside…I’m beginning to think Thomas Jones may have lost some explosion at this stage of his career.

World’s scariest perp poses for yet another nightmare-inducing mug shot.

Badass teacher stops fight with verbal smackdown.

After rushing for 155 yards and a touchdown against the Steelers, it’s safe to say Arian Foster is back. In fact, thanks in part to Ben Tate leaving with a groin injury, Foster racked up 19 rushing attempts before the two-minute warning of halftime Sunday. Tate’s status remains up in the air, and Foster isn’t even listed on this week’s injury-report, and with no Andre Johnson, expect another heavy workload in Week 5. With possibly the NFL’s best run-blocking unit on his side, Foster, who might be the best cutback runner in all of football, should be treated as a top-three fantasy player moving forward…Although he scored, Rashard Mendenhall managed just 25 yards on nine carries before exiting Sunday’s game with a hamstring injury. He isn’t expected to practice much this week and is highly questionable to play in Week 5, making Isaac Redman an intriguing guy to stash even with a difficult upcoming matchup against the Titans. Even before the injury, Mendenhall was off to an extremely discouraging start to the season, getting a paltry 3.0 YPC while offering next to nothing as a receiver. The offensive line has been a big problem, and while I’m not a believer in the “curse of 370,” it’s possible Mendenhall is feeling the effects of his NFL-high 385 rushing attempts last season. He’s become a legitimate concern…The Steelers didn’t touch the ball until there was 4:05 left in the first quarter Sunday…Even fantasy players who don’t own Andre Johnson had to cringe watching him go down without contact like a sniper shot him Sunday, although a tentative prognosis of him missing three weeks actually sounds like good news compared to how bad it could have been. In the meantime, Owen Daniels gets the obvious bump in fantasy value, while Kevin Walter becomes a viable option in deep leagues now dealing with bye weeks. It’s safer to take a wait-and-see approach with the enigmatic Jacoby Jones.

Where do you take a sheet?

What were the Bills thinking entering halftime up 17-3? They clearly perform best down at least 20 at that juncture…The Bengals have allowed just 6.3 YPA and four passing scores while yielding an NFL-low 3.1 YPC this season. The schedule has been relatively easy, but with upcoming matchups in Jacksonville and at home against Indy, they are a sneaky fantasy option in the short-term.

I’m pumped for the announcement of the return of “Arrested Development,” and apparently so are Ben & Jerry.

Speaking of underrated defenses, the same could be said about Tennessee, who has allowed a league-low 5.7 YPA with a 4:5 TD:INT ratio and just 3.2 YPC with one rushing score on the year. And to think, the Titans are a Week 1 loss (by two points) to the lowly Jags from being the only undefeated team in the AFC…Nate Washington was shadowed by emerging shutdown corner Joe Haden last week (in fact, his 52-yard catch came when Haden left with a knee injury), gets a stout Pittsburgh secondary in Week 5 (tied for NFL-low 5.7 YPA, although strangely the Steelers are the only team in football yet to record an interception) and then a bye in Week 6, so the new No. 1 WR in Tennessee could soon present a buy-low opportunity. Things really ease up afterward…Colt McCoy had never attempted more than 41 passes in a game before throwing the ball 61 times Sunday.

“Children, clear the phones.”

Ryan Torain didn’t receive his first touch of the season until the middle of the second quarter in Week 4, but he made the most of his opportunity, rushing for 135 yards and a touchdown on just 19 carries. The Rams have been poor defending the run this season, but this was an eye-opening performance regardless of opponent, as coach Mike Shanahan described it perfectly when he called a now fully healthy Torain a man “possessed.” He’s without question a major injury risk, but Torain totaled 751 yards with five touchdowns over eight starts last season, so he’s clearly talented. Tim Hightower’s absence may have had something to do with a shoulder injury that went unreported (although there were rumblings late last week that Shanahan was considering giving Torain an extended opportunity), but it’s worth noting he’s forced the same amount of missed tackles (five) this year while playing 187 snaps as Torain did over 2.5 quarters Sunday. Hightower should remain the passing down back, and while rookie Roy Helu looks promising, he’s most trusted in a change-of-pace role now, so there’s going to be a major opportunity for Torain coming out of the team’s bye, when they are lined up to face PHI, @CAR and @BUF – three teams that rank in the bottom-six in the NFL in YPC allowed…Sam Bradford completed just 46.5 percent of his passes while getting 3.8 YPA and taking seven sacks in Week 4, as he continues to take a major step back during his sophomore campaign. There’s plenty to blame other than Bradford of course, highlighted by a WR corps that not only struggles to separate but also easily “leads” the league with 17 dropped passes (and has apparently lost Danny Amendola for the season). The offensive line has also been a problem, and it’s taken longer than hoped to learn Josh McDaniels’ new offensive system. Still, Bradford’s rookie season was a bit overrated to begin with (6.0 YPA while playing 11 games in a dome), so there’s some reason to worry. He’s not a top-20 fantasy QB.

I was really happy to see Amanda Knox freed, and while I in no way can begin to feel the pain of the Kercher family and can understand why they would be upset being overshadowed, I still don’t get why they acted bothered about Knox being released, claiming they need closure. The admitted (and convicted) killer is currently in prison! How much more closure can you get?! Speaking of, you stay classy TMZ.

Ronnie Brown’s fumble/pass was easily one of the weirdest plays I’ve ever seen in the NFL…Good thing I benched Frank Gore in Y! Friends & Family. Ugh…Failing to protect a big lead and struggling in short-yardage, what a classic Andy Reid game…What a ridiculously impressive forced fumble by Justin Smith on Jeremy Maclin to win the game. I must say, I didn’t foresee the 49ers being up two games in the NFC West one month into the season.

Watch a high school kicker nail a 64-yard field goal with room to spare.

Jimmy Graham recorded 10 catches for 132 yards and a touchdown Sunday, and there’s no question he’s a top-three fantasy tight end. He got a whopping 14 targets, while no other New Orleans wide receiver saw more than seven. Graham’s 147 yards after contact this year lead all tight ends, and he has room for improvement just now in the second year of his career. Kellen Winslow Sr. holds the record for most receiving yards in a season by a tight end in the modern era with 1,290 in 1980. At the quarter pole, Graham is on pace to finish with 1,468 yards. So glad I turned him down straight up for Ben Tate when Brad Evans made that offer a few weeks back…How does Maurice Jones-Drew have just five carries over the first three quarters? Might want to give him a few more touches moving forward…Darren Sproles surprisingly leads the NFL (by a wide margin) with 4.6 YPC after contact.

Man who plotted fake bear attack on ex-girlfriend jailed.

Julio Jones racked up another 11 catches for 127 yards Sunday, giving him 24 and 342 for the year, respectively. He’s still searching for his first touchdown of the season, but it’s hard not to be impressed by the rookie’s fast start. The worries about him being slow to pick up the playbook have certainly been quieted. On the flip side, Jones looks likely to have a negative impact on Roddy White’s fantasy value…It took just 17 game minutes for the Seahawks to cut a 27-7 deficit to 30-28, but ultimately, the valiant comeback fell short. Still, it’s clear last year’s No. 1 seed in the NFC is quite vulnerable this season.

Worshipper rips out both eyes in Mass with his bare hands.

Beanie Wells was a gametime decision Sunday with a hamstring injury, and because of the matchup and late afternoon start, he might have been on some fantasy benches, which would have been frustrating for those owners who watched him run for 138 yards and three touchdowns. The 5.1 YPC at less than full strength is even more impressive when you consider his scores came from one, one and two yards out – all powerful runs he finished strong. Wells still struggles in pass protection and as a receiver, and whether he can stay healthy remains to be seen, but it’s clear last season’s struggles can be directly attributed to a knee injury that lingered all year long, as he’s an explosive, highly talented back when right. He’s a top-12 fantasy RB…Mario Manningham returned Sunday after missing a game with a concussion, and he immediately had a drop and ran a wrong route while having miscommunication with Eli Manning. As a result, he found himself on the bench behind Victor Cruz in two wide receiver sets, as he finished the game with just one catch for 10 yards. Manningham is too talented not to break out of his early season slump, and he makes for a buy-low target in fantasy leagues, but the safe play is to keep him benched for now…Even as someone who bet on the Giants “over” and the Cardinals “under” before the season and also have Hakeem Nicks on numerous teams (who scored a TD on the next play), I fully admit that non-fumble call on Victor Cruz was pretty bogus. I would have been infuriated if I were an Arizona fan.

It’s probably best not to rob a gas station if there’s a cop standing right behind you.

Thanks partly to a Danny Woodhead ankle injury, Stevan Ridley got an extended look Sunday, and he made the most of it, rushing for 97 yards on just 10 carries. His 33-yard TD run revealed explosion BenJarvus Green-Ellis simply doesn’t possess. This follows an impressive preseason by the rookie, who’s already a superior receiver to BGE as well. Woodhead remains week-to-week, and Green-Ellis remains the favorite for goal-line work, but Ridley has a ton of upside if he were ever given a chance as a feature back on such a high-powered offense, even if it’s a pass-first one…Jason Campbell’s interception in the end zone with no Raider within 10 yards was one of the more inexplicable throws I’ve seen in a while. Amazingly, it was Oakland’s first turnover inside the red zone since 2009…As crazy as it sounds, Darrius Heyward-Bey is on the radar in deep fantasy leagues…I like (and by “like” I mean can’t stand) how Hue Jackson elected to punt down 18 points on 4th-and-3 at their own 27-yard line with 6:38 left. Down 18 points on 4th-and-3 at their own 27-yard line with 3:43 left, he then decided to go for it. Huh?

Well, this isn’t your average burglary.

