By Dalton Del Don
It’s that time of year again – RotoScoop’s year-end lists. I know you’ve all been impatiently awaiting 2009’s version after last year’s was such a hit. As always, feel free to let me know what I got right, what I missed and what I got wrong in the comments.
MOVIES
Here are the movies I have yet to see this year but want to: “A Serious Man,” “The Hurt Locker,” “Food, Inc,” “In The Loop,” “The Fantastic Mr. Fox,” “Moon,” “Precious,” “Whatever Works,” “An Education” and “Sin Nombre.”
Other movies I watched that barely missed the list: “Public Enemies,” “District 9,” “500 Days of Summer,” “Star Trek,” “Adventureland,” “Observe and Report” and “Where The Wild Things Are.” The problem with movies is that unlike TV shows where I can get a feel over a full season, I usually change my mind with movies after repeat viewings (while also realizing later some I don’t even have any desire to see again), so not only will this list change once I finally watch all the movies I listed above, but it might also be different from the ones listed below based on further evidence. Just know I’m not sold on my top-10 for 2009, and like TV, it’s pretty crazy how comedy heavy it is.
10. Avatar – Yes, it borrows heavily from “Dances With Wolves” and “Pocahontas,” and yes, the story itself is lacking, but seeing this film in 3D (and at an IMAX, preferably) was truly an experience unlike any other. Normally I don’t like big budget movies like this, and I can’t imagine it translating onto Blu-ray at home, and maybe we’ll laugh at the technology 20 years from now, I suppose, but I can’t explain the palpable buzz in the theatre right when “Avatar” started, with everyone basically saying to each other, “holy shit this is cool.” And it was.
9. Humpday – The movie’s premise: what if two heterosexual friends made an art (porno) film of them having sex together? Sure, may not sound interesting to you homophobes out there, but this movie was creative and had me hooked. The husband and wife relationship was about as real as I’ve seen on film. Not well known, “Humpday” was far better than the silly title indicates.
8. Extract – Just because Mike Judge continues to fail at matching “Office Space’s” comedic genius doesn’t mean “Extract” should be dismissed, because this was one of the more underrated movies of the year. The cast is strong, with Jason Bateman, Kristen Wiig and Ben Affleck like you’ve never seen him, but it’s Dustin Milligan who might have the funniest part. And seriously, how hot is Mila Kunis? Jesus.
7. Inglourious Basterds – I’m an unabashed Quentin Tarantino fan; “Pulp Fiction” is easily one of my 10 favorite movies of all-time, and I liked “Death Proof” far more than most others did. I wouldn’t exactly say he hit a home run with “Inglourious Basterds,” which probably dragged on a bit too long, but it was one of the better films of 2010 nevertheless. The opening scene was my favorite 20 minutes of any movie this year, hands down.
6. The Cove – Decidedly one-sided, this documentary was chilling regardless. In fact, the conclusion was so crazy, I questioned whether it was even real. When I got married in Hawaii in February, I really wanted to ride a dolphin, but the price was pretty steep, and I think I ended up just drinking instead. And while I still say it would have been an experience, I guess I also have to concede it would have been cruel after watching this movie, although better than the other alternative (slaughter). Watch this movie, and you’ll never think of SeaWorld the same. Those bastards.
5. Tyson – Yes, Mike Tyson appears in two of my top-five favorite movies this year (after all, I did name my boxer dog after him). Another documentary on the list, and this one is unflinching. Born with a prostitute for a mom and a pimp for a dad (literally a pimp, not a theoretical one like this guy), let’s just say Tyson didn’t have the easiest upbringing, and some of his behavior can well, at least be explained. James Toback does a great job of getting the champ to open up, and ultimately, it’s pretty clear Tyson is just a big kid unaware of the impact his actions and words actually have. And don’t forget, he gave by far the best speech in the history of sports, and there is no denying this. None.
4. Funny People – Judd Apatow’s latest film wasn’t as good as “The 40 Year Old Virgin,” and I can understand why some get turned off by his serious side, and the criticism about the final third of “Funny People” is valid, but this is still good stuff. I’m in the minority, but I actually like serious Adam Sandler, and I thought this was the best performance of his career, and the look at the underlying standup comedy scene was interesting. Good movie.
3. I Love You, Man – Few movies these days are actually original, especially comedies, but this one is definitely different, as it could be considered a romantic comedy yet it centers on two dudes. Paul Rudd and Jason Segel were perfect casts, and Jon Favreau was great as well. And Rashida Jones isn’t ugly. Definitely one of the smarter and better movies of 2009.
2. The Hangover – I enjoy being a contrarian as much as the next guy, but like often happens, “The Hangover” suffered severe backlash with its immense popularity, and while it’s not some classic like “Dumb and Dumber,” this was a damn funny movie that deserved its adulation. I saw Zach Galifianakis in standup in college about five years ago, so in a way, his rise to stardom has been annoying, because he was MY guy. Oh well, dude that funny, it was inevitable. And everyone reading this has better watched every “Between Two Ferns,” or you just aren’t living.
1. Bruno – Listen, this movie shows a bit more male genitalia than I’d prefer, but come on, it’s hilarious. I watched this with my wife, and afterward (and still does) proclaimed she didn’t like it at all, but every single time I turned and looked at her during it, she was going ape shit laughing, so go figure. It’s not as good as “Borat” or “Da Ali G Show,” but Sacha Baron Cohen hit yet another home run.
TELEVISION
Honorable Mention: Damages, The Office, Friday Night Lights, Lost, In Treatment, Community, The League, Californication, True Blood, Weeds, Hung, Big Love, United States of Tara, Flight of the Conchords, Scrubs, Celebrity Apprentice, Nurse Jackie, How I met Your Mother, Jersey Shore, Survivor.
