Best of 2011

January 26th, 2012

By Dalton Del Don

It’s time for the sixth version of my year-end lists (time really does fly by), and as usual, I posted them late. But also as per usual, I hope the following is well recepted, even if it produces plenty of disagreements:

MOVIES

When I first started doing my year-end lists here, movies were my most covered, followed closely by TV. In fact, I could barely come up with a top-five list for music. Things have changed since (most evident by music, since I find that easier to utilize while I write, which has become a far bigger part of my life). But I also want to acknowledge how many movies (and TV shows) I’ve yet to see this year, so when considering my following rankings, realize I plan on watching the following ASAP: A Dangerous Method, Melancholia, The Skin I Live In, Shame, Our Idiot Brother, Into The Abyss, Midnight in Paris, The Trip and Young Adult.

10. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 – My favorite movie of this franchise was No. 4, in no small part because it was directed by Alfonso Cuaron, but really, no director did a truly poor job in this series, and while I actually found the first half of the two-part finale better than the latter, this compilation deserves recognition. David Yates was the final director, and I’ve heard from many people his TV mini-series “State of Play” was terrific, so it comes as no surprise he ended this properly. However, the epilogue was beyond horrific. Really, we invested in this Harry Potter heroic character to see him become a (horribly) middle-aged dude watch his kid go off to school like everyone else? Was this a bad joke? What an embarrassing ending to an otherwise worthy franchise that deserved far better.

9. Horrible Bosses – This is a shaky movie to put on a top-10 list, but it’s more of a reflection of how little films I’ve seen this year and also my affection for comedies above anything else (I did watch Super 8, Hangover 2, Hanna, and wait for it, Scream 4 to name a few I omitted here). I wasn’t opposed to Jennifer Aniston’s turn as a bad girl (and by that I mean I enjoyed seeing her attempt to deep throat a banana), but make no mistake, I imagine this movie won’t be among my top-20 after I eventually get caught up and watch the ones I missed listed above.

8. Hall Pass – My biggest takeaway from this movie was learning my friend Rachel can fit eight long necks in her Coach purse. Not that it necessarily needed alcohol. Two scenes stood out: the pickup line – “You must be from Ireland because my penis is Dublin.” And another I’ll let you guess, but it involved the hot Nicky Whelan downplaying a previous sexual relationship ironically, and I was somehow the only person in the theatre to laugh audibly. Without question, I seem to like Farrelly brothers movies more than most, as they always mix the crude with genuine in a way I appreciate. “The Three Stooges” admittedly looks terrible, but I thought “Shallow Hal” and “The Heartbreak Kid” were funny, while “Dumb and Dumber” is in my top-three of all-time (not just comedies). Moreover, “Kingpin” is in my top-five comedies, while “There’s Something About Mary” is in my top-10 (and “Me, Myself and Irene” isn’t far off that).

7. Bridesmaids – The whole “can a movie driven by females succeed?” narrative seemed a bit ridiculous, so it was nice to see this answer be a resounding yes. And by success I don’t mean at the box office, as “Bridesmaids” was definitely the funniest movie I saw in 2011. It wasn’t perfect, and it could’ve been 20 minutes shorter, but it was well written and acted, and there’s little doubt Kristen Wiig is a star. The shitting scene may have been unnecessary, but the setup felt real, and the sequence when Wiig is trying to get the cop’s attention was pretty damn good. Melissa McCarthy went and pulled a Zach Galifianakis here, essentially stealing the show.

6. Win Win – I really liked this movie, as Paul Giamatti continues to make wise decisions. It’s mostly described as “warmhearted,” but loss is the ultimate theme here. Considering the writer also wrote “The Station Agent,” one of the most underrated films of the past decade, it’s no surprise I was a big fan of his latest. I strongly recommend “Win Win.”

5. Moneyball – When I first heard about Moneyball being turned into a movie, I figured it would be a disaster. When it was later revealed Steven Soderbergh dropped out (or was kicked out), my worries only grew. Apparently, it was Brad Pitt who kept the project going, even though he’s not much of a baseball fan. That said, I don’t think it was low expectations that contributed to me genuinely liking this film, which was both far from perfect yet one of the better sports movies ever. It was ridiculous how Tim Hudson, Mark Mulder and Barry Zito were totally ignored, but the same can also be said about the book, so there’s no real foul there. And the movie’s quality shouldn’t come as a total shock with the people involved (Aaron Sorkin, Bennett Miller, the cast). Someone who’s a movie buff yet knows nothing about baseball questioned me afterward whether such a model could be long-lasting – meaning teams with money will obviously eventually catch up, right? Well, yes, that’s pretty much exactly what’s happened since.

4. The Tree Of Life – I asked my friend Chason to post this review, and here’s what he had to say: “Yeah its new agey in a really unconvincing way, overreaching, overbearing and completely self indulgent, but Tree of Life is also the best movie of the year. It was ridiculous sounding whenever I tried to describe this movie to anyone unfortunate enough to ask – Ugh everything? It’s about family, it’s about nature and nurture, it’s about what makes us human, it’s about all creatures on this earth, it’s about outer space, inner space, religion, evolution, chaos, order, science, the supernatural, dinosaurs (also the best dinosaur acting ever. Or at least since the remarkable performance given by that Triceratops in Jurassic Park 2, which was nothing short of a game changer for digital emotions but tragically overlooked because of the alien bugs from the other 1997 movie, Starship Troopers), and on and on.

However, Tree of Life is basically about what every movie is about, a character in the midst of change, specifically a midlife crisis for Sean Penn’s character. Except while most movies are like oh he feels so trapped by his job, or he just needs to stop being such a man-child and become more responsible, or he needs to stop being such a pushover. (I’d give an example for what happens for girls in these situations but major movies are still more sexist than me and as far as I can tell change for women in film is signified by two or three new outfits and maybe a makeover scene?) While Malick’s film is from the typical white male point of view, he handles the midlife crisis in the most non-reductive way imaginable. The logic goes what makes the character like this? Well his relationship to his parents and how they grew up, and what makes them like that? Well the world, and why is that like it is? Well it can be broken up into the way of nature and the way of grace, and then were onto suns exploding, Jessica Chastain flying through the cherry blossoms, and poltergeists moving furniture around. What is so masterful is the way Malick deals with Penn’s crisis in such an explosively macro way and on such a personal micro level.

They should not only give the Oscar to that boy who plays little Sean Penn but also remodel the statue itself from here on out to look like him. Ditto Pitt. Sure the ending looks really fucking stupid but at that point only the heartless won’t be sipping on that new agey kool aid, and what Malick is getting at here is not filmable anyway. At the beginning of the movie Brad Pitt drew an imaginary line for his son and ever since Sean Penn had been putting up imaginary walls for himself. By the end he crosses back through a door into a space with no divisions, where he’s free to connect to those who mean the most to him and to experience the beauty of a world that had never gone away but that he had just shut himself off from. What the life altering shit more do you want from a movie? There is an unimaginable amount of variables to affect our place in the world but for Malick it’s a choice how we experience it. The man made a movie about what every dumb comedy, or talky talky drama, or flat quirky dramedy is about and took it to the nth power. Malick does not pussy foot around or take it lightly, there is not a joke or a hint of irony in it. No shying away, no whining, no pop music soundtrack or attempt at being cool or stylish or hint of advertisers’ dirty hands or reducing the complexities down for a dumbed out sponge brained audience. It makes every other movie this year look flaccid. Timid at best. It’s over ambitious joy in trying to answer an unanswerable question.“ (Editors note: Whatever you think about my reviews here, Chason wins.)