Kyle Orton isn’t one of the worst quarterbacks in the league, and he ended up getting 8.5 YPA in Week 4, but to be blunt, some of his throws were truly awful Sunday…Fifteen carries, 103 yards rushing in Green Bay – where did that come from Willis McGahee?…It looks like Eric Decker can maintain fantasy value even with Brandon Lloyd back in the lineup, although all bets are off when it becomes Tim Tebow time…While he eclipsed 100 total yards, it was disappointing James Starks couldn’t do more in a game in which Ryan Grant was inactive, and the Packers scored 49 points…Aaron Rodgers became the first QB ever to throw for four touchdowns and run for two scores in the same game.

These Yahoo “recommendations” appear a bit spiteful.

I’m still a Brandon Marshall believer, and while shaky QB play is partly to be blamed for his mediocre start, he’s had some seriously crushing drops that have cost him at least two touchdowns so far this season. After a bye and then a matchup with Revis Island, he’ll be an excellent buy-low target…Vincent Jackson owners can hardly complain with 108 receiving yards and a touchdown, but considering he didn’t record a catch after 12:01 left in the second quarter, it could have been so much more. His constant battle with injuries has become a problem…Ryan Mathews may have lost a goal-line score to Mike Tolbert, but he totaled 149 yards while finally revealing the ability to be productive while playing through an injury. It was also important to see Norv Turner give him 21 touches after he missed practice most of the week, a rare occurrence by the coach. Tolbert once again struggled rushing, getting just 2.8 YPC, and remember Mathews scored twice from inside the five just one week prior. Even if they split work from in close, San Diego could easily produce twice the amount of goal-line carries than a team like Minnesota. Sunday marked yet another encouraging development for Mathews owners.

This pizza vending machine also happens to have a 37-inch flat screen TV as well.

What a bizarre and ugly game Sunday night. The five return touchdowns by the Jets and Ravens set an NFL record, while Joe Flacco didn’t complete a single pass in the second and third quarters…Exhibit A why I don’t mess with single game over/unders. An expected defensive battle (the o/u was 37) that featured both quarterbacks combining for a 31.8 completion percentage while getting 4.3 YPA and producing zero touchdowns as well as two teams that combined to get 2.5 YPC with just one rushing score somehow managed to total 51 points…Shonn Greene’s YPC is all the way down to 3.1 this season, and while his 60 receiving yards is already half the total he managed all of last year, it’s hardly enough to make up for such poor running. The team plans on returning to the “ground-and-pound,” but that sounds better in theory than what may become reality, as the offensive line has really struggled, and Greene looks like a bust. In fact, Pro Football Focus has given him the worst “running” grade (-4.2) in all of the NFL over the first four games this season (followed by Reggie Bush, Rashard Mendenhall and Thomas Jones).

This NASCAR fan likes drinking, being naked and rescuing raccoons.

Curtis Painter completed just 13-of-30 passes while making his first NFL start in primetime on the road Monday night, and his numbers were boosted by a somewhat fluky play that went for 87 yards to Pierre Garcon, but it would be tough to argue he’s not an immediate upgrade over Kerry Collins. He actually made a couple of really nice throws, suffered from some drops and didn’t commit a turnover…Garcon only had two catches Monday, and you’d like to see a higher volume combined with that production, but he was Painter’s clear favorite receiver after the QB took over in Week 3, so he’s definitely back on the fantasy radar. It wouldn’t shock if he were more productive than Reggie Wayne from here on out…LeGarrette Blount is an absolute beast – call him the anti-Shonn Greene. It’s too bad he’s so terrible as a receiver, because few backs in football are as good between the tackles.

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By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 11-5, although I lost my best bet. I’m 24-22-2 after three weeks. Best bet is 1-1-1. Onto the Week 4 picks:

Lions +1.5 at COWBOYS (Best Bet)

Panthers +6.5 at BEARS

SAINTS -7 at Jaguars

TITANS pick ‘em at Browns

Bills -3 at BENGALS

Vikings -1.5 at CHIEFS

49ers +10 at EAGLES

Redskins -1.5 at RAMS

STEELERS +4 at Texans

Falcons -4.5 at SEAHAWKS

GIANTS -1 at Cardinals

BRONCOS +12.5 at Packers

Patriots -4 at RAIDERS

DOLPHINS +7.5 at Chargers

JETS +3 at Ravens

COLTS +10 at Buccaneers

Comments: While most weeks I debate my best bet among a few games, I struggled coming up with a single one this week. The teaser I went with this week was Saints and Eagles.

By Dalton Del Don

Vernon Davis in Week 3 was the latest example of the squeaky wheel getting the grease. He’ll be fine moving forward, but his situation limits his upside compared to other tight ends like Jermichael Finley and Rob Gronkowski…Liked the thought process of the play call asking Andy Lee to take a safety at the end of Sunday’s game, but it still left two seconds remaining, resulting in a kick return anyway (although not a punt)…Cedric Benson has gotten 3.8 YPC or fewer in 11 of his past 14 games.

Well that’s a rather bizarre way to end a soccer match.

Cam Newton came crashing back down to earth, but realize the weather conditions were pretty bad Sunday, and the fact he’s such a force rushing inside the 10 gives him a higher floor than most rookie QBs. I’m still a buyer (and this coming from someone who thought he’d be a bust in the NFL)…Deji Karim has been awful. The Rashad Jennings injury looks like a blessing for MJD owners, assuming the latter can stay healthy of course…DeAngelo Williams has produced 3.15 yards-per-touch this season, while Jonathan Stewart has produced 6.38 (including a crazy 61-yard catch Sunday that was called back after a review that was shaky at best). Seriously, how ridiculous were the contracts given out to Williams, Chris Johnson and Frank Gore this summer? I fully expect all three to improve, of course, but if this doesn’t teach organizations not to overpay this position, I guess nothing will…The Jaguars have been in the red zone one time this season.

This guy sounds more like Eddie Vedder than Eddie Vedder does. Pretty crazy.

Although Matthew Stafford entered Week 3 having yet to take a sack, he had taken a bunch of hits, so Detroit’s offensive line remains a concern. He took five sacks Sunday, and the team struggles with run blocking as well…Calvin Johnson has become the only player in NFL history with two touchdowns in each of the first three games of the season…The Vikings have outscored their opponents 54-7 in the first half this year. They are 0-3.

What a brutal loss for Kenny Britt owners. He looked sure to return second round value (at least), so even though he didn’t cost as much during drafts, it’s a massive blow. Nate Washington looks like the primary beneficiary and must be owned in all fantasy leagues as a result…Speaking of fantasy owners getting screwed, how about Knowshon Moreno being active yet seeing zero snaps? That’s not ideal…The Titans have yet to return a single kickoff this season…The loss of Britt is huge, but I must say, I in no way saw Matt Hasselbeck at this age, changing offensive schemes and moving to a tougher division posting an 8.3 YPA mark with a 69.6 completion percentage over his first three games.

Customer pulls shotgun at Taco Bell over lack of hot sauce.

I’m beginning to think Reggie Bush might not be cut out to be a feature back in the NFL…Joe Haden has turned into a shutdown corner who often shadows opposing teams’ No. 1 WR, so don’t panic Brandon Marshall owners…Montario Hardesty looked plenty competent, so while Peyton Hillis can’t be blamed for missing a game with a severe case of strep throat, the long-term consequences could result in more of a committee.

Delonte West is the best.

If you follow the narrative surrounding Eli Manning this season, it would seem he’s been a disaster, when the truth is he’s been the opposite. Manning has produced seven touchdowns with just two turnovers over the first three games, posting a ridiculously good 8.8 YPA mark with a depleted WR corps…Michael Vick already has seven fumbles this season…Jason Pierre-Paul is a beast who looks like a man playing amongst boys. What a draft pick by the Giants…Can someone explain why New York went for two up 20-16 with 8:07 left in the fourth quarter? Math is hard.

Bruce Bochy apparently decided to give an interview while on the toilet, which could also be a metaphor for the Giants’ season.

The Saints have scored 34.6 points per game this season, facing two of the top four defenses in points against last year (Green Bay and Chicago) as well as a Houston defense that had allowed just 20 points over the first two games of this season. It wouldn’t be crazy to rank the Saints atop any power ratings board right now…Houston dominated for stretches in Week 3, but the red zone killed them. Can’t win settling for so many field goals…Once again, can someone explain why New Orleans went for two up 30-26 with 7:10 left in the fourth quarter? The teams totaled 73 points in a game that Vegas pegged as the highest scoring of the week, so you’re telling me Sean Payton was more concerned about the Texans kicking two field goals without his own team scoring than a Houston touchdown? Huh? The attempt was successful, but it predictably had no benefit later on, and if they had been unsuccessful, they would have been down three points instead of two after Houston scored a TD with 4:13 left.

Man selling his own thumb to save haunted train museum.

I’m never one to look ahead in survivor pools, but it became apparent that was a mistake last week after having used San Diego and Pittsburgh during the first two weeks, as they were the obvious choices in Week 3. I went with New England, fully aware there was a good chance I’d lose, so I have no defense when I admit I gloated when they were up 21-0. Serves me right. What a miserable defense. And while I want to hate on Tom Brady for throwing as many picks Sunday as he did all of last season, clearly a couple weren’t his fault, and Chad Ochocinco is dead to me after his sure touchdown catch was dropped with 8:12 left. The Pats ended up scoring on the drive, but obviously the time difference mattered. Put a fork in Ochocinco, he’s done…The Bills are the first team in NFL history to win back-to-back games in which they have trailed by 18 (or more) points…Does anyone know what school Ryan Fitzpatrick went to in college?…Brady was 13 yards short of becoming the first QB ever to throw for 400 yards in three straight games…BenJarvus Green-Ellis played just 28-of-75 snaps, but Fred Jackson is a top-10 fantasy RB…In PPR formats, Wes Welker might be the No. 1 overall fantasy player…Why did New England tackle Fred Jackson at the one-yard line? I don’t want to go into a tirade after that decision already raised my blood pressure immensely and cost at least two years of my life, but it’s safe to say those who made that tackle didn’t exactly impress on the Wonderlic. Honestly, it was one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen in sports.

These people are absolutely insane.

