Jay the Joke

By Dalton Del Don

Truly awful article written by Jay Mariotti today, with the basic premise being Bill Belichick traded Matt Cassel to Kansas City at a discount because he’s friends with Scott Pioli. Here’s an excerpt:

“What better way to thank Pioli, who tag-teamed with Belichick to mold three Super Bowl-champion teams, than by setting him up with a dramatic personnel boost in his first winter? Problem is, it smacks of an integrity issue when Belichick earmarks business with a pal and doesn’t maximize his return in a big trade…These developments really should draw the attention of the commissioner.”

With the Jay Cutler rumors, it does appear obvious New England could have gotten a higher draft pick if wanted, but that’s certainly not necessarily a good thing, and Belichick knows this. An early second round pick figures to be a rather cheap starter under the team’s control for around four years, especially if executed properly, something the Patriots do more often than not. Conversely, a top-10 or top-five pick is looking at more money than an established superstar. But forget that, the notion I have the most problem with is the accusation Belichick would ever make a deal that isn’t in the best interest of his own team. There’s a little bit less than a zero percent chance of that happening. And then, Mariotti drops an even bigger bombshell:

“Of course, some will say Cassel should have been kept as Gisele Insurance, pointing to Brady’s creepy track record since he began dating his new bride, supermodel Gisele Bundchen. They initially hooked up in 2006. In 2007, the Patriots lost the AFC championship game and dealt with Spygate. In 2008, they were upset by the Giants in Super Bowl XLII, a jolt followed by Brady’s lost season. While Gisele is dressing her dogs in matching Dolce & Gabbana floral lace collars, she might want to extend more tender, loving care to her hubby.”

As far as I can tell, Mariotti isn’t joking. Forget how ridiculous it is to blame Gisele for Brady’s performance on the field, it’s even more mind-boggling to call an AFC Championship loss followed by a Super Bowl loss during a season when Brady threw an NFL-record 50 touchdowns a “creepy track record.” I’m aware most people who know their sports don’t take Mariotti seriously, but this is bad even by his standards.


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9 responses to “Jay the Joke”

  1. Dreamweapon Avatar
    Dreamweapon

    Mariotti is Chicago’s broke-ass version of Rick Reilly. Just another sanctimonious jackass, always clutching his pearls over the least little thing. Every little incident is a scandal, every cross word a mortal insult, thieves and brigands lie in wait around every corner, attempting to rob sport of its glorious moral superiority, blah blah blah. I preferred the Sun-Times to the Tribune, but I only ever read his columns for comedic relief–I think he left the paper since I moved from the city, but from what I recall even his fellow columnists at the Sun-Times hated him.

    I will say that every time he opens his mouth, Reinsdorf and Guillen look that much better. Which is no small feat considering their respective personalities. Congratulations, Jay, you royal douche.

  2. Dreamweapon Avatar
    Dreamweapon

    Oh yeah, let me not forget Hawk Harrelson, either, who has publicly challenged Mariotti to fistfights. As far as I’m concerned Harrelson is the worst play-by-play man in baseball (other than Joe Buck of course, who should be placed in a brazen bull on principle), but I would happily bet on him to brain Mariotti like Daniel Plainview did to Eli Sunday.

  3. RotoScoop Avatar
    RotoScoop

    Well said.

    I loved how Roger Ebert told Mariotti not to let the door hit him on the ass on his way out. Ebert is the man.

  4. Poincare Avatar
    Poincare

    I agree, Roger Ebert is the man! I’ve been reading his work for the past twenty-five years. He is a truly outstanding writer as well as movie critic. His personal positions on non-movie related issues always make sense to me.

  5. Wright, Most the Time Says Avatar
    Wright, Most the Time Says

    I would say that Mariotti is just doing his job. Trying to spark some interest and make news national. In which case, he succeeded. Do I believe Belichick did any favors? Hell no! The guy does every thing possible to win and I respect him for that.
    I know I am getting off track with this commet but Belichick aniticapating with Defense’s play calls is not cheating either. I feel it is in the defense’s interest to mix up its play call signals. The funny thing is that Belichick is a winner and if he were a losing coach this wouldn’t be an issue.

  6. Wright, Most the Time Says Avatar
    Wright, Most the Time Says

    Also, congrats to you and Carli. Sorry we had to leave early Saturday. We had a great time.

  7. RotoScoop Avatar
    RotoScoop

    Poincare – Love Ebert. He hasn’t lost a thing either. He’s fantastic. I love how he’ll actually respond to commenters too. I really agreed with his take on the movies this year too. Synechdoche, NY was a million times better than Benjamin Button.

  8. RotoScoop Avatar
    RotoScoop

    Wright – Mariotti may be doing his job, but he’s doing it poorly. There are more important things to talk about here – like how Cassel will fare in KC. How crazy it is Josh McDaniels thinks Cassel is better than Cutler. How dangerous New England will be next year with four picks in the first 2 rounds of the draft and now money to spend. Instead, Mariotti settles for soap opera themes in the most overreaching way possible.

    Thanks. How was Tahoe?

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