3. Drive – The opening scene is terrific, with a heist centered around Ryan Gosling, showing his skills in suspense-filled fashion, culminating with the perfect timing at the end of a Clippers game at the Staples Center. The next half of the movie goes cheesy, and it does so for a reason, setting up the viewer for what’s to come: over-the-top violence (yes that was the point) and a switch in tone so abrupt you don’t know what hit you. I can certainly see others not liking this type of filmmaking, but I fell hook-line-sinker and thought it was brilliant. Sure, there are some holes, but Gosling’s understated performance needs to be noted, and I’m not sure many other actors could have pulled it off (at times there was no dialogue for minutes, and he utilized a toothpick that would make Carl Everett jealous). There’s no question this movie is more style than substance, but it invoked early Michael Mann, and the scene with the mask at the ocean was better than any horror film I’ve ever seen. I wasn’t in love with one decision at the end, but I’ve revealed enough already – this movie was different and daring, and I applaud them for it. This lawsuit against “Drive” was pretty great, and the soundtrack was equally as awesome. Also, good to see Albert Brooks back. Until the final month of the year, this was my favorite film of 2011.

2. The Descendants – Alexander Payne is easily one of my favorite directors. You probably don’t need me to say this, but his resume before his latest featured “Election,” “About Schmidt” and “Sideways,” which doesn’t get much better than that. Those three movies would all appear on my top-20 all-time list. “The Descendants” isn’t as good, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a pretty terrific film. Maybe I related closely here because my family is also fractured and deals with some of the same BS (not that it makes me unique in any way whatsoever), but it was clear coming out of this movie I liked it far more than the other three I watched it with. A.O. Scott from the “New York Times” did a far better job than I ever could reviewing this movie, so I’m going to point you to him here.

1. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo – I have a few movie buff friends who will no doubt cringe at this, and I have no argument; this is a “whodunit” mainstream movie. Of course, it’s also executed near perfectly, and I’m obsessed with David Fincher (“Se7en” is in my top-5, “Fight Club” is in my top-10, I ranked “The Social Network” No. 2 on my year-end list last year, and I also loved “Zodiac” and “The Game.” Furthermore, I decided to pretend “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” never existed). As a Fincher staple, the opening credits are legit (but nothing will ever beat “Se7en” when it comes to this), and I entered knowing absolutely nothing about the books. This movie was no doubt over-the-top, and while I would never argue this film was the “best” of 2011, it was my favorite. The “discovery” actually meant little to me (I also thought it was obvious), because it was beside the point among what else was happening, which was plentiful. The movie had about three endings, because there were that many stories going on (the actual true ending was pretty heart-breaking, which I prefer to heart-warming). I’ve read arguments why it was wrong/unnecessary to include some scenes, and those were easily the toughest to watch in many years for me. Beyond that, I’m a total sucker for this genre in general (and again, let me reiterate, the material here isn’t exactly “Citizen Kane” but Fincher executes story lines I’m a sucker for masterfully), and I thought Rooney Mara was nothing short of brilliant (and nothing short of hot). There wasn’t a film that kept me more on the edge of my seat (in nearly three hours that flew by) than “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.”

TV

First off, here are shows I didn’t watch this year (I’d rather watch a bad show with half-paid attention in the background while I write than give the same treatment to a show I know deserves my full treatment. That doesn’t mean I didn’t give full attention to some below, it’s just an explanation as to why some clearly inferior shows are listed above others I’ve yet to watch) but most certainly will: Breaking Bad, Homeland, Shameless, Enlightened, Archer and Wilfred.

And here are honorable mentions I did watch that just missed the list: Episodes, Modern Family, Damages, True Blood, Dexter, Parks and Recreation, Californication, Entourage, Bachelor Pad, The Challenge: Rivals, Weeds, 30 Rock, The Office and Tosh.O.

10. Gigolos – I wanted to put “Episodes” here, highlighting a little known show I found entirely watchable that ultimately produced one of the more surprising twists of the year at the end of its season. But then it got nominated for Best Comedy at the Golden Globes, and Matt LeBlanc actually won Best Actor for it. So instead I’m going with “Gigolos,” which might have been one of the truly craziest shows of all-time (and was totally overlooked at the Emmys). Rumors suggest these guys were actors, but I can’t decide if that makes it less or more crazy. It wasn’t one of the 10 best shows this year, that’s for sure, but instead of rehashing others (like Parks and Recreation, which while I still enjoy, it took an obvious step back this season), let’s talk about “Gigolos,” which not only “called” all other reality shows but also pushed all its chips onto the table in a big raise, as it made all others look positively tame. I can’t say there are too many redeeming qualities, but if you like bad television and/or reality shows, this pushes the envelope to say the least. I’d be shocked if there’s a season 2.

9. Workaholics – For ultimate payoffs, I enjoy dramas, but they’re so much harder to pull off, so for the most part I prefer comedies, both in film and television. Workaholics is under the radar but is also often laugh out loud funny. It’s easier to identify with some characters on the mainstream comedies on NBC, but I personally prefer the absurd when it comes to laughs.

8. The Ricky Gervais Show – Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant are obviously funny, but it’s Karl Pilkington who’s most fascinating on this show, as few people in this world have a more bizarre thought-process, and there isn’t even a hint of irony here. Also, I really enjoyed this riddle.

7. It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia – This show is hit-and-miss, but “Thunder Gun Express” was one of the most memorable things I watched this year. In fact, it’s still on my DVR.

6. Portlandia – The tone of this new series was set early, opening with this song. Season one was just six episodes and extremely quirky. One episode centered around a couple inquiring about just exactly how organic the chicken they may order for dinner was, which leads them to investigate where it was raised in order to find out how nice of a life it had. In fact, this show is so bizarre, filled with irony and the totally absurd, I can’t do it any justice, so instead I’ll just give you a few clips: House Sitter, Customers Only, Whose Dog Is This?, and Did You Read?

5. The League – I never had this show in my top-10 the previous two years, as even as a fantasy football writer I found it OK but certainly not great. However, “The League” grew into its own this year, as the Schaffer influence (also a “Curb” and “Seinfeld” writer for many years) became more apparent than ever. In fact, at times I couldn’t help but not compare it with “Curb.” And there’s a strong argument Rafi is one of the funniest characters on TV right now. I participated in a fantasy football draft with Stephen Rannazzisi last year, but there is no homerism here (although there is apparently name dropping), as I actually think the fantasy football angle might be the worst part of this show. The “Thanksgiving” episode featuring Jeff Goldblum and Sarah Silverman was a standout. Also, how good was Ruxin’s acting during the season finale?!

4. Sons Of Anarchy – Season 2 was one of my favorites ever. And while Season 3 was pretty bad, it ended with a bang. Season 4 was the exact opposite. It was really strong throughout, until its finale became a copout that essentially made everything that happened before it relatively moot. Still, I’d obviously prefer the latter, since it composed 95% of the season. Jax has developed into one of the better protagonists on television, but more importantly, Clay has become one of the worst villains in TV history. Here’s a strong review of the season finale (and season in general) by Alan Sepinwall.

3. Beavis and Butt-Head – Call me juvenile, but this is the only show I watched every episode multiple times this year. One in which Beavis teared up after sniffing an onion on his chilidog revolved around Butt-Head mocking him for crying the entire time (I mean literally nothing else happened during the episode, other than the critique periods, which have much more fodder these days with “Jersey Shore” and “16 and Pregnant” as options). Another had the duo learn that asking a father for his daughter’s hand was proper etiquette, so after requesting this repeatedly, the dad finally decided to let them down nicely, saying he doesn’t foresee his daughter marrying either of them, to which they replied “who said anything about marriage?” (Get it, they just wanted her hand). Another consisted entirely of them in an elevator, waiting to push the button that prompts the automated response to say “going down” anytime a female enters. I could go on and on, but by now you must be thinking, where did the lowbrow humor go? But I assure you, it only gets worse from there. In all seriousness, the brains behind this, Mike Judge, has directed and written three movies, and they are “Office Space,” “Idiocracy” and “Extract.” There are few funnier people alive. Although I will say if I rated these in tiers, there would be a massive break until the next one…

2. Curb Your Enthusiasm – I’m obviously biased, but Larry David absolutely killed it in Curb’s eighth season, which I thought was actually one of the best of the series. “The Safe House” was one of my favorite episodes of all-time, while “Palestinian Chicken” and “The Bi-Sexual” were A+ as well. Not to mention the redemption of Bill Buckner episode, among others. If I had the choice to have dinner with any three people, dead or alive, my answer would remain Larry David and no one else. I try not to get worked up over this stuff, but it’s such a joke “Curb” gets so ignored at award shows. Really Golden Globes, this wasn’t one of the five best comedies of the year? Johnny Galecki, Thomas Jane (I’ve watched every episode of “Hung” for some reason, and it’s terrible), and Matt LeBlanc are better actors than Larry David? Whatever you’re smoking, I want some of it. It’s a waste of burning calories, I know – “The Wire” never won any awards – so I digress. Anyway, “Curb” is my favorite show ever, and it’s never not placed No. 1 since I’ve been writing these year-end lists, until…

