The Scoop

By Dalton Del Don – Senior Writer

Jose Reyes, where has all the power gone? He’s a fantasy stud, and all ESPN anchors have it written into their contracts that they must call him “the most exciting player in the game,” but he has just two jacks this season and none since April 21. It’s hard to find fault with the rest of his game, however.

It’s tough to take these radar guns seriously, but did you see Justin Verlander touch 102 mph in the ninth inning Tuesday? His curveball was unhittbale as well. Pretty dominant performance.

Don’t look now, but the Yankees have won seven straight.

Before Monday’s 3-0 win over the White Sox, the Phillies were 0-18 this season when scoring three runs or fewer.

Speaking of the White Sox – the team ranks dead last in MLB in runs scored this year. Now that’s hard to do considering they have a DH to their advantage and play in one of the very best hitter’s parks in the game. Chicago is batting .231 with a .303 on-base percentage.

Speaking of futility, it’s time to check in on Jason Kendall: he picked up his third extra-base hit of the season Tuesday and first since May 16, upping his slugging percentage to a hideous .214 on the year. He’s easily baseball’s worst hitter.

Of the bottom 10 starting pitchers with the worst control this season, there are some surprisingly bigger names down there: Doug Davis is the worst in the league with 4.64 walks per nine innings, which isn’t shocking. And neither is Daniel Cabrera’s third worst mark of 4.55 BB/9 IP. But Matt Cain ranks second worst, with a 4.59 BB/9 IP mark. Others coming in the bottom 10 include Scott Kazmir, Scott Olsen and Noah Lowry. Part of the theme here is that most are young hurlers still learning how to pitch.

David Eckstein has a ridiculous .96 contact rate this season. He struck out Tuesday for just the seventh time all season.

Elijah Dukes is on pace to have 44 children by the time he turns 60. And of course, with 43 different women. There’s always that one lucky lady who doubles up.

The NBA Finals are unwatchable. The Cavs almost certainly wouldn’t have made the playoffs if they played in the Western Conference.

Watched “Ocean’s 13” last weekend – not as good as the first but not nearly the disaster that “Ocean’s 12” was. Probably more of a rental, though.

Over the past week, I’ve heard ESPN sportscasters come up with some pretty ridiculous ways to describe sports – here are three recent examples:

“Just like Paris Hilton, LeBron James was locked down. And like her, he wants to get free Sunday night.”

Describing a home run – “Hey bartender, Jack!”

Again, a home run call – “He’s got 99 problems but the pitch ain’t one.”

OK, that last one is actually pretty good. But still, are they comedians or sportscasters? Is there someone whose main job is to come up with these one-liners? I’m beginning to think they spend more time attempting to come up with witty dialogue than analyzing sports. And by beginning to think I mean this has become a decade-long trend.


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11 responses to “The Scoop”

  1. Donald Trump Avatar
    Donald Trump

    True dat on the sportscasters.

  2. Keith Avatar
    Keith

    I’m convinced Kendall has decided to start trying to jack one out of here. He hit one off the wall last night, hit one almost to the wall in SF a couple nights ago that looked gone off the bat (I blame the cold and wind)…I don’t think he’s choking up like 9″ anymore. I think he finally realized how badly he sucks, and that it’s tough to get opposite field bloop singles when the OF plays shallower than when pitchers are batting (no offense to Carlos Zambrano, of course).

    Dukes is a gentleman and a scholar.

  3. Donald Trump Avatar
    Donald Trump

    I am tired off all the people trashing Dukes around here. He is the father of my sisters’ daughter, and possibly her daughter as well.

  4. Robby Avatar
    Robby

    Where do you get that Pop Dukes pace from? Oh, and instead of saying “There’s always that one lucky lady who doubles up,” I would say “who gets to sue for double child support.”

  5. RotoScoop Avatar
    RotoScoop

    Kendall is awful defensively also. Get rid of his carcass and give Kurt Suzuki a chance. Piazza can handle 1-2 starts behind the dish per week as well.

  6. RotoScoop Avatar
    RotoScoop

    The Donald – I apologize. But my advice is not to let him know. I heard he doesn’t take the news too well.

  7. RotoScoop Avatar
    RotoScoop

    Robby – I think he’s had one kid per year since he was 16, so that was my unscientific formula. Admittedly, he’s just entering his prime, so Dukes could beat my projection. He’s got quite a bit of upside. He puts Shawn Kemp to shame, that’s for sure.

  8. Keith Avatar
    Keith

    Somebody start testing Kendall’s urine!!!

  9. RotoScoop Avatar
    RotoScoop

    haha – I know.

  10.  Avatar
    Anonymous

    isnt he on pace for about 44 kids with 37 different women???

  11. RotoScoop Avatar
    RotoScoop

    In my complicated algorithm, the two kids/one lady aspect was considered an anomaly. But that’s a good point.

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