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• SS Orlando Cabrera has reached base safely in 50 consecutive games, the longest streak in the majors since 2003, when Barry Bonds did so in 58 straight.

• Speaking of Bonds, his recent three-strikeout game was his first since June 12, 2003. Maybe the old Barry really is never coming back.

• If Roger Clemens averages six innings for each of the estimated 19 starts he’ll make this summer for the Astros, he’ll earn roughly $35,819 per out. That’s right, per OUT.

• The Angels made a huge mistake in demoting Jered Weaver. There is no room for seniority or sentimentality in sports. Angel fans will have to hope it’s a short arrangement.

• Anthony Reyes should be claimed in just about all leagues with his promotion to the Cardinals rotation. Go get him. Although…

• Home runs are up 16 percent (from 56 homers to 65) over the first 34 games at Busch Stadium, compared with the same number of games played last year at old Busch.

• Jeremy Piven sings the National Anthem; gets in trouble.

• 16 of Ryan Howard’s 25 homers have been hit to opposite field.

• Ozzie Guillen is no fan of “Around the Horn” regular Jay Mariotti. The feeling is mutual.

• There’s a real chance that Kerry Wood has pitched his final game as a member of the Cubs.

• Last week I mentioned the humidor and raised the question of what’s stopping the Rockies from using it to their advantage. Ken Macha concurs: “I still feel the humidor should be investigated,” Oakland manager Ken Macha said. “Maybe we ought to do that at our ballpark. The ball’s the same weight, but they are sitting in there and getting moisture, so I don’t understand that.”

• The humidor’s impact is staggering. Coors Field is averaging 9.4 runs and 1.78 home runs this season. Compare that to the 13.83 and 3.20 compiled from 1995 to 2001. The Oakland A’s were just recently shut out in back-to-back games there, and after Jason Kendall led off the second game with a single, they were no-hit. It marked the seventh shutout at Coors Field this year – tied for most in the majors.

• The Chicago White Sox pitchers allowed 16 hits Tuesday….and won the game by 14 runs. The White Sox have scored at least eight runs in six straight games, a franchise record

• Mike Gonzalez and Chris Ray are the only two closers yet to blow a save this year.

• Going to see Radiohead in concert this weekend, consider me pumped.

• Cory Sullivan became the eighth player in baseball history Wednesday to record four sacrifice bunts in a game – a game the Rockies won 14-8. Probably not the best strategy to give outs away when your team is scoring two touchdowns worth of runs. If that’s not enough, he followed that up with three more sac bunts in Thursday’s game.

• Tony Armas’ struggles at home continue. He has a 2.55 ERA on the road this season, but a 6.27 in his seven starts at RFK Stadium. Hard to figure that one out, considering RFK is about as cavernous as stadiums get.

• The Red Sox have to keep Kevin Youkilis leading off in the order. Managers too often pick speed or people that simply look the type as their leadoff guy, when in fact, OBP is clearly the leading factor when picking a No. 1 hitter. Youkilis, by the way, has an OBP of .434 this year and has been one of baseball’s best hitters.

• Check out this batboy tackling a fan who ran onto the field.

• Sean Tracy was sent to Triple-A because he got Hank Blalock out. He was supposed to plunk him in retaliation to A.J. Pierzynski getting hit twice earlier in the game, and Ozzie Guillen went ape when he didn’t.

• Chris Henry, the man, the myth.

• Forget about Michelle Wie, it’s all about Tadd Fujikawa.

• The right move is a clear and simple one; keep Jered Weaver in the rotation and put Jeff in the pen.

• Esteban Loaiza was arrested early Wednesday morning on DUI charges after officers pulled him over for speeding. Loaiza was driving his Ferrari in excess of 120 MPH. If you’re counting at home, that’s 36 MPH faster than his fastball has reached this year.

• Some questioned the huge contract given to B.J. Ryan. I wasn’t one of them. Dude has a 0.55 ERA on the year. That’s two runs allowed in 32 2/3 innings. Lefties are hitting a robust .042 against him.

