Before the season started, I noted just how different Billy Butler’s approach at the plate was before and after the All-Star break last year. Entering the ASB, Butler had a 43:49 K:BB ratio with a .415 slugging percentage. Afterward, he posted a 52:17 K:BB ratio with a .511 SLG. Here were his GB/FB rates over the final five months of last season: 2.09, 2.44, 1.48, 0.78, 0.97. The approach appears to have continued into 2012 so far, at least on the surface, as he currently has a 16:4 K:BB ratio with five homers over 27 games. However, digging deeper, his GB% (48.3) is actually nearly a career high, and Butler is hitting fewer flyballs than ever (31.5 FB%), it’s just that they have gone over the fence at the best rate of his career (17.9 HR/FB%), so he’s been a bit lucky in the power department. So while his 30-homer pace appears unsustainable, a .300-22-100 type campaign is well within reach and would be plenty valuable in fantasy terms. One positive is that all five of his home runs have come against right-handers this season, as he’s typically done most of his damage against southpaws throughout his career.

This bike crash is pretty brutal.

Intense plane crash caught on film.

Crazy footage of a kid getting hit by a bus.

Anibal Sanchez’s shoulder scared me off him in March, but it’s certainly been to the detriment of my fantasy teams so far, as he looks like one of the best pitchers in all of baseball. After striking out 202 batters over 196.1 innings last season, he leads the National League with a 10.26 K/9 rate in 2012. That’s been accompanied by a career-low 2.43 BB/9 ratio and a career-high 48.1 GB%. When you add that all up with someone who’s also tough to homer against (career 7.8 HR/FB%), it’s a combination that could potentially lead to a Cy Young award. Health remains something of a concern with Sanchez, but his fantasy owners may be holding what’s equivalent to a winning lottery ticket.

These grandmas watching the Kim Kardashian sex tape are pretty damn funny.

I’m beginning to think “the human element” needs to be stopped.

This encounter of a woman interrupting a news taping constantly spitting is truly bizarre.

I dropped Pedro Alvarez in my home league a couple weeks back, even questioning whether he was the worst hitter in all of baseball on the radio at the time. He’s since hit four homers with 10 RBI over his last 11 games and has recently become the team’s new cleanup hitter. The strikeouts remain ugly, but he also has seven of his eight walks on the year during that span. There’s little question Alvarez will hurt your batting average, and this is obviously a small sample, but the former No. 2 overall pick possesses plenty of power potential. He’s also crushing left-handers (.364/.364/.818), which is a surprise. In a thin landscape at third base with Evan Longoria, Pablo Sandoval and Ryan Zimmerman shelved, Alvarez suddenly holds plenty of value.

This footage is disturbing, but not nearly as bad as a much more close version that was only recently removed from YouTube. Wow.

Funny bit of Cousin Sal working at a temp agency.

Long read: A remarkable story about one of the most sought after fugitives in U.S. history, whom after finally being caught, may walk free anyway.

Speaking of nice surprises at third base, look no further than Edwin Encarnacion, who’s currently on pace to finish the season with 50 homers, 134 RBI, 95 runs and 22 steals. It’s safe to say the streaky E5 is going to slow down, but he’s also locked into regular playing time, and the DH role appears to suit him well. While he’s never been given a real opportunity, it’s worth noting Encarnacion has averaged one HR per 19.5 at-bats since joining Toronto. Adrian Gonzalez has averaged one HR per 19.8 ABs throughout his career. Moreover, batting in the middle of a Blue Jays’ lineup that has scored the third-most runs in the American League this season, Encarnacion should continue to rack up counting stats. Still just 29 years old, it wouldn’t be a complete shock if Encarnacion finished with more fantasy value than teammate Jose Bautista.

Police Blotter: Jilted dentist pulls out all of ex-boyfriend’s teeth…This guy was ignored in a DEA holding cell for five days and was forced to drink his own urine in order to survive…Disturbingly tan mom arrested after 5-year-old daughter gets sunburn. Seriously, her defense team better be good!

A poor outing in Atlanta by Johan Santana in which he gave up six runs over 1.1 innings brings down an otherwise terrific start to the season. His current 9.87 K/9 rate is his best since 2004, resulting in a 2.61 ERA and 1.19 WHIP despite the disaster against the Braves. His return from surgery appears to be a huge success, although his velocity is a career-low (he’s averaging 88.4 mph with his fastball. His career average is 91.4 mph). Santana has been getting a little lucky, with a .282 BABIP and 2.7 HR/FB%, but note his career levels are .275 and 8.9%, respectively, so some crash back to earth isn’t necessarily in store, although more gopher balls can safely be expected. Santana will almost certainly be on an innings limit this season, but he’s been an absolute steal for fantasy owners who gambled on him so far, and there are no signs suggesting it’s been a total fluke. He’s back.

Animal Antics: Lion tries to eat baby dressed in zebra outfit…Fish slaps cat…Window surprise…Dog guards owner’s bike that he later rides on.

Freddie Freeman entered April 17 hitting .162 with a .189 slugging percentage. He’s since raised his OPS 470 points, as he’s up to six homers and 26 RBI on the year. His 31:5 K:BB ratio is ugly, but Freeman also leads major league baseball with a 37.2 LD%. After a fairly drastic split last year, he’s actually hit lefties better than right-handers so far in 2012, which could be big news moving forward. In such a shallow position in the National League, Freeman has emerged as the clear No. 2 fantasy first baseman in the Senior Circuit.

These headlines really tell the story: Meth Lab Explodes In Man’s Pants…Hang-Glider Pilot May Have Swallowed Evidence…One Direction Stars May Have Gotten Chlamydia From A Koala…Zoo Caretaker Licks Monkey’s Butt To Help It Defecate.

Quick hits: This year Brandon Morrow already has induced five times as many double plays (GIDP) than he did all of last season…Not a Yankees fan and have him on zero of my fantasy teams, but it was sad to see Mariano Rivera go down like that…Conversely, it was pretty cool to see Chris Davis pitching in a high leverage situation, striking out the first batter he faced on three pitches while reaching 90 mph…The Giants went 43 consecutive innings without having a lead this past week…Josh Johnson has allowed an MLB-high .439 BABIP, while Shaun Marcum leads baseball with a 14.4 SwStr%…Put a fork in Ubaldo Jimenez, he’s done…Over his last three relief appearances, Alfredo Aceves has recorded 11 strikeouts…Owning Jayson Werth just about everywhere, it wasn’t fun watching Sunday Night Baseball, when he mangled his wrist in front of everyone. Good times…It’s possible (and I emphasize may here) I may have been wrong about Luke Hochevar this year. Good God…It’s Bryan LaHair’s world, the rest of us are just paying rent.

After hearing good buzz, I saw “The Cabin In The Woods” last week, and even while entering knowing it’s not what you expect it to be, it still wasn’t anything near what I expected it to be. Unfortunately, I can’t say I loved it, although I will say it had the best scene involving a unicorn in the history of cinema.

This whole Sarah Phillips saga is easily one of the craziest I’ve ever come across. Unbelievable.

I certainly wouldn’t call the Mayweather/Cotto fight a classic, but it was refreshing to see Money May be the aggressor for once, really changing styles to put on a show, which resulted in him being hurt more than ever, although it was again a dominating performance. It would be shame if we don’t get to witness such greatness ever again.

Speaking of greatness, Jack White’s new solo album is ridiculously good. I highly recommend it…Also, I saw The Black Keys, who were opened by The Arctic Monkeys, last week, which was a fantastic show. But my ears were still ringing the next morning – does that mean I’m getting old?

Quick hits, part deux: It’s too early to take Park Factors seriously this time of year, but Coors Field’s current rating of 1.797 on runs scored would end as the highest ever since ESPN started tracking it. And it almost always becomes a much bigger hitters’ park in the hotter summer months…Edinson Volquez is off to a strong start with his new team, but realize he’s somehow managed to pitch in Petco Park in six of his seven starts so far this year…After getting hit by a pitch that was clearly on purpose by Cole Hamels, Bryce Harper not only got to third base from first on a single to left field, but he also stole home afterward during a Hamels pickoff attempt to first base. I especially liked how the Yahoo box score said he stole “4th base”…This has been, without question, the craziest year ever for closers.

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First, the awards, which seem pretty obvious this year:

MVP – LeBron James

Rookie of the Year – Kyrie Irving

Coach of the Year – Gregg Popovich

Sixth Man of the Year – James Harden

And now, here are my predictions for the playoffs:

ROUND ONE:

Spurs over Jazz in five

Grizzlies over Clippers in seven

Lakers over Nuggets in six

Thunder over Mavericks in six

Bulls over 76ers in five

Celtics over Hawks in five

Pacers over Magic in six

Heat over Knicks in five

ROUND TWO:

Spurs over Grizzlies in seven

Lakers over Thunder in seven

Celtics over Bulls in seven

Heat over Pacers in five

ROUND THREE:

Lakers over Spurs in six

Heat over Celtics in seven

FINALS:

Heat over Lakers in seven

Matt Wieters hit 12 homers with 30 runs scored, 31 RBI and 20 walks over the final two months last season, and he’s only got better to start 2012, as he entered Wednesday with a .294/.379/.667 line. His six home runs are also tied with Mike Napoli for the most among catchers. It took longer than expected for Wieters to have success at the major league level, but the former No. 5 pick appears to be finally living up to the extensive hype. He’s caught 16 of Baltimore’s 18 games so far this year, but with his bat, there’s little reason he shouldn’t DH during his days off behind the plate moving forward. According to The Bill James Handbook, Oriole Park has been the sixth-best place at boosting home runs over the last three years, especially for left-handers, which benefits the switch-hitter. Wieters, who has inside jokes with complete strangers, and Cuba imports cigars from him, sure looks like the No. 1 fantasy catcher right now.

This graphic footage of a car crashing into people in a grocery store is pretty brutal.

This woman, who just survived a near-death experience, isn’t too worried about it.

I’m not sure what I love more, the song, the lyrics or the video, but either way, this is pure musical genius.

Joey Votto is off to a slow start, hitting just .276 with one home run. The low batting average is especially surprising considering his BABIP is .385. The latter will drop some, but it’s not a total fluke with a career-high 32.5 LD%, a 1.25 GB:FB rate and as always no popouts (he has one of those since 2009). While he’s walking more than ever, the problem has clearly been that he’s striking out in nearly a quarter of his at-bats. Contact rate is typically one of the quickest stats to normalize, so seeing such a jump in K% over the first few weeks of the season is a bit surprising. Still, it’s probably nothing to worry about, especially when you consider his O-Swing% (the percentage of pitches a batter swings at outside the strike zone) is a career-low 19.6% and well below the league average of 30.0%. Chalk it up as a fluke and fully expect an increase in BA moving forward, and while I’m sure he’ll also start slugging more, remember his batted ball profile suggests he’s more of a 30 than 40-homer type hitter.

I’d recommend not jaywalking in Johannesburg.

This guy wearing a sweet robe had enough of speed-enforcement photos and took matters into his own hands to say the least.

Long read: An interesting and extremely revealing read about Dartmouth’s hazing rituals.

Bonus long read: In honor of his new solo album being released, here’s an article about Jack White.

Matt Moore is off to an extremely poor start to the year, as his 5.12 ERA and 1.66 WHIP are backed by an ugly 11:12 K:BB ratio over 19.1 innings. He missed time in spring dealing with an abdominal strain, so a slow start shouldn’t be entirely unexpected, but he’s been a total disaster early on. Moore’s average fastball velocity is down compared to last year, but it’s still a strong 93.6 mph – the third highest among all left-handers in baseball. Maybe Moore was overdrafted (including by me) for someone with fewer than 10.0 major league innings under his belt, but don’t forget just how dominant he was in the minors, as he recorded 210 strikeouts over 155.0 innings with a 1.92 ERA and 0.95 WHIP last season between Double and Triple-A. Moore will have to contend with the tough A.L. East, but he has a terrific defense behind him and a home park that’s benefitted pitchers more than any other than Petco over the past three years. He’s also not working on an innings limit, despite being a rookie. These types of recommendations obviously depend on your specific league, but if you can get him at any sort of discount, try to trade for him.

Police blotter: when siphoning gas from a cop car, it’s probably best not to post a picture on Facebook…These guys got wasted and broke into Sea World, woke up with a penguin in their hotel room…This man was arrested for trying to sell weed to his former PO…Man charged with a felony over not paying for a $1 soda at McDonald’s…Might want to rethink this kind of stealing in today’s iPhone age.

The question regarding Carlos Beltran entering the year was whether he could stay relatively healthy, not if he was going to be productive at the plate, so not much has changed there. However, the five steals have been a real surprise, as it’s already the most he’s had in a season since 2009, and it could also suggest his knees are feeling better than they have in a while. Busch Stadium is actually a pretty underrated pitchers’ park, but hitting between Matt Holliday and David Freese (or Lance Berkman) is a good spot to be in (a side note here: lineup “protection” is absolutely a myth and obviously doesn’t exist. However, the quality of hitters around a player certainly matters for fantasy owners, since it affects runs and RBI. Maybe this is obvious, but it seems to get misunderstood at times). If Beltran continues to run and stays healthy, he has the upside to finish as a top-10 if not top-five fantasy outfielder, but durability remains a serious concern.

You can make your own conclusion as to what Seal is doing here, but he clearly enjoyed the performance.

It apparently was standing room only during the Giants/Mets game in New York on Monday.

Girl swallowed by pavement in China.

