By Dalton Del Don
It wouldn’t be a stretch to say there won’t be a better game all season than the first one, as the Saints and Packers put on quite a show…Aaron Rodgers finished the first quarter 14-of-15 with 188 yards and three touchdowns against a New Orleans secondary that allowed an NFL-low 13 TD passes last season. That Packers offense looks scary good, especially with Jermichael Finley back, and Randall Cobb looks like a player too…Ryan Grant owners won’t want to hear it, but James Starks looks much better…New Orleans had the lowest YPC (-0.3) versus short-yardage defense in the NFL last year, and it looks like they’ll continue to struggle in that area if game one is any indication. Almost always I’m all for going for it on fourth-and-goal, especially at the one-yard line, but it’s worth noting there’s now slightly less incentive to do so with the new kickoff rules…Coach Mike McCarthy seriously needs to learn how to put away teams…I’m a Chris Collinsworth fan, but it would be nice if he didn’t preface every other sentence with “I tell ya.”
Man wearing gumby costume tries to rob a 7-Eleven, ends up losing 27 cents.
Drunken elk rescued from apple tree.
As someone who bet on the Rams to win the NFC West this year, it wasn’t the greatest start to see them get boat raced at home while also losing their quarterback, running back, WR1, right tackle and both starting cornerbacks in Week 1. As a 49ers fan, I guess it’s good news, but this isn’t baseball, where anything can happen in the playoffs. Best case scenario has S.F. getting blown out in the Wild Card round. I’d much prefer them go 0-16 and win the “Suck for Luck” lottery (make no mistake, he’s the best NFL prospect in more than a decade)…Michael Vick kneeling twice at the end of Sunday’s game taking his rushing yards down from 100 to 98 is the latest example of just how stupid fantasy scoring systems that reward “bonuses” for selective end points are…I still like St. Louis’ defense this year and wouldn’t be surprised if Chris Long finished top-three among sack leaders…Only health can prevent LeSean McCoy from finishing as a top-five fantasy asset…Carnell Williams is actually older than Steven Jackson, but his career mileage is far lower, and if the former misses time, which looks likely, the latter will be worth using until he breaks down.
The best exit from a reality show of all-time.
The “Entourage” finale predictably sucked (Sophia went from having to be convinced to have a drink with Vince to marrying him in less than five minutes), but Larry David just finished a masterpiece. “Curb Your Enthusiasm’s” eighth season was nothing short of brilliant.
I like how Matt Cassel got 3.3 YPA and Jamaal Charles got 5.6 YPC during the Chiefs’ ugly loss. At least Thomas Jones may finally be put out to pasture…Ryan Fitzpatrick has now thrown 18 touchdowns over his past seven road games…It’s Scott Chandler’s world, the rest of us are just passing through…Stevie Johnson is going to dominate targets this season – last year’s breakout shouldn’t be treated as a fluke. A similar if not better year looks to be in store in 2011…Dwayne Bowe continues to be the biggest boom-or-bust fantasy player.
This altercation caught on video by an unsuspecting bystander is fascinating. Still not quite sure why she didn’t just pull over. Maybe she wanted to see the man with the bat do some work.
Man in crotchless spandex outfit sets fire, tries to cook his own “weenie” in city park.
Michael Turner somehow managed 10.0 YPC and had more receiving yards (40) than any game in his career yet left fantasy owners a bit disappointed thanks to the game situation. And he was caught from behind on his 53-yard run, highlighting his decreasing explosiveness. Still, it was obviously an encouraging performance on an efficiency basis…Matt Ryan averaged 1.28 sacks per game over the first three years of his career but was brought down five times Sunday (that included 43 yards lost as well as a fumble that was returned for a TD). The 66.0 completion percentage doesn’t mean much when it’s accompanied with 6.8 YPA. Now down both defensive tackles due to injuries, Ryan really needs to step it up…The safe bet is that once again no Bears’ wide receivers are worth using in fantasy leagues this season.