• Aubrey Huff’s average hasn’t been over .200 at any point this season.

• The Diamondbacks’ Luis Gonzalez has not hit a home run since April 20.

• Best headline of the week – from sportspickle.com: “Does anyone know if Ben Roethlisberger was wearing a helmet?’’

• Despite Baseball Prospectus claiming that he is “reportedly headed for Tommy John surgery,” Rich Harden got some good news recently. The UCL is much less severely sprained than initially diagnosed, which means that Harden could be back in one month rather than two. Just after the All-Star break is the hope.

• Even though he’s still owed $22 million, the Diamondbacks did the absolute right thing by cutting bait with Russ Ortiz. Is there a more overpaid person in America?

• The Giants certainly didn’t draw it up this way. In 225 games with both Moises Alou and Barry Bonds on the payroll, they’ve been in the same lineup together just 26 times. Unsurprisingly, the Giants have a .696 winning percentage with them both in and a .451 with them out.

• Asked Friday if it might take the remainder of this season for Kerry Wood to recover fully from his shoulder stiffness, manager Dusty Baker said: “It’s possible. We are going to evaluate him at the end of this and we will see.” Meanwhile, Mark Prior’s fastball is topping out at 90 MPH.

• Joel Zumaya, on the other hand, had his fastball clocked at 102 MPH during Sunday’s save.

• Randy Johnson is D.O.N.E.

• Not a big soccer fan, but wow was that a pathetic performance by the U.S. team Monday.

• The Mavericks have played the Heat four times this season now, and they’ve won every game by an average of over 18 points.

• The story of Rick Ankiel takes a turn for the worse.

• Ken Griffey Jr. is a liability in center field. It’s long past due he moves to a corner spot. Not only would it improve his chances of staying healthy, but also his work with the glove is pretty bad at this stage of his career.

• Did you trade for Felix Hernandez when you had the chance? Hope so, because he figures to be one of baseball’s top pitchers from here on out.

• B.J. Upton committed three errors over the weekend, giving him 23 for the year. It’s safe to say his future is not at shortstop. It’s too bad because his bat is major league ready.

• Delmon Young’s suspension is scheduled to end a week from today, Monday, June 19.

• Juan Gonzalez has been activated by the Long Island Ducks and had three hits in his first seven at-bats.

• The Kansas City Royals turned the oh so common 8-1-6-5 triple play Sunday.

• Look for one of baseball’s very best pitching prospects, Chad Billingsley, to make his debut later this week.

• 76-year-old Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson claims that he can leg-press 2,000 pounds. Impossible? Maybe, but his Web site says he drinks a shake that includes, yep, flaxseed oil.

• Carl Crawford nearly tears knee ligament arguing a call with the homeplate umpire.

• Bob Uecker, the Milwaukee Brewers’ Hall of Fame radio announcer, has filed a restraining order against a 45-year-old Illinois woman who has allegedly been following Uecker, according to TheSmokingGun.

• Before Wednesday’s high scoring affair, the Colorado Rockies hadn’t made the “over” in 18 straight home games. In Coors Field, Colorado’s over/under usually is between 12-13.5 runs, but Vegas has started to catch on and has been lowering it to the 10.5 range. At this point, I think the humidor is underrated in its effect. The Rockies were allowed to essentially doctor their baseballs with use of the humidor four years ago. The balls are stored for six months, effectively neutralizing much of the effect the mile-high air has on increased run-scoring. It’s a situation that’s unprecedented and I’m curious what would prevent the Rockies from taking advantage of it. Why not use these balls a little more frequently when they are on the mound and a little less when at the plate?

• Peter Gammons set to release his first album “Never Slow Down, Never Grow Old.” Gammons, who sings and plays guitar, is joined on some songs by Bronson Arroyo and Jonathan Papelbon.

• The Tampa Bay Devil Rays drafted Eva Longoria?

• Speaking of the D-Rays, click here to check up on Josh Hamilton’s comeback.

• Rich Harden is looking more and more like Mark Prior everyday now. That’s not a good thing.