1. Louie – I saw Louis C.K. live this year, and he didn’t disappoint. In fact, I was with my friend Cory who had seen him earlier in the year, and as advertised, he said very little material overlapped. This aspect can’t be understated, as the best comic in the world right now doesn’t deserve credit for just being the funniest, but he rarely repeats a joke, which is frankly unheard of. You all probably know by now his setup with FX – he has total control, including editing. In fact, he turned down more money just to avoid ever getting a note from some exec who will no doubt fuck up an otherwise masterpiece. And make no mistake, this show is a masterpiece. Considering I just called him the best comic in the world, it’s a bit strange this show isn’t the funniest on TV, because it’s not trying to be. It’s definitely the weirdest. And darkest. That’s without question. And when the jokes hit they hit hard. I love Louie’s willingness not to care about norms – if he thinks a storyline has run its course, then it ends (often there are two shows in the 30 minute segment, and they aren’t necessarily broken up equally (not unlike Beavis and Butt-Head!)), and he’s had a couple of different actresses play his mom. There are no rules with Louie, and FX deserves a ton of credit for realizing what they have here (it may be a no-brainer to you and me, but don’t underestimate how clueless the TV industry is). Louie has been the best television show each of the past two years, and we should all consider ourselves extremely fortunate to be living in an era in which Louis C.K. exists.

MUSIC

10. Other Lives: “Tamer Animals” – At times they sound like “The National,” and I had never heard of them until this year. Workaholics, Tamer Animals and Real Estate are only on here thanks to my friend Matt’s recommendations, so cheers to him.

Listen to: Tamer Animals, Desert, Dust Bowl III, Weather, Old Statues

9. Real Estate: “Days” – This album is listenable from beginning to end, so I guess it comes down to personal preference on this age-old question (and by that I just made it up), would you prefer 10 “B” songs or three “A” songs and a bunch of “Ds” (or a reasonable facsimile of such a dilemma, you get the point). I personally prefer the latter, but admittedly that may only make sense considering the current music landscape (which may be ending soon, so I’d like to personally thank “Anonymous” here for their attack after the government seized Megaupload. They are doing God’s work). Bottom line, there are no standouts on “Days,” but it’s totally solid throughout.

Listen to: Green Aisles, It’s Real, Younger Than Yesterday, Wonder Years, Out Of Tune, Easy (I also wanted to post “Kinder Blumen,” “All The Same” and “Municipality” but couldn’t find links.)

8. Coldplay: “Mylo Xyloto” – After asking a friend (somewhat tongue-in-cheek because I knew he had never heard it since he was likely too busy listening to Joanna Newsom for the 10,000th time) “how sick is the new Coldplay song featuring Rihanna?” I then immediately wondered if I was the only person to ever utter that exact phrase. But I’m tired of defending Coldplay. If you strip away all extraneous aspects, you are left with a group that continuously puts out catchy albums, with their latest being no exception. Chris Martin shouldn’t be ashamed of the music he’s making (and who cares if he’s insufferable at times?), nor should those who like it. And if you’re too highbrow for it, then congratulations on your superiority. Also, get fucked.

Listen to: Princess of China, Paradise, Up in Flames, Up with the Birds, Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall, Charlie Brown, Major Minus

7. Kanye and Jay-Z: “Watch The Throne” – I’m not big into rap at all, but this marks the second straight year a Kanye West album made my year-end list. Not only did “Watch The Throne’s” best song sample “Blades Of Glory,” but it produced two of the most repeatable phrases of the year (side note: my fantasy basketball team is named “Wall So Hard.” I might have to draft Jason this year to name my fantasy baseball team “That Shit Bay”). If you don’t like this album, I might “murk” you.

Listen to: N**as In Paris, Murder to Excellence, Otis, Gotta Have It, No Church in the Wild

6. The Black Keys: “El Camino” – Are these guys capable of making bad music? I saw them in concert this year, and they were great. I also had their album “Brothers” in my top-10 last year, which is pretty remarkable when you think about it. This year’s release wasn’t as long or as good, but it’s top heavy, with a few undeniable hits you’ll want to put on repeat. They have also undeniably gone mainstream, but I hate to throw the whole “sell out” label, because that’s usually inspired by jealousy and/or the reluctance to admit “your group” has simply become popular. “El Camino” also produced the best ad I’ve ever seen for an album.

Listen to: Gold On The Ceiling, Lonely Boy, Little Black Submarines, Run Right Back, Stop Stop

5. The Decemberists: “The King is Dead” – I never gave The Decemberists a chance until I listened to this album and after being impressed, I checked out “Picaresque,” which was also terrific. After later releasing another E.P. in 2011 (highlighted by this song), it sounds like “The Decemberists” might not make any new music for some time – if ever again – which is a shame, because they are clearly talented. Love the singer’s voice, and I’m a sucker for the harmonica. At times they sound country, and I’m not sure any group utilizes as many instruments other than maybe Sufjan Stevens (seriously, how good is this song?!).

Listen to: Down By The Water, Don’t Carry It All, Calamity Song, All Arise!, Rox In The Box, June Hymn

4. Foo Fighters: “Wasting Light” – I’m a big fan of Nirvana, Soundgarden and Alice In Chains. That hardly makes me unique, but I’d rank “Wasting Light” as the genre’s best album since the 90s ended. Recorded using analog tape in the garage of Dave Grohl’s house with no computers whatsoever, this stripped down version couldn’t have worked better. In many other years, this album would be No. 1 on my list. It’s pretty crazy a group that has been together for more than 15 years just produced one of my favorite rock albums ever.

Listen to: Rope, Dear Rosemary, Arlandia, I Should Have KnownBridge Burning, Walk, These Days, Back & Forth, Miss The Misery

3. TV On The Radio: “Nine Types Of Light” – TV On The Radio is probably one of my five favorite bands ever. It’s hard to describe their style, and they employ multiple singers, but their latest album was their best as far as I’m concerned. I saw them in concert this year (it didn’t end well, but that’s neither here nor there, and TVOTR had nothing to do with that either way). But before the concert started I ran into Kyp Malone (don’t say I didn’t warn you about name dropping) at a nearby restaurant, and not only was he approachable (I hate doing this to celebrities, but I wanted to buy him a drink), he seemed genuinely surprised he was even recognized. Good people. My biggest dilemma was ranking this album #2 or 3.

Listen to: Second Song, Forgotten, Will Do, Troubles, Repetition, Killer Crane, Caffeinated Consciousness

2. Radiohead: “King of Limbs” – As anyone who’s ever read me knows, Radiohead is one of my obsessions, so while any one of their previous albums would have ranked as my favorite of the given year, I guess it might come as a surprise “King Of Limbs” doesn’t. It’s an A-/B+ at worst, but even as someone with A+ expectations, it’s hard to be disappointed by them once again producing a fantastic album, albeit on the short side. Their appearance on “The Colbert Report” was absolutely hilarious as well. But I’m willing to admit this reportedly long-lost discovered song by them (it’s not them) made me think what they could produce if they turned to music back in “The Bends” era. Please Radiohead, just one more time, if only for me.

Listen to: CodexSeparator, The Daily Mail,  Lotus Flower, Little By Little, The Butcher, Morning Mr Magpie, Supercollider

1. Bon Iver: “Bon Iver” – This isn’t just the best album of the year, it’s one of my five favorites of all-time. LeBron James is jealous of Justin Vernon’s talent. Seriously, I’d rather SOPA pass than Bon Iver stop making music. I’d prefer this lady or this man raise my child than be deprived of ever listening to this album again. For once I was blind, now I can see. Anyone not listening to this album would be more egregious than the Colts passing on Andrew Luck or finding this true story boring. To be clear, I like Bon Iver’s latest work.