Denny’s never claimed to be healthy, but they are now taking it next level.
That might be because fairs keep raising the bar, including the newest incarnation – deep fried bubble gum.
Matthew Stafford had a fantastic Week 1, but his stats look even better when you consider they were almost entirely compiled over three quarters. Watching him limp off (just cramps) was a good reminder just how injury prone he is, but only health can prevent him from being a top-five fantasy QB this year…Jahvid Best’s low YPC is something of a concern since he’s now seemingly fully healthy, but his usage was pretty encouraging. He’s constantly a threat to break a long play, and few RBs are utilized as much as a receiver…I’m not panicking about LeGarrette Blount, but it’s clear his usage will be based on game situations, which doesn’t exactly bode well considering Tampa Bay’s schedule projects to be much tougher than last season. He’s completely ignored on passing downs…Andre Johnson is definitely safer, but Calvin Johnson’s TD potential makes him the WR with by far the most upside…My favorite penalty of Week 1 occurred during this game, which was a 15-yarder against Detroit for “disconcerning signals”… Apparently Chris Myers imbibed some bourbon on the rocks while announcing this game.
Possibly the greatest announcing I’ve ever heard. Be sure to stay to the very end.
This orangutan is having a hard time kicking her cigarette habit.
While Maurice Jones-Drew owners can’t love seeing Deji Karim getting 14 carries, that’s certainly less of a concern with MJD getting 24 himself. No back should ever be expected to see more than that, especially one coming off knee surgery. However, of some concern is Karim’s clear advantage on passing downs. It’s definitely something Jones-Drew owners should be monitoring moving forward…Obviously Chris Johnson is more buy-low than someone to worry about…Huge Kenny Britt fan and have him in multiple leagues but had him on my bench in Yahoo Friends & Family. One of the two or three best deep threats in the NFL, his 80 yard TD Sunday was far more run after catch than a big play downfield, but it’s scored the same either way. He’s easily the most talented WR Matt Hasselbeck has ever had as a teammate. But realize that performance came against a Jacksonville secondary that allowed an NFL-high 8.3 YPA last season.
I’m just going to go ahead and call this accused murderer guilty.
I must say, the new Jay-Z and Kanye West album is pretty sick.
It’s not often those who pick a team in survivor can complain about how the opponent losing their starting quarterback was a bad break but so was the case Sunday with the Browns. However, Bruce Gradkowski was terrible other than his 41-yard touchdown to A.J. Green that resulted from a quick snap when Cleveland was still in a huddle (although in fairness, Browns backers could counter the rookie Andy Dalton wouldn’t have successfully pulled this off)…It wouldn’t shock if Peyton Hillis led the Browns in receptions this season…I’m a Cedric Benson hater, so ignore me if you want, but I’d try to shop him this week after that opening performance.
As if getting arrested shirtless while wielding a samurai sword after abandoning your car on an interstate isn’t enough, claiming you are “cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs” definitely puts you over the top. Bravo sir.
No one should have been surprised by the Ravens’ win Sunday, but the score and the seven turnovers committed by Pittsburgh were unexpected, to say the least. Don’t worry about Ben Roethlisberger – he’ll be fine. But there’s a legitimate chance Joe Flacco makes “the leap” this season…Over the last 51 games, the Steelers have allowed a player to rush for 100 yards just twice – and both were by Ray Rice. After totaling 149 yards with two touchdowns against the Steelers in Week 1, Rice owners have to be quite happy. I’m not saying he’ll be the No. 1 fantasy player this year, but I will say a fair bet is asking someone to pick one other versus him. I’m all ears if anyone wants to take me up on that proposition.
Lab chimps see daylight for very first time.
Is this a real life ManBearPig?!