• I’m getting pumped for the season premieres of “Deadwood” and “Entourage” this Sunday; if you haven’t already, I urge you to jump on these bandwagons.

• Cincinnati’s Adam Dunn has 17 homers and 16 singles entering the weekend.

• Can it get any worse for the Kansas City Royals? They’re the first team in more than 100 years to have two double-digit losing streaks before their 44th game. They’re the first team in more than 50 years to be 22 games out of first this early in the season.

• I guess it can get worse; Jason Kendall hit his first home run in 962 at-bats Wednesday against, you guessed it, the Royals.

• Miguel Cabrera is either first or among the top five National League hitters in batting average, RBI, hits, doubles, multi-hit games, on-base percentage and slugging percentage. But he is not among the top five vote-getters for National League third basemen in the first round of balloting for the All-Star Game.

• Vernon Wells has eight home runs in 10 games versus Boston this year.

• Paul Lo Duca hits .722 on Memorial Day for his career.

• I know baseball players are probably the dumbest of all athletes, but seriously, will someone please explain to these guys that sliding into first base is a slower, and not in fact faster, way of reaching base.

• Every team deals with injuries and slumps throughout the season, but the Oakland A’s are in a class by themselves so far. I could literally make a “buy low” list using their squad exclusively. Before going down with a broken thumb, Mark Ellis was hitting .226, which looked positively All-Star like to Dan Johnson, who sits at .199. The Big Hurt is at .229, and ESPN MVP favorite Bobby Crosby is batting .255. Not one hitter on their entire roster is above .300, and they are hitting a collective .246 as a team. Harden, Ellis, Bradley, Loaiza, Duchscherer and Kennedy all currently sit on the DL. The A’s are notorious slow starters, but this is getting ridiculous. With all that said, I still see them taking the AL West and going deep into the playoffs.

• The Mavs are 24-0 this year when Josh Howard scores 20 or more points.

• What is wrong with the Pistons? They could still turn it all around with a game six win tonight, but they currently look nothing like the team that won 64 games in the regular season. Their defense just isn’t getting it done. The Mavs look like the current favorites to take home the title to me.

• Eric Musselman is a fantastic hire by the Sacramento Kings.

• Rented “Deadwood” season one last week. With TV options at a minimum come summer time, and if you haven’t seen it yet, I recommend you do the same.

• Jake Plummer, I understand how you would be sensitive to people in your rearview mirror after the Cutler acquisition, but no need for the road rage.

• Ryan Madson threw 105 pitches in relief Tuesday.

• Good thing he’s stretched out, as the Cole Hamels injury came quicker than even the pessimists could have expected.

• Speaking of the Phillies, they are 20-1 when Tom Gordon pitches. They are 4-21 when he doesn’t.

• Admittedly, I’m not a huge comic-book movie fan, but am I the only one who thinks “Superman” looks nothing short of terrible?

• RotoWorld’s Dr. A ranks Tim Duncan as the No. 36 player overall going into next year’s fantasy draft. I’ll refrain from commenting on that, but let’s just say he has an open invitation to join my league anytime he wants.

• Jesse Crain had 25 strikeouts in nearly 80 innings last year and finished with a 2.71 ERA. This year, he already has 22 strikeouts in only 20 innings but has an ERA of 7.52. No, it’s not supposed to work like that.

• More YouTube goodness finds a Cubs fan who may or may not have been drinking.

• David Hasselhoff cried when Taylor Hicks won American Idol. Honestly, sometimes it’s just too easy.

• Nick Swisher has reached base safely in 41 of his last 42 games.

• The Houston Astros went 7-for-7 in steal attempts against Matthew LeCroy Thursday. And apparently, Tom Hanks was dead wrong.

• Delmon Young’s manager was just suspended 10 games for repeatedly bumping an umpire last Sunday.

• If you’re into rumors, there have been some good ones lately. One states Roger Clemens is currently quietly serving a 50-game steroid suspension. Another (which turned out to be false) had ESPN anchor Neil Everett being suspended from the network for one week for referencing the famous Chris Berman “You’re with me, leather” line on SportsCenter. Good stuff.