As you can probably already tell, I watch way too much TV. DVR and HD are two of the five best inventions of my lifetime, what can I say. My one main neglection was “Breaking Bad,” which I promise to catch up on DVD soon enough. Now, onto my top-10:
10. Party Down/Modern Family – Yes, a lame copout with a tie, but I felt both deserved credit. “Party Down” is a little known comedy that airs on Starz, whereas “Modern Family” is on ABC and looked terrible based on its initial commercials (only strong reviews made me give it a chance). But both are extremely smart, and really, I wouldn’t blame anyone for ranking either as their favorite show of 2009. “Modern Family” shows there’s hope for comedies on non-cable/non-NBC channels, and “Party Down” boasts an extremely talented cast (Ken Marino from the fantastic “Wet Hot American Summer,” Adam Scott, who was great in “Tell Me You Love Me,” one of the best shows ever that was criminally cancelled after one season, and he was also my favorite character in “Step Brothers,” along with Jane Lynch and Lizzy Caplan) and should immediately go to the top of your Netflix queue.
9. Eastbound & Down – “Eastbound & Down” definitely goes for shock value too much at times, and it’s not for everyone, but it also made me laugh pretty consistently, and Stevie Janowski was hands down one of the best characters on TV this year. I was fairly shocked to see the show renewed and can’t wait to see what direction they take it after that ending.
8. 30 Rock – This show frustrated me in the past because it was good, not great, yet every review/award ceremony treated it as royalty. But sometimes you got to call a spade a spade, and “30 Rock” was very funny in 2009. Kenneth remained insufferable and Jenna underrated, but it’s pretty clear by now Tina Fey is one of the best comics alive.
7. Reno 911! – Of course, right when I discover this show (I obviously knew about it and saw the movie but didn’t start watching it on TV until this year) it’s cancelled. Like Comedy Central has so many better alternatives? I digress. Reno 911! absolutely kills me – go watch “Extradition to Thailand” and/or “We Don’t Want the Pope” for confirmation. And if you don’t agree, you’re dead to me. No other show could pull off a John Mark Karr joke so perfectly.
6. Parks and Recreation – It should surprise no one that the fantastic mind behind the now defunct FireJoeMorgan.com has helped make “Parks and Recreation” one of the best shows on television. And there’s zero coincidence “The Office” has declined sharply ever since he left to become head writer for P&R, and I don’t care if it’s a direct rip off of a show that’s also a direct rip off – good is good. And while I agree it improved in Season 2, I’m tired of all these “huge turnaround” proclamations. Go rewatch Season 1, Parks and Recs has ALWAYS been good.
5. Sons of Anarchy – Not watching a single episode of Season 1, I jumped right into Season 2 this year at the behest of my wife, and my life was better because of it. Taking place in a fictional town located about 20 miles from where I actually live (and using a fictional biker gang based on one my wife’s uncle was actually in), SoA was easily one of the best shows on television in 2009, and few people know about it. To wit, the show has yet to receive the five requisite votes to even compile a user rating on IMDB! Adam Arkin and Henry Rollins were ridiculously good as white supremacist villains (and rapists), but there’s more to this show than just entertainment based on a biker gang – lots of subtly good writing. Plus, Maggie Siff is not unattractive.
4. Dexter – The cheesy voiceover remains, and yes, the premise is a bit implausible. But this is a show that has done the impossible – gotten better with each season despite the fact the writers painted themselves in a corner (in other words, the exact opposite of what “Lost” has done). I’ve always liked John Lithgow, mainly for the awesomely campy movies “Cliffhanger” and “Raising Cain,” but this is his best work yet, in a way carrying Season 4. And the ending of the season finale was one of the five biggest shockers of any TV show I’ve ever seen.
3. Mad Men – I have nothing more to say about this brilliant show at this point. Top-notch writing, acting, everything. There’s simply nothing like it on television, and while all the praise created some backlash, ultimately, it remained terrific.
2. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – I didn’t start watching this show until Season 4 last year, and while I liked it, I became hooked with the superior Season 5 this year. While I shy away from crazy action movies, I clearly have no problem with over-the-top comedies. And none are more so than this one. But make no mistake, it’s also smart and consistently produced laugh out loud moments. If you haven’t watched, I’d specifically recommend episodes “The Waitress is Getting Married” and “The Gang Reignites the Rivalry” from this past season. Plus, how cool is it that Fred Savage directs almost every episode? And Danny DeVito is clinically insane (both on and off the show).
1. Curb Your Enthusiasm – Was there ever any doubt? Season 7, which featured the Seinfeld cast reuniting, didn’t disappoint. Always on the brink of going too far over-the-top but never falling completely off the ledge, Larry David really outdid himself. My two favorite episodes of the season were “Denise Handicapped” and “The Black Swan.” You know the old question, if you had three people to go to dinner with, who would they be? Mine would be Larry David and no one else. The man is pure genius. While “The League” (which I did like) has a guy named Derrick Williams getting drafted in the fifth round (of an eight team league!) and Sinorice Moss in the sixth round, “Curb Your Enthusiasm” offered a discussion about how “statistically speaking, Derek Jeter has been the worst defensive shortstop in baseball.” I’ll now leave you with Marty Funkhouser telling a joke to Jerry Seinfeld right after meeting him.
MUSIC
5. Bat For Lashes: “Two Suns” – ‘Two Suns” was written and recorded around the world, from Big Sur and the Joshua Tree desert in California to the rolling Welsh countryside and the city sprawls of New York and London. It features one person (Natasha Khan), and while this isn’t the typical music I lean toward, there’s no doubting the quality (and for some reason, my music list this year is female heavy).
Listen to: Daniel, Glass, Peace Of Mind, Pearl’s Dream, Travelling Woman, Sleep Alone, Moon And Moon, Good Love, Siren Song
4. Fever Ray: “Fever Ray” – Like “Bat For Lashes,” “Fever Ray” is composed of a single female, and I’m not going to lie, this isn’t for everyone. That said, I think she’s pretty much brilliant. Others will know her from her past group, “The Knife.”
Listen to: Seven, If I Had A Heart, When I Grow Up, Triangle Walks, Concrete Walls
3. The xx: “The xx” – “The xx” consists of four 20-year-olds from South London whose songs are mostly about sex, and it’s a little off-putting when you find out she isn’t cute and he looks like one of the bigger douchebags ever. That said, the lyrics are beyond their years in age, and I can’t remember a debut album being so good. Literally, the sky’s the limit here. Really, really good stuff.