I’ve said for years the Colts would be a 3-13 type team without Peyton Manning, yet I cowardly didn’t pick Houston in my survivor pool this week (more on this later), which made it frustrating to watch the Texans enter halftime with a 34-0 lead. Houston is obviously going to win this division running away this year, and the early 8.5 O/U now looks like a gift for those who bet in early August…Mario Williams had two sacks while transitioning to DC Wade Phillips’ new scheme, but it’s worth noting both came while a helpless Dallas Clark was asked to block him…Better times are ahead for Matt Schaub and Owen Daniels owners…Joseph Addai’s best asset to the Colts is protecting Manning, so don’t be surprised if he becomes less and less relevant moving forward. I’d prefer Delone Carter on my fantasy team right now…Reggie Wayne will retain some value, but Austin Collie, whom I definitely drafted in a few leagues in August before the Manning news was further revealed, doesn’t look like a weekly starter at all. Pierre Garcon played nearly twice as many snaps…Words can’t describe just how bad Kerry Collins was. However, this image taken from the preseason gives some indication…Despite all the Colts hate, can someone explain to me why the Browns, who just lost at home to the Bengals as seven point favorites last week and have averaged 4.7 wins over the past three years, are favored while playing in Indianapolis?
Well, this doesn’t seem like an entirely positive outcome.
I bet on the Redskins under (six wins) this year, but I must say, I’m already pretty worried about that after Week 1, as I expected them to lose five or (all) six games within their division, because they are going to also face the terrible NFC West. Mike Lombardi actually picked them to win the NFC East, and if Rex Grossman continues to play like he did in Week 1, it may not turn out as farfetched as it seemed…Tim Hightower was an awful real life running back (as usual) Sunday, but that won’t matter to fantasy owners as long as he’s used the same way moving forward…Fred Davis and Jason Pierre-Paul are both beasts, with only opportunity standing in the way of them becoming fantasy monsters…I love Hakeem Nicks and am heavily invested in him in my fantasy leagues, but I can’t think of a wide receiver with bigger injury concerns.
Burning car lifted off trapped man.
Woman dies after injecting hot beef fat into her face. Death ruled natural.
As someone who took San Diego in Survivor, let me say being down 7-0 just 20 seconds into the game while also losing the team’s field goal kicker for the rest of the game wasn’t exactly ideal. I especially liked how the narrative of the Chargers’ struggles on special teams (which were supposed to be negated by the closer kickoff spot) and typical slow starts to the season were highlighted immediately. Good times. And by that I mean I lived and died with every play from there on out. After going for it on 4th-and-20 (and failing) inside the 30 (because of Kaeding’s injury), and Rivers throwing another pick while forcing it on third down inside the red zone, punter Mike Scifres was asked to attempt a 40-yard field in desperation in the 4th quarter, and he nailed it. I heart Scifres…Philip Rivers didn’t have the best game of his career, but he dealt with a constant pass rush and was inches away from a 50-yard TD pass to Vincent Jackson, who inexplicably slowed down out of his break before being wide open in the end zone…Donovan McNabb showed he’s not done athletically as a runner, but he got 2.6 YPA. If I lost my survivor pool against a QB who got 2.6 YPA, I would have had to murk someone…Mike Tolbert made two ridiculously impressive plays at the goal line, showing his strength in the process of scoring three touchdowns. He’ll remain in that role (playing on passing downs and inside the red zone) for the foreseeable future, making him a worthy fantasy weekly start without question. However, Ryan Mathews might not only be in a good situation (obviously not as far as roles go, but on the right team), but he also shows glimpses of being “special.” With the ball in their hands, few would argue a slow (and fat) Tolbert matches Mathews’ explosiveness. Mathews has a ton of work to do to prove he can remain durable and improve in pass protection, but he has about as much upside as any back in the league.
Baby suckles directly from cow for milk.
I’m sorry, but any time I hear the word suckle I have to post this.