Listen to: HoloceneMichicant, Perth, Calgary, Minnesota, WI, Beth/Rest, Towers, Hinnom, TX

SONGS

My favorite tracks (not listed above) from 2011 were: “Somebody That I Used To Know” by Gotye, “Easy Please Me” by Katy B, “Crystalline” by Bjork, “Only If For A Night” and “Shake It Out” by Florence + The Machine, “We Found Love” by Rihanna, “E.T.” by Katy Perry, “Don’t Sit Down ‘Cause I Moved Your Chair,” “Reckless Serenade” and “All My Own Stunts” by Arctic Monkeys, “I Need a Doctor” by Dr. Dre, “How I Roll” by Britney Spears, “Powa” and “Gangsta” by tUnE-yArDs, “Uberlin” and “It Happened Today” by R.E.M., “Mine Is Yours” by Cold War Kids, “Whole Love” by Wilco, “Midnight City” by M83, “Called Out In The Dark” by Snow Patrol, “The Wolf” by Fever Ray, “Victory Dance” by My Morning Jacket, “Not Your Fault,” “People” and “Guilty Filthy Soul” by AWOLNATION, “Underneath The Sycamore,“ and “Home Is A Fire” by Death Cab For Cutie, “Video Games” by Lana Del Rey, “Good Life” by OneRepublic, “Vomit” by Girls and “Virgin” by Manchester Orchestra.

I already nearly lasted until the end of January to get this posted, so no “worst of” this year (actually my worst of occurred recently – it’s the ref who blew the premature whistle when Ahmad Bradshaw clearly fumbled with two minutes left in a tie game in the NFC Championship game in a ruling that isn’t called 97.8% of the time. I would never wish ill will upon someone, but I can’t say I’d lose sleep if that referee somehow soon contracted Syphilis).

As always, feel free to let me know what I got right, what I got wrong and what I missed in the comments.

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Bet On It

January 20th, 2012

By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 3-1, winning my best bet. I’m 5-3 during the playoffs, with a 1-1 record on best bets. Onto the Championship Round picks:

Ravens +7.5 at PATRIOTS

GIANTS (Best Bet) +2.5 at 49ers

Comments: I obviously hope I’m wrong about the Giants, but I have a strong New York feel this week, so I’m going with head over heart.

The Scoop

January 16th, 2012

By Dalton Del Don

As a 49ers fan, it doesn’t get much better than Saturday. The tailgate started at 8:30 am, so we were all in good shape by gametime. The hit on Pierre Thomas (not sure why so many people thought a penalty should have been called on a clearly legal hit) set the tone, and I couldn’t have been more surprised by the early 17-0 lead…The Saints had half as many fumbles Saturday (three) than they did during the entire 2011/12 season. Saturday also was also the first time Drew Brees was picked off during the first quarter of a game all year…While his touchdown catch on third down was big, Michael Crabtree had bad back-to-back drops that ended another drive…What a crazy good pass from Brees to Marques Colston for a 25-yard score…How about 15 catches for Darren Sproles?

Craziest volleyball rally of all-time.

Aussie tourist’s bungee cord snaps into alligator infested waters.

Justin Smith is a grown ass man. Frequently double-teamed, he recorded five QB pressures and a season-high four QB hits Saturday, not coming off the field for a single snap (a whopping 83)…What a block by Joe Staley during Alex Smith’s 28-yard touchdown run, which was a career-long. Smith has thrown for 300 yards zero times this season, but he led the league with the lowest INT% and made some seriously impressive throws Saturday. He ended the regular season with an 8:1 TD:INT ratio and the third-best QB rating in the NFL when facing a blitz and just led SF on back-to-back 80-plus yard TD drives in the final 2:30 minutes of a Divisional playoff game, becoming just the fourth player ever to throw for three touchdowns with no interceptions while rushing for a TD in postseason history. Hard to believe this happened just last year…This marked only the fourth time in NFL history a team scored a touchdown to take the lead in a playoff game with less than 10 seconds left (somehow I have been at two of these, with both featuring sobbing 49er receivers)…With four lead changes in the final four minutes, seriously, how sick was that game?!!

Crazy brah surfs on his car’s windshield.

Caught cheating prank.

Did Tom Brady really throw five touchdown passes before halftime? That’s fairly impressive…Aaron Hernandez had more than twice as many rushing yards as any other Patriot. Of course he did…I’m beginning to think Tim Tebow versus Tom Brady is a mismatch in a shootout…As Cousin Sal will attest, the over/under for completed passes by Tim Tebow Saturday night was just 11.5. He completed nine in a game in which they were trailing by 28 points at halftime against a New England defense that allowed the most fantasy points to opposing quarterbacks this season…With three minutes left in the fourth quarter, Tom Brady punted on 3rd-and-10. Of course he did.

Embarrassing goalkeeper error leads to a goal.

Guy making iced tea like a boss.

What a terrible play by Jacoby Jones, losing a fumble on a punt return at his own six-yard line. Inexcusable. What was he thinking trying to pick the ball up with a defender right there?…There were some really nice catches in this game, highlighted by Arian Foster and Lee Evans, who both hauled in impressive one-handed grabs…T.J. Yates made some really poor decisions and throws on his interceptions, but it appeared to me Andre Johnson is clearly still not 100 percent, as it looked like he could have done a better job trying to break up a couple of those picks…As poorly as Yates played (although Dan Dierdof thought he played an excellent game), Johnathan Joseph was fantastic, shutting down Torrey Smith…Arian Foster also played extremely well, but his fumbling problem has become a serious issue. He’s now put the ball on the carpet seven times over his past seven games…I have no problem with Baltimore going for it on fourth-and-goal, but Ray Rice really struggled during that stretch. He fumbled the handoff before kicking the ball (and advancing his team three yards) on second down and then followed that up by stumbling and falling down on his own during the next carry. He was then easily stopped on a fourth down run straight up the gut. Not his best sequence.

Pro-bowler fail.

Seriously, why is Brian Orakpo such a dick in those Geico ads?

The Greatest Sports GIFs of 2011.

How was that Greg Jennings play not a fumble? Surprisingly, the Giants/Packers game could have gotten out of hand even earlier if not for a couple of breaks for the home team (of course, the Hail Mary was fortunate for New York). Also the roughing the passer call that extended a Packers drive late in the game was also highly questionable…Aaron Rodgers led all rushers with 66 yards during Sunday’s game. It was a successful strategy by the Giants, as he also took a season-high four sacks and was limited to a season-low 5.7 YPA. Of course, Green Bay certainly didn’t play it’s “A” game (or anything close to it), suffering numerous drops, while Rodgers was uncharacteristically inaccurate at times…What a huge strip by Osi Umenyiora, as not only was it Rodgers’ first lost fumble of the year, but he had a wide open Greg Jennings in the end zone as well…I’m cool with being aggressive, and onside kicks have a much better chance of being successful when they are a surprise, but it was interesting to see the favored home team attempt one early in the second quarter in a tie game…Not that Hakeem Nicks had a bad season, but where has this man/beast been all season when on a lot of my fantasy teams?…Not sure it ultimately matters as far as bulletin board material, but it was interesting to see Vernon Davis openly rooting for the Giants to win while interviewed at halftime, and I must say, I was doing so myself quite authoritatively. It’s really no disrespect to the G-Men, who are clearly playing as well any team in football right now, but there’s no reason not to want to play at home. Go Niners.

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Bet On It

January 13th, 2012

By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 2-2, losing my best bet. Onto the Divisional Round picks:

Saints -3.5 at 49ers

Broncos +13.5 at PATRIOTS

Texans +7.5 at RAVENS

GIANTS (Best Bet) +8 at Packers

Comments: The 49ers must be the first No. 2 seed that are underdogs by more than a field goal in the divisional round. I’m backing SF, but I wouldn’t be surprised if New Orleans won handily…13.5 points is an awful lot in a playoff game, but ultimately I see New England pulling away with too much firepower…The Ravens are too tough at home…I see the case that people are forgetting just how good this 15-1 Packers team is, but the Giants could also easily win this game outright.