Listen to: Crystalised, Infinity, Heart Skipped A Beat, Islands, Intro, VCR, Basic Space
2. Yeah Yeah Yeahs: “It’s Blitz!” – Although I had obviously heard of them previously, I basically discovered their entire catalog this year, and while I was tempted to list them No. 1 on this list, that might have had a lot to do with going to one of the best concerts I’ve ever been to. I love me some Karen O.
Listen to: Hysteric, Zero, Heads Will Roll, Runaway, Dull Life, Shame and Fortune, Skeletons, Dragon Queen
1. Broken Bells: “Broken Bells” – I’m cheating here since this album won’t officially be released until March 2010, but for me, it’s my favorite album of 2009, and I don’t want to wait another year to reveal it. It’s a two person group, featuring Danger Mouse and James Mercer from “The Shins.” Unfortunately, because it’s yet to be released, I can’t link to any of the songs, but I’ll still let you know my favorites nevertheless. Normally I don’t let lyrics influence me too much, but there’s some deep stuff here, and more importantly, it’s damn catchy. If you don’t like “Broken Bells,” you probably think Amanda Knox got a fair trial, like Jay Leno, believed Balloon Boy wasn’t an obvious hoax, think Greg Oden has a small one, think “Denise” from the Taco Bell commercials is ugly, was surprised by Tiger Woods’ infidelity, think John Travolta is straight and can relate to this guy.
Listen to: The Ghost Inside, The High Road, Trap Doors, The Mall and the Misery, Citizen, Float
That wasn’t the only music I liked this year, so here are some select tracks I also particularly enjoyed from 2009: “So Far From Your Weapon” by The Dead Weather, “Things Fall Apart” by Built to Spill, “Stillness Is The Move” by The Dirty Projectors, “Dirt Room” by Blue October, “Catch and Release” by Silversun Pickups, “Gold Guns Girls,” “Help I’m Alive,” “Satellite Mind,” and “Collect Call” by Metric, “Wait It Out” and “Bad Body Double” by Imogen Heap, “Psychic City” by Yacht, “Blood Bank” by Bon Iver, “Sunlight” by tUnE-yArDs, “Here to Fall” by Yo La Tengo, “Seasun” by Delorean, “What Would I Want? Sky” by Animal Collective, and “Quiet Little Voices” by We Were Promised Jetpacks.
WORST
As in years past, this section combines the bad with the overrated, as I tried to avoid movies that will obviously be awful. Here is a much shorter compilation of things I didn’t enjoy from 2009:
“Up in The Air” – Here’s the thing, this is NOT a bad movie. But it’s been winning a bunch of awards, which is a joke and a sign that humanity is headed in the wrong direction. I will admit one thing: the fact there was a girl in the theatre when I saw it who laughed outrageously during any and every even half-assed joke made it worse (which isn’t the movie’s fault), although to be honest, it made the whole experience more enjoyable (Clooney fell into the water! What a laugh riot!). My friend Robby and I commonly looked at each other during the film and rolled our eyes – to put it simply, I’m dumbfounded at people who LOVED this movie. The dialogue was clunky and some scenes were truly laughable (Clooney conveniently talking Kenny Powers back into getting married, Clooney giving a backpack speech when he was undergoing a life-affirming change himself that was so predictable I felt embarrassed for the movie), although I will say I liked the “twist.” And while I ranked “Juno” pretty high last year, I actually regretted that later on when I realized it wasn’t very rewatchable, and I didn’t like “Thank You For Smoking,” so it’s safe to say I’m not a huge Jason Reitman fan. But what do I know? I thought Will Leitch had the best review I read.
Joe Buck Live – Actually, this placement is unfair, as his episode with Artie Lange was one of my favorites from 2009. Watching one of the biggest sacks get eviscerated on live television was easily one of my favorite moments of 2009. In fact, if not for the subsequent episodes in which Buck made sure no controversy ensued, this new show would have made my top-10 list. As Michael Irvin states at the end, “It’s refreshing to see white-on-white crime.”
Paranormal Activity – Watch “Open Water” instead. I loved how the city’s demon exorcist was out of town during their whole ordeal. And the ending, ugh. Don’t get me wrong, this movie made me jump and had me on the edge of my seat at times, but it could have been so much better.
And now, instead of ending on a negative note, I wanted to leave you with a few of my favorite YouTube clips. Enjoy:
Great tackle by a high school football player.
Charles Manson may very well not be sane.
Someone arrest this man before it’s too late.
Joaquin Phoenix in the best late night interview of our generation.
FAVORITE GAMES OF 2009:
This was a hard list to compile, and for one good reason: for the first time in over a decade, a single year finally managed to challenge 1998 for the title of greatest ever, at least in my eyes. So in honor of that, we’re going to crank this up to 11, Sp?n?al Tap-style.
1. Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (Naughty Dog) (PS3). Indisputably the most cinematic game ever constructed, and so universally acknowledged in its excellence that even the rabid jingoists at Famitsu (who have never given any non-Japanese game a perfect score, and who pump out “All Time Top 100” lists including a hysterical zero—yes, zero—foreign games in their Top-75) gave this distinctly American production a 37/40. It’s basically what Indiana Jones 4 should have been, instead of, you know, a festering heap of donkey smegma. Few franchises have rocketed to true greatness as rapidly as Uncharted.
2. Demon’s Souls (FromSoftware) (PS3). Ah, Demon’s Souls, a gift from the wrathful ancient gods of gaming yore to the beleaguered hardcore faithful. The difficulty level, especially for the front half before scoring Total Protection/Warding or elemental weapons, is for new initiates essentially the gaming equivalent of free climbing Everest without O2. And yet, it’s never cheap or frustrating—it simply demands your full and undivided attention. Casual players should stay far, far away (tossing your typical Wii Play aficionado into a game featuring opponents like Maneater and False King would be akin to dropping a baby mouse into a piranha tank), but for those vets with the requisite doggedness, once the hook is set, it’ll draw you in for weeks at a stretch. A masterpiece of dim and enveloping atmosphere, slot car-caliber control and unyielding tactical complexity.