Michael Bourn has raised his batting average more than 200 points over the past two weeks and is up to seven steals on the year. He remains a drain on HR and RBI but has a career-best BB%, leading to a .402 OBP. While typically players who rack up steals and don’t hit for power are much more valuable in fantasy baseball than reality, because he’s such a good base runner and a fantastic fielder in center field, Bourn is actually tied for fourth in WAR in the early going in 2012. The Braves’ trade for him last year for much less than what it cost the division rival Phillies to acquire Hunter Pence really was quite shrewd. And sticking with speed guys, Tony Campana, who racked up 24 steals (with only two CS) in just 143 at-bats last year and already has four bags over 13 ABs this season, needs to be added in pretty much all formats. His bat is weak, and he could easily flame out, but he’s looking at semi-regular playing time, and the SB upside is immense.

One of the best football plays I’ve ever seen, regardless of level.

One of the best basketball shots I’ve ever seen, regardless of level.

One of the best batting stances I’ve ever seen, regardless of level.

One of the best fake passes I’ve ever seen, regardless of intent.

It’s no secret Stephen Strasburg is my favorite (non-Giant) player in baseball, so it’s actually been frustrating owning him in just one league (LABR) this year. I fully believe the Nationals will be strict with the 160.0 innings limit, which is why he ended up on so few of my teams, because that right there is like missing six weeks with an injury, but still, he could be a $30-plus type pitcher anyway. Since returning from Tommy John surgery last season, he has a 1.29 ERA with a 0.82 WHIP and a 49:8 K:BB ratio over 49.0 innings. He hasn’t allowed a single homer over that span. While his velocity has been down since before the injury, Strasburg still leads major league baseball with an average fastball of 95.4 mph this season. His career K:BB ratio is 5.64. I see only health preventing him from being a first round pick in fantasy leagues next year.

These headlines really tell the story: Sex-addicted apes on brink of extinction…Donor wants organ back from ex-boss…Woman kills man by squeezing his testicles over parking dispute…Boner rejects sexual harassment allegations.

My take on the NFL Draft: predictions before are completely worthless, which can only be matched by grades afterward. But the event itself remains totally engrossing, as teams’ actions reveal a ton of information about what they think their weaknesses are. And I’m glad to hear they have finally wised up and will attempt to make the selections a surprise at the podium this year.

Seriously, how crazy is Mel Gibson?!!

Quick hits: Ervin Santana has allowed 10 homers this season. Matt Cain allowed fewer all of last year…Does Jamie Moyer really have a 2.28 ERA over four starts as a 49-year-old who calls Coors Field home?…I’m beginning to think Justin Smoak’s problems last year had less to do with injury and family tragedy and more to do with him being unable to handle major league pitching…Jonathan Sanchez threw 115 pitches in 4.2 innings Tuesday…In my home league, I entered Tuesday with by far the league’s best K rate (8.6/9) and had a “1” in wins, ERA and WHIP. In fact, my ERA was 6.05 and my WHIP was 1.55! Just a reminder it’s so very early still. Well, at least that’s what I keep telling myself…No, I’m not in the least bit worried about Albert Pujols…For his career, Josh Hamilton has hit .257/.323/.442 in the day compared to .330/.383/.586 at night. This year during day games, he’s hitting .500/.481/.1.083 (always love when OBP is lower than BA).

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Three bad starts to open a season isn’t anything to worry about, but when you combine that with a noticeable decrease in velocity and a stated refusal to throw a slider, owners of Tim Lincecum certainly have the right to be concerned. While he’s proven he can be successful without an overpowering fastball in the past, he’s never been a great control guy, so if further losses in velocity make his changeup less devastating, this could be a real problem, and there’s also obvious concern it’s something physical. On one hand, it’s telling the Giants have locked up Matt Cain and Madison Bumgarner with recent deals, as maybe the franchise is skittish about Lincecum’s long-term prognosis. But on the other hand, Lincecum has been difficult to lock up, and his willingness to sign a two-year deal could suggest he’s fully confident in his health, with eyes toward a monster deal when he becomes a free agent in 2014.

I’m sure most of you have seen this by now, but in the off chance you haven’t, Sweet Brown has no time for bronchitis.

Texting guy almost runs into a bear.

I don’t want to give away any of this story, but I implore you to read it. One of the crazier I’ve come across.

Lincecum’s first two starts this year came in Chase Field and Coors Field, two venues that rank No. 3 and No. 1, respectively, as the best hitters’ parks in all of baseball over the past three years, according to The Bill James Handbook. He hasn’t allowed a homer since the first inning of his first outing, which was more a result of a poorly located changeup than a loss of velocity on his fastball, and after giving up four runs in the first inning of Monday’s game that was aided by a badly botched play in center field by Angel Pagan, he settled down nicely, retiring 10 straight batters at one point. This isn’t to make excuses, as there’s no denying Lincecum has been hit hard this season – his career BAA is .225. This year it’s .344. It’s been noted a sudden spike in BABIP could be a sign of someone pitching hurt, but his peripherals are otherwise terrific, with a 16:4 K:BB ratio over 13.2 innings (his current 10.54 K/9 rate is actually a career-best, and yes it’s a tiny sample, but you can’t freak out over his runs allowed over the same time frame without acknowledging the other).

Man allegedly commits 10 felonies in nine hours. My personal record was eight in seven, so bravo sir.

Man allegedly fathered up to 600 children.

This motorcycle driver is flat out insane.

Lincecum has been more prone to hot/cold bouts throughout his career than most elite starters, as he followed up a 7.82 ERA in August of 2010 with a 1.94 ERA the next month. Last year he had a 4.84 ERA in June and a 1.80 and 1.90 in the following two months. Moreover, after throwing just two sliders over his first two starts combined, Lincecum threw 20 on Monday, which could be key to a turnaround moving forward. The decrease in velocity is a concern, but remember Lincecum throws a two-seam fastball (which makes it all the more insane when he was regularly working in the mid-90s when he first came up), as he gets a ton of movement and can rack up Ks while remaining down in the zone. Digging deeper, his SwStr% is 11.7 (this is the percentage of pitches a batter swings and misses, and to get an idea of what this means, only one pitcher last year had a higher SwStr% than Lincecum’s current mark), which is actually the second-highest of his career, and according to Fangraphs’ Pitch Values, the biggest problem through three starts has been Lincecum’s changeup going from one of the best pitches in baseball to one of the most hittable. That might be a function of a smaller discrepancy in speeds between it and his fastball, but as someone who’s watched all three of his outings in 2012, I credit it far more to poor location. With a small frame and unorthodox delivery, it’s entirely possible Lincecum is wearing down like many predicted would eventually happen, but if I’m a fantasy owner, I’d personally be targeting him heavily right now in trades.

This is probably the best marketing ploy I’ve ever seen.

This is probably the best obituary I’ve ever read.

Girl blown by a plane.

Jordan Schafer is hitting just .256 on the year, strikes out too often and is playing for what’s likely to be the worst team in baseball. Still, it would have to be an awfully shallow league for him to be not owned in fantasy right now. He’s locked in as a leadoff hitter, and with nine walks already, he’s got a .396 OBP. After stealing 22 bases over just 302 at-bats last year, he has five already this season, and his seven attempts are the second-most in MLB. Schafer is an injury risk and will be a major drain on RBI, but he’s capable of hitting 5-8 homers, giving him real fantasy value if he approaches 35-40 stolen bases, which I say he does.

Celebrity For The Day.

Can Your Baby Do Pullups?

This Dog Is Better Than You Or Me At Double Dutch.

Raul Ibanez finished with a .245/.289/.419 line last season and will turn 40 years old this summer, but he’s another outfielder who shouldn’t be available on most waiver wires, at least in daily leagues. He still managed 20 homers with 84 RBI last year in just 144 games played, and he’s going to be used in a stricter platoon in 2012, helping his batting average (and making him much more valuable in daily formats). Ibanez is hitting just .222 on the year, but that’s accompanied by a 1:2 K:BB ratio, and he’s even contributed two steals to go along with two homers. His nine RBI over eight games is a strong reflection of the benefits of batting in the Yankees’ lineup, and it can’t be underestimated just how much the home stadium boosts left-handed power. Yankee Stadium has a HR Park Index of 143 for LHB over the past three years, meaning 43% more bombs have been hit there by lefties than other parks, which is the most by a wide margin. If you have a deep roster, platooning Ibanez and Andruw Jones like the Yankees do would be an interesting and likely productive fantasy strategy.

I typically post silly UFO sightings, so why stop now?

The Cyclist’s Revenge.

This guy’s cat-like reflexes saved his life.

In my home league this past Friday, my team allowed 23 earned runs over 10.2 innings and lost Jacoby Ellsbury for who knows how long. It wasn’t ideal. The Ellsbury loss is going to be tough to overcome for fantasy owners. Not sure we can call him injury-prone after the nature in which he broke his ribs two years ago and his most recent one appeared unavoidable, but I guess it’s safe to call him a bit brittle at this point. Sticking with my home league team, I have no clue what to make of Francisco Liriano. I fully admit I bought into his spring stats (not his ERA, but how he was doing so, as I couldn’t ignore the 33:5 K:BB ratio over 29.0 innings), but it’s certainly been to my detriment so far, as he’s currently sporting an 11.91 ERA and a 2.74(!) WHIP with an unsightly 8:9 K:BB ratio. Liriano appears to be a headcase, but even after coming off such a disastrous 2011, I still wouldn’t drop him at this point.

Here’s Vince Carter airballing a finger roll.

In Russia, items buy you.

Well, the ending of this video is a bit ominous.

Jason Heyward owners have to be pleased with the start to his year. Hitting .341 and recently moved up in the lineup, he’s already racked up four steals without being caught. It’s obviously extremely early, but looking deeper, it gets even more encouraging, as he’s hit 15 flyballs compared to nine groundballs early on. During his rookie campaign, Heyward had a 2.03 GB/FB rate, while last year it was 1.63. This season it’s at 0.60, which is an indication he may very well reach his power potential many predicted coming up from the minors. Let’s see if he can actually stay healthy for once.

Great article about Dave Cameron – one of my favorite baseball writers who’s battling a deadly illness.

Two high school pitchers combined to throw 347 pitches in one game.

Meet the world’s shortest man, who’s 22 inches tall.

Any Giants fan shouldn’t be surprised by the latest news on Brian Wilson, who’s been pitching with a damaged arm since the end of the 2010 World Series season. While last year it was an apparent forearm issue, it’s likely related, and there were red flags when there was no offseason surgery to correct the problem, and Wilson showed up to spring training still hurting, totaling just 4.2 innings with an obvious decrease in velocity. It was admirable of Wilson, who once “fired a Red Bull down” in between innings after tearing his oblique during his major league debut, to throw 10 more pitches after hearing a pop in his elbow (and telling the training staff he rolled his ankle after they went to the mound when Buster Posey called them after hearing him scream in pain). Wilson, who has the most saves in MLB since 2008, was pitching in Coors Field in a two-run game with the bases loaded with noticeably diminished stuff and showed a ton of guts in what would prove to be his last outing in quite some time.

Saw Radiohead in San Jose this past week, and they killed it. They played a ridiculously long set (23 songs, two-plus hours) that was fantastic, even if it didn’t feature any of my 10 favorite songs by them.

Saw “American Reunion” this weekend, and while biased as an unabashed fan of the original, it really wasn’t that bad (and certainly the best of all the sequels). I enjoyed it.

Santiago Casilla, who reminds me a lot of former A’s prospect Jairo Garcia, looks next in line to close in San Francisco. Sergio Romo throws a ton of sliders, so the team is extra careful about his workload and also results in him being used as something of a righty specialist. Romo just finished one of the more dominant relief seasons you’ll ever see, posting a 1.50 ERA with a 0.708 WHIP and a ridiculous 70:5 K:BB ratio over 48.0 innings. His 1.49 xFIP would have easily led all pitchers in baseball had he qualified, as his Frisbee slider is death to righties, producing a .391 OPS against. But Casilla has a 1.85 ERA over the past two seasons himself, and although his control is shaky, most importantly, he seems to be management’s preferred choice to replace Wilson as closer (although it will be something of a committee). Whether Casilla can take advantage of the opportunity remains to be seen.

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Jay Bruce just turned 25 years old and has increased his homers each season he’s been in the league. He’s only 20-for-40 on the base paths in his career, so he won’t help much in steals, but Bruce has a higher slugging percentage against southpaws than righties each of the past two seasons, which is an encouraging development. As an extreme flyball hitter, Bruce is streaky, but it’s nice to see three homers over the first four games this year, although he’s yet to take a walk. Great American Ball Park boosts home runs more for right-handed batters, but it’s a hitters’ park for lefties as well. Bruce, who showed up noticeably thinner and in better shape this year, is a legitimate threat to lead major league baseball in homers in 2012.

Mr. McFeely’s Purple Panda Scares Bejesus Out of Kids.

Be Careful Whom You Honk At.

Yu Darvish’s MLB debut certainly got off to an inauspicious start, as he allowed four runs in his first inning. All four hits were singles, with most of them bloopers not hit hard, but you are asking for trouble when you walk three batters and uncork a wild pitch, as it took him 42 pitches to record the first three outs. Darvish undoubtedly experienced some jitters, but he battled control problems in spring as well. Still, his stuff certainly passed the eye test, especially the movement on his sinking fastball. Even if he struggles pitching deep into games while racking up strikeouts and walks, he should be able to rack up 15-plus wins with ease with that lineup and bullpen backing him (curiously, Vegas set his over/under at just 12.5 wins). It’s doubtful owners in your league panic after just one start, but because he’s such an unknown to begin with and Dice-K is somewhat fresh on the mind, might as well throw a trade offer coming off a disappointing debut. Darvish is going to be just fine.