The Scoop

January 9th, 2012

By Dalton Del Don

After the Bengals jumped out to an early 7-0 lead (every team that scored first lost this weekend), they were outscored 31-3 thereafter. There were three fumbles in the first 20 minutes (all recovered by the fumbling team), as postseason jitters were evident (Arian Foster needs to correct this problem, although he’ll almost certainly be at the top of my draft board in 2012 regardless)…This was the first ever matchup between two rookie quarterbacks in the playoffs…Marvin Lewis made two bad challenges early on plays that were quite likely not going to be overturned, effectively burning two timeouts and ending any chance of Cincy correcting a possible injustice later in the game. He deserves the fault here, but why doesn’t the NFL just turn to the college system when it comes to replays?…What a play by J.J. Watt! In a Wild Card weekend filled with numerous drops, his catch was the most impressive…

Police getting caught planting evidence by their own camera. Despicable.

Man misses mouse and shoots roommate, revealing child rapist.

With a sick hurdle, now Jerome Simpson is just showing off…The “effort” while trying to tackle Arian Foster on his 42-yard touchdown run in the fourth quarter by the Bengals was among the worst I’ve ever witnessed…After the Bengals completed a 16-yard pass on 3rd-and-19 early in the fourth quarter in a 14-point game, what was Gary Kubiak thinking calling a timeout when Cincy lined up to punt? After reconsidering during the break, the Bengals (predictably and rightfully so) went for it on 4th-and-3. Although they didn’t pick up the first down, Houston then made another curious decision, as Jonathan Joseph decided to catch an interception that cost them 23 yards of field position, making it ultimately like a punt anyway…Tom Hammond referred to Matt Schaub as Matt “Schoop” three times…Speaking of announcers, how great is Mike Mayock? Dude is so over the top, honest and most importantly, passionate. He’s the NFL’s equivalent to the NBA’s Jeff Van Gundy, and that’s a good thing.

Marriage proposal fail.

Cooking show fail.

With all due respect to the Packers, who remain rightfully the favorites to win the Super Bowl, there’s little question in my mind the single toughest challenge in the NFL right now is to play the Saints in New Orleans. That said, there’s even less of a question the Lions should have had a 21-7 lead Saturday night, as they were absolutely robbed of a defensive touchdown thanks to an errant whistle (Drew Brees lost a fumble that would have easily been returned for a touchdown). Seriously, what was that ref thinking? The line judge even threw his beanbag, letting it known he ruled it a fumble…After letting it be known I liked the Saints versus the field to score the most points this weekend, it wasn’t ideal to first watch the Texans drop 31 points and then have New Orleans have just 10 points at halftime (with the Giants/Falcons upcoming matchup projected to be something of a shootout too). Well, whatever adjustments the Saints made during the break worked, as they scored 35 points (which could’ve been 42 if they wanted) over the game’s final 30 minutes…

I’m not sure I’d describe him as the “dumbest,” but this criminal certainly isn’t the smartest.

Man named “Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop” arrested.

New Orleans is 9-0 at home against the spread this season…The Saints had the fewest fumbles in NFL history during the regular season this year. They had two during the first 25 minutes of Saturday’s game…Over his last four contests, Calvin Johnson has 36 catches for 771 yards and six touchdowns. He’s topped 210 yards in three of those four games. Only Jerry Rice, Randy Moss and Terrell Owens are in the conversation with Johnson when it comes to best wide receivers in NFL history…Robert Meachem had a big game with no Lance Moore, but he also dropped a perfectly thrown ball while wide open that would have resulted in a 60-yard touchdown…Not sure why Drew Brees was rewarded a first down on a fourth down sneak when he jumped over the line holding the ball out like all that mattered was if it crossed the goal-line for a touchdown, since he landed well behind the first down marker, but apparently it worked…Speaking of bad referring, and this was the worst weekend I can think of in recent memory, how about them allowing the clock to run out after the Saints kneeled the ball on FOURTH DOWN at the end of Saturday night’s game? I understand it’s inconsequential, but this is a billion dollar industry, so they might want to get the details right. I mean, there were still gambling ramifications, no matter how unlikely.

Watching these flagrant fouls by high schoolers is surprisingly (and depressingly) intriguing.

Basketball team loses at the end of a game because the other squad has six players on the court, and the coach is fired hours later.

Roddy White led the NFL with 15 drops this season and had a couple (back breakers) more Sunday. You’d have to be Gary Busey level crazy to take him over Julio Jones next year…The Hakeem Nicks versus Victor Cruz debate, however, is much closer. I haven’t made up my mind yet…Matt Ryan had a 10:0 TD:INT ratio with an 8.2 YPA over the final four games of the season, and he posted a 17:3 TD:INT ratio with a 100.6 QB rating over Atlanta’s last nine contests during the regular season, taking just seven sacks over that span. Another interesting note is that despite the narrative that suggested otherwise, his YPA jumped from 7.2 indoors to 7.8 outdoors while his INT% dropped (from indoors to outdoors) in 2011. Still, he picked apart bad teams and struggled against good ones, so it’s no surprise he was a no-show during the Falcons’ embarrassing performance against the Giants on Sunday…I’m beginning to think Eli Manning’s past (and only) two ugly home games during the postseason weren’t predictive of his next one. Seriously, how pathetic were the Falcons in short-yardage situations?…

Tim Howard scores a goal from 100 yards out.

Tattoo gives guy permanent erection.

What a hilarious ending to the first half. First the Giants call a timeout with 2:05 left with the Falcons facing a 3rd-and 21. The decision itself was questionable at the time, since Atlanta was likely to attempt a pass anyway, but it certainly wasn’t indefensible. But it was humorous when Joe Buck later went out of his way to praise the timeout after the next play resulted in a Julio Jones 18-yard catch in which he went out of bounds. Emphasis on the out of bounds. So the difference was the Giants having 1:58 left versus 1:53 left plus a timeout, yet Buck was applauding the former. Man is he awful. Troy Aikman is insufferable as well…Soon thereafter, Hakeem Nicks’ catch should have been ruled a first down. And instead of getting a measurement, the Giants quickly threw an incomplete pass out of shotgun needing just inches for a first, resulting in a punt…Then Atlanta pushed all its chips into the table and raised the level of incompetence, deciding not to call a timeout with more than 30 seconds left on a 3rd-and-4 play, so their ensuing first down at midfield gave them a whole four seconds to work with (not sure what was more weak, Mike Smith’s cowardice or Matt Ryan’s arm on his following Hail Mary attempt)…Seriously, who loses 24-2? It’s more embarrassing than getting shutout when your defense produces more points than your offense.

Man employs skeleton so he can use HOV lane.

Woman caught sleeping in front row during NBC News/Facebook debate.

As someone who had the Steelers at the back end of a teaser and loaded up on them in my home fantasy playoff league, Sunday’s game was a miserable experience. At first I found it funny the Broncos were putting up a fight, but in the end, the joke was clearly on me…Pittsburgh was the only team this year not to allow a 100-yard game from a receiver. Demaryius Thomas had 109 receiving yards on two catches during the second quarter Sunday…There was a “12 men in the huddle” penalty in all four games this weekend…As much as I criticized the draft pick at the time, it’s very possible Demaryius Thomas over Dez Bryant was the right move, although according to Pro Football Focus’ rankings, Bryant (#10) rated well ahead of Thomas (#57) among wide receivers this season…Not only did the refs blow another call on a clear fumble by Ben Roethlisberger that was ruled an incomplete pass, it also highlighted another error(s) made the previous day…

Man has massive 200-pound tumor removed from leg, looks happy regardless.

Papa John’s apologizes for racial slur.