3. Batman: Arkham Asylum (Rocksteady) (PS3/360/PC). No one expected Arkham Asylum to be worth the metal and plastic it was pressed on. While most previews didn’t come right out and say it, the overwhelming impression was essentially “great, more licensed crap where 85% of the budget went into procuring the character rights.” Surprise! Rocksteady did a fantastic job of delving into the Batman mythology, and breathing real life and depth into one of pop culture’s most compelling antiheroes. The huge array of awesome and highly usable tech gadgetry deserves special mention as well. There’s not a ton of replay value here in the absence of any online component, and points off for an underwhelming finale, but anyone who enjoys action games at all would be a fool not to at least rent this one.
4. Left 4 Dead 2 (Valve) (360/PC). It’s better than the already wonderful original, granted, but it does reek of milking their customers that it was released after a scant twelve month interval, when so much of what’s here could have been implemented with far cheaper DLC content. Also, Valve needs to pull their collective thumb out of their mouth, wipe the tears and snot bubbles away, come out from behind Mommy Microsoft’s apron and go talk to Sony’s internal teams about how to code for the platform. Completely writing off close to half of the world’s “core” market (insofar as PC gaming is basically on life support at this point, and the Wii is, let’s face it, a videogame system for people who really don’t like videogames, in much the same way that the Toyota Camry is a car for people who dislike driving) is simply imbecilic, especially for a small independent firm not receiving huge exclusivity bonuses for the favors (or, maybe they are secretly, and all of Gabe Newell’s impotent bleating about developer tools is a huge load of hypocritical, two-faced bunk). Your existence basically hinges on every release, dingbats—you may want to expand your potential markets a bit as a hedge. Hypertalented studios have been erased from the scene on numerous occasions (Ion Storm, Black Isle, Looking Glass, dozens of others), even Valve is far from bulletproof. Still, L4D2 itself is a white-knuckle ride from start to finish, with Valve’s timeless Source engine and reliably brilliant controls underpinning the present apex of cooperative play.
5. Borderlands (Gearbox) (PS3/360/PC). Speaking of excellent co-op play, hot on L4D2’s heels comes this little (multi-platform!) gem. Much of Borderland’s formula is a decidedly staid, paint-by-numbers affair (disposable, one-dimensional, overmuscled space marines! Streams of faceless alien adversaries!! The Unreal Engine!!! Will the originality ever cease?!?!), but Gearbox did a number of smart things that managed to put them apart from the competition. For one thing, unlike the typical entry in this genre, it doesn’t take itself too seriously. The color palette is pleasingly expanded over those games, the cel shading effect (whatever you choose to term it) was a great choice, and rather than being portrayed at every turn as some sort of grim civilizational struggle for survival, the game is presented more as a rollicking treasure hunt, which suits the shoot, loot & scoot gameplay very nicely. In the most basic of terms, it’s just a really dumb, fun game to play with friends, especially once you’ve all developed your characters and gear a bit and can churn out torrents of acidic/electrified/incendiary rounds into the waves of shrieking enemies as a cohesive fireteam. This is also a game that DLC could keep vibrant for months or even years, and it’s a great sign that two expansions—one very good—have already been marshaled.
6. FIFA 10 (EA Canada) (PS3/360/PC). There used to be a raging global debate over whether FIFA or Winning Eleven/Pro Evolution represented the superior futbol game. No longer—this is a surpassingly excellent production, and Pro Evo matches up with it on the virtual pitch about as well as Liechtenstein does with Brazil on the real thing. In all frankness, and speaking as one who still has a lot of disdain for EA’s practices and body of work as a whole, FIFA 10 may well be the finest sports game yet put to code (or perhaps second to the immortal NFL 2K5). It’s hard to think of a better way to get amped up for the rapidly approaching World Cup than popping this bad boy into your PS3 or 360. Go Arsenal.
7. Assassin’s Creed II (Ubisoft Montreal) (PS3/360). The first Assassin’s Creed had a few nifty tricks up its sleeve, but quickly wore down in a mire of forced repetition even worse than that suffered by the typical “sandbox” affair, and I much doubt that even a tenth of the people who started it stayed around for the finish (I know I didn’t). Apparently Ubisoft Montreal really went back to school in the interim, and the result is a game which can be sold on its own numerous merits, as opposed to trading on poor Jade Raymond’s sex appeal. The only drawback is that once you’ve finished the game there’s no real replay value here to speak of, but it stands up so well as a one-time ~20 hour experience that it fully deserves the ranking. The missions are varied and fun this time around, the tomb mini episodes were a brilliant pace-changing inclusion, and the glyph puzzles were neat as well. The story also thankfully withdrew from its emphasis on the weirder sci-fi elements and focused heavily on the more compelling historical portion. Even the voice acting is largely great, and there’s little debate that it’s a very pretty game. By far the best Renaissance Venetian murder simulator I have ever played. I might have even given it a Top-5 if they’d managed to incorporate more Machiavelli.
8. Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time (Insomniac) (PS3). This one really snuck up on me. The prior R&C games were always solid and fairly enjoyable, but I just never got into any of them very much and never came close to completing one. In fact, I only even picked ACIT up on a whim because it was offered to me in trade for the execrable Dragon Age and I knew I’d never spend another second on that slag heap of a game. Buried amidst the likes of Uncharted 2, Demon’s Souls, Borderlands and NBA 2K10, all of which arrived at about the same time, it didn’t even get played until the end of December, but I’ll be danged if this isn’t a flat-out wonderful ride. The campy characters and vividly rendered space settings will bring back billowing waves of nostalgia for anyone who loved watching Chuck Jones’ Marvin the Martian and Duck Dodgers on Saturday mornings back in the day. The controls are vastly improved on early entries in the series, the weapons are, as usual, giddily absurd, and the story is even quite enjoyable. There’s a lot of fun packed into this game, and a fair amount of depth as well—it’s really kind of incredible that Insomniac has managed to publish all three of the games in the Future trilogy in the span of two years without sacrificing quality.