Torrey Smith’s first three catches in the NFL all went for touchdowns during the first quarter of Baltimore’s win Sunday. A true deep threat, the rookie finally gives Joe Flacco a downfield weapon he’s never had throughout his career. With Flacco possessing one of the strongest arms in football, it should be a good fit. Smith will likely be inconsistent as a rookie, and his role may be reduced when Lee Evans returns from his ankle injury, but his future looks bright…Ed Dickson continues to quietly be more and more involved in the Ravens’ offense, so he’s a flier to add if you need help at tight end…The Rams were my pick to win the NFC West this season, and while I acknowledged their schedule early on was tough, Sunday’s game has become something of a must-win with upcoming trips to Green Bay and Dallas next on the docket after a bye. And even then, they get the Saints at home and two more road games following (with a trip to Pittsburgh in Week 16 as well). Seven wins may once again win the NFC West.

Hit man falls in love with victim, so he faked her death with ketchup.

The Raiders became the first team since 1995 to win a game with zero third-down conversions Sunday. No team bucks trends quite like Oakland…I was a Shonn Greene backer before the season, but I admit, he’s a bum…Even as a “hater,” I have to give LaDainian Tomlinson credit for what he’s done so late in his career….Mark Sanchez seems like a fantasy afterthought, but he’s gotten 8.0 YPA and produced seven touchdowns over three games. If the Jets’ running game continues to struggle, the third-year QB becomes a fantasy option.

Check out Virginia’s Marquis Weeks’ explanation for his 100-yard kickoff return.

Ryan Mathews totaled 149 yards and two touchdowns on 25 touches during the Chargers’ win Sunday. Mike Tolbert, meanwhile, has gotten just 2.6 YPC on the year and has seen his carries dwindle by the week. Tolbert isn’t going to completely disappear from the offense, but it’s important to note both of Mathews’ scores came from inside the five, as he’s now being trusted in the red zone and in pass protection. He’s missed time thanks to injuries in each of the past four seasons dating back to college, so while all running backs carry some health risk, Mathews might present more than usual. However, he’s clearly shown elite skills and when you combine that with possibly the best situation in the NFL in San Diego, you get top-three upside…Antonio Gates’ foot injury just won’t go away, and it appears it’s once again going to be a season-long problem. If he somehow returns in a week or two and puts up a decent game, try to trade him. This is a problem that’s not going away any time soon…So Todd Haley running his offensive coordinator out of town wasn’t a good thing?…Kansas City had zero first downs in the first half (33 yards total).

Man dies from spontaneous combustion.

I’m done trying to predict Green Bay’s backfield for the time being, although James Starks makes for a fine fantasy play in Week 4 if Ryan Grant (kidney) is out…Matt Forte is on pace to finish the year with 117 receptions and 1,531 receiving yards. And 635 rushing yards…Interesting how the Bears decided to unveil possibly the cleverest punt return in NFL history when they were down two scores late. Incidentally, the phantom holding call cost me a backdoor cover.

I essentially wrote Sidney Rice off last week, which appears to be a mistake. He had eight catches for 109 yards Sunday, and while it was in a plus matchup, he’s going to be a target monster in a Seattle offense with no other viable options. Rice’s shoulder injury could be a season long problem, but he looked fine during his debut and isn’t expected to be listed on the injury report this week…So I guess it’s Alfonso Smith and not Chester Taylor backing up Chris Wells. Get well soon Beanie!

Fleeing driver calls police to tell them to stop chasing him.

LeGarrette Blount has 18 carries for 40 yards (2.2 YPC) during the first half of games this season and 24 carries for 127 yards (5.3 YPC) after halftime. He’s a volume guy…Matt Ryan has 27 touchdowns with 25 turnovers and a 6.3 YPA over 20 outdoor games during his career…After posting a 15:1 TD:INT ratio over the second half of last season, Josh Freeman has already been picked off four times this year.

Entering the final day of the season leading my home fantasy baseball league, I watched in horror as my opponent gained two points in WHIP during the last inning of Gio Gonzalez’s outing, pushing him past me into first place. It doesn’t get any more frustrating than that, considering it was literally the last game being played for the year, and we have an 1,800-innings cap (tough to move the needle in WHIP at that stage, let alone gain two full points in one inning of action). FML.

In the summer, Mike Wallace amusingly stated his goal was to reach 2,000 receiving yards this season, but the joke may ultimately be on us, as he’s currently on pace to surpass that mark. In fact, dating back to last year, he’s broken the century mark in six consecutive games. One of the league’s premier deep threats, Wallace has also racked up 21 catches so far this year after getting just 60 all of last season, as he’s been targeted heavily. While Pittsburgh’s offensive line is a problem, Wallace looks unstoppable, and it would be hard not to treat him as a top-five fantasy wide receiver…Kerry Collins has completed just 49.0 percent of his passes and gotten an anemic 4.9 YPA with the Colts this season, and his job as starter looks short-lived, as Curtis Painter was an immediate upgrade after replacing him Sunday night. Collins is questionable to play Monday night after dealing with a concussion, but there’s no questioning his performance this year, which has been a disaster. It’s arguable no team in sports would be as affected by losing a player as the Colts have been with Peyton Manning.

Angry 91-year-old throws bucket of urine at meddlesome teens.

Watching four botched snaps out of shotgun from Dallas was comical Monday night. Seriously, they were at home. How does that happen?…What a play on 4th-and-21. Before that though, Rex Grossman clearly fumbled but was ruled down. The ref should always err on the side that’s later reviewable in close cases like that…Washington called a timeout with 2:03 left in the fourth quarter, and while normally it’s a good idea to take a T.O. before the two minute warning, in this case, it gave Dallas the option of passing (although for some reason they didn’t)…Dallas became the first team in NFL history to play in nine consecutive games decided by three points or fewer.

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By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 6-9-1, tying my best bet (thanks to a reality star coming up a yard short). I’m 13-17-2 after two weeks, so not the best start. Onto the Week 3 picks:

Jaguars +3.5 at PANTHERS

BRONCOS +7 at Titans

Texans +4 at SAINTS

Lions -3.5 at VIKINGS

Giants +5* at EAGLES

Patriots -9 at BILLS

DOLPHINS +2 at Browns

49ers +2.5 at BENGALS (Best Bet)

Jets -3.5 at RAIDERS

Ravens -4 at RAMS

CHIEFS +15 at Chargers

Falcons +1 at BUCCANEERS

Packers -3.5 at BEARS

Cardinals -3.5 at SEAHAWKS

Steelers -11 at COLTS

Redskins +4.5* at COWBOYS

Comments: * denotes the line we used when the RW Staff Picks column was due earlier this week…It feels weird giving 3.5 points with a team that’s 2-16 over their last 18 games, but such is the case with the Panthers…I actually expect the Raiders to beat the Jets outright this week…The Seahawks look like a true doormat, but I can’t see Arizona laying more than a field goal having to play in a tough Seattle environment…After being just three-point dogs (which turned out to be spot on) last week against the Cowboys, the 49ers are getting less than three in Cincinnati? Clearly, Vegas respects San Francisco more than I do.

By Dalton Del Don

What an entertaining Raiders/Bills game, with a whopping five lead changes in the fourth quarter alone. The fact it was clear someone caught the game-ending Hail Mary (just not whom) made it even crazier…I’m a Ryan Fitzpatrick believer, and it’s hard to argue with his 7:1 TD:INT ratio and 109.6 QB rating while taking just one sack, but the accompanying 6.6 YPA at least needs to be noted. Having said that, another nice game very well could be in store in another possible shootout against the Pats in Week 3. In fantasy sports, volume often matters just as much as efficiency anyway…Darren McFadden remains a very real injury risk, and Michael Bush replacing him at the goal-line at times hurts, but it’s hard not treating him as a top-three fantasy asset right now. He’s the favorite to lead the NFL in yards from scrimmage on a per game basis…C.J. Spiller certainly looks better this year compared to last, but this is Fred Jackson’s backfield for the foreseeable future. He currently leads the NFL with 229 rushing yards…Denarius Moore is the real deal. At least I hope so, since I just blew my FAAB load on him in a dynasty league in which he was mystifyingly dropped last week…I’ve decided the real contrarian thing to do is pick the west coast teams travelling to play the early game on the East Coast, at least against the spread, because since everyone is in on this theory, it’s clearly priced into the line.

I used to be pretty anti-hunting, but this commercial has me seriously reevaluating my views.

If Sunday’s game was any indication, the Lions are suddenly legitimate threats in the NFC, and Kansas City is a true league doormat…My condolences Jamaal Charles owners. What a devastating loss. And on a non-contact play too. I know the mascot causing the injury would be a better narrative, but I’m almost positive he tore his ACL right before going down there. Dexter McCluster obviously needs to be added in all leagues as a result, although expectations should be tempered since his touches will be limited…I’ve always been a Nate Burleson fan, but for some reason, he slipped through the cracks during my drafts this year. Looks like I’m going to regret it…Matthew Stafford owners certainly can’t complain, but realize his 599 passing yards and seven touchdowns have come essentially over just six quarters this season, so his year could easily be even bigger. He’s also yet to be sacked…I can’t believe how many times I’ve heard or read how the Chiefs lost their best defensive player in Eric Berry. He got a 3.8 rating from Pro Football Focus last year, ranking 20th among safeties. Teammate Tamba Hali got a 51.5 rating – the highest of any defender in the NFL. Berry is good, but the Chiefs still have their best defensive player.

Man accused of stealing Dolphins jersey shows up to court wearing Dolphins jersey.

Make no mistake, despite the poor showing in Week 1 against the defending Super Bowl champs, this New Orleans defense is legit. They get Will Smith back from suspension in Week 3 as well…The Bears’ receiving corps is as big of a mess as ever, but Matt Forte racking up 10 catches for 117 yards was pretty eye-opening…I actually like the new rule that every score is subject to booth review, but not sure how seriously we can take it after Darren Sproles’ TD was confirmed. He without question stepped out of bounds.

This video of two alligators fighting is pretty intense. I must admit, I personally probably would have stayed a few club lengths farther away while filming.