An unbelievable story about the only known escapee from a North Korean prison camp. Truly a must-read.

Is Bud Selig really that out to lunch not to realize what he just said?

Andre Ethier hit just 11 home runs last season, has totaled two steals since 2009 and hits in a lineup that won’t make him a major asset in runs scored, but he’s still likely to make a profit for those who drafted him. Last season was definitely a disappointment, but he was batting .392/.457/.744 with 11 homers and 38 RBI over just 125 at-bats the year prior before suffering a fractured pinkie in mid-May that essentially ruined the rest of his season. While that injury looks like a legitimate excuse, there’s no denying he’s been a pretty mediocre player for the last 1.5 years. Still, he’s primed for a bounce back in 2012, and hitting directly behind Matt Kemp sure doesn’t hurt. Ethier, who’s a career .291 hitter, should approach 30 homers and 100 RBI this season.

Basketball break: Marcus Camby made a shot from fullcourt.

Pretty cool way to start a game.

Blake Griffin treating Pau Gasol like a human doormat. Part one and part two.

I fell into Yoenis Cespedes in the Razzball league, but I’m already regretting taking Jason Kubel (ugh) over him in my home league. I still like Kubel, and it’s obviously early, but Cespedes sure looks like a fun player to own, even if pitchers adjust and he leads the majors in strikeouts in 2012. It didn’t take long for Oakland to move him to cleanup, and there’s nothing wrong with a little swag. As of Monday, Cespedes was still searching for his first walk and single on the year, but his power sure appears legit, and he’s also capable of swiping 20 bags, so he’ll likely carry plenty of fantasy value even if he’s a drain on batting average, which looks like a safe bet.

In case you missed it: project glass.

In case you missed it: self-driving car.

This woman was arrested after being cited for speeding three times within an hour.

Hot dog stuffed crust pizza.

Losing Kyle Farnsworth in Yahoo F&F has had a cascade effect, as I rushed to the waiver wire to add Joel Peralta and dropped Rafael Furcal. Peralta appears to be behind Fernando Rodney currently in the saves pecking order, while Furcal looks rejuvenated. He was terrible throughout spring, and new manager Mike Matheny suggested he’d open the year batting eighth and may even be platooned. Naturally, Furcal hit leadoff during the season opener and has recorded three hits in three of the year’s first five games. No one should pay attention to 25 at-bats, but he has two steals (and attempted another on a hit-and-run), and while it’s totally anecdotal, if there’s one organization that’s consistently produced big rebound years from veterans, it’s St. Louis. Furcal will get hurt, but hitting atop an order that bats Carlos Beltran, Matt Holliday, Lance Berkman and David Freese directly behind him, he’ll be worth using even in shallower mixed leagues when healthy.

Man riding a fire extinguisher on a train.

Man in a sombrero wearing a boxing glove is arrested after jumping on cop car and yelling his name.

80-year-old woman lands plane after pilot husband dies.

Sample size is definitely an issue, but Juan Nicasio is a really intriguing arm. He posted a 58:18 K:BB ratio over 71.2 innings last season (including a 24:5 rate over 27.2 innings after the ASB). His numbers in the minors back this up (8.9 K/9, 2.0 BB/9 over 471.1 innings often in extreme hitting environments), and Nicasio averaged 94.1 mph with his fastball last season, which would have ranked first among all National League starters had he qualified, and early reports suggest he’s throwing with even more velocity in 2012. He’s at a disadvantage calling Coors Field home, something that will really come into play during the summer months, but Nicasio is also easy to root for coming back from one of the scariest injuries in recent memory. He’s the Rockies’ best starter and shouldn’t be unowned in any fantasy league.

I’m a big fan of the new “The Shins” album. Strongly recommended.

This guy is the worst Wheel Of Fortune player of all time.

This article was clearly not written tongue-in-cheek, but the editors had to know what was to follow, right?

It would have to be an extremely shallow league (or one with very small benches) for Trevor Bauer to be on the waiver wire right now. Most scouts believe he’s major league ready, as he played three years in college and would be an immediate upgrade over Josh Collmenter, who gave up 21 earned runs over 19.0 innings with a 6:6 K:BB ratio in spring training and was lit up during his first start in the regular season as well. Collmenter had a surprisingly strong rookie campaign last year, posting a 3.6 K:BB ratio with a 3.38 ERA and 1.07 WHIP. However, that also came with a poor 5.83 K/9 rate, so whether or not you are a believer basically comes down to if you feel pitchers can control IFFB% (his 14.9% ranked sixth-highest in MLB last year). It’s certainly a skill with batters (like BABIP. After all, Joey Votto has hit ONE infield pop out since 2009!), but I believe Collmenter got lucky last year, and as an extreme fly ball pitcher in Chase Field, he’s not long for the rotation. As for Bauer, who went 13-2 with a 1.25 ERA in 16 starts last year for UCLA, leading the country with 203 strikeouts and 10 complete games (including the last nine consecutive), I’m not too worried about his unorthodox routine and delivery. He’s my pick to win ROY.

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A.L. East

1. New York Yankees
2. Tampa Bay Rays (wild card)
3. Boston Red Sox
4. Toronto Blue Jays
5. Baltimore Orioles

Fantasy angle: The Yankees regret the Jesus Montero for Michael Pineda trade, but the platoon at DH with Raul Ibanez and Andruw Jones is plenty productive anyway. Alex Rodriguez returns a nice profit in fantasy leagues, while CC Sabathia doesn’t. Curtis Granderson doesn’t regress all that much, while Mark Teixeira has a better fantasy season than Prince Fielder…David Price wins the Cy Young, while Matt Moore wins Rookie of the Year. Desmond Jennings enters 2013 as a consensus top-five fantasy outfielder.

Dustin Pedroia is more valuable than Robinson Cano, while Andrew Bailey finishes the season with zero saves. Adrian Gonzalez wins the batting title, and Jacoby Ellsbury hits more than 25 home runs…Brett Lawrie disappoints, but Kelly Johnson is a top-10 fantasy second baseman. Sergio Santos leads all American League closers in strikeouts, while Edwin Encarnacion surpasses 25 homers and 80 RBI…Chris Davis, who hit 24 homers in 50 games in Triple-A last season with a .372/.413/.819 line, utilizes a home park that’s among the best for boosting HRs for LHB and finally becomes helpful to fantasy owners.

A.L. Central

1. Detroit Tigers
2. Chicago White Sox
3. Cleveland Indians
4. Kansas City Royals
5. Minnesota Twins

Fantasy angle: Miguel Cabrera gets enough starts at third base to become eligible in fantasy leagues, but the experiment ends shortly thereafter. He’s not particularly good while doing so, but Delmon Young reaches 100 RBI…Paul Konerko, who’s hit .306 over the past two seasons after batting .259 over the previous three and is now 36 years old, finishes 2012 with less fantasy value than Alex Rios…Ubaldo Jimenez and Shin–Soo Choo don’t bounce back to the levels their fantasy owners expect, while Asdrubal Cabrera, who finished last season with the second-most “just enough” home runs according to Hittracker, comes crashing back to earth, as teammate Jason Kipnis is the more valuable middle infielder.

Greg Holland is the better pitcher, but Jonathan Broxton finishes with more saves. No starting pitcher drafted later than Luke Hochevar has a better fantasy season, while Billy Butler hits more home runs than Eric Hosmer…Francisco Liriano overcomes his team’s poor defense and is a top-20 fantasy starter, finishing in the top-five in strikeouts. Joe Mauer doesn’t approach the power numbers of Carlos Santana or Mike Napoli, but because of the huge discrepancies in batting average, he produces similar if not better fantasy value and is ultimately the much more profitable pick.

A.L. West

1. Texas Rangers
2. Los Angeles Angels (wild card)
3. Oakland A’s
4. Seattle Mariners

Fantasy angle: Mitch Moreland eclipses 25 homers, Colby Lewis bounces back, and Joe Nathan is an elite closer. Adrian Beltre produces more fantasy value than Evan Longoria, while both Yu Darvish and Derek Holland are fantastic…After throwing the third-most pitches in baseball last season, a whopping 4,118, one year after seeing his innings increase by 130.1, C.J. Wilson is a huge disappointment when compared to where he was taken in fantasy leagues, despite the improvement in home parks. Vernon Wells hits .270 with 30-plus home runs. Albert Pujols wins the MVP.

Jemile Weeks steals 40 bases, while only a trade prevents Grant Balfour from reaching 30 saves. Yoenis Cespedes strikes out 200 times, yet still goes 20/20…Ichiro Suzuki hits between .322 and .350 for the first time in his 12-year career, finishing with a .330 batting average. Justin Smoak has the better fantasy season than Jesus Montero.

N.L. East

1. Atlanta Braves
2. Philadelphia Phillies (wild card)
3. Washington Nationals
4. Miami Marlins
5. New York Mets

Fantasy angle: Dan Uggla goes down as a top-30 fantasy player, while Craig Kimbrel goes down as one of the most over drafted players in 2012…Jonathan Papelbon finishes as the No. 1 fantasy closer, but Hunter Pence, who has never eclipsed 25 homers, scored 100 runs, driven in 100 RBI or reached 20 steals in his career, disappoints compared to his lofty ADP. Chase Utley appears in fewer than 75 games…Stephen Strasburg is the best pitcher in baseball but doesn’t win the Cy Young because he’s limited to just 160 innings. Jayson Werth bounces back, and Wilson Ramos establishes himself as one of the better catchers in the league. Bryce Harper experiences some struggles upon his promotion, but that only keeps his cost down for 2013, when he hits 30-plus homers. Jordan Zimmermann is a top-25 fantasy starter, while Ryan Zimmerman gets a handful of MVP votes.

Hanley Ramirez finishes as a top-three fantasy player, but the new park costs Giancarlo Stanton 10-12 homers…Health prevents Ike Davis from being the N.L.’s second best first baseman, but Jason Bay bounces back. Matt Harvey will be worth adding in mixed leagues sometime after the All-Star break. It won’t be as bad as the Francisco Liriano trade, but giving up Zack Wheeler for two months of Carlos Beltran will be another notch on Brian Sabean’s awful GM belt. Johan Santana ends up being a nice profit for his owners, while Bobby Parnell finishes with the most saves on the team.

N.L. Central

1. Cincinnati Reds
2. St. Louis Cardinals (wild card)
3. Milwaukee Brewers
4. Chicago Cubs
5. Pittsburgh Pirates
6. Houston Astros

Fantasy angle: Mike Leake has a better season than Johnny Cueto, while Aroldis Chapman is the team’s best pitcher and is finally unleashed as a starter down the stretch, leading the team to the postseason…Jason Motte is a top-five fantasy closer, and Jaime Garcia makes “the leap,” as does David Freese. Carlos Beltran and Rafael Furcal are both highly productive when healthy, while Adam Wainwright is a top-15 fantasy starter…Zack Greinke wins the Cy Young, and Yovani Gallardo is close behind.

Carlos Marmol is a fantasy bust, and those who drafted Starlin Castro over Elvis Andrus will regret it. Matt Garza is a dark horse Cy Young candidate if he’s not traded…Erik Bedard will be a must-start when healthy, while Alex Presley will finish with more fantasy value than Jose Tabata…Jordan Schafer, Jason Castro and Jose Altuve can all be considered sleepers, but since this team will likely be shopping Wandy Rodriguez at the ASB, the Astros could easily surpass 110 losses.

N.L. West

1. San Francisco Giants
2. Arizona Diamondbacks
3. Colorado Rockies
4. Los Angeles Dodgers
5. San Diego Padres

Fantasy angle: Madison Bumgarner has a better fantasy season than Tim Lincecum, and Santiago Casilla approaches 20 saves. Melky Cabrera doesn’t regress from last year’s production as much as most expect. Only Bruce Bochy and a home park that’s among the worst in suppressing home runs for LHB can prevent Brandon Belt from being a top-10 fantasy first baseman…Aaron Hill and Jason Kubel both approach 30 homers, with at least one of them surpassing it. Justin Upton wins the MVP, while Trevor Bauer wins Rookie of the Year.

Juan Nicasio finishes as Colorado’s best starter, while both Marco Scutaro and Todd Helton are worth using in mixed leagues when not hurt…Clayton Kershaw is a top-five fantasy player, while Andre Ethier bounces back in a big way. Dee Gordon finishes with more steals than any player in baseball and is a top-25 fantasy pick in 2013…Andrew Cashner gets 15-plus saves and helps in your ratios regardless, while Cameron Maybin finishes as a top-15 fantasy outfielder.

World Series: Rays over Reds

Hanley Ramirez Is A Top-Three Fantasy Player

Not that Ramirez is getting discounted that much, but he’s coming cheaper at draft tables than at any point in his career coming off a down 2011 season. It’s admittedly worrisome he’s become such a groundball hitter over the past two years after never being so beforehand, but he’s healthy, still just 28 years old and should be extra motivated. Motivational factors can be anecdotal and may be reaching, but blindly betting on such a talent to bounce back is good enough for me, and while he will be learning a new position, playing third base is far less taxing than shortstop.