I must admit, I didn’t foresee Cam Newton throwing for an NFL-record 422 yards (along with two touchdown passes and another on the ground) during his NFL debut. Actually, I was under the impression he’d be a failure, but wow, that was pretty impressive, even if it came against a poor secondary. Because of his rushing ability, he’s absolutely on the fantasy radar now. He’ll likely go through plenty of struggles from here on out with more game film for opponents to digest, but there’s little doubt he’s already a huge upgrade over Carolina’s QB situation last year, so those who bet on the team’s “over” (4.5) before the season can go ahead and spend their money…Beanie Wells will probably get hurt, but there’s no reason not to consider him a top-15 fantasy RB right now…Kevin Kolb had a very nice Week 1 against a Panthers’ secondary that’s pretty good, but realize the 48-yard TD to Jeff King came on a completely busted coverage. Still, Larry Fitzgerald owners should expect plenty of better days ahead.
Dutch woman calls ex-boyfriend 65,000 times.
Companion dog lost in Six Flags theme park.
Not only did David Akers kick four field goals Sunday but all of them were within 31 yards, revealing a red-zone ineptitude rarely matched…Both Seattle and San Francisco have sneaky good defenses against the run, so don’t overly worry about Marshawn Lynch and Frank Gore, especially the latter, but both teams passing attacks look to be among the worst in the league….Ted Ginn returned two kicks for a touchdown in less than a minute of gametime…You get the feeling those who drafted Sidney Rice are going to be sorely disappointed.
Easily amazed stoner films confused bird on an escalator.
Surfing was apparently not extreme enough, so why not add some fire to it?
Seriously, why do the Cowboys make it so hard on themselves? They have the talent to make a Super Bowl run, but they also continue to find ways to lose otherwise winnable games…Dez Bryant is a man child with just about as much upside as any receiver in the NFL. It was disappointing to see him cramp up in the second half of Sunday’s game, but it was quite telling how quickly Darrelle Revis went from guarding Miles Austin to Bryant…I must admit, I certainly didn’t see Plaxico Burress having this kind of impact, especially early on…I’m growing tired of the hypothetical fantasy value of Shonn Greene. At some point, he needs to step it up. Already 26 years old, it’s possible he’s just a bum…I like how Al Michaels asked “What do you do here?” before the Jets attempted the game-winning 50-yard field goal. It was 4th-and-8. Not sure there was much of a decision to be made there.
Man jumps over speeding car while front flipping.
Dead boy, 200+ animals found at home.
Before gaining 59 yards and a TD on Monday night, Chad Henne had never rushed for more than 17 yards in any game during his career. Coming off an encouraging preseason, it’s possible Henne makes “the leap” this season…Tom Brady put on an absolute clinic. What a ridiculous performance…Especially with Brady throwing for 517 yards, Chad Ochocinco owners can’t feel great about his one-catch, 17-yard Patriots debut…While they may trade off having big weeks, Aaron Hernandez and Rob Gronkowski are both beasts who should be treated as borderline top-five fantasy tight ends (I’d have a hard time trading Hernandez for Dallas Clark right now). They are the No. 2 and No. 3 targets (and top-two in the red zone) in possibly the NFL’s best passing offense…Finally fully recovered from a hip injury that still lingered last season and now on medication to curtail the crazy, Brandon Marshall looks like a man possessed, and if Monday really was a sign of Henne’s true improvement, Marshall should be treated as a top-five fantasy wideout in PPR formats.
This guy’s boys can swim! In all seriousness, there are some pretty interesting issues brought up here.
Words can’t describe this picture.
What an ugly second game to Monday night’s double-header, as the Raiders and Broncos combined for six fumbles and 25 penalties (for 222 yards). Sebastian Janikowski’s impressive 63-yard field goal was only matched by the size of his dip, and Shane Lechler averaged a ridiculous 58.2 yards on six punts. Oakland dominates in the kicking game…Seriously, how much does ref Jerome Boger sound like the Ladies Man??…Darren McFadden is poised for a monstrous year, barring health. How quickly he went from bust to one of the very best running backs in football.
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