I’m beginning to think the Colts might not be as good without Peyton Manning…Remember all that talk about how the Browns wanted to limit Peyton Hillis’ workload this season? His 54 touches currently lead the NFL…I’m not one to (at least openly) root for failure, and the situation certainly isn’t easy, but Jim Caldwell is finally being exposed as one of the worst coaches in the league. What’s the Colts’ O/U right now? Three wins? Two?

If only this guy was a bit more descriptive of his car accident.

Mike Williams (one catch for -4 yards) owners probably don’t want to hear it, but he had a TD catch taken away Sunday thanks to an illegal shift penalty that didn’t affect the play at all. He’ll remain a red-zone beast, so don’t sell low…Speaking of beasts, LeGarrette Blount should probably have more than 18 carries on the season so far…How does Percy Harvin play just 30-of-68 offensive snaps? I’ve always been a fan, and he still managed seven catches for 76 receiving yards, but in this passing attack with that usage, I’m starting to get concerned.

This footage from the recent Reno air race crash is pretty terrifying.

I’d argue Cam Newton is the toughest player to rank in fantasy football right now. The three picks were obviously black marks, but Charles Woodson made really good plays on two of them. And while Newton has played two secondaries that have been torched during each of their games this season, and it’s likely he struggles some the more game tape defensive coordinators can study, it’s hard to argue against his 854 passing yards to open his career. The fact that’s combined with 71 rushing yards and two scores suddenly makes him a QB1 for fantasy purposes. I thought he might struggle to reach a 50 percent completion percentage in his rookie year, but he currently sits at 62.7, with an even more impressive 10.3 YPA mark. Andy Behrens recently offered me Newton for Frank Gore straight up in Yahoo Friends & Family, and I wasn’t even THAT insulted (especially compared to other offers I’ve received in that league this week). Where do you guys have Newton ranked among fantasy QBs moving forward?…Jonathan Stewart has more receiving yards this season than he did while playing 14 games all of last year…John Kuhn is apparently going to cap his upside for the time being, but it’s not even close how much James Starks has outplayed Ryan Grant so far…Last week Aaron Rodgers finished the first quarter 14-of-15 with 188 yards and three touchdowns. In Week 2, the team ran three offensive plays total.

It’s unclear what this guy’s feelings are regarding Jerry Jones.

It was no surprise to see Pittsburgh right the ship against possibly the league’s worst team Sunday, but they did so in dominant fashion that made the 14.5-point spread look tiny in comparison. There was never even a threat of Seattle scoring a touchdown…In the long run, maybe it’s Pete Carroll having the last laugh trading for Tarvaris Jackson and not taking a QB last draft. Despite playing in the NFC West, the Seahawks look like the current favorites for Andrew Luck…It’s too bad about Sidney Rice’s injury, as it looks like he’s going to have little fantasy impact this season.

Smoking babies in Indonesia has become an epidemic.

With 6:58 left in the 4th quarter, the Ravens inexplicably kicked a field goal on 4th-and-goal down 23-10, keeping their deficit at two scores. Huh? I’m a huge John Harbaugh fan, but this was pretty indefensible. The next time they touched the ball was with 20 seconds left in the game. By the way, my wife disagrees, but I think Harbaugh looks like coach Taylor…Chris Johnson is more buy-low than someone to panic about…No reason not to treat Kenny Britt as a top-10 fantasy wide receiver moving forward (update: he’s again dealing with a hamstring injury).

It’s funny because it’s juvenile.

It’s funny because they’re Amish.

Tim Hightower got 96 rushing yards with 4.8 YPC Sunday, but he was noticeably absent down the stretch. He has 203 total yards and a touchdown over two games, so he’s lived up to expectations, but Roy Helu could become a hindrance sooner rather than later…Rex Grossman threw a couple bad picks, but he’s clearly on the fantasy radar now. Over five starts in Washington under Mike Shanahan, he’s averaged 287.2 passing yards with 11 touchdowns…Fred Davis should be used as a TE1 moving forward. He’s clearly a superior option to Chris Cooley…Kevin Kolb has gotten 9.8 YPA so far in Arizona, and while his 110.3 QB rating would normally stand out, it ranks just fifth in the NFL during a year in which the first two weeks of the season rate as the two highest for passing yards in NFL history, respectively.

Here’s an Anti-Coning McDonalds Manager.

Luke McCown completed 31.6 percent of his passes for 3.1 YPA with a 0:4 TD:INT ratio, good for a 1.8 QB rating Sunday. That’s not ideal…Maybe Plaxico Burress is going to struggle after all. He might as well have been on a milk carton Sunday, despite the coaching staff’s insistence he was constantly double-teamed…Maurice Jones-Drew has made the best out of a pretty dire situation so far…If you can trade Shonn Greene at 60 cents on the dollar, I’m all for it. I’d certainly rather own Ryan Mathews or probably even Ben Tate moving forward.

That’s real normal.

SpongeBob SquarePants detained by LAPD.

If Tony Romo’s performance Sunday didn’t prove he’s not soft or incapable of performing in clutch situations, not sure what other than a Super Bowl victory will. And even the latter coming to fruition might not convince some, as he appears to have quite a bit of haters, which is odd since he seems like a nice enough fellow. Seriously, I’ve bruised my ribs before playing intramural basketball in college, and I couldn’t take my shirt off without help, let alone return to an NFL game. Now some who know me may point to me having something of a less than strong pain tolerance, and while I didn’t have the benefit of cortisone, I also didn’t have a punctured lung as well, which no doubt just by the sound of it would have required a month stay in the hospital. Romo is the man…It’s frustrating Felix Jones is already hurt and not performing all that well, but it’s worth noting he’s faced a Jets and 49ers defense on the road (and on grass) who have allowed 3.3 YPC and (an NFL-low) 2.5 YPC through two games this season…As someone who parlayed the Cowboys -3 with the Mayweather/Ortiz fight going under 11.5 rounds (+150), let me say watching Jesse Holley getting tackled at the 1-yard line in overtime was an event in which I may never recover…Tough break for Miles Austin owners, although as a big Dez Bryant backer, admittedly it’s crocodile tears…Some very interesting coaching decisions by Jim Harbaugh, who decided not to take points off the board after David Akers made a 55-yard field goal while Dallas committed a 15-yard penalty. I can understand the sentiment with the 49ers’ struggles in the red zone and the game situation, but even more interesting was his decision not to try an onside kick from the 50. The risk/reward there kind of made it a no-brainer. Although really, Harbaugh’s biggest mistake was not going for it on 4th-and-1 from the 38 before the FG attempt.

Speaking of Mayweather/Ortiz, while I obviously would prefer more than four rounds of entertainment for a $69.95 bill, that ending was without question more exciting than a boring 12-round decision, and while Ortiz wasn’t completely dominated, it was clear he was totally outclassed and the outcome was inevitable either way. His intentional head butt was one of the worst I’ve ever seen, and as for the controversial knockout (I fully blame referee Joe Cortez. Why was he looking at the clock starters and not the boxers? Ridiculous), if any boxer can’t complain, it’s Ortiz. I understand why everyone hates Mayweather, but he’s easily one of my favorite athletes. His interview with Larry Merchant afterward was absolute gold. I especially liked Dana White’s take on it. Let me repeat, if Mayweather/Pacquiao never happens, someone will be murked.

Andy Dalton (who better do my name proud) has somehow completed 66.1 percent of his passes with 7.4 YPA and a 3:0 TD:INT ratio over his first six quarters in the NFL after a preseason in which he looked completely incompetent…I’m normally all about youth over veterans in football, especially when it comes to the running back position, but I honestly might prefer Willis McGahee over “Noshow” Moreno over the rest of the year…He’ll lose some value once Brandon Lloyd returns, but with Eddie Royal (one of my worst fantasy calls ever back in 2009) out, Eric Decker needs to be one of the top waiver priorities in Week 3. He could make a major impact from here on out…I’m an idiot and didn’t end up with A.J. Green on many of my fantasy teams this year, but at least I have solace that I bet my friend Adam $100 that he’d have a better career than Julio Jones (I’m obviously kidding that it’s a done deal after two weeks, but this is the same guy I recently bet Tiger Woods wouldn’t surpass Jack Nicklaus in majors, which clearly reveals his incompetence).

This team was down 29-0 before ever touching the football.

Mike Tolbert is obviously a huge part of the Chargers’ offense and will continue to rack up the catches. But he’s gotten 2.1 YPC this year, including a couple of questionable runs in short-yardage situations in which he hasn’t hit the hole hard (he’s also fumbled three times over the past three games, dating back to last year). There’s little doubt Tolbert is the better blocker than Ryan Mathews, which is extremely important considering Philip Rivers is one of the five most important players in the NFL, but there’s as equally no doubt Mathews is the superior rusher and receiver with the ball in his hands…New England is known for keying on stopping opposing teams’ best player, which speaks volumes about Antonio Gates. He’ll be better moving forward, whereas Vincent Jackson will rarely benefit from single coverage like that also. Still, VJax is going to be a monster this year barring health – Week 1 was a fluke…Horrible injury news for Aaron Hernandez owners. Obviously Rob Gronkowski’s value gets a boost as a result. Both were top-five options beforehand, so it’s not a stretch to call Gronkowski the No. 1 fantasy tight end until Hernandez returns…Words can’t describe how good Tom Brady has been. He’s gone from being known as a great player who won Super Bowls to one who’s team hasn’t won a playoff game since 2007, but he’s easily been the best player in the NFL over the past two-plus years.

These TV stills are pretty funny.