The dimensions of the new stadium in Miami suggest it will play as a pitchers’ park, but there have also been reports the ball carries well when the roof is closed, so there’s really no telling at this point. Ramirez appears to be in terrific shape this spring, and fantasy players can’t complain the team’s new manager Ozzie Guillen loves to give the green light on the base paths. A career .306 hitter who averaged 25 homers, 112 runs, 78 RBI and 39 steals over the previous five seasons before last year, Ramirez is just now entering his prime and will pay big dividends to fantasy owners lucky enough to grab him in the second round of drafts.

Jose Bautista Disappoints

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a believer in Bautista and think he’s one of the best hitters in baseball, but for fantasy purposes, don’t be surprised if he’s not a top-20 commodity this year. He carries real batting average risk, as he’s a career .254 hitter. While it’s safe to say Bautista has become different at the plate the last two years, before hitting .302 last season, he had never finished with a BA better than .260 ever in his career. Batting in the .260 range could be a real problem for someone with a current ADP of five, especially since he won’t contribute many steals.

Bautista is an extreme flyball hitter, finishing with the 10th highest FB percentage in baseball last season, and of the nine ahead of him, only two had a worse LD percentage than Bautista’s 16.0, which is a recipe for huge fluctuations in BA every year. Entering 2011, the question was just how much would Bautista regress, but he actually added 69 points to his OBP while maintaining his SLG, so he deserves a ton of credit, but he hit just 12 homers after the All-Star break and could very well leave plenty of fantasy owners wanting more in 2012. I would take Ramirez ahead of him.

Luke Hochevar Breaks Out

Owner of a career 5.29 ERA and a 5.95 K/9 rate, Hochevar will likely go undrafted in most mixed leagues that aren’t particularly deep, but I’ll argue he’ll end up rostered in all formats by season’s end. Over his final 10 starts last season, Hochevar posted a 62:18 K:BB ratio over 67.0 innings, as the light may have finally turned on for the former No. 1 overall pick. Hochevar has a 21:2 K:BB ratio over 19.0 innings in spring training, which could portend big things.

Moreover, according to The Bill James Handbook, Kauffman Stadium has suppressed home runs by LHB more than any park other than Petco over the past three seasons, which should help the right-hander. With his pedigree combined with newfound strikeout ability to go along with above average control and groundball rate, Hochevar has the potential to break out in a big way in 2012 should his career LOB percentage (63.7) normalize.

Zack Greinke and David Price Are More Valuable Than Justin Verlander

Verlander was easily the best pitcher in baseball last season, but be careful paying for last year’s stats. There likely isn’t a pitcher right now with a true talent level of a 2.40 ERA, so calling for regression is a bit obvious, but it’s safer to expect Verlander’s numbers from his 2009 and 2010 seasons, which were also quite good, this year. He’s definitely proven to be a horse so far, but it must be noted he threw a whopping 4,301 pitches last year when factoring in the postseason, which easily led MLB. It’s an inexact science, and I’m a believer in “stress” pitches being more harmful than volume, but just know that 3,800 pitches in a season is typically when warning signs start. On a side note, Chris Carpenter, whom you don’t need me to tell you to worry about health wise, finished with the second most pitches with 4,155, while C.J. Wilson, who had just increased his innings by 130.1 the year prior, finished third with 4,118. Make of that what you will.

I previously made my case for Greinke here, and as for Price, while he lost seven wins and saw his ERA rise from 2.72 to 3.49 last year compared to the previous season, he was a better pitcher in 2011. His K rate improved from 8.11 to 8.75, but more importantly, his BB rate went from 3.41 to 2.53. Price’s groundball rate also increased, as did his velocity on his fastball and slider, with the latter doing so drastically, going from an average of 86.5 mph to 89.2. With a home field that has played as the second-best pitchers’ park behind only Petco over the last three years and what projects as a terrific defense behind him – conversely, Verlander looks like he’ll have to deal with one of the worst defenses in recent memory – Price will have the better fantasy season in 2012.

It wouldn’t be a total shock if Dee Gordon struggled at the plate to the point of being demoted this season, but his ability to steal bases also gives him a ton of upside in fantasy leagues. Over the last three seasons at ages 21-23, he’s totaled 182 steals throughout the minors and majors. For what it’s worth, he also has eight steals over 15 games in spring training. Gordon will hurt you in HR and RBI but so will Elvis Andrus, whose ADP is 92 spots higher. Don’t get me wrong, Andrus is definitely safer, but his speed can’t match Gordon’s. In fact, ZiPS projects Gordon to finish with 55 stolen bases this season – the second-most in all of baseball, and that’s including minor leaguers. I’d take Gordon ahead of Asdrubal Cabrera and Jimmy Rollins and wouldn’t be surprised if he finished with more fantasy value than Andrus and Starlin Castro.

No need to give my opinion on the recent verdict of Dharun Ravi, but either way, this story about what led to the tragedy was illuminating and well worth reading.

This Apache helicopter crash in Afghanistan by a pilot showing off didn’t result in any deaths, but it was rather costly and will almost certainly lead to criminal charges.

Jordan Zimmermann’s 6.92 K/9 last year wasn’t overly impressive, but it was brought down by a poor April when he still wasn’t that far removed from Tommy John surgery. Over the final five months, he posted a much more respectable 7.5 K/9 rate. Zimmermann’s 4:1 K:BB ratio ranked 11th best in all of baseball, and he’s just 25 years old with fewer than 300.0 major league innings under his belt, so there’s room for growth. He threw his fastball and slider harder than ever last season, and he’s now a year further removed from surgery and will finally be without an innings limit. He’s a borderline top-25 fantasy starter on my draft board.

The end of wheel chairs? This invention looks potentially amazing.

A must-read story regarding dog poop.

This year seems like the time to buy Alex Rios. Here’s a really strong piece regarding targeting players based on regression by Jonah Keri, and I couldn’t agree more. According to Yahoo’s season end rankings, Rios was the 27th most valuable fantasy player in 2010, so use last year to your advantage, as his current ADP is 216 (although I’d imagine in your league, he won’t come THAT cheap). Rios just turned 31 years old, is a career .275 hitter and plays in a home park that has been the most favorable in all of baseball for RHB when it comes to home runs over the past three years. I could see a lot of winning fantasy teams having Rios as their fourth or fifth outfielder in 2012.

I saw “The Hunger Games” this weekend and thought it was OK. Hadn’t read any of the books and despite it being the biggest grossing movie of all-time during an opening weekend by a non-sequel, I didn’t have extremely high expectations. It was good enough entertainment.

“I Drink Almost All of the Urine That Comes Out of My Body.” Well then.

Asdrubal Cabrera is one of the tougher players to gauge entering 2012. He was nothing short of fantastic last season, ranking as the 29th most valuable hitter according to Baseball Monster, and that’s not taking position scarcity into account. His age is when power often fully develops, but it’s worth noting his previous season-high was six homers (admittedly he had never appeared in more than 131 games) before going yard 25 times last year. He had also stolen more than six bases in a year just once before matching his career-high with 17 bags in 2011. While he hit better before the All-Star break than after, his power remained remarkably consistent, as here were his HR numbers from each month: 5, 5, 3, 4, 4, 4, so it wasn’t some hot streak that skewed his numbers. Still, even during Cabrera’s breakout campaign last year, he finished with just a .332 OBP. From most drafts I’ve been in, he’s not being selected with the expectation of matching last season, as most seem to see some regression coming, so he’s not someone I’m recommending to fully avoid, but some caution should be exercised. A quick side note: this won’t affect Cabrera as much, since he’s a switch-hitter, but according to The Bill James Handbook, Cleveland’s Progressive Field has suppressed home runs for RHB by far the most of any park in baseball over the past three years.

Man bursts into flames after accidentally drinking gasoline, lighting cigarette.

More like JetGreen, amirite?

Admittedly I’ve always been a Francisco Liriano fan, so feel free to take this with a giant grain of salt. After all, he’s finished with an ERA above 5.0 in two of the past three years and ranked as the 860th most valuable player according to Yahoo last season, when he was one of fantasy baseball’s biggest busts. Smart people will tell you to ignore all spring stats, but I just can’t help but get excited about Liriano’s 23:3 K:BB ratio over 18.0 innings. That’s accompanied by a 2.00 ERA and 0.72 WHIP. He claims a shoulder injury suffered last spring contributed to his woes in 2011 and that he’s back to 100 percent now. Who knows if there’s anything to that, but I do know this – no starting pitcher can approach Liriano’s upside compared to when he’s typically going in drafts. He’s just one year removed from posting an American League best 2.95 xFIP and pitches in baseball’s toughest park to homer in. It ultimately comes down to Liriano’s fastball and location, because his slider is absolutely nasty.

Here’s a tragic circus accident caught on film.

Corey Maggette is on my fantasy team, but I must admit he got a bit careless with this pass.

This is awesome. “Borat’s” national anthem is accidentally played for Kazakh athlete.

Dan Uggla hit just .233 during his first year in Atlanta last season, but he still managed a career-high 36 homers despite entering July 27 batting .199. Over his six-year career, he’s averaged 32 home runs, 98 runs scored and 91 RBI. With power down throughout baseball, it’s pretty valuable getting someone who could approach 40 homers, especially when they play a thin position such as second base. Uggla is a career .258 hitter, which isn’t a total killer, so he becomes highly enticing at any point past the third round of fantasy drafts.

This crash caught on tape is pretty extreme.

Tacocopter aims to deliver tacos using unmanned drone helicopters.

I’m having a tough time deciding whom to draft first between Matt Wieters and Joe Mauer. Wieters obviously has more power potential, as while it’s taken the former top prospect longer than expected to hit major league pitching, the light may have finally turned on down the stretch last season, as he hit 12 of his 22 home runs over the final six weeks of the year. Wieters also comes with less health concerns and is younger, although surprisingly by only three years. Mauer, meanwhile, has hit just 12 homers over the past two seasons, with one total at home since Target Field opened. Still, he’s 28 years old with a career .323 batting average and would easily be the favorite to lead all catchers in runs scored if healthy. He might even get more time at first base when not catching this year, which his fantasy owners would welcome. After Carlos Santana and Mike Napoli, Mauer is the next catcher on my board, but I can certainly see the argument against it.

I’m not a huge “punk” fan (although I do like Social Distortion), but I’ve been pretty obsessed with this song over the past couple of weeks.

“Donkey Punching” on Jeopardy.

Michael Cuddyer hit .284 with 20 homers and 11 stolen bases last season while playing in fewer than 140 games. He’ll need to learn a new set of pitchers, but he’s moving away from a home park in Target Field that has a HR Park Index of 83 for RHB since its inception to one in Coors Field with a 121 rating over the past three years, which is a significant difference. As if the change in parks wasn’t enough, Cuddyer is eligible at second base in Yahoo leagues, which means he really needs to be bumped up cheat sheets in those formats. In fact, in NL-only leagues, I’d only rank Dan Uggla ahead of Cuddyer among second basemen.

Cars sliding and crashing. At times pretty captivating, actually.

Funny bit on Kimmel: Cousin Sal Customer Returns.

During his fourth boxing match, Kimbo Slice was down on all the cards facing an opponent who was a last minute injury replacement also extremely undersized until this “knockout” happened with 3.3 seconds left. You be the judge.

Aroldis Chapman’s velocity has reportedly been a bit down this spring (although he apparently was clocked at 98 mph during his last outing), but with a 12:2 K:BB ratio over 12.0 innings, that might be considered a good thing, as he’s still regularly in the mid-90s and appears to be trading some velo for better control. Chapman has a career 6.54 BB/9 in the big leagues…with a 3.27 ERA. Actually, his 1.25 WHIP is even more impressive considering that walk rate. These combinations are unheard of and reveal just how difficult he is to hit. Since he’s thrown so many pitches outside the strike zone, there’s little doubting his career .263 BABIP will eventually rise, but I’d argue his true talent level will settle around the .280 range with his stuff. Homer Bailey is out of options, and Bronson Arroyo has a big contract, but the Reds are truly insane sending Chapman back to the pen. If they follow through with this plan, they will finish 2012 halfway through his six-year, $30 million deal getting around 125 innings total from him. Injuries happen, so I’d still consider taking a flier on Chapman in mixed leagues after 50 or so starters are off the board, but his presence in Cincinnati’s pen is the only reason I’d keep Sean Marshall outside the top-10 closers after Ryan Madson was lost for the year.

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Mark Teixeira has hit .252 over the past two seasons, and since he doesn’t run, it’s easy to consider him overrated as a three-category player who will likely cost a second round pick (ADP: 27.25). I disagree and consider him a top-15 fantasy player. During his three years in New York, he’s averaged 37 homers, 114 RBI and 102 runs scored. The latter shouldn’t be overlooked, as that’s strong contribution in an underrated category, especially from a first baseman. It’s possible opponents’ shifts will continue to drive down his batting average, but I’d personally feel comfortable putting his over/under at his career line of .281 for 2012. For what it’s worth, his xBABIP was 57 points lower than his actual hit rate last season. Just because he was unlucky on balls in play the last two years doesn’t mean he’s “due” to receive good fortune this season, but it’s worth noting extreme flyball hitters’ batting averages fluctuate far more than groundball hitters, and Teixeira’s career line-drive percentage is a strong 20.9. And don’t forget, Yankee Stadium has an MLB-high 147 home run index for LHB since it opened, so as a switch-hitter who crushes lefties, a 45-homer type season can’t be ruled out.