• Hope all of you have a great Memorial Day Weekend.

• Danny Almonte, yes that Danny Almonte, was named to the PlayStation All-American Baseball Game and will join some of the country’s best prospects at the event in New Mexico on June 7. Almonte, a pitcher and first baseman whose fastball has been clocked in the low 90s, is expected to be drafted by a major league team later in June. Apparently, age really is just a number to this guy, as he recently married a 30-year-old.

• It’s estimated that Chase Utley would already have three more homers this year if they hadn’t changed the dimensions of the park in Philly.

• It’s real simple, Kerry Wood’s mechanics and stubbornness to not change them is basically ruining a potential Hall of Fame career. Mark Prior is soon to follow.

• The Royals are now 2-20 on the road, which is where history really comes calling. Only three other teams have lost 20 of their first 22 road games, the 1904 Washington Senators, the 1988 Baltimore Orioles and the 2005 Houston Astros.

• It’s too bad that it looks like Lima time is coming to an end. Such a shame, as betting against him was one of the surest wagers out there.

• 405 total pitches were thrown in the Twins vs. Brewers game Saturday.

• Vladimir Guerrero now has a 39-game hitting streak against the Texas Rangers. That’s the longest such streak against one team since 1969. Vlad has hit .451 with 13 homers and 30 RBI in the streak, which covers every game he’s played against Texas.

• The most disappointing fantasy baseball player so far this year? That’s easy, Felix Hernandez. Sure, I may have been higher on him than some, but come on, this is getting ridiculous. He was supposed to be better than having to deal with growing pains. With that said, there is absolutely not a better buy-low candidate out there. Go make an offer right now.

• Robert Horry played in his 209th playoff game on Wednesday, moving past Scottie Pippen into second place on the playoff-games played list. Only Hall of Fame center Kareem Abdul-Jabbar played more playoff games, clocking in at 237.

• Just as my predictions stated before the series’ began, the Spurs and Suns are both winning game seven.

• T-Minus 89 days until “Snakes on a Plane” arrives. Let the countdown begin.

• The OC officially jumped the shark with their finale. On a side note, the term “jump the shark” has in fact, ironically jumped the shark, but I’ll go ahead and continue its overuse here. It didn’t happen when the talentless Mischa Barton was killed off; no, it was when her character decided she wanted a fresh start. You mean a fresh start as in going away to UC Berkeley? Nope, instead of that option she was planning on joining Bubba Gump to become a shrimp’n boat captain. Maybe the most implausible turn of events in television history was a feeble attempt by the writers to make us think she was leaving the show in any other way than a death. Yes, I watch The OC. I’m in a relationship; what’s your excuse?

• And finally, I leave you with my link of the day, regarding Jose Mesa. This may be old, but it’s a classic. Check out when his daughter Yamely was born.

• In the same game that featured a triple play, Mark Buehrle became the first pitcher since 1900 to win a game after giving up seven runs in the first inning.

• What is up with Chan Ho Park? Not only is he pitching well, but Park, a career .083 hitter, also went 3-for-3 with two RBI against Brandon Webb Monday night.

• Nate Holthaus plays his last game for the Houston High School Wildcats Wednesday. Why is this newsworthy you ask? Holthaus, a 17-year-old senior first baseman, was born with no left leg and a right arm only a few inches long. Swinging one armed from the left side of the plate, he got two of the team’s four hits in one game and has a 4.50 ERA in nine relief appearances.

• The Fantasy Sports Trade Association recently indicated that the fantasy sports industry as a whole is $3 billion dollars. That number doesn’t even include advertising and sponsorships. Again, why is it so hard to get paid for this then?

• If you are a betting man, it’s hard not to like the Spurs tonight.

• How does Dirk Nowitzki, who shot over 90 percent from the free throw line this year, prepare for each shot from the charity stripe? By singing a David Hasselhoff song, of course.

• How does Sam Cassell get an eight-second count last night when he failed to pass mid-court with under one minute left in the game?

• It’s becoming more infrequent as each day passes, but Blue Jays manager John Gibbons really needs to stop platooning Alex Rios; the kid is for real.