9. MLB 09: The Show (SCEA San Diego) (PS3). The Show is basically to baseball what FIFA 10 is to soccer: the best representation of its sport ever made (RIP Baseball Stars). It’s really just as enjoyable, and must likewise be short-listed on any serious discussion of the best sports games ever, but it “suffers” by comparison insofar as it represents a more incremental improvement over its excellent immediate predecessor, vis-à-vis FIFA’s near-quantum leap over the prior franchise installment. Also, it’s admittedly a somewhat trifling matter, but a significant points deduction for the moronic trophy structure, which places ~90% of its eggs into the basket of the tangential “Road to the Show” mode while all but ignoring the glorious core game, and sets insanely high bars at the same time (throw a perfect game on an advanced difficulty setting with a pitcher created from scratch? Honestly?). That’s precisely the sort of dimwitted move that should prompt closer oversight from SCEA corporate for the 2010 release. That aside, if you like baseball and you have a PS3, this is a no-brainer purchase that will readily deliver as many hours of enjoyment as you want it to. Or, just wait two months for MLB 10, which is all but guaranteed to be the next greatest baseball game ever.
10. Modern Warfare 2 (Infinity Ward) (PS3/360/PC). Overhyped, overwrought, overblown, and more than a little overrated. Yes, it’s got some memorable high points, and the fact that Activision somehow convinced Hans Zimmer to score it blows my mind (“Journey to the Line” from Zimmer’s The Thin Red Line score is probably my single favorite piece of symphonic film music). It’s an enjoyable game, overall, and you don’t want to lose sight of that. Still, $60 games should feature campaigns lasting a helluva lot longer than five hours, especially when the online community is so wildly immature (basically, imagine a teeming horde of 14-year-olds who collectively speak and behave like autistic 5-year-olds), to the extent you can even find a game that isn’t lagged out the arse. This is particularly true on the Special Ops missions, which are far and away the best multiplayer portion. $1B+ in sales, not one fucking penny for proper servers, that’s Activision for you. Furthermore, the “No Russian” episode was inexcusably juvenile in execution. For pete’s sake, hire some fucking writers, now. You spend $50M on these productions, you reach $1B in sales within two months, but you cannot be bothered to pay an up and coming writer some pittance for a reasonably coherent script? Because what they used in this one makes Tom Clancy’s most flaccid work look like Dostoevsky. That’s beyond penny wise, pound foolish—that’s just asinine. The 12-year-olds are going to be lapping at this sow’s teats for two years until MW3 comes out, rest assured, but it doesn’t take a magic mirror to see that, based on the closed beta stage that just concluded, DICE’s forthcoming Battlefield: Bad Company 2 will deliver a smarter, deeper and more fundamentally enjoyable modern FPS combat experience to anyone who has passed through puberty. Plus, the netcode will actually permit you play a game, instead of a slideshow.
11. Killzone 2 (Guerilla) (PS3). As a single-player game, KZ2 is not worth your time. It looks fantastic, undeniably—the particle effects on some of the wind-swept stages are simply jaw-dropping—and remains state of the art in the graphics department even eleven months later, a monumental accomplishment in this industry, but the story is just so stupid and tedious that the player is often embarrassed on behalf of the developer, and there’s really nothing new or ingenuous at work here at all. Taken as a multiplayer affair, it’s a horse of a different color, plundering the best ideas of a number of otherwise superior competitors (*cough* Team Fortress 2) to great effect, and whipping up a neat confection combining stunningly rendered outdoor battlefields, staccato-paced squad clashes utilizing a nicely tuned class system, and an enjoyably novel physics model wherein palpable heft is given to your gear.
Honorable Mention: DiRT 2, Buzz! Quiz World, Forza Motorsport 3, Fight Night Round 4, Flower, BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger.
LETDOWN OF THE YEAR:
Dragon Age: Origins (BioWare) (PS3/360/PC). As someone who liked Mass Effect plenty, I was really looking forward to BioWare’s latest “action” RPG (explanation for the hostile quotes forthcoming), the comprehensively played-out fantasy theme notwithstanding. Alas, upon actually sinking my teeth into the game upon receipt, baited breath gave way to crushing boredom. The voice acting and animations are generally fine, granted—congratulations on that tiny victory, BioWare. On the flip side, the graphics are strictly mid-life PS2 level, the characters are limp, the story is uninspired, and the combat mechanics….ye gods, what rubbish. You basically click on an opponent and sit back as your characters robotically wail on it from varying distances. It couldn’t be more boring if it was designed by a cabal of ultra-orthodox Mennonites. I disengaged entirely after about eight hours invested (a worst of both worlds outcome, no doubt) when I realized that I would rather be solving chemistry equations than be subjected to it any further. Seriously, that is not a joke—when confronted with the choice between stoichiometry and DAO, I opted for the former. So what went wrong? Perhaps BioWare had their entire A-team on the forthcoming ME2 and threw all their scrubs at this, perhaps they rushed it for the Christmas shopping season, perhaps it was even overbaked as it had been in the development pipeline for an eon, who knows, but whatever the reason, DAO has to be viewed as a colossal failure, certainly when compared to the company’s body of work to date. That it’s managed to pull down an average “B” review speaks far more to the present state of gaming “journalism” than it does of any real quality on the part of this excruciating snoozefest.
Dishonorable Mention: Basically everything released on the Wii (you like stats? Try this one on: the Wii saw 362 games released in North America in 2009, or about one per day—by far the most of any platform. Of those 362 games, exactly one managed to draw a 90% rating or better on Metacritic, and the game in question was the shamelessly recycled Metroid Prime, a compilation of a trio of games released 2, 5 and 7 years ago. There’s a word for that kind of performance record, my friends, and that word is “horseshit”), Prototype, Bionic Commando, Wolfenstein.
INSANELY EARLY FORECAST FOR FAVORITES OF 2010 (assuming actual release):
1. The Last Guardian (Team Ico) (PS3). Admittedly, I may be subconsciously influenced by the crafty use of the theme music from Miller’s Crossing (only the greatest gangster movie ever made) in the official trailer, but I don’t think so. Ueda is on the verge of eclipsing Miyamoto and Kojima as Japan’s greatest game designer. If “Trico, the Man-eating Sea Eagle” is even just a linear improvement on the quiet profundities of Ico and Shadow of the Colossus, it’s a shoe-in for GOTY contention.