When it comes to bull riding, this guy thinks eight seconds is kid’s play.

I’m sure most of you have seen this by now, but if not, this is easily my favorite restaurant review ever.

This own goal is among the craziest I’ve ever seen.

I’m not sure what to make of Brandon Morrow. His 10.19 K/9 rate led the American League last season, but that came with a 4.72 ERA (he finished with a 4.49 ERA the year before despite a 10.95 K/9). You don’t need to look up his FIP to come to the conclusion it’s been far lower than his ERA each of those past two campaigns. It’s also worth noting improved command led to a 1.29 WHIP last season, which was far better than his career mark (1.38). While these underlying peripherals and remarkable strikeout ability may portend huge things to come, at some point, there has to be a concern he’s Ricky Nolasco 2.0. In 2010, Morrow held hitters to a .222/.325/.293 line with the bases empty compared to .280/.351/.395 with runners on. Last year it was .217/.292./.307 compared to .267/.346/.393, so there’s real concern he becomes a much worse pitcher out of the stretch. In fact, Morrow induced just one GIDP all of last season! Read that again. Of course, that’s just a two year sample, and his career LOB% is actually 70.8, which is league average. After posting baseball’s second-highest SwStr% (11.5) last season, it’s clear Morrow has a ton of upside, but it sure would be nice if he figured out how to stop allowing so many runs while simultaneously missing so many bats.

This monkey “attack” is pretty awesome.

In 911 call, this mother calmly reported, “I think I left my child at Chuck E. Cheese last night.”

This footage of a bus driver smashing into a biker is pretty horrifying.

Billy Butler probably has an over/under of around 20 homers this season, and he’s likely only DH-eligible in most leagues. He’s also averaged just 76 runs scored over the past three seasons, despite missing a total of 10 games over that span, partially because of poor teammates but also because he’s one of the slower runners in baseball. While it may hurt his chances of winning a batting title like I expect him to one of these years (he or Howie Kendrick will one day, I swear), it’s interesting just how different his approach at the plate was before and after the All-Star break last season. Entering the ASB, Butler had a 43:49 K:BB ratio with a .415 slugging percentage. Afterward, he posted a 52:17 K:BB ratio with a .511 SLG. Yes, SSS caveats apply, but that’s a pretty drastic change at a fundamental level. Here were his GB/FB rates over the final five months of last season: 2.09, 2.44, 1.48, 0.78, 0.97. Again, if he continues this new approach, a lower BA may follow, but after hitting 13 homers over his final 70 games last season, a run at 30 bombs in 2012 may not be out of the question.

It’s not often you see pranks pulled on cops, but here’s one.

Speaking of pranks, this one involves people buying meat that’s fresher than usual.

We interrupt this report on performing breast self-exams to watch Peyton Manning get off an airplane.

Derek Holland has the tough task of pitching his home games in Texas, but he posted a 3.06 ERA with a 1.21 WHIP and an 80:26 K:BB ratio over 88.1 innings after the All-Star break last season and has the upside to finish as a top-15 fantasy starter this year. He saw his average fastball velocity rise from 92.1 mph in 2010 to 94.2 mph in 2011, which is a significant leap. In fact, only David Price had a faster average among all left-handers in baseball. Holland is highly talented and could easily breakout and provide a huge profit based on where he’s going in most drafts.

I like to think of myself as something of a foodie, and during my recent trip to Phoenix for LABR, I ate at both Pizzeria Bianco and Matt’s Big Breakfast, but I also must admit I tried Taco Bell’s new Doritos taco the day it came out. The former were both 100% legit, but I’ll also concede the latter wasn’t the worst either, although I hate myself for saying that.

During the aforementioned LABR trip, I read Chuck Klosterman’s “The Visible Man,” and although the ending was disappointing, I still can’t recommend it enough. Maybe I’m the perfect target audience as someone who graduated with a degree in psychology and enjoys Klosterman’s take on pop culture, but I’m also not a big fan of science fiction, which is also a bit at play here. To me, this was the true definition of a page-turner.

Chris Young has a career .240 batting average, but for someone who’s averaged 24 homers and 25 steals over the past two seasons, his ADP (33) among outfielders seems low. While it’s tough to distinguish ex post facto excuses versus real causation that we didn’t know about at the time, Young apparently played through a pretty serious ligament injury to his thumb over the second half of last year, which is certainly backed up by his post ASB numbers (.193/.329/.311). While playing hurt and losing seven homers from the season prior, Young actually had more extra-base hits in 2012 compared to 2011 and both his K% and BB% improved, and only Coors Field is a better hitters’ park in the National League than Chase Field (especially for right-handed batters). You won’t find someone who could approach 30/30 cheaper at draft tables.

I have no idea if this absurd exchange on Facebook is real, but I choose to believe it is.

Goat seen eating pizza at Midtown restaurant.

This fighter actually knocked himself out.

I’m all for targeting boring veterans in fantasy baseball, and I doubt Michael Young will be aggressively drafted this year, but caution still needs to be advised. Obviously, his .338 BA should be expected to drop around 35 points, and while he’ll continue to benefit from his home park and Texas’ lineup, realize the 35-year-old hit just 11 home runs last year, including only three after the All-Star break, as he hits so few balls in the air (26.5 FB%). The discrepancy between his 11 HRs and 106 RBI is the key here, as not only did Young benefit from coming to the plate with an abnormal amount of baserunners on last season, he went from hitting .297 with the bases empty to .383 with runners on. Almost all hitters perform better with runners on, but as Bill James states in his recent Handbook, “it’s like a perfect storm, a freakish combination of events.” James goes further and posts a study that reveals almost always there’s a huge regression in performance after such a rare season occurs. Young isn’t likely to be a total bust this year, but he could easily add five homers to his tally and lose 30 RBI from last season’s total.

Man seriously injured by gas explosion.

This chainsaw wielding maniac deserved his fate.

This footage is tough to watch, and among my friends the conclusion seems to be equal on both sides, but the one thing not in dispute is that it’s crazy.

Scott Baker was quietly one of the better pitchers in baseball last season before getting shut down, posting a 3.14 ERA with a 1.17 WHIP and a 123:32 K:BB ratio over 134.2 innings. He’s typically been a big help in WHIP as an extreme flyball pitcher, finishing with a mark below 1.20 in three of his past four years, and with that profile, it’s safe to expect closer numbers to last year than the season prior with the way Target Field has played, assuming he’s healthy. Since its inception, only Kauffman Stadium (remember this prospective Eric Hosmar and Alex Gordon owners) has a lower HR Index for LHB than Target Field (68). Baker was clearly hurting at the end of last season, and if rest healed the problem, which he claims, he could be a steal in fantasy leagues. Baker had a 3.8 K:BB ratio, which was better than CC Sabathia, and his flyball tendencies are a perfect fit for his home park.

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I traveled to Phoenix last weekend to participate in LABR, a prominent industry league that has been around for 19 years. I was in the NL-only league, which is extremely deep with 13 participants and 10 pitching slots to fill. Here are the full results, and here’s my roster:

C – Ryan Hannigan $7
C – Jason Castro $5
1B – Freddie Freeman $22
3B – David Freese $19
2B – Chase Utley $22
SS – Zack Cozart $11
CI – Chipper Jones $7
MI – Freddy Sanchez $5
OF – Jayson Werth $25
OF – Cameron Maybin $22
OF – Jason Kubel $17
OF – David DeJesus $8
OF – Jordan Schafer $5
UTIL – Juan Francisco $5

P – Stephen Strasburg $22
P – Matt Garza $19
P – Jaime Garcia $11
P – Chad Billingsley $9
P – Johan Santana $5
P – Aroldis Chapman $5
P – Trevor Bauer $3
P – Kerry Wood $3
P – Randy Wells $1
P – Chien-Ming Wang $1

R – Dustin Moseley
R – Santiago Casilla
R – Matt Harvey
R – Brad Hand
R – Billy Hamilton
R – Chris Young

Infield: I didn’t want to spend on a top catcher, so I just tried to find some at-bats that hopefully won’t kill my batting average. Mission accomplished, at least in theory…In a league with zero replacement value, it’s hardly ideal to rely on injury-prone veterans like Freddy Sanchez and Chipper Jones, but of course, their prices reflect that. These two will likely burn me, but the optimist points out Sanchez is a career .297 hitter, and Jones posted a .303/.350/.545 line with 10 homers over 165 ABs after the All-Star break last season.

I wish I had bid an extra dollar on Jed Lowrie, who could be a steal at $9. There were many options left at the time he was purchased, but owners had plenty of money to burn thanks to the lack of spending on pitching, so there were some surprisingly high bids on middle infielders, including Neil Walker $20, Ryan Roberts $19, Jose Altuve $17, Daniel Murphy $17 and Marco Scutaro $16. I certainly wasn’t targeting Chase Utley, and his degenerative knee is without question worrisome, but he’s 50-for-52 on stolen base attempts over the past three years, so I took the plunge at $22…Continuing my theme, David Freese is also injury-prone, and while his career .365 BABIP is sure to regress, his career line-drive rate is 22.9%.

Outfield: Petco Park limits his upside, but Cameron Maybin is a 24-year-old who just stole 28 bases over 63 games after the All-Star break last season. A 15-homer, 50-steal campaign isn’t out of the question in 2012…Jayson Werth at $25 was easily my biggest regret, and I still can’t figure out why I went so high. I expect him to bounce back, as even during a down year during his first season in Washington he nearly went 20-20, and players with his profile – high K and high FB rates – typically have greatly fluctuating batting averages yearly. Still, at $25, I got no bargain and paid as if last year didn’t happen. It was a mistake.

Jason Kubel has to learn a whole new set of pitchers switching leagues, and there’s some concern he’ll increase his chances of getting hurt without a DH option, but he’s leaving Target Field, which had a Park Index for LHB hitting home runs of 68 since it’s inception, which was tied for the lowest in major league baseball. Chase Field, meanwhile, favors left-handed power. Moreover, studies have proven hitters perform better when playing the field opposed to DH, so maybe the move to a full-time outfield role will actually help Kubel. He’s got sneaky 30-plus homer upside…Jordan Schafer hasn’t hit at the major league level, but he quietly stole 22 bases last year in just 302 at-bats and will be given the opportunity to act as Houston’s everyday leadoff man in 2012.

Pitching: Starting pitching went unexpectedly cheap. In fact, Clayton Kershaw, whom I have as easily the No. 1 fantasy starter in 2012, went for just $26. I had just bought Stephen Strasburg for $22 and didn’t want to spend $50-plus on two starters, but I still regret not bidding up Kershaw at the time. This buy was the single biggest bargain I’ve seen in my five years in LABR. I’m fully aware Strasburg won’t pitch more than 150-160 innings this year, but he can easily earn what I paid for in that amount. I’m an unabashed fan who thinks it’s not out of the question he’s the best pitcher in baseball this year…I wouldn’t be surprised if Matt Garza was an under-the-radar Cy Young candidate, but he also might get traded to the A.L. midseason, and without question I’d prefer Madison Bumgarner, who went for the same price.

Although his ERA and WHIP didn’t reflect it, Jaime Garcia quietly made substantial improvement with his control last season. He also finished with the 11th best GB% in MLB, and of the 10 ahead of him, Garcia’s K rate was better than all of them. Take away one outing in Coors Field, and his season ERA goes from 3.56 to 3.10…The aspect I’m probably happiest about my auction was getting Johan Santana, Aroldis Chapman and Trevor Bauer for a combined $13.

I entered with a plan not to buy a closer, and whether that strategy is right or wrong, it’s hard to mess up…As a Giants fan, Brian Wilson’s arm scares me, and while Sergio Romo has put up video game like numbers, because of his overreliance on his slider, Bruce Bochy essentially uses him like a specialist. As a result, I was happy to get Santiago Casilla in the reserve round. When Wilson went down last season, it was Casilla who picked up six saves, while Romo had just one all year. Casilla has a 1.85 ERA over the past two seasons, and after 325-plus players were taken in the National League alone, drafting someone who could get 20-plus saves seemed like a steal.

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Comments: My first instinct was the Giants are going to win in a blowout. Then it later became clear most people were backing New York, which while ultimately shouldn’t really matter (remember when the Steelers were backed by seemingly everyone when they beat the Seahawks in the worst officiated Super Bowl game ever?), it gave me pause. Tom Brady rarely if ever has two bad games in a row, but the Giants’ pass rush looks like a perfect match against this Pats’ team, especially with an obviously hobbled Rob Gronkowski. But the Patriots will have revenge on their minds after the Giants prevented them from a perfect season during Super Bowl XLII. New England had a much easier path to the Super Bowl (they didn’t beat a team that had a winning record in the regular season until the Championship Game), but this is a team that finished 13-3 in the regular season versus one who squeaked into the playoffs at 9-7. If New York wins Sunday, it will mean they ended its last six opponents’ season, which is pretty remarkable. I HAMMERED the Giants (my biggest bet ever), mainly because I like fading Bill Belichick in rematches and Tom Brady coming off a bad game. Wish me luck! Giants 31-24.

It’s time for the sixth version of my year-end lists (time really does fly by), and as usual, I posted them late. But also as per usual, I hope the following is well recepted, even if it produces plenty of disagreements:

MOVIES

When I first started doing my year-end lists here, movies were my most covered, followed closely by TV. In fact, I could barely come up with a top-five list for music. Things have changed since (most evident by music, since I find that easier to utilize while I write, which has become a far bigger part of my life). But I also want to acknowledge how many movies (and TV shows) I’ve yet to see this year, so when considering my following rankings, realize I plan on watching the following ASAP: A Dangerous Method, Melancholia, The Skin I Live In, Shame, Our Idiot Brother, Into The Abyss, Midnight in Paris, The Trip and Young Adult.

10. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 – My favorite movie of this franchise was No. 4, in no small part because it was directed by Alfonso Cuaron, but really, no director did a truly poor job in this series, and while I actually found the first half of the two-part finale better than the latter, this compilation deserves recognition. David Yates was the final director, and I’ve heard from many people his TV mini-series “State of Play” was terrific, so it comes as no surprise he ended this properly. However, the epilogue was beyond horrific. Really, we invested in this Harry Potter heroic character to see him become a (horribly) middle-aged dude watch his kid go off to school like everyone else? Was this a bad joke? What an embarrassing ending to an otherwise worthy franchise that deserved far better.

9. Horrible Bosses – This is a shaky movie to put on a top-10 list, but it’s more of a reflection of how little films I’ve seen this year and also my affection for comedies above anything else (I did watch Super 8, Hangover 2, Hanna, and wait for it, Scream 4 to name a few I omitted here). I wasn’t opposed to Jennifer Aniston’s turn as a bad girl (and by that I mean I enjoyed seeing her attempt to deep throat a banana), but make no mistake, I imagine this movie won’t be among my top-20 after I eventually get caught up and watch the ones I missed listed above.

8. Hall Pass – My biggest takeaway from this movie was learning my friend Rachel can fit eight long necks in her Coach purse. Not that it necessarily needed alcohol. Two scenes stood out: the pickup line – “You must be from Ireland because my penis is Dublin.” And another I’ll let you guess, but it involved the hot Nicky Whelan downplaying a previous sexual relationship ironically, and I was somehow the only person in the theatre to laugh audibly. Without question, I seem to like Farrelly brothers movies more than most, as they always mix the crude with genuine in a way I appreciate. “The Three Stooges” admittedly looks terrible, but I thought “Shallow Hal” and “The Heartbreak Kid” were funny, while “Dumb and Dumber” is in my top-three of all-time (not just comedies). Moreover, “Kingpin” is in my top-five comedies, while “There’s Something About Mary” is in my top-10 (and “Me, Myself and Irene” isn’t far off that).

7. Bridesmaids – The whole “can a movie driven by females succeed?” narrative seemed a bit ridiculous, so it was nice to see this answer be a resounding yes. And by success I don’t mean at the box office, as “Bridesmaids” was definitely the funniest movie I saw in 2011. It wasn’t perfect, and it could’ve been 20 minutes shorter, but it was well written and acted, and there’s little doubt Kristen Wiig is a star. The shitting scene may have been unnecessary, but the setup felt real, and the sequence when Wiig is trying to get the cop’s attention was pretty damn good. Melissa McCarthy went and pulled a Zach Galifianakis here, essentially stealing the show.

6. Win Win – I really liked this movie, as Paul Giamatti continues to make wise decisions. It’s mostly described as “warmhearted,” but loss is the ultimate theme here. Considering the writer also wrote “The Station Agent,” one of the most underrated films of the past decade, it’s no surprise I was a big fan of his latest. I strongly recommend “Win Win.”

5. Moneyball – When I first heard about Moneyball being turned into a movie, I figured it would be a disaster. When it was later revealed Steven Soderbergh dropped out (or was kicked out), my worries only grew. Apparently, it was Brad Pitt who kept the project going, even though he’s not much of a baseball fan. That said, I don’t think it was low expectations that contributed to me genuinely liking this film, which was both far from perfect yet one of the better sports movies ever. It was ridiculous how Tim Hudson, Mark Mulder and Barry Zito were totally ignored, but the same can also be said about the book, so there’s no real foul there. And the movie’s quality shouldn’t come as a total shock with the people involved (Aaron Sorkin, Bennett Miller, the cast). Someone who’s a movie buff yet knows nothing about baseball questioned me afterward whether such a model could be long-lasting – meaning teams with money will obviously eventually catch up, right? Well, yes, that’s pretty much exactly what’s happened since.

4. The Tree Of Life – I asked my friend Chason to post this review, and here’s what he had to say: “Yeah its new agey in a really unconvincing way, overreaching, overbearing and completely self indulgent, but Tree of Life is also the best movie of the year. It was ridiculous sounding whenever I tried to describe this movie to anyone unfortunate enough to ask – Ugh everything? It’s about family, it’s about nature and nurture, it’s about what makes us human, it’s about all creatures on this earth, it’s about outer space, inner space, religion, evolution, chaos, order, science, the supernatural, dinosaurs (also the best dinosaur acting ever. Or at least since the remarkable performance given by that Triceratops in Jurassic Park 2, which was nothing short of a game changer for digital emotions but tragically overlooked because of the alien bugs from the other 1997 movie, Starship Troopers), and on and on.

However, Tree of Life is basically about what every movie is about, a character in the midst of change, specifically a midlife crisis for Sean Penn’s character. Except while most movies are like oh he feels so trapped by his job, or he just needs to stop being such a man-child and become more responsible, or he needs to stop being such a pushover. (I’d give an example for what happens for girls in these situations but major movies are still more sexist than me and as far as I can tell change for women in film is signified by two or three new outfits and maybe a makeover scene?) While Malick’s film is from the typical white male point of view, he handles the midlife crisis in the most non-reductive way imaginable. The logic goes what makes the character like this? Well his relationship to his parents and how they grew up, and what makes them like that? Well the world, and why is that like it is? Well it can be broken up into the way of nature and the way of grace, and then were onto suns exploding, Jessica Chastain flying through the cherry blossoms, and poltergeists moving furniture around. What is so masterful is the way Malick deals with Penn’s crisis in such an explosively macro way and on such a personal micro level.

They should not only give the Oscar to that boy who plays little Sean Penn but also remodel the statue itself from here on out to look like him. Ditto Pitt. Sure the ending looks really fucking stupid but at that point only the heartless won’t be sipping on that new agey kool aid, and what Malick is getting at here is not filmable anyway. At the beginning of the movie Brad Pitt drew an imaginary line for his son and ever since Sean Penn had been putting up imaginary walls for himself. By the end he crosses back through a door into a space with no divisions, where he’s free to connect to those who mean the most to him and to experience the beauty of a world that had never gone away but that he had just shut himself off from. What the life altering shit more do you want from a movie? There is an unimaginable amount of variables to affect our place in the world but for Malick it’s a choice how we experience it. The man made a movie about what every dumb comedy, or talky talky drama, or flat quirky dramedy is about and took it to the nth power. Malick does not pussy foot around or take it lightly, there is not a joke or a hint of irony in it. No shying away, no whining, no pop music soundtrack or attempt at being cool or stylish or hint of advertisers’ dirty hands or reducing the complexities down for a dumbed out sponge brained audience. It makes every other movie this year look flaccid. Timid at best. It’s over ambitious joy in trying to answer an unanswerable question.“ (Editors note: Whatever you think about my reviews here, Chason wins.)

3. Drive – The opening scene is terrific, with a heist centered around Ryan Gosling, showing his skills in suspense-filled fashion, culminating with the perfect timing at the end of a Clippers game at the Staples Center. The next half of the movie goes cheesy, and it does so for a reason, setting up the viewer for what’s to come: over-the-top violence (yes that was the point) and a switch in tone so abrupt you don’t know what hit you. I can certainly see others not liking this type of filmmaking, but I fell hook-line-sinker and thought it was brilliant. Sure, there are some holes, but Gosling’s understated performance needs to be noted, and I’m not sure many other actors could have pulled it off (at times there was no dialogue for minutes, and he utilized a toothpick that would make Carl Everett jealous). There’s no question this movie is more style than substance, but it invoked early Michael Mann, and the scene with the mask at the ocean was better than any horror film I’ve ever seen. I wasn’t in love with one decision at the end, but I’ve revealed enough already – this movie was different and daring, and I applaud them for it. This lawsuit against “Drive” was pretty great, and the soundtrack was equally as awesome. Also, good to see Albert Brooks back. Until the final month of the year, this was my favorite film of 2011.

2. The Descendants – Alexander Payne is easily one of my favorite directors. You probably don’t need me to say this, but his resume before his latest featured “Election,” “About Schmidt” and “Sideways,” which doesn’t get much better than that. Those three movies would all appear on my top-20 all-time list. “The Descendants” isn’t as good, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a pretty terrific film. Maybe I related closely here because my family is also fractured and deals with some of the same BS (not that it makes me unique in any way whatsoever), but it was clear coming out of this movie I liked it far more than the other three I watched it with. A.O. Scott from the “New York Times” did a far better job than I ever could reviewing this movie, so I’m going to point you to him here.

1. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo – I have a few movie buff friends who will no doubt cringe at this, and I have no argument; this is a “whodunit” mainstream movie. Of course, it’s also executed near perfectly, and I’m obsessed with David Fincher (“Se7en” is in my top-5, “Fight Club” is in my top-10, I ranked “The Social Network” No. 2 on my year-end list last year, and I also loved “Zodiac” and “The Game.” Furthermore, I decided to pretend “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” never existed). As a Fincher staple, the opening credits are legit (but nothing will ever beat “Se7en” when it comes to this), and I entered knowing absolutely nothing about the books. This movie was no doubt over-the-top, and while I would never argue this film was the “best” of 2011, it was my favorite. The “discovery” actually meant little to me (I also thought it was obvious), because it was beside the point among what else was happening, which was plentiful. The movie had about three endings, because there were that many stories going on (the actual true ending was pretty heart-breaking, which I prefer to heart-warming). I’ve read arguments why it was wrong/unnecessary to include some scenes, and those were easily the toughest to watch in many years for me. Beyond that, I’m a total sucker for this genre in general (and again, let me reiterate, the material here isn’t exactly “Citizen Kane” but Fincher executes story lines I’m a sucker for masterfully), and I thought Rooney Mara was nothing short of brilliant (and nothing short of hot). There wasn’t a film that kept me more on the edge of my seat (in nearly three hours that flew by) than “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.”

TV

First off, here are shows I didn’t watch this year (I’d rather watch a bad show with half-paid attention in the background while I write than give the same treatment to a show I know deserves my full treatment. That doesn’t mean I didn’t give full attention to some below, it’s just an explanation as to why some clearly inferior shows are listed above others I’ve yet to watch) but most certainly will: Breaking Bad, Homeland, Shameless, Enlightened, Archer and Wilfred.

And here are honorable mentions I did watch that just missed the list: Episodes, Modern Family, Damages, True Blood, Dexter, Parks and Recreation, Californication, Entourage, Bachelor Pad, The Challenge: Rivals, Weeds, 30 Rock, The Office and Tosh.O.

10. Gigolos – I wanted to put “Episodes” here, highlighting a little known show I found entirely watchable that ultimately produced one of the more surprising twists of the year at the end of its season. But then it got nominated for Best Comedy at the Golden Globes, and Matt LeBlanc actually won Best Actor for it. So instead I’m going with “Gigolos,” which might have been one of the truly craziest shows of all-time (and was totally overlooked at the Emmys). Rumors suggest these guys were actors, but I can’t decide if that makes it less or more crazy. It wasn’t one of the 10 best shows this year, that’s for sure, but instead of rehashing others (like Parks and Recreation, which while I still enjoy, it took an obvious step back this season), let’s talk about “Gigolos,” which not only “called” all other reality shows but also pushed all its chips onto the table in a big raise, as it made all others look positively tame. I can’t say there are too many redeeming qualities, but if you like bad television and/or reality shows, this pushes the envelope to say the least. I’d be shocked if there’s a season 2.

9. Workaholics – For ultimate payoffs, I enjoy dramas, but they’re so much harder to pull off, so for the most part I prefer comedies, both in film and television. Workaholics is under the radar but is also often laugh out loud funny. It’s easier to identify with some characters on the mainstream comedies on NBC, but I personally prefer the absurd when it comes to laughs.

8. The Ricky Gervais Show – Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant are obviously funny, but it’s Karl Pilkington who’s most fascinating on this show, as few people in this world have a more bizarre thought-process, and there isn’t even a hint of irony here. Also, I really enjoyed this riddle.

7. It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia – This show is hit-and-miss, but “Thunder Gun Express” was one of the most memorable things I watched this year. In fact, it’s still on my DVR.

6. Portlandia – The tone of this new series was set early, opening with this song. Season one was just six episodes and extremely quirky. One episode centered around a couple inquiring about just exactly how organic the chicken they may order for dinner was, which leads them to investigate where it was raised in order to find out how nice of a life it had. In fact, this show is so bizarre, filled with irony and the totally absurd, I can’t do it any justice, so instead I’ll just give you a few clips: House Sitter, Customers Only, Whose Dog Is This?, and Did You Read?

5. The League – I never had this show in my top-10 the previous two years, as even as a fantasy football writer I found it OK but certainly not great. However, “The League” grew into its own this year, as the Schaffer influence (also a “Curb” and “Seinfeld” writer for many years) became more apparent than ever. In fact, at times I couldn’t help but not compare it with “Curb.” And there’s a strong argument Rafi is one of the funniest characters on TV right now. I participated in a fantasy football draft with Stephen Rannazzisi last year, but there is no homerism here (although there is apparently name dropping), as I actually think the fantasy football angle might be the worst part of this show. The “Thanksgiving” episode featuring Jeff Goldblum and Sarah Silverman was a standout. Also, how good was Ruxin’s acting during the season finale?!