I expected Reggie Bush to remain a productive fantasy player until he got hurt, so I for one found it surprising Daniel Thomas replaced him Sunday due to performance. The rookie had been criticized heavily throughout the preseason for running without authority, but he’s suddenly firmly on the fantasy radar…It’s not entirely clear if Houston is an extremely legitimate team because they have faced the Colts and Dolphins – the former now looks like a true doormat, whereas the latter showed some fight against the Patriots in Week 1…Ranking the Houston backfield from here on out is a guess, but I’d personally treat Ben Tate as a top-20 fantasy asset right now (and he’s a top-three fantasy start any week Arian Foster is inactive)…If I hear how Foster “reaggravated” his hamstring injury one more time I’ll go crazy. He either aggravated or re-injured it. Reaggravated is redundant and not a word…Miami is now 1-10 over its past 11 home games.

These people are out of their minds.

Jon “Bones” Jones is my favorite MMA fighter, but I have no clue why he’s jumped from a -200 to -700 favorite over Rampage Jackson this weekend.

It didn’t feel great watching Jeremy Maclin go absolutely off Sunday night having benched him in my home league, but it’s obviously good news for his fantasy owners that he clearly appears to be back to 100 percent. Last year’s 10/70 TD/reception ratio doesn’t seem repeatable, but Maclin has a high pedigree, is still just 23 years old and is just now entering his third year in the league. DeSean Jackson isn’t a high volume guy and injury prone, whereas Maclin is clearly the team’s No. 1 option in the red zone. If Michael Vick can stay healthy, a huge season could be in store for Maclin in such a high-powered offense. He was targeted 15 times Sunday…Tough break for Vick owners, especially since he got hurt in the pocket (and by his own teammate no less). The team seemingly fell apart after his departure, but it’s not like Mike Kafka played poorly (77.8%, 8.0 YPA). Good thing I have Vince Young stashed in a couple of leagues…Pretty awesome TD catch by Tony Gonzalez. Atlanta sure did set a blue print on how to attack this Eagles defense.

Real life “Weekend at Bernie’s.”

I somehow lucked into ridiculously good seats for a “TV On The Radio” concert Tuesday night. Couldn’t be more pumped.

I was rooting hard for the Giants on Monday night having them on the back end of a teaser, but I fully admit the Rams mostly outplayed them and the score was highly misleading. Of course, red-zone efficiency is a skill, and turnovers are always the great equalizer, but still, St. Louis dominated a lot of facets of that game, especially during the first half…The difference between the Giants’ front four and back seven on defense is beyond drastic. That secondary looks brutal. Especially once Osi Umenyiora returns, it’s possible the D-line can compensate…If you’re going to tear your ACL, at least Domenik Hixon did so in style…Talk about adding injury to insult, not only did Mario Manningham tripping cost him a sure 53-yard touchdown, but he got himself concussed as well…Good to see the NFL retroactively reward Hakeem Nicks a 23-yard catch. I had Nicks in a close battle down to the end, so I was going nuts when the refs ruled it incomplete at the time, as it was a clear (and nice one-handed) catch, and the Giants had no incentive to challenge because there was pass interference on the play…It’s safe to say it wasn’t Steve Spagnuolo’s best coaching night. Not only did he inexplicably punt down 12 points with 1:34 left with no timeouts (meaning all this affected was where on the field the Giants would kneel), but even as someone who generally thinks teams go for two too early in games, I can’t figure out why the Rams kicked an extra point down 28-15 with 1:18 left in the third quarter. A two-point conversion there brings them to within two scores opposed to three, and even if it fails, there’s not a huge difference being down 13 compared to 12 at that time (it’s still two scores even if the Giants kick a FG)…Two Giants clearly faking injuries at the same time was high comedy (although I would have been livid if I were a Rams fan).

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By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 7-8-1, winning my best bet in the process. Onto the Week 2 picks:

SEAHAWKS +14.5 at Steelers

Ravens -5.5 at TITANS

Jaguars +9.5 at JETS

Cardinals +3.5 at REDSKINS

RAIDERS +3.5 at Bills

Buccaneers +3 at VIKINGS

BEARS +7 at Saints

Packers -10.5 at PANTHERS

Browns -1.5 at COLTS

CHIEFS +9 at Lions

COWBOYS (Best Bet) -3 at 49ers

Bengals +3.5 at BRONCOS

Texans -3 at DOLPHINS

CHARGERS +7 at Patriots

Eagles -2 at FALCONS

Rams +6 at GIANTS

Comments: I rarely pick a road favorite for best bet, and maybe I’m being a sucker here, but that line in San Francisco seems awfully low…The Packers are obviously legit, but that’s a monstrous number to lay on the road…I get the Colts are doormats without Peyton Manning, but I’m still surprised to see Cleveland laying points in Indy…The Chiefs/Lions game is a perfect buy low, sell high opportunity…I struggled most with CHI/NO and STL/NYG.

By Dalton Del Don

It wouldn’t be a stretch to say there won’t be a better game all season than the first one, as the Saints and Packers put on quite a show…Aaron Rodgers finished the first quarter 14-of-15 with 188 yards and three touchdowns against a New Orleans secondary that allowed an NFL-low 13 TD passes last season. That Packers offense looks scary good, especially with Jermichael Finley back, and Randall Cobb looks like a player too…Ryan Grant owners won’t want to hear it, but James Starks looks much better…New Orleans had the lowest YPC (-0.3) versus short-yardage defense in the NFL last year, and it looks like they’ll continue to struggle in that area if game one is any indication. Almost always I’m all for going for it on fourth-and-goal, especially at the one-yard line, but it’s worth noting there’s now slightly less incentive to do so with the new kickoff rules…Coach Mike McCarthy seriously needs to learn how to put away teams…I’m a Chris Collinsworth fan, but it would be nice if he didn’t preface every other sentence with “I tell ya.”

Man wearing gumby costume tries to rob a 7-Eleven, ends up losing 27 cents.

Drunken elk rescued from apple tree.

As someone who bet on the Rams to win the NFC West this year, it wasn’t the greatest start to see them get boat raced at home while also losing their quarterback, running back, WR1, right tackle and both starting cornerbacks in Week 1. As a 49ers fan, I guess it’s good news, but this isn’t baseball, where anything can happen in the playoffs. Best case scenario has S.F. getting blown out in the Wild Card round. I’d much prefer them go 0-16 and win the “Suck for Luck” lottery (make no mistake, he’s the best NFL prospect in more than a decade)…Michael Vick kneeling twice at the end of Sunday’s game taking his rushing yards down from 100 to 98 is the latest example of just how stupid fantasy scoring systems that reward “bonuses” for selective end points are…I still like St. Louis’ defense this year and wouldn’t be surprised if Chris Long finished top-three among sack leaders…Only health can prevent LeSean McCoy from finishing as a top-five fantasy asset…Carnell Williams is actually older than Steven Jackson, but his career mileage is far lower, and if the former misses time, which looks likely, the latter will be worth using until he breaks down.

The best exit from a reality show of all-time.

The “Entourage” finale predictably sucked (Sophia went from having to be convinced to have a drink with Vince to marrying him in less than five minutes), but Larry David just finished a masterpiece. “Curb Your Enthusiasm’s” eighth season was nothing short of brilliant.

I like how Matt Cassel got 3.3 YPA and Jamaal Charles got 5.6 YPC during the Chiefs’ ugly loss. At least Thomas Jones may finally be put out to pasture…Ryan Fitzpatrick has now thrown 18 touchdowns over his past seven road games…It’s Scott Chandler’s world, the rest of us are just passing through…Stevie Johnson is going to dominate targets this season – last year’s breakout shouldn’t be treated as a fluke. A similar if not better year looks to be in store in 2011…Dwayne Bowe continues to be the biggest boom-or-bust fantasy player.

This altercation caught on video by an unsuspecting bystander is fascinating. Still not quite sure why she didn’t just pull over. Maybe she wanted to see the man with the bat do some work.

Man in crotchless spandex outfit sets fire, tries to cook his own “weenie” in city park.

Michael Turner somehow managed 10.0 YPC and had more receiving yards (40) than any game in his career yet left fantasy owners a bit disappointed thanks to the game situation. And he was caught from behind on his 53-yard run, highlighting his decreasing explosiveness. Still, it was obviously an encouraging performance on an efficiency basis…Matt Ryan averaged 1.28 sacks per game over the first three years of his career but was brought down five times Sunday (that included 43 yards lost as well as a fumble that was returned for a TD). The 66.0 completion percentage doesn’t mean much when it’s accompanied with 6.8 YPA. Now down both defensive tackles due to injuries, Ryan really needs to step it up…The safe bet is that once again no Bears’ wide receivers are worth using in fantasy leagues this season.

Denny’s never claimed to be healthy, but they are now taking it next level.

That might be because fairs keep raising the bar, including the newest incarnation – deep fried bubble gum.

Matthew Stafford had a fantastic Week 1, but his stats look even better when you consider they were almost entirely compiled over three quarters. Watching him limp off (just cramps) was a good reminder just how injury prone he is, but only health can prevent him from being a top-five fantasy QB this year…Jahvid Best’s low YPC is something of a concern since he’s now seemingly fully healthy, but his usage was pretty encouraging. He’s constantly a threat to break a long play, and few RBs are utilized as much as a receiver…I’m not panicking about LeGarrette Blount, but it’s clear his usage will be based on game situations, which doesn’t exactly bode well considering Tampa Bay’s schedule projects to be much tougher than last season. He’s completely ignored on passing downs…Andre Johnson is definitely safer, but Calvin Johnson’s TD potential makes him the WR with by far the most upside…My favorite penalty of Week 1 occurred during this game, which was a 15-yarder against Detroit for “disconcerning signals”… Apparently Chris Myers imbibed some bourbon on the rocks while announcing this game.

Possibly the greatest announcing I’ve ever heard. Be sure to stay to the very end.

This orangutan is having a hard time kicking her cigarette habit.