The Steelers finished the year allowing just 5.6 YPA – a significant 0.6 fewer than the next lowest. They also allowed the second-fewest rushing touchdowns in the NFL. So it was a surprise to see Tim Tebow throw for more yards against them Sunday than any QB had in 2011. Ryan Clark was out (why did he travel with them?), while Brett Keisel and Casey Hampton both left with injuries, but give me a break. Ike Taylor got abused, and while there’s an argument Dick LeBeau is the second most valuable coach in football, he deserves to be criticized heavily. It’s great that his containment scheme worked (3.9 YPC), but how that also resulted in both a non-existent pass rush (this game was mostly decided at the line of scrimmage) and his corners left on an island one-on-one is beyond me. Tebow actually deserves a ton of credit for some of his throws downfield, which were pinpoint accurate, but it’s embarrassing to give up a long touchdown (with no safety help) in a new overtime format in which allowing a field goal could be considered a win…I love the Tebow story as much as anyone, but I’d argue what happened is crazier than most give credit for (says the person who backed Pitt) – he rolls to his right side as often as I do, as in never, so there was a serious coaching issue with Pittsburgh on Sunday. I’m not surprised by an upset in the NFL, but I was shocked at how the Broncos beat the Steelers…That’s what I deserve for picking a serial rapist over a pious virgin.

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Bet On It

January 7th, 2012

By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 6-9-1, winning my best bet. I finished the year 127-122-7, and while I’m not happy about my performance in 2011, I have finished above .500 in four of the five years I’ve done this (with the lone under being by just one game). I easily had my worst year in the best bets, finishing 7-9-1. Last season I went 8-3 in the playoffs but was under .500 the previous three years. Onto the Wild Card picks:

Bengals +3 at TEXANS

LIONS +11 at Saints

Falcons +3 at GIANTS

STEELERS (Best Bet) -8.5 at Broncos

Comments: I’m positive I’m on the sucker side with Pittsburgh, but I just can’t help myself.

The Scoop

January 2nd, 2012

By Dalton Del Don

After watching Matt Flynn get 10.9 YPA with six touchdown passes, it’s apparent Aaron Rodgers was holding this offense back all season. Coach Mike McCarthy has quite a dilemma on his hands entering the postseason…In all seriousness, if Sunday proved anything, it’s that Jordy Nelson is legit. Sure, the system is obviously terrific, and Flynn could easily be a starter somewhere in the league next year, but Nelson is such a playmaker. His 13.3 yards-per-target mark in 2011 is off the charts and historically good. And think, that number would be even better had he not had to stop once reaching the end zone 15 times…Pretty insane the Packers finished 15-1 while actually allowing more yards than they gained this year…Titus Young and the Lions were robbed of a touchdown on a bad call, which was extra frustrating since the team was out of challenges…It wouldn’t be a stretch to call Calvin Johnson one of the three most physically gifted wide receivers ever (although Rodney Harrison actually said this about him Sunday night: “He’s not overly fast.”), and he just had one of the best games ever at the position, but Matthew Stafford is really coming into his own lately. The numbers obviously speak for themselves (5,000 passing yards, 41 TDs), but he’s developed into a true superstar and is just 23 years old. If starting a franchise, whom would you take first, Johnson or Stafford?

Man high on meth in underwear (get it, like “Breaking Bad”) crashes stolen police SUV after streaking through highway traffic. Seriously, watch how insane this guy drives.

What a remarkable season by Maurice Jones-Drew, who won the rushing title and finished just 20 yards shy of reaching 2,000 total yards while scoring 11 touchdowns, all while playing for the NFL’s worst offense, at least when looking at yards-per-game…It should be really interesting to see what now happens regarding Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck.

Here’s a road-rage street fight that ends in a handshake and an attaboy.

Steve Slaton badly outplayed Daniel Thomas, which isn’t a great sign for the rookie moving forward…It’s truly hilarious the Jaguars asked for permission to interview Brian Schottenheimer for their head coaching job, since you know, he should be fired from his current offensive coordinator position…As for Rex Ryan, he’s definitely made some mistakes, but coming off back-to-back AFC Championship appearances (during his first two years ever as head coach), there’s no way he should be on the hot seat (unless he refuses to can Schottenheimer).

This year in unnecessary censorship.

It really is too bad Jonathan Stewart’s prime years are getting essentially wasted in what amounts to a three-back committee. His 142 rushing attempts ranked 32nd among running backs this season. His 32 missed tackles ranked ninth – just one fewer than Adrian Peterson…Marques Colston has racked up 29 catches for 422 receiving yards and five touchdowns over his past four games. He’s my top ranked wide receiver in fantasy football playoff leagues…Drew Brees finished the regular season producing 30 touchdowns over eight home games.

Look at this dog. Would you just look at it!

Just when it looked like Minnesota might have two legit quarterback options, Christian Ponder continues to battle the injury-prone label, and Joe Webb gets exposed. But it’s the Vikings’ secondary that is by far more concerning, as they just ended the 2011 campaign allowing an incredible 34:8 TD:INT ratio. And that was with the team leading the NFL with 50 sacks!…It’s unbelievable the difference between Percy Harvin’s production with and without Adrian Peterson in the lineup…I would be pretty shocked if Mike Martz returned to Chicago in 2012.

Another blooper from a local news team.

After ending the first quarter down 21-0, my “best bet” (the Patriots) didn’t look so great, considering I was down 32.5 points. A 49-0 ensuing run meant I ultimately covered by 16.5 points, however, which was pretty crazy…I, for one, appreciated Stevie Johnson personally wishing me a happy new year…I would happily take an Aaron Hernandez vs. Antonio Gates bet for who has more fantasy points next year if someone was so willing…Pretty funny to see Bill Belichick bring back in Rob Gronkowski to make sure he finished with more yards than Jimmy Graham to set the NFL record for yards by a tight end when the game could have ended with kneel downs.

Crazy footage of a car/motorcycle accident. Of course, Big Ben would call this kids play since a helmet was involved.

I can’t believe how surprisingly competent Jake Delhomme was in relief Sunday. Even so, I’d be hoping T.J. Yates starts this week if I were a Houston fan…Ben Tate is fantastic and would easily be a top-five fantasy back should Arian Foster go down next season (which in a way, makes Foster a safer pick)…Not that we should be thrilled with the No. 3 vs. No. 6 matchup in the AFC, but it would have been tough to stomach that Titans team making the playoffs…It’s one thing to go for two at the end of the game locked in as the No. 3 seed and wanting it to end, but doing so after committing a false start had to upset a lot of Raiders fans. Coming from Denver, maybe Gary Kubiak wanted to stick it to his old division rivals one more time.

Horrific story: Man hires a prostitute, and his daughter shows up.

Don’t sleep on what Brent Celek did down the stretch. He could easily be a top-five fantasy tight end next season…Rex Grossman ended the year throwing an interception in 12 straight games…The Eagles actually ended up finishing ahead of the Cowboys in the NFC East, whose champion had fewer than 10 wins for the first time in the history of the division.

The 45 most powerful images of 2011.

Frank Gore looks like a flat tire. I’d say there’s about a 50 percent chance Kendall Hunter has more fantasy points next year. So take the latter since he’ll be much cheaper…Want to hear something crazy? The 49ers haven’t committed a turnover over their past 22 quarters…Over the last three years, coach Steve Spagnuolo’s Rams beat just one team that finished the year with a winning record. That team was the Saints this season…Andy Lee is ridiculous and more valuable than most realize. He netted 56.8 yards on five punts Sunday…Sticking with special teams, what a great fake field goal that resulted in an easy touchdown. Who knew David Akers had such an arm…With a 34-13 lead with less than five minutes left against the NFL’s worst offense, it was absolutely terrifying to watch my 49ers nearly blow the game Sunday (and in turn the No. 2 seed). Got to give the Rams credit for not giving up (call them the anti-Bucs).

This dog goes down stairs in style.

Speaking of Tampa Bay, what a pathetic performance. Down 42-0 with seven minutes left in the second quarter, really?…I’m not sure how high I’ll be willing to take Julio Jones in fantasy leagues next year, but I know it will be higher than Roddy White…Over his previous three games combined, Michael Turner had run for 176 yards. He had 172 rushing yards at halftime Sunday.

Man named Omar Little arrested in Baltimore.

What a ridiculous catch by Larry Fitzgerald at the end of Sunday’s game…Marshawn Lynch’s 11-game scoring streak came to an end in Week 17, and he’ll be one of the more interesting players to rank in fantasy leagues next year…Not only did Arizona end the season on a 7-2 stretch, but a whopping four of those wins came in overtime.