4. Sons Of Anarchy – Season 2 was one of my favorites ever. And while Season 3 was pretty bad, it ended with a bang. Season 4 was the exact opposite. It was really strong throughout, until its finale became a copout that essentially made everything that happened before it relatively moot. Still, I’d obviously prefer the latter, since it composed 95% of the season. Jax has developed into one of the better protagonists on television, but more importantly, Clay has become one of the worst villains in TV history. Here’s a strong review of the season finale (and season in general) by Alan Sepinwall.

3. Beavis and Butt-Head – Call me juvenile, but this is the only show I watched every episode multiple times this year. One in which Beavis teared up after sniffing an onion on his chilidog revolved around Butt-Head mocking him for crying the entire time (I mean literally nothing else happened during the episode, other than the critique periods, which have much more fodder these days with “Jersey Shore” and “16 and Pregnant” as options). Another had the duo learn that asking a father for his daughter’s hand was proper etiquette, so after requesting this repeatedly, the dad finally decided to let them down nicely, saying he doesn’t foresee his daughter marrying either of them, to which they replied “who said anything about marriage?” (Get it, they just wanted her hand). Another consisted entirely of them in an elevator, waiting to push the button that prompts the automated response to say “going down” anytime a female enters. I could go on and on, but by now you must be thinking, where did the lowbrow humor go? But I assure you, it only gets worse from there. In all seriousness, the brains behind this, Mike Judge, has directed and written three movies, and they are “Office Space,” “Idiocracy” and “Extract.” There are few funnier people alive. Although I will say if I rated these in tiers, there would be a massive break until the next one…

2. Curb Your Enthusiasm – I’m obviously biased, but Larry David absolutely killed it in Curb’s eighth season, which I thought was actually one of the best of the series. “The Safe House” was one of my favorite episodes of all-time, while “Palestinian Chicken” and “The Bi-Sexual” were A+ as well. Not to mention the redemption of Bill Buckner episode, among others. If I had the choice to have dinner with any three people, dead or alive, my answer would remain Larry David and no one else. I try not to get worked up over this stuff, but it’s such a joke “Curb” gets so ignored at award shows. Really Golden Globes, this wasn’t one of the five best comedies of the year? Johnny Galecki, Thomas Jane (I’ve watched every episode of “Hung” for some reason, and it’s terrible), and Matt LeBlanc are better actors than Larry David? Whatever you’re smoking, I want some of it. It’s a waste of burning calories, I know – “The Wire” never won any awards – so I digress. Anyway, “Curb” is my favorite show ever, and it’s never not placed No. 1 since I’ve been writing these year-end lists, until…

1. Louie – I saw Louis C.K. live this year, and he didn’t disappoint. In fact, I was with my friend Cory who had seen him earlier in the year, and as advertised, he said very little material overlapped. This aspect can’t be understated, as the best comic in the world right now doesn’t deserve credit for just being the funniest, but he rarely repeats a joke, which is frankly unheard of. You all probably know by now his setup with FX – he has total control, including editing. In fact, he turned down more money just to avoid ever getting a note from some exec who will no doubt fuck up an otherwise masterpiece. And make no mistake, this show is a masterpiece. Considering I just called him the best comic in the world, it’s a bit strange this show isn’t the funniest on TV, because it’s not trying to be. It’s definitely the weirdest. And darkest. That’s without question. And when the jokes hit they hit hard. I love Louie’s willingness not to care about norms – if he thinks a storyline has run its course, then it ends (often there are two shows in the 30 minute segment, and they aren’t necessarily broken up equally (not unlike Beavis and Butt-Head!)), and he’s had a couple of different actresses play his mom. There are no rules with Louie, and FX deserves a ton of credit for realizing what they have here (it may be a no-brainer to you and me, but don’t underestimate how clueless the TV industry is). Louie has been the best television show each of the past two years, and we should all consider ourselves extremely fortunate to be living in an era in which Louis C.K. exists.

MUSIC

10. Other Lives: “Tamer Animals” – At times they sound like “The National,” and I had never heard of them until this year. Workaholics, Tamer Animals and Real Estate are only on here thanks to my friend Matt’s recommendations, so cheers to him.

Listen to: Tamer Animals, Desert, Dust Bowl III, Weather, Old Statues

9. Real Estate: “Days” – This album is listenable from beginning to end, so I guess it comes down to personal preference on this age-old question (and by that I just made it up), would you prefer 10 “B” songs or three “A” songs and a bunch of “Ds” (or a reasonable facsimile of such a dilemma, you get the point). I personally prefer the latter, but admittedly that may only make sense considering the current music landscape (which may be ending soon, so I’d like to personally thank “Anonymous” here for their attack after the government seized Megaupload. They are doing God’s work). Bottom line, there are no standouts on “Days,” but it’s totally solid throughout.

Listen to: Green Aisles, It’s Real, Younger Than Yesterday, Wonder Years, Out Of Tune, Easy (I also wanted to post “Kinder Blumen,” “All The Same” and “Municipality” but couldn’t find links.)

8. Coldplay: “Mylo Xyloto” – After asking a friend (somewhat tongue-in-cheek because I knew he had never heard it since he was likely too busy listening to Joanna Newsom for the 10,000th time) “how sick is the new Coldplay song featuring Rihanna?” I then immediately wondered if I was the only person to ever utter that exact phrase. But I’m tired of defending Coldplay. If you strip away all extraneous aspects, you are left with a group that continuously puts out catchy albums, with their latest being no exception. Chris Martin shouldn’t be ashamed of the music he’s making (and who cares if he’s insufferable at times?), nor should those who like it. And if you’re too highbrow for it, then congratulations on your superiority. Also, get fucked.

Listen to: Princess of China, Paradise, Up in Flames, Up with the Birds, Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall, Charlie Brown, Major Minus

7. Kanye and Jay-Z: “Watch The Throne” – I’m not big into rap at all, but this marks the second straight year a Kanye West album made my year-end list. Not only did “Watch The Throne’s” best song sample “Blades Of Glory,” but it produced two of the most repeatable phrases of the year (side note: my fantasy basketball team is named “Wall So Hard.” I might have to draft Jason this year to name my fantasy baseball team “That Shit Bay”). If you don’t like this album, I might “murk” you.

Listen to: N**as In Paris, Murder to Excellence, Otis, Gotta Have It, No Church in the Wild

6. The Black Keys: “El Camino” – Are these guys capable of making bad music? I saw them in concert this year, and they were great. I also had their album “Brothers” in my top-10 last year, which is pretty remarkable when you think about it. This year’s release wasn’t as long or as good, but it’s top heavy, with a few undeniable hits you’ll want to put on repeat. They have also undeniably gone mainstream, but I hate to throw the whole “sell out” label, because that’s usually inspired by jealousy and/or the reluctance to admit “your group” has simply become popular. “El Camino” also produced the best ad I’ve ever seen for an album.

Listen to: Gold On The Ceiling, Lonely Boy, Little Black Submarines, Run Right Back, Stop Stop

5. The Decemberists: “The King is Dead” – I never gave The Decemberists a chance until I listened to this album and after being impressed, I checked out “Picaresque,” which was also terrific. After later releasing another E.P. in 2011 (highlighted by this song), it sounds like “The Decemberists” might not make any new music for some time – if ever again – which is a shame, because they are clearly talented. Love the singer’s voice, and I’m a sucker for the harmonica. At times they sound country, and I’m not sure any group utilizes as many instruments other than maybe Sufjan Stevens (seriously, how good is this song?!).

Listen to: Down By The Water, Don’t Carry It All, Calamity Song, All Arise!, Rox In The Box, June Hymn

4. Foo Fighters: “Wasting Light” – I’m a big fan of Nirvana, Soundgarden and Alice In Chains. That hardly makes me unique, but I’d rank “Wasting Light” as the genre’s best album since the 90s ended. Recorded using analog tape in the garage of Dave Grohl’s house with no computers whatsoever, this stripped down version couldn’t have worked better. In many other years, this album would be No. 1 on my list. It’s pretty crazy a group that has been together for more than 15 years just produced one of my favorite rock albums ever.

Listen to: Rope, Dear Rosemary, Arlandia, I Should Have Known, Bridge Burning, Walk, These Days, Back & Forth, Miss The Misery

3. TV On The Radio: “Nine Types Of Light” – TV On The Radio is probably one of my five favorite bands ever. It’s hard to describe their style, and they employ multiple singers, but their latest album was their best as far as I’m concerned. I saw them in concert this year (it didn’t end well, but that’s neither here nor there, and TVOTR had nothing to do with that either way). But before the concert started I ran into Kyp Malone (don’t say I didn’t warn you about name dropping) at a nearby restaurant, and not only was he approachable (I hate doing this to celebrities, but I wanted to buy him a drink), he seemed genuinely surprised he was even recognized. Good people. My biggest dilemma was ranking this album #2 or 3.

Listen to: Second Song, Forgotten, Will Do, Troubles, Repetition, Killer Crane, Caffeinated Consciousness

2. Radiohead: “King of Limbs” – As anyone who’s ever read me knows, Radiohead is one of my obsessions, so while any one of their previous albums would have ranked as my favorite of the given year, I guess it might come as a surprise “King Of Limbs” doesn’t. It’s an A-/B+ at worst, but even as someone with A+ expectations, it’s hard to be disappointed by them once again producing a fantastic album, albeit on the short side. Their appearance on “The Colbert Report” was absolutely hilarious as well. But I’m willing to admit this reportedly long-lost discovered song by them (it’s not them) made me think what they could produce if they turned to music back in “The Bends” era. Please Radiohead, just one more time, if only for me.

Listen to: Codex, Separator, The Daily Mail,  Lotus Flower, Little By Little, The Butcher, Morning Mr Magpie, Supercollider

1. Bon Iver: “Bon Iver” – This isn’t just the best album of the year, it’s one of my five favorites of all-time. LeBron James is jealous of Justin Vernon’s talent. Seriously, I’d rather SOPA pass than Bon Iver stop making music. I’d prefer this lady or this man raise my child than be deprived of ever listening to this album again. For once I was blind, now I can see. Anyone not listening to this album would be more egregious than the Colts passing on Andrew Luck or finding this true story boring. To be clear, I like Bon Iver’s latest work.

Listen to: Holocene, Michicant, Perth, Calgary, Minnesota, WI, Beth/Rest, Towers, Hinnom, TX

SONGS

My favorite tracks (not listed above) from 2011 were: “Somebody That I Used To Know” by Gotye, “Easy Please Me” by Katy B, “Crystalline” by Bjork, “Only If For A Night” and “Shake It Out” by Florence + The Machine, “We Found Love” by Rihanna, “E.T.” by Katy Perry, “Don’t Sit Down ‘Cause I Moved Your Chair,” “Reckless Serenade” and “All My Own Stunts” by Arctic Monkeys, “I Need a Doctor” by Dr. Dre, “How I Roll” by Britney Spears, “Powa” and “Gangsta” by tUnE-yArDs, “Uberlin” and “It Happened Today” by R.E.M., “Mine Is Yours” by Cold War Kids, “Whole Love” by Wilco, “Midnight City” by M83, “Called Out In The Dark” by Snow Patrol, “The Wolf” by Fever Ray, “Victory Dance” by My Morning Jacket, “Not Your Fault,” “People” and “Guilty Filthy Soul” by AWOLNATION, “Underneath The Sycamore,“ and “Home Is A Fire” by Death Cab For Cutie, “Video Games” by Lana Del Rey, “Good Life” by OneRepublic, “Vomit” by Girls and “Virgin” by Manchester Orchestra.

I already nearly lasted until the end of January to get this posted, so no “worst of” this year (actually my worst of occurred recently – it’s the ref who blew the premature whistle when Ahmad Bradshaw clearly fumbled with two minutes left in a tie game in the NFC Championship game in a ruling that isn’t called 97.8% of the time. I would never wish ill will upon someone, but I can’t say I’d lose sleep if that referee somehow soon contracted Syphilis).

As always, feel free to let me know what I got right, what I got wrong and what I missed in the comments.

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Last week I went 3-1, winning my best bet. I’m 5-3 during the playoffs, with a 1-1 record on best bets. Onto the Championship Round picks:

Ravens +7.5 at PATRIOTS

GIANTS (Best Bet) +2.5 at 49ers

Comments: I obviously hope I’m wrong about the Giants, but I have a strong New York feel this week, so I’m going with head over heart.

As a 49ers fan, it doesn’t get much better than Saturday. The tailgate started at 8:30 am, so we were all in good shape by gametime. The hit on Pierre Thomas (not sure why so many people thought a penalty should have been called on a clearly legal hit) set the tone, and I couldn’t have been more surprised by the early 17-0 lead…The Saints had half as many fumbles Saturday (three) than they did during the entire 2011/12 season. Saturday also was also the first time Drew Brees was picked off during the first quarter of a game all year…While his touchdown catch on third down was big, Michael Crabtree had bad back-to-back drops that ended another drive…What a crazy good pass from Brees to Marques Colston for a 25-yard score…How about 15 catches for Darren Sproles?

Craziest volleyball rally of all-time.

Aussie tourist’s bungee cord snaps into alligator infested waters.