2. Gran Turismo 5 (Polyphony Digital) (PS3). 1,000 cars (no Porsche, alas, but the otherworldly Bugatti Veyron will be in the fleet), 70 tracks, north of six years and $60M in development….the numbers are staggering in scope. They even threw in the test track from Top Gear, as if the point need be driven home. Bona fide motor pr0n, and a boon to those of us who cannot afford a real supercar.
3. Battlefield: Bad Company 2 (DICE) (PS3/360/PC). Having played the closed beta, this looks like a time-devouring monster, and the mother of all present-day combat FPSes. Frostbite may well be the best engine going in shooter games right now, and any MW2 fans who make the leap are going to be shocked by the extent of environmental interaction available to the player.
4. Castlevania: Lords of Shadow (MercurySteam/Kojima) (PS3/360). Kojima is Kojima, and any pot he’s got his fingers in is bound to emerge better for it. Massive bonus points for choosing Robert Carlyle to voice the lead. The Spanish development house is young and doesn’t have much of a track record, but the stars really seem to be aligning in this game’s favor anyway: Francis fucking Begbie is the new Belmont, Captain Picard is aboard and Lord Metal Gear is overseeing development. Every time I read a new report on this project, my expectations increase a little more.
5. God of War III (SCEA Santa Monica) (PS3). Sony’s internal teams are really gaining steam in terms of maximizing their machine’s raw horsepower advantage, and it’s not unreasonable to expect this to be the best looking videogame yet made. Obviously the mechanics are going to be top-notch, as they require little or no adjustment on the prior GOW installments.
6. Half-Life 2: Episode 3 (Valve) (360/PC). Valve is institutionally incapable of creating anything less than Grade A games, but will the content be sufficient to warrant a standalone title? Either way, it’s just a shame that ~40M PS3 owners worldwide will probably never even get a chance to consider buying it.
7. BioShock 2 (2K Marin) (PS3/360/PC). Would be way higher—maybe tops—based on the first game, but I have real concerns about the general approach, the delays, the continuous redirection, and underpinning it all, the choice of shifting development from the proven 2K Boston/Australia tag-team to the newly established Marin outfit, even if a few of the Boston hands did come over with the project. They did a fine job with the PS3 port, no doubt, but there’s a pretty big difference between fashioning a brilliant forgery and creating the original masterpiece itself.
8. Heavy Rain (Quantic Dream) (PS3). Finally, a game devised since its conception for thinking adults, and with a touch of continental style to boot. Let’s see if it delivers.
9. Deus Ex 3 (Eidos Montreal/Square Enix) (PC/PS3?/360?). Admittedly vastly overranked given Eidos’ extremely poor track record over the past 6 or 8 years, but the entry of the eminently capable Square into the project does bring new hope. If they can somehow recapture the spirit of the incredible Ion Storm-era original, all bets are off.
10. Mass Effect 2 (BioWare) (360/PC). As with BioShock 2, would be higher but for concerns about internal developer affairs. If this comes out looking or playing anything like punchbowl turd DAO, it falls out of my Top-50 entirely. And since this article has been sitting on my drive, I’ve caught one truly horrible commercial with a monumentally stupid slogan (“Fight for the Lost”? The “lost” what? Cheetos? Remote? My interest?), and accidentally glimpsed part of some insanely self-fellating promo on “SyFy” that made my skin crawl. I had this ranked #10 before seeing those, mind you. I’m beginning to smell a back-to-back for the Albertans in the coveted Letdown of the Year category, but for now, solely on the strength of the first, it can hang out here.
“But Dream,” you say, “where is Halo: Reach and Final Fantasy XIII? Are you daft?” No, my son, I simply feel Halo is vastly overrated, a product of the same kiddie hype machine that pelts you with crap such as Hannah Montana from its ape-like mitt every other year or so, bringing nothing worthwhile to the table apart from its matchmaking capabilities, and having been hugely eclipsed as a multiplayer FPS by a host of more sophisticated competitors (really, toss a dart anywhere and you’ll hit one). As to the other, the time of the traditional JRPG has come and gone, I have real doubts whether another turn-based affair can really capture a lot of “gaijin” hearts at this point.
As to movies, District 9 was the slam-dunk winner for me. Admittedly I lived in Johannesburg for seven months in 2002 and consider the experience to have been the noontide of my life to date, so perhaps that colored my impression, but trying to be as objective as possible, I honestly believe it was the best sci-fi movie since ‘Blade Runner’. Yes, seriously. I’d also have to place ‘Zombieland’ somewhere, I thought it a highly enjoyable flick in the old matinee mold. Love SBC but ‘Bruno’ fell really flat for me, I actually felt it not only unworthy of comparison to ‘Borat’, but actually inferior to the oft-derided ‘Ali G In Da House’. The Ron Paul bit was ok, but overall it just dragged and I left the theater feeling distinctly underwhelmed.
As for TV….I can’t say anything more at this point to drive home how much people are missing by sleeping on ‘Breaking Bad’, except to say that the second season was, in my view, on par with pretty much any season of ‘The Wire’ apart from possibly season 4. It goes from strength to strength, the characters and acting are superb, the story is riveting, the locale has a Spartan beauty, and the subject matter is actually relevant to many places in America. Trying to evaluate the current TV landscape without acknowledging it is a bit like trying to suss out the best present NFL QBs without ever having seen a Peyton Manning game. As for ‘Sunny’, dear lord, the second and third seasons were actually THE best, with the inbred McPoyles and Charlie’s obsession with the waitress in full bloom, I envy people who haven’t already seen each episode five times like I have. If you enjoy the series, it’d be a mistake not to stop at whatever retail outlet is convenient on the way home this very night and pick them up, the return on such a tiny investment is bound to be staggering. What else, what else? This season’s ‘FNL’ is an easy Top-5 for me, but I’m not sure if we’re talking about the same season–I have in mind the one that is airing on DirecTV’s 101 (probably the best channel on TV, right now) right now and started in October or thereabouts, as opposed to the one that aired on NBC last Spring following the ‘08-’09 debut on the 101. I’m also including the ‘Tim and Eric Awesome Show’ and would like to make some kind of accommodation for ‘Full Color Football’.