While Maurice Jones-Drew owners can’t love seeing Deji Karim getting 14 carries, that’s certainly less of a concern with MJD getting 24 himself. No back should ever be expected to see more than that, especially one coming off knee surgery. However, of some concern is Karim’s clear advantage on passing downs. It’s definitely something Jones-Drew owners should be monitoring moving forward…Obviously Chris Johnson is more buy-low than someone to worry about…Huge Kenny Britt fan and have him in multiple leagues but had him on my bench in Yahoo Friends & Family. One of the two or three best deep threats in the NFL, his 80 yard TD Sunday was far more run after catch than a big play downfield, but it’s scored the same either way. He’s easily the most talented WR Matt Hasselbeck has ever had as a teammate. But realize that performance came against a Jacksonville secondary that allowed an NFL-high 8.3 YPA last season.

I’m just going to go ahead and call this accused murderer guilty.

I must say, the new Jay-Z and Kanye West album is pretty sick.

It’s not often those who pick a team in survivor can complain about how the opponent losing their starting quarterback was a bad break but so was the case Sunday with the Browns. However, Bruce Gradkowski was terrible other than his 41-yard touchdown to A.J. Green that resulted from a quick snap when Cleveland was still in a huddle (although in fairness, Browns backers could counter the rookie Andy Dalton wouldn’t have successfully pulled this off)…It wouldn’t shock if Peyton Hillis led the Browns in receptions this season…I’m a Cedric Benson hater, so ignore me if you want, but I’d try to shop him this week after that opening performance.

Vacuum cleaner vs. fire.

As if getting arrested shirtless while wielding a samurai sword after abandoning your car on an interstate isn’t enough, claiming you are “cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs” definitely puts you over the top. Bravo sir.

No one should have been surprised by the Ravens’ win Sunday, but the score and the seven turnovers committed by Pittsburgh were unexpected, to say the least. Don’t worry about Ben Roethlisberger – he’ll be fine. But there’s a legitimate chance Joe Flacco makes “the leap” this season…Over the last 51 games, the Steelers have allowed a player to rush for 100 yards just twice – and both were by Ray Rice. After totaling 149 yards with two touchdowns against the Steelers in Week 1, Rice owners have to be quite happy. I’m not saying he’ll be the No. 1 fantasy player this year, but I will say a fair bet is asking someone to pick one other versus him. I’m all ears if anyone wants to take me up on that proposition.

Lab chimps see daylight for very first time.

Is this a real life ManBearPig?!

I’ve said for years the Colts would be a 3-13 type team without Peyton Manning, yet I cowardly didn’t pick Houston in my survivor pool this week (more on this later), which made it frustrating to watch the Texans enter halftime with a 34-0 lead. Houston is obviously going to win this division running away this year, and the early 8.5 O/U now looks like a gift for those who bet in early August…Mario Williams had two sacks while transitioning to DC Wade Phillips’ new scheme, but it’s worth noting both came while a helpless Dallas Clark was asked to block him…Better times are ahead for Matt Schaub and Owen Daniels owners…Joseph Addai’s best asset to the Colts is protecting Manning, so don’t be surprised if he becomes less and less relevant moving forward. I’d prefer Delone Carter on my fantasy team right now…Reggie Wayne will retain some value, but Austin Collie, whom I definitely drafted in a few leagues in August before the Manning news was further revealed, doesn’t look like a weekly starter at all. Pierre Garcon played nearly twice as many snaps…Words can’t describe just how bad Kerry Collins was. However, this image taken from the preseason gives some indication…Despite all the Colts hate, can someone explain to me why the Browns, who just lost at home to the Bengals as seven point favorites last week and have averaged 4.7 wins over the past three years, are favored while playing in Indianapolis?

Polar bear attacks woman.

Well, this doesn’t seem like an entirely positive outcome.

I bet on the Redskins under (six wins) this year, but I must say, I’m already pretty worried about that after Week 1, as I expected them to lose five or (all) six games within their division, because they are going to also face the terrible NFC West. Mike Lombardi actually picked them to win the NFC East, and if Rex Grossman continues to play like he did in Week 1, it may not turn out as farfetched as it seemed…Tim Hightower was an awful real life running back (as usual) Sunday, but that won’t matter to fantasy owners as long as he’s used the same way moving forward…Fred Davis and Jason Pierre-Paul are both beasts, with only opportunity standing in the way of them becoming fantasy monsters…I love Hakeem Nicks and am heavily invested in him in my fantasy leagues, but I can’t think of a wide receiver with bigger injury concerns.

Burning car lifted off trapped man.

Woman dies after injecting hot beef fat into her face. Death ruled natural.

As someone who took San Diego in Survivor, let me say being down 7-0 just 20 seconds into the game while also losing the team’s field goal kicker for the rest of the game wasn’t exactly ideal. I especially liked how the narrative of the Chargers’ struggles on special teams (which were supposed to be negated by the closer kickoff spot) and typical slow starts to the season were highlighted immediately. Good times. And by that I mean I lived and died with every play from there on out. After going for it on 4th-and-20 (and failing) inside the 30 (because of Kaeding’s injury), and Rivers throwing another pick while forcing it on third down inside the red zone, punter Mike Scifres was asked to attempt a 40-yard field in desperation in the 4th quarter, and he nailed it. I heart Scifres…Philip Rivers didn’t have the best game of his career, but he dealt with a constant pass rush and was inches away from a 50-yard TD pass to Vincent Jackson, who inexplicably slowed down out of his break before being wide open in the end zone…Donovan McNabb showed he’s not done athletically as a runner, but he got 2.6 YPA. If I lost my survivor pool against a QB who got 2.6 YPA, I would have had to murk someone…Mike Tolbert made two ridiculously impressive plays at the goal line, showing his strength in the process of scoring three touchdowns. He’ll remain in that role (playing on passing downs and inside the red zone) for the foreseeable future, making him a worthy fantasy weekly start without question. However, Ryan Mathews might not only be in a good situation (obviously not as far as roles go, but on the right team), but he also shows glimpses of being “special.” With the ball in their hands, few would argue a slow (and fat) Tolbert matches Mathews’ explosiveness. Mathews has a ton of work to do to prove he can remain durable and improve in pass protection, but he has about as much upside as any back in the league.

Baby suckles directly from cow for milk.

I’m sorry, but any time I hear the word suckle I have to post this.

I must admit, I didn’t foresee Cam Newton throwing for an NFL-record 422 yards (along with two touchdown passes and another on the ground) during his NFL debut. Actually, I was under the impression he’d be a failure, but wow, that was pretty impressive, even if it came against a poor secondary. Because of his rushing ability, he’s absolutely on the fantasy radar now. He’ll likely go through plenty of struggles from here on out with more game film for opponents to digest, but there’s little doubt he’s already a huge upgrade over Carolina’s QB situation last year, so those who bet on the team’s “over” (4.5) before the season can go ahead and spend their money…Beanie Wells will probably get hurt, but there’s no reason not to consider him a top-15 fantasy RB right now…Kevin Kolb had a very nice Week 1 against a Panthers’ secondary that’s pretty good, but realize the 48-yard TD to Jeff King came on a completely busted coverage. Still, Larry Fitzgerald owners should expect plenty of better days ahead.

Dutch woman calls ex-boyfriend 65,000 times.

Companion dog lost in Six Flags theme park.

Not only did David Akers kick four field goals Sunday but all of them were within 31 yards, revealing a red-zone ineptitude rarely matched…Both Seattle and San Francisco have sneaky good defenses against the run, so don’t overly worry about Marshawn Lynch and Frank Gore, especially the latter, but both teams passing attacks look to be among the worst in the league….Ted Ginn returned two kicks for a touchdown in less than a minute of gametime…You get the feeling those who drafted Sidney Rice are going to be sorely disappointed.

Easily amazed stoner films confused bird on an escalator.

Surfing was apparently not extreme enough, so why not add some fire to it?

Seriously, why do the Cowboys make it so hard on themselves? They have the talent to make a Super Bowl run, but they also continue to find ways to lose otherwise winnable games…Dez Bryant is a man child with just about as much upside as any receiver in the NFL. It was disappointing to see him cramp up in the second half of Sunday’s game, but it was quite telling how quickly Darrelle Revis went from guarding Miles Austin to Bryant…I must admit, I certainly didn’t see Plaxico Burress having this kind of impact, especially early on…I’m growing tired of the hypothetical fantasy value of Shonn Greene. At some point, he needs to step it up. Already 26 years old, it’s possible he’s just a bum…I like how Al Michaels asked “What do you do here?” before the Jets attempted the game-winning 50-yard field goal. It was 4th-and-8. Not sure there was much of a decision to be made there.

Man jumps over speeding car while front flipping.

Dead boy, 200+ animals found at home.

Before gaining 59 yards and a TD on Monday night, Chad Henne had never rushed for more than 17 yards in any game during his career. Coming off an encouraging preseason, it’s possible Henne makes “the leap” this season…Tom Brady put on an absolute clinic. What a ridiculous performance…Especially with Brady throwing for 517 yards, Chad Ochocinco owners can’t feel great about his one-catch, 17-yard Patriots debut…While they may trade off having big weeks, Aaron Hernandez and Rob Gronkowski are both beasts who should be treated as borderline top-five fantasy tight ends (I’d have a hard time trading Hernandez for Dallas Clark right now). They are the No. 2 and No. 3 targets (and top-two in the red zone) in possibly the NFL’s best passing offense…Finally fully recovered from a hip injury that still lingered last season and now on medication to curtail the crazy, Brandon Marshall looks like a man possessed, and if Monday really was a sign of Henne’s true improvement, Marshall should be treated as a top-five fantasy wideout in PPR formats.

This guy’s boys can swim! In all seriousness, there are some pretty interesting issues brought up here.

Words can’t describe this picture.

What an ugly second game to Monday night’s double-header, as the Raiders and Broncos combined for six fumbles and 25 penalties (for 222 yards). Sebastian Janikowski’s impressive 63-yard field goal was only matched by the size of his dip, and Shane Lechler averaged a ridiculous 58.2 yards on six punts. Oakland dominates in the kicking game…Seriously, how much does ref Jerome Boger sound like the Ladies Man??…Darren McFadden is poised for a monstrous year, barring health. How quickly he went from bust to one of the very best running backs in football.