Danilo Gallinari misses wide-open layup in final seconds down two points.

He’s a big health risk, but if Vincent Jackson left via free agency, Malcom Floyd could easily be a top-12 fantasy wide receiver next year…With their season on the line, Oakland forced the Chargers to punt zero times Sunday…Michael Bush really wore down as his huge workloads caught up to him down the stretch…With the Raiders well within Sebastian Janikowki’s range (56 yards), it was perplexing to see the team complete a six-yard pass over the middle of the field with no timeouts remaining, effectively ending the half. Then again, this is the team that just broke the NFL record for most penalties in a season. Of the eight most penalized teams in the history of the league, the Raiders appear six times on the list…Vincent Jackson finished with nine touchdowns this year. Sunday’s was his only against a divisional opponent…San Diego was just inches away from becoming the second team of the day to suffer a safety on a kick return (Green Bay being the other)…Oakland lost the division based on the third tiebreaker (record against common opponents), which can’t be easy to stomach…Can’t believe Norv Turner may actually keep his job yet again…I’m only going to say this once, because I want him on a bunch of my teams, but Carson Palmer is going to have an absolutely monster fantasy season next year.

This beard must be seen to be believed.

The Broncos backed into the playoffs with a .500 record, having been outscored by 81 points on the year and losers of three straight. In fact, they would have been shut out at home Sunday if not for a muffed punt on a fair catch by Javier Arenas, leading to the team’s lone three points. After Sunday’s loss, this Huffington Post headline killed me…The Chiefs’ defense was quietly strong down the stretch, holding their opponents to 16 points or fewer in five of their final six contests, with three of them coming against playoff teams.

When it comes to flops, Drayton Florence just took it next level.

It’s crazy to think the loss of Rashard Mendenhall moves the needle at all when it comes to Pittsburgh’s playoff hopes. I doubt it moved this week’s Vegas line a hundredth of a point…After recording 43 catches for 800 yards and five touchdowns over the first half of the season, Mike Wallace totaled just 29 receptions for 393 yards and three touchdowns over the second half. He reached 70 yards just once over that span, as he’s been a big disappointment after such a hot start…With two minutes left in the third quarter, the Steelers declined a holding penalty on third down, which allowed the Browns to attempt (and make) a 49-yard field goal. It was a curious decision, albeit not a no-brainer either way.

Helmet-to-helmet hits are especially painful if you’re not wearing a helmet.

Andy Dalton has thrown just six touchdowns over the past seven games, although it’s worth noting he has just one interception over the past six. There’s little question Cam Newton is the NFL’s Rookie of the Year…I don’t consider the Ravens one of the best teams in the league, but they could be looking at a home game against a depleted Texans team in the Divisional Round, and it’s not implausible they face a Steelers team they have already beat twice this season at home the following week. They could easily make the Super Bowl with that path (however, I don’t like their chances at all if they have to go to New England for the Championship Game).

I can’t say I’m surprised Alistair Overeem dominated Brock Lesnar, but wow what a disappointing way to end a career. Really, a kick to the midsection? Of course, I’d probably be hospitalized for six months if that happened to me, but come on man.

Hardly anything should surprise us at this point when it comes to the Cowboys and Giants, but I didn’t expect one team to be up 21-0 midway through the third quarter Sunday night. Eli Manning received far better pass protection, but both quarterbacks played well…Victor Cruz had five touchdowns from 68-plus yards this season…I’m sure it means nothing, but Dallas was 0-4 during Sunday Night Football this year…How do the Cowboys punt down 10 points with fewer than five minutes left? Jason Garrett and Rob Ryan are both terrible…The Cowboys have won one playoff game over the past 15 seasons.

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Bet On It

December 31st, 2011

By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 9-6-1, losing my best bet. I’m 121-113-6 so far this year. Best bet is 6-9-1. Onto the Week 17 picks:

REDSKINS +9.5 at Eagles

Jets +2 at DOLPHINS

Panthers +8.5 at SAINTS

LIONS -3.5 at Packers

49ers -11 at Rams

Colts +3.5 at JAGUARS

Bills +11.5 at PATRIOTS (Best Bet)

Titans -3 at TEXANS

Bears pick ‘em at VIKINGS

STEELERS -7 at Browns

Ravens -1.5 at BENGALS

BUCCANEERS +12 at Falcons

CHIEFS +3.5 at Broncos

Chargers +3 at RAIDERS

Seahawks +2.5 at CARDINALS

COWBOYS +2.5 at Giants

Comments: As usual, some quirky lines in Week 17. The Giants/Cowboys game was a true toss up for me, but I expect the Pats to roll.

The Scoop

December 27th, 2011

By Dalton Del Don

As someone who had the Texans in a teaser, watching Dan Orlovsky drive 80 yards to score the game-winning touchdown in just a minute and a half was a miserable experience, although it occurred while I was at a white elephant Christmas party, where I scored a nice bottle of wine and Everclear (still afraid to even try this), so all was not lost…If that truly was Reggie Wayne’s final home game as a Colt, it was a nice way to depart…Ben Tate somehow got negative fantasy points despite not fumbling and facing an Indy defense that has allowed the third-most fantasy points to opposing running backs this season. That’s not easy to do…Thursday’s game was the first time in NFL history a team with one win or fewer beat a team with 10 or more wins.

This luckily avoided crash was intense.

What a comeback by the Cardinals, who after trailing 23-0 with fewer than 12 minutes left should have tied the game had Early Doucet not done this…John Skelton has got 7.9 YPA with a 6:2 TD:INT ratio in fourth quarters this season. He’s recorded a 4:11 TD:INT ratio in quarters 1-3, however…Yup, this was easily one of the coolest plays I’ve ever seen.

This best of compilation of table tennis shots during 2011 is surprisingly captivating.

What a play by Victor Cruz. Pretty crazy he’s already set a franchise record for receiving yards in a season since there’s still a game left and he barely saw the field over Weeks 1 and 2 (totaled 38 snaps). Cruz could improve as a blocker, but his 16 broken tackles rank second in the NFL among WRs…Darrelle Revis absolutely owned Hakeem Nicks on Saturday. In fantasy leagues, Nicks sure picked a poor time to have his worst two games of the season…Mark Sanchez has produced 30 touchdowns this year, but his YPA has dropped for the second straight season following his rookie campaign, sitting at an ugly 6.4 in a time when passing stats are the highest in league history. His career completion percentage of 55.1 is glaring, and he’s already lost eight fumbles in 2011. It’s too early to write off the former No. 5 overall pick, but Jets fans also have every right to be concerned. Pro Football Focus ranks Sanchez 37th among 39 quarterbacks this season, and although that’s a bit misleading since it’s not a rate stat, so QBs like Tyler Palko and Curtis Painter would grade worse if they played an equal amount of time, it’s still not exactly encouraging.

This video of an encounter between humans and a group of wild mountain gorillas is actually pretty engaging.

Jared Cook has racked up 17 catches for 272 yards and a touchdown over the past two games, so everyone’s favorite preseason sleeper is waking up late in the year. He’s seen 581 snaps this season, which ranks 30th among all tight ends, yet his eight broken tackles rank eighth at the position, which reveals plenty of upside moving forward, assuming he’s given more of an opportunity. Cook is physically gifted and entering his fourth year in the league, so he’s a major candidate to break out in 2012…In a forgettable season, at least Jacksonville managed a backdoor cover last week.

This Golden Retriever loves the guitar.

With less than one minute left in the first half Saturday, Tom Brady had taken as many sacks (three) as he had completions. Still, even in what looked like a sure down fantasy day, he somehow managed to rush for two touchdowns (to go along with 300-plus yards and another score through the air). The Pats’ 17-0 halftime deficit sure disappeared fast…Matt Moore has an 11:2 TD:INT ratio over his past six games. Over his last eight contests, he’s also got 8.3 YPA. He should absolutely be given every opportunity to be the team’s starter in 2012.

This kitten gets thrown violently down a loft ladder.