• Angels pitcher Chris Bootcheck strained his hamstring recently while running in from the bullpen for a brawl, he’s now on the DL.

• How does Barry Bonds not kill Russ Springer? I’m telling you, one of these days he’s going to snap.

• The most underrated show on television is “Scrubs.” How does ABC cancel “Sons & Daughters” yet renew “According to Jim?” Is this some sort of sick, tasteless joke?

• And finally, if you haven’t checked out Rick Sutcliffe’s recent night out with Bill Murray, it’s time you do so:
• http://www.gaslampball.com/story/2006/5/11/11485/5817

• In the fourth inning Wednesday night, Bruce Froemming forgot the count and rang up Josh Barfield on a second strike.

• Is it merely a coincidence that Curt Schilling’s season to this point can be divided into two halves, the four starts before he hurled 133 pitches at Cleveland and the four following that night? Schilling was 4-0 with a 1.61 ERA before that April night at Jacobs Field. He is 1-2 with a 6.20 ERA in his four starts afterward. He allowed 17 hits (two of them homers) in 28 innings through four starts. He’s allowed 31 hits (five of them homers) in 24 2/3 innings covering his last four games.

• In the unlikely case that you weren’t already convinced the world has become too litigious, Michael Cohn has sued the Los Angeles Angels because he didn’t get a Mother’s Day gift from the team last year. The sex and age discrimination lawsuit contends that every male over the age of 18 and every non-adult fan who attended the Mother’s Day game at Angel Stadium of Anaheim is entitled to $4,000 to compensate for the discrimination inherent in a tote-bag giveaway targeted at women age 18 or older.

• The Schaumburg (Illinois) Flyers of the independent Northern League recently traded pitcher Nigel Thatch to the Fullerton (Calif.) Flyers of the independent Golden State League for 60 cases of Budweiser. Thatch, whose 2005 record was 0-3 with 10.22 ERA in seven games, is known not for his pitching skills but for his promotional abilities. He appears as the cocky athlete Leon in several Budweiser commercials.

• Albert Pujols is on pace to hit 83 homers and drive in 206 runs, but National League managers keep pitching to him.

• The Kansas City Royals have been outscored 115-46 on the road this year.

• Something is clearly wrong with Randy Johnson.

• Is Brad Lidge going to join the list of closers who never fully recovered from rough October moments (Mark Wohlers, John Rocker Byung-Hyun Kim, etc.)? I say no, but he might want to think about retiring some batters sooner rather than later.

• Going into Sunday, the Colorado Rockies had yet to lose a road series this season.

• Research by Retrosheet.org, which holds the play-by-play of baseball games back as far as 1957, has revealed that there were only five 1-0 games decided by a balk in 49 years before Mariners left-hander Jamie Moyer added a sixth Wednesday.

• I traded Neal Cotts for Corey Patterson straight up earlier this year; I’m half-expecting Five-O to show up at my door any day now and arrest me for that robbery.

• Went to the SF Giants game yesterday and although Barry didn’t come through, that was a sweet comeback.

• Larry Brown to be bought out of contract by the Knicks? Not much news could make me any sadder. I really wanted that comedy tour to continue for as long as possible.

• In their first 14 games with Derrek Lee, the Cubs scored 73 runs, and in the following 16 games, they scored 40.

• Colorado’s bullpen has allowed only five homers, the fewest in the majors. The best the team has ever ranked in this category at the end of a season is 25th, in 1998.

• The Astros have offered Roger Clemens $20 million for five months.

• Remember the name Tim Lincecum. The Washington junior recently struck out 16 batters in eight innings to become the Pac-10’s all-time strikeout leader and is a good shot at being the No. 1 overall pick in the draft.

• The New York Yankees are 11-0 in day games and 8-12 in night games this year.

• We are currently in the longest no-hitter drought since World War II.

• It’s a stat that Josh Towers doesn’t figure to change anytime soon; he sits at 0-7 on the year.

• I told you last week, but it’s worth mentioning again. If Cole Hamels is available in your league, pick him up yesterday.