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AFC East

1. New England Patriots
2. New York Jets (wild card)
3. Miami Dolphins
4. Buffalo Bills

AFC West

1. San Diego Chargers
2. Kansas City Chiefs
3. Oakland Raiders
4. Denver Broncos

AFC North

1. Pittsburgh Steelers
2. Baltimore Ravens (wild card)
3. Cleveland Browns
4. Cincinnati Bengals

AFC South

1. Houston Texans
2. Tennessee Titans
3. Indianapolis Colts
4. Jacksonville Jaguars

NFC East

1. Dallas Cowboys
2. Philadelphia Eagles (wild card)
3. New York Giants (wild card)
4. Washington Redskins

NFC West

1. St. Louis Rams
2. San Francisco 49ers
3. Arizona Cardinals
4. Seattle Seahawks

NFC North

1. Green Bay Packers
2. Detroit Lions
3. Chicago Bears
4. Minnesota Vikings

NFC South

1. New Orleans Saints
2. Atlanta Falcons
3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
4. Carolina Panthers

Super Bowl: Patriots over Saints

MVP: Philip Rivers

Offensive Rookie of the Year: Mark Ingram

I know no one cares about how I did betting last year, especially ex post facto bragging, which is the worst, but I won seven of my eight O/U bets (with my one loss in horrible fashion, as I took the Panthers over). In fact, of my seven wins, only one even came down to Week 17 (Browns), as I had the rest locked up beforehand. Considering I bet on the Packers at 30/1 to win the Super Bowl before Week 16 and was pretty successful in teasers, I had my best season by far gambling.

But enough with the positives – whereas last year a bunch of over/unders jumped out, Vegas has really turned the corner this time around. I wanted to fade teams like Chicago and Kansas City, but while the former hosted the NFC Championship game last year, their number is currently 8.5 (with the vig -180 on the under!). And after winning the AFC West in 2010, the Chiefs sat at 7.5 before getting pulled off the board after Matt Cassel got hurt. (All lines courtesy of The M as of 9/7).

And when there were lines I liked: Houston over 8.5 (now off the board), Miami under 7.5, Cincinnati under 6, San Diego over 10 and New Orleans over 10, the vigs got so extreme, it was no longer even worth it. In all those examples, I’d rather cede a half win with a vig closer to even, without question, and sometimes I’d be willing to give up a whole win. In other words – no O/U bets jump out this season, unfortunately. One lesson I learned is to pounce on these in early August before they get so corrected. Of course, that won’t stop a degenerate like me from placing some bets, and here’s what I did:

Dallas OVER 8.5 wins (-145)

New York Giants OVER 9 wins (+115)

Washington UNDER 6 wins (even)

Arizona UNDER 6.5 wins (+170)

I also bet on the Rams to win the NFC West at +140 (this line went way down from when it opened in July).

By Dalton Del Don

I’ll admit I fully joined the Peyton Hillis as a bust in 2011 chorus earlier this summer, but I’ve since changed my mind. What looked like a throw-in as part of the Brady Quinn trade at the time, Hillis took over Cleveland’s backfield after injuries struck last season, and despite not starting until Week 3, racked up 1,654 yards from scrimmage and 13 touchdowns. He was fantastic in all aspects besides ball security (his eight fumbles were the most in the NFL), but he wore down badly over the year’s second half as his YPC fell from 4.8 to 3.9, likely due to his bruising, physical style. Since his fade came on a modest 270 rushing attempts, it made sense Cleveland talked all offseason about planning on more of a committee attack this year. But Montario Hardesty continues to battle health problems, finally making his preseason debut Thursday (five carries for 15 yards), and Brandon Jackson is out indefinitely with turf toe. Incorporating all aspects of football (running, receiving, blocking, penalties), Pro Football Focus graded Hillis as the second best running back in the NFL last season (Jamaal Charles was No. 1), and remember, even if he sees fewer snaps on a weekly basis, he totaled more than 1,650 yards with a modest 270 rushing attempts during just 13 starts last season, so he wasn’t exactly a huge volume guy, and he’s going to remain a huge part of the passing game in new coach Pat Shurmur’s offense and is a beast at the goal line. Similarly to Brandon Lloyd, Hillis, who was the No. 2 overall fantasy back last season, is getting overly discounted so far at 2011 draft tables.

Here are the results from the recent Yahoo Friends & Family draft. I really like my team but admittedly it’s pretty boom-or-bust.

While I can’t condone assault, especially toward the handicapped, this guy is the man. Seriously, who hasn’t seen someone chasing a neighbor down the street with a chainsaw?

I’m not sure I’ve ever owned Wes Welker in a fantasy league, but I’d like to change that this year. Obviously a PPR monster, Welker averaged 115.3 catches over his first three years after joining New England before racking up 86 receptions while missing a game last season while coming off serious knee surgery. His 2009 campaign needs to be reiterated, as he recorded 123 catches for 1,348 receiving yards over essentially just 13 games (he left the Week 17 contest early in the first quarter)! To put that into perspective, those 123 receptions tied Welker for the second-most in NFL history, and he accomplished that while missing three games. Of course, even during that historic season, he scored only four touchdowns, which has been his biggest fantasy hindrance. He’s never scored more than eight touchdowns in his career, but it’s worth noting only Larry Fitzgerald saw more targets inside the 10-yard line last season, as Welker received 13 looks from in close. There are plenty options for Tom Brady to look for in New England this season, but each tight end will likely alternate big weeks, Randy Moss is gone, and Chad Ochocinco has been slow to pick up the offense, so another year removed from the knee injury, don’t be surprised if Welker has a big 2011. He’s the clear favorite to lead the league in catches.

Man tries to stop car with his feet via Flintstones style. Fails miserably.

This restaurant review is controversial, intriguing and downright bizarre.

Reggie Bush has looked sharp since coming over to Miami and has secured the starting role. He won’t be treated like a true workhorse, but 12-15 carries and 3-6 catches per game aren’t out of the question. Bush has never reached even 600 rushing yards in a season during his career, and it’s hard to see him being more productive on an inferior Dolphins team compared to the Saints, at least on a per play basis. Of course, the expected increase in volume is what has his fantasy needle moving up, and there’s some thought playing on grass could help him stay healthy. Rookie Daniel Thomas has been thoroughly unimpressive so far in the preseason, showing little physicality, which has led to the signing of Larry Johnson, which is about as desperate as it gets. Clearly, Bush enters the year as the Dolphins’ lead back, so he should be treated as a borderline top-25 RB in PPR formats.

The best head first slide in the history of baseball.

Not to be outdone, here’s a triple play after a ball bounces off a center fielder’s head.

I’m in no way a Matt Ryan hater. In fact, according to Advanced NFL Stats, which is a great site, he led the NFL in WPA (win probability added) last season, so he may have even been underrated since he performed so well in clutch situations, but I’m not on board with his hype entering 2011. Ryan is consistently being drafted ahead of Matthew Stafford and Eli Manning. I’ve written about my Stafford love plenty before, but I admit he’s obviously a much bigger risk, but why is Ryan going before Eli? By all accounts, Julio Jones looks like the real deal, but all this talk about Atlanta throwing so much more this season seems misguided considering Ryan attempted the sixth-most pass attempts in the NFL last year. The team is facing without a doubt a harder schedule in 2011, and Ryan’s 6.5 YPA mark last year was highly unimpressive, especially considering he played 10 of his 16 games in a dome. Eli threw for more than 4,000 yards for the second straight year (Ryan set a career-high with 3,705 yards last season) and 31 touchdowns while playing outdoors. Joe Flacco, who is going much later in fantasy drafts and got 7.4 YPA while tossing 25 touchdowns and also upgraded his WR corps during the offseason, looks like the superior real life QB and has about an equal shot of matching Ryan’s 2011 fantasy value.

Best roommate ever? Best roommate ever.

This optical illusion is pretty crazy.

Ben Tate busted loose during his preseason debut Saturday against the Saints, as he ran for 95 yards and a touchdown on just nine carries. After being selected in the second round last year, Tate broke his ankle in his first preseason game and missed the year with the injury. More problematic, he missed a bunch of practices this season with a lingering hamstring injury, so it was not only nice to see him on the field but also performing at a high level as well. Steve Slaton continues to miss time with a hamstring injury of his own and is a candidate to be traded, but Tate still needs to beat out Derrick Ward to become Houston’s RB2. Ward is missing time with a concussion and is 31 years old, so the more talented Tate is the favorite, assuming he can stay healthy. It’s a role that could pay huge dividends should Arian Foster get hurt, as Houston has produced some monstrous numbers from its lead back over the past few years. The Texans might deploy the best run-blocking unit in all of football and have a favorable looking schedule in 2011, and it also helps coach Gary Kubiak likes to feature a single runner. No other player available so late has the chance to be a bigger difference maker in fantasy leagues than Tate.

If you truly caught a Chupacabra, why release it?

I’m a fan of “Explosions In The Sky,” but I could see why this billboard has caused a bit of controversy.

Willis McGahee totaled 39 yards and scored two touchdowns on seven touches during the Broncos’ 24-10 win over the Bills on Saturday. There’s obvious downside here, as McGahee is clearly behind Knowshon Moreno on the RB pecking order, has averaged a pedestrian 4.0 YPC throughout his career, will turn 30 years old this season and plays for a Denver team that doesn’t project to be very good. However, Moreno is an injury risk (and has reached 20 carries during just seven of his 29 career games played) and is hardly an overly talented back himself. Moreover, new coach John Fox likes to implement backfields by committee, and most importantly, it appears McGahee should dominate goal-line work. Now out of Baltimore where he was clearly behind Ray Rice and in a more defensive-oriented division, McGahee is back on the fantasy radar.

This lady took carpooling to the next level.

Not to be outdone, this lady was arrested on charges of DUI not once, but twice in one morning.