I’m excited to go to prison for having watched the hippie/farmer yoga teacher. So, thanks for that.
DW: I completely agree with District 9. I told Dalton that was my favorite movie of the year and he sort of laughed at me. He doesn’t really like sci-fi, while I love it. He did like the movie, though. Zombieland would’ve been on my list, as well. Contrary to what he says about me and Bruno, I wasn’t trying to mask my laugh, I was covering my eyes! As for TV, FNL is always on my list. I did screw up with Breaking Bad, though. We missed an episode in season 1 and never caught back up. I didn’t really play any video games this year, however, I loved the new Mario for the Wii. Sure, you could beat it in a day if you wanted to but that didn’t make it any less fun or addicting. Ask Dalton; he would play that thing for hours at a time.
Dreamweapon – Great stuff. You talked me into buying FIFA 10 and also The Show 10 when it comes out (how great was Baseball Stars!?). I actually used to like Soccer games (International Superstar Soccer for the N64 was soo underrated. Best announcers ever). So I’m glad to hear there’s a good one that I need to get before the World Cup starts.
I’m just now getting into Modern Warfare 2, and I’m not surprised you think it’s overrated. I really like Fight Night Round 4. Hey, what was that game you previously compared to the new Mario, only way better?
Dreamweapon – I’m def. going to start watching “Sunny” from the beginning, and I promise I’ll watch “Breaking Bad” when season 2 gets released (I think in March). I like this season of FNL too (yes the one on Ch. 101..speaking of which, have you seen “Trailer Park Boys?” I’ve only seen one episode but I have a friend who loves it and it airs on that channel).
Corey – You’re welcome. I hope you are practicing your breathing, and also your downward dog.
wow — great post. I disagree with some, but that’s not what this kind of list is about — it’s about discovering some missed gems. Thanks.
No problem glad you liked it. Hope I helped you discover a gem or two.
You think you write a long, comprehensive article, only to have your word count obliterated by a comment on video games!
Thanks for the shout out – I’m always trying to up the wedding website visitor count!
I may have the same top 4 movies as you, only in reversed order (though I watched the Bruno bonus features today and they may push that up into the top 2).
And how did you leave off “Up”?!
Also, I realized that you never have reality shows in your top 10 lists (as far as I can remember) – what’s that about? Bachelorette with Jillian and local legend Jesse Kovacs deserved honorable mention and Jersey Shore has to crack the top 10. Mad Men at #3 feels like a snub to me and you’re still sleeping on Gossip Girl.
I’m finishing up season 4 of Dexter this weekend and pumped for the “thrilling conclusion,” though Lieutenant Guerrta (sp?) deserves a nomination for worst actress along with Mrs. Michael C. Hall.
Just finished FNL season 1 last night and loved it, though Rocio can’t stand me constantly going nuts during the game scenes when Dillon runs the ball 5 times in a row with 50 seconds left and goes 80 yards to win. Or how every pass play is to Riggins or Smash (the season’s final play was to both!) – Dillon has to have the worst WRs in the state. Or how there are no “name” players on defense, even though, by and large, Dillon’s wins are low-scoring affairs. OK – I’m going to stop now…
Also surprised you haven’t seen “Sugar” yet. It is good, not great, but definitely good.
Well, Carli, it sounds to me like maybe you should be doing the film reviews portion–it’s okay, Dalton, just think of it as being sort of like when Bill Simmons’ wife kept beating his ass in their respective weekly ATS predictions. [g]
As far as Wii games go, NSMB was okay, but it’s important to bear in mind just how low of a bar we’re talking about in discussing the state of software for the platform. Honestly, at least fully half of the games released on the Wii are unadulterated shovelware, cynically tossed together in the quickest and cheapest fashion possible, in full knowledge that even the docile gaming journalism/critical establishment would tear it to pieces upon release, but hurled out the door and onto store shelves anyway, secure in the knowledge that it’ll at least make some money due to the extremely unsophisticated nature (relative to the “core” gamers on PS3/360/PC, certainly) of the majority of the platform’s userbase. The very best Wii games, apart from the now-ancient Twilight Princess and SM Galaxy, wouldn’t make any self-respecting critic’s Top-50 list of releases in a given year, IMO.
NSMB is a first-party release, so it’s a little better than most of that crapware, but it still suffers from Wii syndrome, namely, superficiality and laziness in production. Having previously owned a DS and with it the NSMB for it, I can say that the Wii version is precariously close to a straight port. That is incredibly lazy on its own merit, considering the myriad limitations present in developing for handhelds. But look at the characters–they couldn’t even be bothered to throw in a legitimate fourth character, instead simply changing Toad’s color from yellow to blue. Wow, is that lazy. I mean, Jesus Christ, we’re talking about a couple of days of development for routine animations of already-stock characters and then a short testing period, but they couldn’t even be bothered to do that. That kind of thing just pisses me off so much. I mean, look at Sony–they re-released the first two God of War games, remade in HD, with added trophy support, together on a single BD, and slashed the price to $39.99, yet no one considered it a candidate for the platform’s GOTY, and rightly so. If that kind of effort were undertaken by Nintendo, it would considered some kind of epic love-letter to their fanbase, worthy of all manner of accolades and devotion. For Sony, it was just a minor one-off effort to prime the pump a bit in advance of March’s release of GOW3. A game that was essentially an afterthought on the least popular console in No. America would be, IMO, at least a top-three title in the Wii’s all-time catalog, and that says a lot about the system and its retrograde, low-to-no-expectations culture.
Dalton, the game I was talking about was LittleBigPlanet, which was developed by a British firm, Media Molecule, and released in October of 2008. If you enjoy platformers, and co-op play (which are essentially the two big non-specific IP attributes I would associate with NSMB), I would say you have to try it. The standard edition can almost certainly be picked up for less than $30 used, as there is a “GOTY” edition that came out a few months ago and pushed the price of the original down. You could get the GOTY if you wanted, I suppose, but most of the extras will be character costumes (I _think_ the Metal Gear Solid level pack is also included, but I’m not sure, and it’s cheap DLC anyway, maybe $7 or 8 or something). It squashes NSMB like a bull elephant stepping on a titmouse. There is a huge community of player-developed levels, with literally hundreds of thousands published by now. Obviously many of these suck, but a lof of them are astounding and I know some people have won industry jobs courtesy of what they showed there. It’s just so much more expansive and clever and, well, striving than anything the increasingly ultraconversative bores at Nintendo would ever attempt at this point.
