The Depressing Article

By Robby Wellington – Staff Writer

More or less eliminated from the Fantasy Football Playoffs and not participating in basketball this season, I really have nothing to offer the fantasy world for a couple of months until baseball season arrives, and that’s only assuming that I overcome my battle with what has been an acute case of Seasonal Affective Disorder these past couple of weeks. Not surprisingly, along with my SAD (a cute acronym, I know) comes an inordinate amount of couchtime, watching college hoops and tons of other crap on television. Now I’m going to type about it (while contemporaneously watching crap on TV, of course).

College Basketball

This is the best season college hoops has had in a long time, certainly in the last seven or eight years. While the NBA age restriction policy seems preposterous, unfair and almost unconstitutional, I love what it’s done to the college game. After watching Oklahoma State’s amazing triple overtime win over Texas, Kevin Durant may go down as one of the most dominant freshmen in the history of college basketball. Look for him to average in the high 20s for the remainder of the season as Texas lands a four or five seed. While Greg Oden hasn’t lived up to expectations thus far, I look for Ohio St. to be the most dangerous team outside of Gainesville come March and the de facto one seed in their bracket. Focusing on freshmen, the Pac-10 may have the nation’s best freshman class, and is, as far as my west-coast-biased self can tell, the best conference in the country. UCLA and Arizona are Final Four threats and six other teams (all but Oregon St. and Arizona St.) are legit tournament teams. Even my beloved Stanford Cardinal has impressed so far, although they still have their toughest conference tests, and a date with Gonzaga.

Speaking of the Zags, these guys went from being the perennially underrated mid-major Cinderella story to having the sweetest deal in college basketball and underperforming in the postseason (although they actually managed a Sweet 16 appearance last year before a historic meltdown to UCLA). How did this happen, you ask? Well, after making a name for themselves in those early years, the Zags usually start the season with a lofty ranking in the top 25. Name recognition allows them to secure a tough non-conference schedule, even with some big games at home, a near impossibility for most mid-majors, and Gonzaga wins and loses against some quality opponents, their ranking sometimes taking a bit of a hit. Then it’s on to conference play, where, faced with weaker competition, the wins keep rolling in and, slowly but surely, Gonzaga continues to climb the rankings, ending the season looking better than they really are. Now I’ll eat my words when they crush Stanford by 20…

Crappy Reality Television

The Real World – After some painfully boring Outward Bound episodes (Look! they’re on a ropes course! Oh yay, another hike!), we’re back to what the Real World is all about: getting wasted, hooking up and verbal altercations. Good stuff.

The Hills – I’ve always had a thing for Heidi but was still pretty stoked to see this new guy Spencer treat her like trash as it should make for some good TV. We’ll see if he can live up to the lofty standards set by LC’s ex Jason, who had a delightful cameo to start off the season.

Beauty and the Geek – I never really dug the first two seasons, but this year is pretty good, primarily because the Beauties are actually beautiful (not to mention complete morons), and the Geeks are all likable guys. While the three biggest geeks have sadly been jettisoned, some serious talent remains on the beauty side (with the notable exception of that dog Cici, yuck!) Given the elimination format, the lack of alliances, politicking and backstabbing that goes on, especially among the geeks, is surprising and a bit annoying.

I Love New York – Like eating a whole tub of popcorn at the movies or throwing a beat, I feel a strange mix of pleasure and guilt watching this show, and absolutely hate myself when its all done. Lacking Flavor Flav’s comedic genius, this show impossibly comes across as more staged than Flavor of Love; at least half of the suitors are gay.

The White Rapper Show – As a former critically-acclaimed white rapper myself, I feel obligated to watch this show. The rest of you should feel no such urge, especially since the hot rapper chick just got the boot.

The Apprentice – My first year watching it, because it’s in LA and the friend of a friend of a friend is on it. Exciting, I know. Well, not so much, although I do admit, when Donald Trump proudly informed the winning team (comprised of all women, one gay guy and a straight guy) that they would get the pleasure of meeting Hugh Hefner and partying at the Playboy Mansion where they would be surrounded by tons of beautiful women, I lost it. Ogling silicone breasts must be very self-empowering and the perfect treat for an aspiring businesswoman.

HBO Stuff

Rome – I spent a day last week sick on the couch (as opposed to all the days I’ve spent healthy on the couch) and managed to watch the first season of Rome in its entirety (twelve hours, a prodigious feat if I do say so myself). While not quite Wire/Deadwood/Sopranos level, I found Rome to be very good and was fired up for an action-packed premiere to the second season that did not disappoint.

Extras – Speaking of disappointing, the first episode of Extras was catastrophically bad. Orlando Bloom and Ricky Gervais’ acting on the sitcom aside, I don’t think I laughed once. Depressing.


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6 responses to “The Depressing Article”

  1. Dave Avatar
    Dave

    Good point about Trump and the playboy mansion. What about when he was bragging about his body to the group? Classic. I didn’t think “Extras” was that bad, not as good as last season tho.

  2. john varn jr. Avatar
    john varn jr.

    SMC! SMC! Diamon Simpson treated the Zags like his personal porta-potty!

  3. Greg Avatar
    Greg

    I’m not sure I Love NY is worth watching now that “Romance” is off the show. That guy was the man.

  4. Keith Avatar
    Keith

    I’ve seen little bits of I love NY thanks to my girlfriend…and I almost shot myself after watching Boston say anything, and Rico Suave call her “my little negrita”…dear God that was awful.

    The lull before baseball season really is depressing, but I do hope the Cardinal make up for that football season (how ’bout that Harbough?)…it looked like they played the Ducks really tough.

  5. Lister Avatar
    Lister

    i heard you beat yo dick last night

  6. Robby Avatar
    Robby

    Dave – Ya, Trump is great. Extras’ 2nd episode is pretty good. I’m already using the catchphrase.
    Pumpkinhead – big win for the Gaels
    Greg and Keith – I am cursed to watch every episode of ILNY mainly because its on TV 20 times a week. Stanford hoops is tough and should be competing with Wash/Wash St./Cal for the Pac-10’s 5th and 6th NCAA bids. USC is in the top 4.
    Lister – Erroneous. I took a few days off after the marathon weekend.

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