Colt McCoy had an awful end to his rookie season last year, recording a 1:6 TD:INT ratio while getting 5.1 YPA over the final two games. However, those outings came against strong defenses (Baltimore and Pittsburgh), and it’s worth noting McCoy had a higher completion percentage (60.8% vs. 60.0%) and a much higher YPA mark (7.1 vs. 6.0) than Sam Bradford, and he didn’t benefit from playing in a dome stadium (and easier division) like the more highly touted rookie. McCoy no doubt has a weaker arm than Bradford and remains an injury risk, but he’s highly accurate and shouldn’t be ignored in dynasty leagues. For what it’s worth, McCoy entered Thursday leading the NFL in passer rating (132.6) during the preseason, and he continues to impress coaches in practice. Cleveland’s receiving corps remains one of the weakest in the league, but at least Greg Little offers some long-term upside, and McCoy offers some rushing ability for a quarterback. He’s a sleeper in 2-QB formats.

Arizona woman hopes to become world’s first infinity-sized model.

Speaking of plus-size, seriously, what’s up with this baby?

What do we make of the Peyton Manning injury situation? The guy has started 208 straight games, and former coach Tony Dungy recently stated on national television the only way Manning won’t play Week 1 is if he’s dead. But Colts management doesn’t believe Manning will be available for the start of the regular season, and as a result, has signed Kerry Collins. If Manning isn’t going to be available Week 1, admittedly not a sure thing at this point, that raises the question of exactly how much time he’ll miss, as clearly he’s at risk for it to be lengthy. Drew Brees, Tom Brady, Philip Rivers and Tony Romo now all have to be drafted comfortably ahead of him, with the likes of Matt Schaub, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning strong possibilities too. Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark, Austin Collie, Pierre Garcon and Joseph Addai all need to be downgraded as well. Chris Johnson’s similar uncertainty means more since he costs a higher draft pick, but at least you can back him up with Javon Ringer, whereas a lengthy Manning absence would affect so many other fantasy options. I’m not saying Manning has clearly been a better quarterback than Tom Brady throughout their careers, but I will argue his Colts teams have been far inferior. Indy could easily go 3-13 if he were to miss the season. He’s that important.

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By Dalton Del Don

Hakeem Nicks is something of a risk if drafted as a top-five fantasy receiver since he’s missed five games over the first two years of his career and was banged up in others, but he revealed a ton of potential racking up 79 receptions for 1,052 yards and 11 touchdowns over just 13 games during his second year in the league last season. At 6-1, 215, Nicks is physical and willing to go over the middle yet also possesses plenty of speed, evidenced by his 20 catches for 20-plus yards in 2010. Last year’s 8.2 YPT wasn’t anything special, but it’s worth noting Nicks was one of just eight receivers to see more than 25 percent of his team’s targets, according to Pro Football Focus, and that number should only increase with the departure of Steve Smith (Eli Manning relies as much on his X and Z receivers as any quarterback in football). Moreover, Nicks was targeted 12 times inside the 10 last season – the leader was Larry Fitzgerald with 14, and Nicks did that in just 13 games. As a second round pick, there’s no doubt Nicks carries some risk with his questionable durability and lack of a track record, but his per-game stats prorated to 97 catches, 1,295 yards and 14 touchdowns over a full season last year, and it’s safe to expect him to further improve during his third year as a pro. Larry Fitzgerald and Roddy White are safer options, but only Calvin Johnson matches Nicks’ upside from the receiver position.

One of the most sexist ads of all-time.

Deacon Jones, on the other hand, is a staunch backer of equal rights.

I entered summer somewhat down on Felix Jones but have since joined the ever growing hype train (late to the party, I know). His lack of goal-line work (he’s just 1-for-6 there over the past two seasons) remains a concern, but he’s explosive and plays in a potentially extremely high-powered offense, so while he scored just two total touchdowns last year, there’s no reason he can’t reach eight or so in a similar way LeSean McCoy can. While Jones saw his YPC drop from 5.9 in 2009 to 4.3 last season, he improved greatly as a pass catcher, as he racked up 49 receptions for 450 receiving yards after entering with a career total of just 21 and 129, respectively. With Marion Barber out of Dallas, Jones is looking at a career-high workload in 2011, barring injury. He’s never going to be a 325-carry guy, but with his newfound ability as a receiver, all it would take is 250 rushing attempts (say 15-17 carries a game) for him to be a potential major fantasy factor. Coaches have soured on Tashard Choice, and rookie DeMarco Murray continues to battle the injury-prone label, whereas Jones has had a fantastic camp so far. As the lead back in an offense featuring Tony Romo, Miles Austin, Dez Bryant and Jason Witten, Jones shouldn’t be overlooked in fantasy leagues.

This mockup of sportscasters by “Batting Stance Guy” slayed me. Tim Kurkjian is hilarious.

This is likely the last red card this ref ever considers giving.

What Josh Freeman did last season shouldn’t go unnoticed. Considered raw coming out of Kansas State, he completed 61.4 percent of his passes with a 25:6 TD:INT ratio during just his second year in the league. Thanks to a more difficult schedule and some natural regression after the Bucs were generally considered quite lucky in 2010, most expect Tampa Bay to take a step back this year, and Freeman’s stats may suffer as a result. While there’s little doubt last season’s INT% isn’t sustainable, from a fantasy perspective, things could actually get better. For one, a tougher schedule should result in playing from behind more often, which should lead to more pass attempts, as the Bucs ranked 23rd in that category last season. Moreover, considering Freeman got 7.6 YPA with a 15:1 TD:INT ratio over the second half of last season, it sure seems like he’s improving with more experience, and further growth could be expected in year three. Mike Williams has a ton of talent and should only get better as a sophomore now capable of running more than just a handful of routes, and add in Arrelious Benn along with a healthy Kellen Winslow who had the rare offseason without a knee surgery, and Freeman has more than enough weapons to work with. It would be nice if LeGarrette Blount was a better pass catcher, but his tackle breaking ability will also demand opposing defenses’ attention. Carolina is obviously a plus matchup, and it wouldn’t be a surprise if shootouts ensued versus the Saints and Falcons, so Tampa’s division is also a plus. Finally, only Michael Vick had more rushing yards as a QB than Freeman last year, and at 6-6, 248, it’s safe to call it a fluke he didn’t run for a single score. Freeman is just another reason to wait on quarterbacks in fantasy leagues, as I’d feel comfortable with him as my QB1.

This chimp makes a gorilla look like a chump.

I’m guessing this marriage didn’t end happily.

I’ve been burned by Beanie Wells each of the past two years, yet still find myself willing to give him another chance this season. I’m not some crazy apologist – he’s clearly injury-prone and was downright awful when on the field in 2010. During his rookie season, fumbles could be blamed for his lack of carries. Last year’s excuse was a preseason knee injury that lingered throughout and sapped all his explosiveness. With Tim Hightower jettisoned, this is seemingly Wells’ make-or-break year, as even with second round pick Ryan Williams in tow, Arizona’s coaching staff is apparently going to give Wells every chance to act as the team’s feature back in 2011. When healthy, he has the physical tools to take advantage of it, but at some point, that statement comes off as me saying if I threw 100 mph I’d pitch in the majors or if my uncle had a sex change he’d be my aunt, as Wells needs to actually prove he can remain durable. I’m not the biggest Kevin Kolb fan, but there’s little doubt he’ll be an upgrade at QB (last year Arizona quarterbacks combined for a 50.8 completion percentage with 5.8 YPA and a 10:19 TD:INT ratio), and it’s an inherent advantage playing in the weak NFC West. Fool me once, shame on Wells. Fool me twice, shame on me. Is there a third saying to this?

Asian baller schools and dunks on LeBron James.

Tony Romo’s bachelor party sounds like it got out of control.

Dallas police on the lookout for pantie-headed bandit.

After Vincent Jackson’s impressive, albeit brief, performance on national TV recently, he’s likely shot up draft boards, and rightfully so. VJax has never had 70 receptions, 1,200 receiving yards or double-digit touchdowns in a season during his career, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he passed all those marks in 2011. As a deep threat, he loses some value in PPR formats, but at 6-5, 230 and in a dominant passing attack, there’s no reason he can’t reach a dozen touchdowns, especially with Antonio Gates continuing to battle foot problems and TD machine LaDainian Tomlinson no longer on the roster. Once again playing for a big contract, Jackson will be highly motivated and has the benefit of one of the best quarterbacks in football throwing to him as the team’s clear WR1. After missing the first 14 weeks of last season thanks to a holdout and calf injury, he promptly racked up 112 yards and three touchdowns in his second game, revealing the kind of upside matched only by a handful of other receivers. One year after Jackson got a whopping 11.8 YPT (the highest since the yards-per-target stat was tracked) on a ridiculous 69 percent catch rate, Jackson got 10.3 YPT in his brief action last season, so even a modest increase in looks would make him an easy top-five WR. I’d certainly prefer Jackson over Dwayne Bowe.

55-year-old casino exec releases one of the worst rap videos ever.

While I wish this clip wasn’t so cut up, I dominated this argument (although admittedly, after the fact it sounds like Vince Young is actually battling Mike Kafka to even win the QB2 role).

I’ve never been a big Tim Hightower fan (of course, this probably has everything to do with owning Beanie Wells the past two years), and Pro Football Focus actually graded him as the worst running back in the NFL last season, with his biggest liabilities coming as a pass catcher and blocker, which doesn’t exactly fit his narrative as a great third down back. Regardless, what matters most to fantasy owners is that Mike Shanahan is apparently a big believer, and with the competition dwindling (I like Ryan Torain, but he can’t stay healthy, and while I still consider Roy Helu a nice late round flier, he appears a ways off from contributing), Hightower is seemingly Washington’s feature back, although it’s worth noting his previous fumbling problem has carried over into practices this year. While I admittedly question Hightower’s talent, this is a back who’s one year removed from racking up 63 receptions, got 4.8 YPC last season playing in a bad offense and has totaled 23 rushing touchdowns over the past three years despite never seeing more than 153 carries, so if he truly becomes a lead back in a Shanahan offense, a role that looks increasingly likely, he’s going to make an impact in fantasy leagues.

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