• Kerry Wood reached 97 MPH in his latest rehab start; don’t forget about the guy.

• Is Jason Schmidt back? The impatient Cubs weren’t the toughest test, but the radar gun showed 95, something that certainly bodes well.

• Dallas McPherson has now struck out an astounding 55 times in his last 105 at-bats.

• The Kansas City Royals are 5-1 vs. the Indians this year. They are 5-21 vs. the rest of the league.

• Watch out for Sunday when many Major League players will be using pink bats to help with the fight against breast cancer. That’s right, pink is the new bat.

• Chris Paul was one vote away from becoming just the third player ever to unanimously win ROY honors. Who does this clown think he is? This person’s ability to vote needs to be removed immediately, as he is clearly not playing with a full deck.

• Although it would have been funny to see Artest play for free next year, firing Adelman was a move that had to be made.

• Speaking of funny, I cannot believe how good of a coach Avery Johnson has become. Seriously, he’s very good.

• And finally, we are going to do a mailbag early next week: e-mail any fantasy questions you may have to RotoScoop@gmail.com.

• After going 0-for-4 on Sunday, Vernon Wells snapped a 29-game streak of reaching base safely. Wells’ hot start set a major league record for consecutive games of reaching base to start the season.

• Edgar Renteria’s 22-game hitting streak (and counting) is the longest to start a season since 1976.

• According to Bill Arnold’s Beyond the Box Score, Creighton University has the only active switch pitcher in Division I. Pat Venditte Jr., a reliever, recently retired six Kansas hitters, half with each arm. He even had a strikeout apiece from each side.

• Mariners right-hander Joel Pineiro threw a complete game last week against the Twins without recording a strikeout or walk. No pitcher had done that in the majors since 1994.

• The San Diego Padres don’t have a single player on their entire roster with an OPS over 800.

• Something tells me the Tigers’ team ERA of 3.38 is not going to last.

• Casey Kotchman has Mono.

• Bobby Crosby better start picking it up if he is going to win the MVP this year like two ESPN analysts predicted.

• Will someone please tell LeBron to quit chewing his nails like a nervous schoolgirl.

• Ben Wallace’s back-to-back airballs from the free throw line on Sunday were pretty impressive. And by impressive I mean I could shoot left-handed with my eyes closed 100 times and not have that happen.

• Bam Morris, the NFL would be a better place, if in fact you do return.

• It’s official; Danielle will be the winner of “Survivor.” Speaking of which, shouldn’t the producers just go ahead and give everyone razors at this point. Trust me CBS, shaving would bring better ratings.

• I hope to soon have updated rankings up for baseball, so keep the look out.

• In addition to his fielding woes, a Sports Illustrated poll of 470 players named Derek Jeter on the most ballots as the most over-rated player in baseball.

• Keep your eyes on Cole Hamels and Jered Weaver. Both look likely to be called up soon and would be worth picking up even in shallow leagues.

• Something must be wrong with Ryan Madson. How can a guy with his stuff be letting opponents hit .373 against him? Like I said, watch out for Hamels.

• Scott Podsednik can really make up for lost time fast; Tuesday’s four stolen base game certainly didn’t hurt matters.

• Chris Paul named on People Magazine’s 100 most beautiful list. According to the article, Paul is “the odds-on favorite for the NBA’s MVP honors.” If they need some editors over there, I’m here to help.

• Too bad Raja Bell was suspended, although after Artest’s one-gamer, it pretty much had to be done. Still, I really wanted to see Kobe’s response in game 6. Now, odds are Bell won’t return to the court until next season.

• The “Hallway” series should live up to the hype. The Clippers look much better on paper, but who’s going to bet against Phil and Kobe at this point?

• Anyone still want to argue Nash over Kobe for MVP?

• With all of that said, if the Lakers don’t take care of the Suns at home in game six, my original Suns winning in seven prediction will come true.

• The Kings are really making the Spurs earn this, but will ultimately fall short. Bonzi Wells, however, is making himself tens of millions of dollars. Other than maybe LeBron, has there been a more impressive player in this year’s playoffs?