Justin Smith is a grown ass man. Frequently double-teamed, he recorded five QB pressures and a season-high four QB hits Saturday, not coming off the field for a single snap (a whopping 83)…What a block by Joe Staley during Alex Smith’s 28-yard touchdown run, which was a career-long. Smith has thrown for 300 yards zero times this season, but he led the league with the lowest INT% and made some seriously impressive throws Saturday. He ended the regular season with an 8:1 TD:INT ratio and the third-best QB rating in the NFL when facing a blitz and just led SF on back-to-back 80-plus yard TD drives in the final 2:30 minutes of a Divisional playoff game, becoming just the fourth player ever to throw for three touchdowns with no interceptions while rushing for a TD in postseason history. Hard to believe this happened just last year…This marked only the fourth time in NFL history a team scored a touchdown to take the lead in a playoff game with less than 10 seconds left (somehow I have been at two of these, with both featuring sobbing 49er receivers)…With four lead changes in the final four minutes, seriously, how sick was that game?!!

Crazy brah surfs on his car’s windshield.

Caught cheating prank.

Did Tom Brady really throw five touchdown passes before halftime? That’s fairly impressive…Aaron Hernandez had more than twice as many rushing yards as any other Patriot. Of course he did…I’m beginning to think Tim Tebow versus Tom Brady is a mismatch in a shootout…As Cousin Sal will attest, the over/under for completed passes by Tim Tebow Saturday night was just 11.5. He completed nine in a game in which they were trailing by 28 points at halftime against a New England defense that allowed the most fantasy points to opposing quarterbacks this season…With three minutes left in the fourth quarter, Tom Brady punted on 3rd-and-10. Of course he did.

Embarrassing goalkeeper error leads to a goal.

Guy making iced tea like a boss.

What a terrible play by Jacoby Jones, losing a fumble on a punt return at his own six-yard line. Inexcusable. What was he thinking trying to pick the ball up with a defender right there?…There were some really nice catches in this game, highlighted by Arian Foster and Lee Evans, who both hauled in impressive one-handed grabs…T.J. Yates made some really poor decisions and throws on his interceptions, but it appeared to me Andre Johnson is clearly still not 100 percent, as it looked like he could have done a better job trying to break up a couple of those picks…As poorly as Yates played (although Dan Dierdof thought he played an excellent game), Johnathan Joseph was fantastic, shutting down Torrey Smith…Arian Foster also played extremely well, but his fumbling problem has become a serious issue. He’s now put the ball on the carpet seven times over his past seven games…I have no problem with Baltimore going for it on fourth-and-goal, but Ray Rice really struggled during that stretch. He fumbled the handoff before kicking the ball (and advancing his team three yards) on second down and then followed that up by stumbling and falling down on his own during the next carry. He was then easily stopped on a fourth down run straight up the gut. Not his best sequence.

Pro-bowler fail.

Seriously, why is Brian Orakpo such a dick in those Geico ads?

The Greatest Sports GIFs of 2011.

How was that Greg Jennings play not a fumble? Surprisingly, the Giants/Packers game could have gotten out of hand even earlier if not for a couple of breaks for the home team (of course, the Hail Mary was fortunate for New York). Also the roughing the passer call that extended a Packers drive late in the game was also highly questionable…Aaron Rodgers led all rushers with 66 yards during Sunday’s game. It was a successful strategy by the Giants, as he also took a season-high four sacks and was limited to a season-low 5.7 YPA. Of course, Green Bay certainly didn’t play it’s “A” game (or anything close to it), suffering numerous drops, while Rodgers was uncharacteristically inaccurate at times…What a huge strip by Osi Umenyiora, as not only was it Rodgers’ first lost fumble of the year, but he had a wide open Greg Jennings in the end zone as well…I’m cool with being aggressive, and onside kicks have a much better chance of being successful when they are a surprise, but it was interesting to see the favored home team attempt one early in the second quarter in a tie game…Not that Hakeem Nicks had a bad season, but where has this man/beast been all season when on a lot of my fantasy teams?…Not sure it ultimately matters as far as bulletin board material, but it was interesting to see Vernon Davis openly rooting for the Giants to win while interviewed at halftime, and I must say, I was doing so myself quite authoritatively. It’s really no disrespect to the G-Men, who are clearly playing as well any team in football right now, but there’s no reason not to want to play at home. Go Niners.

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Last week I went 2-2, losing my best bet. Onto the Divisional Round picks:

Saints -3.5 at 49ers

Broncos +13.5 at PATRIOTS

Texans +7.5 at RAVENS

GIANTS (Best Bet) +8 at Packers

Comments: The 49ers must be the first No. 2 seed that are underdogs by more than a field goal in the divisional round. I’m backing SF, but I wouldn’t be surprised if New Orleans won handily…13.5 points is an awful lot in a playoff game, but ultimately I see New England pulling away with too much firepower…The Ravens are too tough at home…I see the case that people are forgetting just how good this 15-1 Packers team is, but the Giants could also easily win this game outright.

After the Bengals jumped out to an early 7-0 lead (every team that scored first lost this weekend), they were outscored 31-3 thereafter. There were three fumbles in the first 20 minutes (all recovered by the fumbling team), as postseason jitters were evident (Arian Foster needs to correct this problem, although he’ll almost certainly be at the top of my draft board in 2012 regardless)…This was the first ever matchup between two rookie quarterbacks in the playoffs…Marvin Lewis made two bad challenges early on plays that were quite likely not going to be overturned, effectively burning two timeouts and ending any chance of Cincy correcting a possible injustice later in the game. He deserves the fault here, but why doesn’t the NFL just turn to the college system when it comes to replays?…What a play by J.J. Watt! In a Wild Card weekend filled with numerous drops, his catch was the most impressive…

Police getting caught planting evidence by their own camera. Despicable.

Man misses mouse and shoots roommate, revealing child rapist.

With a sick hurdle, now Jerome Simpson is just showing off…The “effort” while trying to tackle Arian Foster on his 42-yard touchdown run in the fourth quarter by the Bengals was among the worst I’ve ever witnessed…After the Bengals completed a 16-yard pass on 3rd-and-19 early in the fourth quarter in a 14-point game, what was Gary Kubiak thinking calling a timeout when Cincy lined up to punt? After reconsidering during the break, the Bengals (predictably and rightfully so) went for it on 4th-and-3. Although they didn’t pick up the first down, Houston then made another curious decision, as Jonathan Joseph decided to catch an interception that cost them 23 yards of field position, making it ultimately like a punt anyway…Tom Hammond referred to Matt Schaub as Matt “Schoop” three times…Speaking of announcers, how great is Mike Mayock? Dude is so over the top, honest and most importantly, passionate. He’s the NFL’s equivalent to the NBA’s Jeff Van Gundy, and that’s a good thing.

Marriage proposal fail.

Cooking show fail.

With all due respect to the Packers, who remain rightfully the favorites to win the Super Bowl, there’s little question in my mind the single toughest challenge in the NFL right now is to play the Saints in New Orleans. That said, there’s even less of a question the Lions should have had a 21-7 lead Saturday night, as they were absolutely robbed of a defensive touchdown thanks to an errant whistle (Drew Brees lost a fumble that would have easily been returned for a touchdown). Seriously, what was that ref thinking? The line judge even threw his beanbag, letting it known he ruled it a fumble…After letting it be known I liked the Saints versus the field to score the most points this weekend, it wasn’t ideal to first watch the Texans drop 31 points and then have New Orleans have just 10 points at halftime (with the Giants/Falcons upcoming matchup projected to be something of a shootout too). Well, whatever adjustments the Saints made during the break worked, as they scored 35 points (which could’ve been 42 if they wanted) over the game’s final 30 minutes…

I’m not sure I’d describe him as the “dumbest,” but this criminal certainly isn’t the smartest.

Man named “Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop” arrested.

New Orleans is 9-0 at home against the spread this season…The Saints had the fewest fumbles in NFL history during the regular season this year. They had two during the first 25 minutes of Saturday’s game…Over his last four contests, Calvin Johnson has 36 catches for 771 yards and six touchdowns. He’s topped 210 yards in three of those four games. Only Jerry Rice, Randy Moss and Terrell Owens are in the conversation with Johnson when it comes to best wide receivers in NFL history…Robert Meachem had a big game with no Lance Moore, but he also dropped a perfectly thrown ball while wide open that would have resulted in a 60-yard touchdown…Not sure why Drew Brees was rewarded a first down on a fourth down sneak when he jumped over the line holding the ball out like all that mattered was if it crossed the goal-line for a touchdown, since he landed well behind the first down marker, but apparently it worked…Speaking of bad referring, and this was the worst weekend I can think of in recent memory, how about them allowing the clock to run out after the Saints kneeled the ball on FOURTH DOWN at the end of Saturday night’s game? I understand it’s inconsequential, but this is a billion dollar industry, so they might want to get the details right. I mean, there were still gambling ramifications, no matter how unlikely.

Watching these flagrant fouls by high schoolers is surprisingly (and depressingly) intriguing.

Basketball team loses at the end of a game because the other squad has six players on the court, and the coach is fired hours later.

Roddy White led the NFL with 15 drops this season and had a couple (back breakers) more Sunday. You’d have to be Gary Busey level crazy to take him over Julio Jones next year…The Hakeem Nicks versus Victor Cruz debate, however, is much closer. I haven’t made up my mind yet…Matt Ryan had a 10:0 TD:INT ratio with an 8.2 YPA over the final four games of the season, and he posted a 17:3 TD:INT ratio with a 100.6 QB rating over Atlanta’s last nine contests during the regular season, taking just seven sacks over that span. Another interesting note is that despite the narrative that suggested otherwise, his YPA jumped from 7.2 indoors to 7.8 outdoors while his INT% dropped (from indoors to outdoors) in 2011. Still, he picked apart bad teams and struggled against good ones, so it’s no surprise he was a no-show during the Falcons’ embarrassing performance against the Giants on Sunday…I’m beginning to think Eli Manning’s past (and only) two ugly home games during the postseason weren’t predictive of his next one. Seriously, how pathetic were the Falcons in short-yardage situations?…

Tim Howard scores a goal from 100 yards out.

Tattoo gives guy permanent erection.

What a hilarious ending to the first half. First the Giants call a timeout with 2:05 left with the Falcons facing a 3rd-and 21. The decision itself was questionable at the time, since Atlanta was likely to attempt a pass anyway, but it certainly wasn’t indefensible. But it was humorous when Joe Buck later went out of his way to praise the timeout after the next play resulted in a Julio Jones 18-yard catch in which he went out of bounds. Emphasis on the out of bounds. So the difference was the Giants having 1:58 left versus 1:53 left plus a timeout, yet Buck was applauding the former. Man is he awful. Troy Aikman is insufferable as well…Soon thereafter, Hakeem Nicks’ catch should have been ruled a first down. And instead of getting a measurement, the Giants quickly threw an incomplete pass out of shotgun needing just inches for a first, resulting in a punt…Then Atlanta pushed all its chips into the table and raised the level of incompetence, deciding not to call a timeout with more than 30 seconds left on a 3rd-and-4 play, so their ensuing first down at midfield gave them a whole four seconds to work with (not sure what was more weak, Mike Smith’s cowardice or Matt Ryan’s arm on his following Hail Mary attempt)…Seriously, who loses 24-2? It’s more embarrassing than getting shutout when your defense produces more points than your offense.

Man employs skeleton so he can use HOV lane.

Woman caught sleeping in front row during NBC News/Facebook debate.

As someone who had the Steelers at the back end of a teaser and loaded up on them in my home fantasy playoff league, Sunday’s game was a miserable experience. At first I found it funny the Broncos were putting up a fight, but in the end, the joke was clearly on me…Pittsburgh was the only team this year not to allow a 100-yard game from a receiver. Demaryius Thomas had 109 receiving yards on two catches during the second quarter Sunday…There was a “12 men in the huddle” penalty in all four games this weekend…As much as I criticized the draft pick at the time, it’s very possible Demaryius Thomas over Dez Bryant was the right move, although according to Pro Football Focus’ rankings, Bryant (#10) rated well ahead of Thomas (#57) among wide receivers this season…Not only did the refs blow another call on a clear fumble by Ben Roethlisberger that was ruled an incomplete pass, it also highlighted another error(s) made the previous day…

Man has massive 200-pound tumor removed from leg, looks happy regardless.

Papa John’s apologizes for racial slur.

The Steelers finished the year allowing just 5.6 YPA – a significant 0.6 fewer than the next lowest. They also allowed the second-fewest rushing touchdowns in the NFL. So it was a surprise to see Tim Tebow throw for more yards against them Sunday than any QB had in 2011. Ryan Clark was out (why did he travel with them?), while Brett Keisel and Casey Hampton both left with injuries, but give me a break. Ike Taylor got abused, and while there’s an argument Dick LeBeau is the second most valuable coach in football, he deserves to be criticized heavily. It’s great that his containment scheme worked (3.9 YPC), but how that also resulted in both a non-existent pass rush (this game was mostly decided at the line of scrimmage) and his corners left on an island one-on-one is beyond me. Tebow actually deserves a ton of credit for some of his throws downfield, which were pinpoint accurate, but it’s embarrassing to give up a long touchdown (with no safety help) in a new overtime format in which allowing a field goal could be considered a win…I love the Tebow story as much as anyone, but I’d argue what happened is crazier than most give credit for (says the person who backed Pitt) – he rolls to his right side as often as I do, as in never, so there was a serious coaching issue with Pittsburgh on Sunday. I’m not surprised by an upset in the NFL, but I was shocked at how the Broncos beat the Steelers…That’s what I deserve for picking a serial rapist over a pious virgin.

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