FIFA 10 is awesome, just a brilliant, brilliant soccer game. The online play is quite good, too. It’s a damn shame that they couldn’t work the same magic on fixing the now-nearly unsalvageable Madden franchise, but when you look at the worldwide sales figures (which are pretty much exactly what you’d expect when you consider that the US market is probably no more than 40% of the worldwide total, and quite possibly less, and that no one in Europe or Asia gives two shits about the NFL), you can understand why the development dollars went to bolstering FIFA instead. We’ll see, but my only hope for another enjoyable NFL game in my lifetime is that Congress or the Justice Dept. bring antitrust charges against the league, likely on the broadcasting front, and force it to end its exclusivity agreements across the board.
LOVE Trailer Park Boys. Absolutely love it. It’s chalk-full of absurd stereotypes, in fact it really can boast little more than that, but they’re so enthusiastically delivered that it’s hard not to be smitten. Ricky’s torrents of malapropisms alone are worth the hour committment every Thursday AFAIC. I cannot believe I never even heard of it before its run on the 101, and it’s a shame that it was already over before it even got a chance in the States, but it’d be a huge understatement to say that I was really looking forward to the group’s new ‘The Drunk and on Drugs Happy Funtime Hour’ series.
Agreed about District 9 Weapon. Great flick. How in the world do you find time to be a gamer? I am retired unfortunately.
DDD- I personally turned off Bruno 63 minutes in and I am a big Sacha fan. Parks and Rec is awesome and Philadelphia makes me piss my pants. I can’t get enough of shoe shine Andy and Mac’s latent homosexuality.
Robby – I never watched “Up.” I typically don’t like cartoon movies. I suppose I should see that one some time though. I don’t watch Gossip Girl, but your criticism of my (just #3 ranking) of Mad Men is fair. As is my utter disrespect to reality shows, which I def. watch too many of. Keep watching FNL – this latest season is extremely good. Although there’s a bit of lull at some point in the mid-seasons. “Sugar” just seems depressing to me. There a lot of other movies ahead of it in my netflix queue.
Dreamweapon – OK I’m going to have to buy LittleBigPlanet. I hope you’re right.
Ya Trailer Park Boys showed a lot of promise the episode I watched. “Bubbles” was great. I’m going to have to start DVRing it now.
The Jewru – Just for the record, I liked District 9. I really did.
Jewru–mostly, it’s because I only slept 4-5 hours a night for years on end, hehe, but now I’m back in school and broke again, and gaming actually ends up being a really cheap hobby, especially when selectively paired with certain….visual aids. [g]
Dalton–you don’t have to take my word for it: http://www.metacritic.com/games/platforms/ps3/littlebigplanet
Like the blog Dalton. Gotta say I was vey impressed there was another farm boy who knew what tRA or UZR was. But, really how on earth does “I Love You, Man” make it onto your top movies list? Rudd and Segel were about as funny as a pile of dead kittens. Great lists though. I gotta re-listen that fever ray and Bat For Lashes.
Dreamweapon – ok I’m for sure buying that game.
Matt – Glad you like the site. You need to rethink both Fever Ray and I Love You Man tho!
DDD-Jersey Shore? Really? Also, it appears you have been sleeping on Lost, or its hiatus has let you forget how damn good it is.
Dreamweapon- Batman (Arkum) is a damn good game on the PS3. However, MW2 is the bee’s knees. Get nuked, son. The Barrett .50 cal is basically my digital penis.
Also, I believe your 2010 preview omits Halo Reach. Tisk Tisk.
BTW, Trailor Park Boys is sooo under the radar. Thanks for putting it out there Dalton.
Robby – I just realized I got confused with “Sugar” and thought you meant “Precious.” My bad. Ya I’ll check out Sugar if you say it’s good.
Ian – “Lost” made my honorable mention, and while I still really like it, the whole time change thing wasn’t really my bag. That said, I have EXTREMELY high expectations for the last season, which I’m def. pumped for coming up. And I actually do think the writers will deliver, since they’ve had time to plan for the end and all.
Dreamweapon did address Halo – says it’s very overrated.
Trailor Park Boys has a bunch of potential, and I will keep watching.
And also, what’s wrong with Jersey Shore? Great show.
I hope you’re watching The Bachelor this season. Jake is ruthless
Is that a rhetorical question?
Two songs I liked in 2009:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ3S-c-96ik
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTd2qoWEylw
And no, I’m not kidding with that second one! I think it was my most played of the year.
Great stuff as always DDD!
Wanted to know what you thought of “It Might Get Loud” Documentary style aside, I feel it was the best movie of ‘09.
Sofa king ready for baseball! Keep the posts coming, this is a huge year for me in my RC/27 keeper league and your insight is always appreciated.
I haven’t seen “It Might Get Loud,” although I want to – I’ve heard good things. The director, Davis Guggenheim, directed a bunch of “Deadwood,” so I’m a big fan.
The baseball stuff will be plentiful, I promise.
I’m a little late to this party, but Moon. Watch it and appreciate Sam Rockwell. And the script.
A couple movies that I haven’t forgotten but can’t gauge how much I liked them… “Where the Wild Things Are.” Disappointed in the theater, but the more I thought about it the more I really liked it. And “Wendy and Lucy.” I can’t determine if I was astoundingly bored or enthralled, but in any case Michelle Williams can act.
Re: Lost… the writers have always known what the Island is, but apparently not how they’d get there (how could they? Running a TV show is running a business). But they have managed to pull off something that no show ever has: hidden structure/parallels to the seasons, and setups that are paying off 6 years later. It’s silly how excited I am to see it all culminate.
Nat – “Moon” is definitely on my list of movies I want to watch.
I think I liked “Where The Wild Things Are” more than most.
I’m excited about Lost’s finish too. I hope it doesn’t disappoint. And the expectations are sky-high.