• The Heat have been rather unimpressive, on the other hand; the Pistons will roll all over them, assuming they can even make it that far.

• According to Bodog.com, David Blaine is a –160 favorite to hold his breath for more than 8 minutes and 58 seconds. According to me, he’s an even bigger favorite for tool of the year.

• So Leinart is dating Paris Hilton? Say it isn’t so, Matt. I haven’t been this worked up since I found out Mischa Barton is leaving The OC.

• I still say “The Sopranos” is the best show currently on TV. “Lost” is close though.

With April in the books, let’s look at some highlights throughout Major League Baseball so far:

• Chris Shelton reached nine home runs faster than anyone in Major League history, and Albert Pujols set an April record with 14 homers.

• Eric Chavez credits his best-ever start to a season, .301/.392/.687, to eating lots and lots of fast food.

• Royals Triple-A outfielder Kerry Robinson left a game last week with chest spasms from giggling at a youth baseball team’s antics.

• Tomas Perez will enter Monday’s game having struck out in eight consecutive at-bats. No position player has ever struck out more than nine times in a row.

• The Pirates and Royals are a combined 1-21 on the road so far.

• Jose Reyes had 27 walks in nearly 700 at-bats last year. He had 12 in April.

• The Brewers are 4-0 on Saturdays. In those games, they’ve outscored opponents 40-8.

• Mirabelli had to return, Josh Bard had 10 passed balls in five games as Tim Wakefield’s personal catcher.

• After switching to a shoe-size that actually fits, Kevin Mench becomes the only right-handed hitter ever to homer in seven straight games.

• It’s time to start taking Brandon Phillips seriously.

• According to The Fielding Bible by John Dewan, Derek Jeter, over the past three years, “was probably the least effective defensive player in the major leagues, at any position.”

• Dewan’s crew at Baseball Info Solutions came to the conclusion after watching video of every game played over the past three years and charting the direction, type and result of every ball put into play. Last year, Jeter failed to make 93 plays the average shortstop would be expected to make.

• They also concluded that Mets first baseman Carlos Delgado “ranks last [at his position] only because Willie Aikens is 50 years old and in jail in Mexico.”

• “That was a one-time thing. That’s like when the sun and the moon go together, like an eclipse.” – Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano after breaking his bat over his knee during a start against the Marlins

• I’m as big of a Billy Beane fan that you’ll find, but two of his biggest recent acquisitions, Jason Kendall and Esteban Loaiza, are looking pretty terrible. Expensive too.

• Don’t look now, but Corey Patterson is all of a sudden a valuable fantasy commodity.

• Put a fork in Oliver Perez; he’s done.

• Rich Harden is injury-prone. And by injury-prone, I mean he’s more brittle than my 94-year-old grandma who is now sporting her third different hip.

• Kevin Mench was once known purely for having the largest head in all of sports; now, we can add feet to the newsworthy anatomy of one Kevin Mench.

• Tigers outscored the Twins 33-1 this weekend; it’s safe to say Minnesota is not reaching my 88-win prediction.

• Anyone else find it a little bizarre the Patriots first five draft picks went RB, WR, TE, TE and K?

• It’s official; Marv Levy is senile. The Eagles look like the big winner from this weekend’s draft to me. LenDale White is the new Mike Williams. The Texans will be sorry.

• I’m going to the Kings/Spurs game 4 tonight. Something tells me game 3 was the one I should’ve been at.

• Still unsure about watching Mission Impossible III. I like Philip Seymour Hoffman, and JJ Abrams gives it hope, but Tom Cruise has reached too-crazy-to-take-serious status.

• With new albums coming out for Tool, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and The Streets, maybe there’s hope for music after all.

• Caught an episode of “The Real Housewives of Orange County” on Bravo the other day. Like a car crash, I literally couldn’t turn my eyes away from it.

• And finally, go to http://www.familywatchdog.us/ to see if your neighborhood is safe. Apparently, no sex-offenders live in Mexico; I’m off to go pack my bags.