After a breakout season ended in a fizzle last year, Peyton Hillis has decided to do the opposite in 2011, as he’s finishing strong, totaling 220 yards over the past two games, including getting 4.7 YPC last week in Baltimore…Saturday’s game ended with the Ravens drawing the Browns off sides. Well played Cleveland…It’s a big game in Cincinnati this week, with huge ramifications for both teams.

This TV weatherman throws a fit and walks off. Gets abused afterward.

A terrific fake field goal that resulted in a 37-yard touchdown was negated by a delay of game penalty by the Raiders, which looked even worse after Sebastian Janikowski was pushed back five more yards and subsequently missed a 59-yard attempt. Considering Richard Seymour also blocked two field goals and the game ended in overtime on a kick, the FG units had an especially important impact Saturday…What a play in overtime by Carson Palmer and Darrius Heyward-Bey, connecting on a 53-yard pass on the first play from scrimmage, effectively ending the game…Kyle Orton versus Denver, with the Broncos’ playoff hopes on the line. Should be good stuff this week.

The 10 most insane delusions (this is leaving out a few huge embellishments, mind you) regarding Kim Jong-iL.

Joe Webb somehow produced three touchdowns while attempting just five passes in relief last week and has created a quarterback controversy in Minnesota. At minimum, the 25-year-old sure is a nice insurance policy as a backup, as Webb is the fastest quarterback in the league and also has a 103.7 QB rating this season…What a devastating injury to Adrian Peterson. Just awful, in a meaningless game no less (when he in no way had to be playing while at less than 100 percent). I can’t see him going before the third round in fantasy drafts next year, and maybe that’s optimistic…I felt pretty good facing Jabar Gaffney in the finals of my home league this week, until he caught four balls over a five play stretch in the third quarter, including a one-handed grab in the end zone. Seriously, what the hell?…In that same league, I added Evan Royster on Saturday morning after news broke Roy Helu would be inactive, and while I had a somewhat shaky flex option (Vincent Jackson), I couldn’t pull the trigger inserting him into my starting lineup, mainly because of Mike Shanahan. Well, Royster highly impressed, totaling 147 yards on just 21 touches against a solid Vikings’ run defense. He got 3.6 YPC after contact, and to put that into perspective, only two running backs have got better over the course of this season (Darren Sproles and Fred Jackson). For all that has gone wrong in Washington in 2011, at least it looks like their backfield will be strong with Helu and Royster (young and cheap too) entering next season, although it will likely result in a headache for fantasy owners…The Vikings recorded their first interception in 10 games last week…Although it almost paid off, it was curious to see the Redskins not attempt an onside kick down seven points with 1:25 left.

The most horrifying joke in sitcom history (actually it’s a close call between another Mr. Belvedere clip I posted a couple of weeks back).

I’m beginning to think the Buccaneers have given up this year…Cam Newton, Jonathan Stewart and DeAngelo Williams have combined for 2,139 rushing yards and 24 touchdowns this season, getting 5.3 YPC in the process…LeGarrette Blount was benched, seeing a total of just seven more snaps, after fumbling on the first play of Saturday’s game (it was officially credited to Josh Freeman), as he continues to be a huge disappointment in the little aspects of playing the running back position. Blount is tough to trust, especially playing for a bad team usually playing from behind, since he continues to be useless on passing downs. He’s totaled 21 yards or fewer in three of his past four games.

Here’s a pretty big NBA referee fail.

Well, that wasn’t the best game by the “Mile high Messiah.” Tim Tebow took the jokes that every one of his passes was a “Hail Mary” a bit too literal Saturday, as some of his were a bit off the mark, even throwing pick-sixes on back-to-back plays…It’s also worth noting just how much Denver’s defense has taken a step back ever since Von Miller suffered his thumb injury…Despite being easily one of the five best fantasy backs this year, Fred Jackson will be coming off a serious injury and entering the season at age 31.5 next year, so with C.J. Spiller’s emergence, he’ll be one of the trickiest guys to rank in 2012…How does Denver punt down 12 points with 12:22 to play from the Buffalo 41-yard line? At least they got a 24-yard net.

Man poses with cash he stole on Facebook, which helps lead to his arrest.

Rashard Mendenhall owners can’t exactly complain, but considering both Isaac Redman and John Clay (on his first career rush attempt) scored touchdowns, they do have a reasonable gripe…Although I admittedly predicted six points from the Rams in my “Game Caps” column, that might have been the most predictable shutout in recent memory…I can’t say I’d blame the Rams if they truly “clean house” with the coaching staff after the season as rumored. Jon Gruden would be an interesting choice, as he’s certainly a better coach than analyst.

This catch was pretty legit.

If the Chargers weren’t going to make the playoffs regardless, Saturday’s embarrassing blowout loss might be a blessing in disguise, as Norv Turner needs to go. I get that Mike Tolbert is bigger, but it’s inexcusable to take the far superior player Ryan Mathews out of the game twice inside the 10-yard line during drives last week. It wasn’t exactly shocking to see the results be a field goal and a turnover on downs, as typically you lower your chances of succeeding when you relegate your better personnel to watching on the sidelines. Oh well, San Diego’s season was only on the line. Good riddance Norv, it sure was impressive to see you last this long (what will he do with the compromising Polaroids he must have of Spanos?)…This Detroit team is dangerous, and I’d consider them major sleepers to come out of the AFC. Too bad they play in the more loaded NFC and will have to immediately go on the road…Matthew Stafford has a 9:0 TD:INT ratio over the past three games, and while that’s come against admittedly weak competition, he’s undeniably played extremely well. His 7.5 season YPA isn’t off the charts, and having Calvin Johnson is the single biggest advantage a quarterback can have right now in the NFL, but Stafford is on pace to finish the season with 4,819 passing yards and 38.5 touchdowns while also limiting turnovers. Most importantly, he’s stayed healthy, and remember he’s started just 28 games in a career that’s really just beginning. Stafford has shown a willingness to remain tough in the pocket and might have the strongest arm in all of football, and he’s came correct for fantasy owners, throwing for 764 yards with seven touchdowns over Weeks 15 and 16.

Human feces used as fertilizer has neighbors fuming.

Well, that was a brutal blow for owners relying on Tony Romo in Week 16. It also didn’t help any of his receivers (or Dan Bailey, for that matter), and while Felix Jones owners can’t complain since that was a known risk should the Giants win their earlier game, I doubt Romo would have sat much had he not got injured. What a terrible way to finish the fantasy season. That said, he should be healthy this week, and Sunday night’s game should be good…Here is an actual quote from Troy Aikman while announcing Saturday’s game: “DeSean Jackson is fearless going over the middle.” Good stuff. And by that I mean the opposite.

Oldie but goodie, Lou Holtz is the man!

Huge win for the 49ers, but I can’t think of a tougher opponent for a No. 2 seed (assuming they win in St. Louis on Sunday, which is obviously far from a sure thing), than the Saints. New Orleans might be the best team in football. Has a No. 2 seed ever been an underdog during their first game (obviously at home)?…Crazy to see Marshawn Lynch both rush for a touchdown and break the 100-yard mark and yet the Seahawks still lose. I expected either Seattle would break the mark and win, or vice versa. So goes football…Braylon Edwards’ tenure in SF was pretty epic…David Akers broke the NFL record with his 42nd made field goal, and it can’t be often a kicker has more FGs than extra points in a season…Tarell Brown’s attempt to tackle Doug Baldwin on his touchdown catch was one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever seen. He made Roger Dorn look courageous.

Drew Brees has had a fantastic season, but Aaron Rodgers is the MVP…In comparison to Caleb Hanie, Josh McCown looked like Joe Montana…With a 13.5 point spread, it warmed my cockles during the holiday season to see Lovie Smith elect to kick a field goal down 17 points with 1:11 left Sunday night…Kahlil Bell racked up 159 yards on 27 touches Sunday, and he was highly impressive while doing so, exhibiting great patience and a strong ability to hit the hole. The undrafted back has gained 4.9 YPC during his brief career and has totaled 14 catches for 105 yards receiving over the past three games, and he was the feature back in just one of those contests. Bell forced a whopping five broken tackles against the Packers and has suddenly given Chicago a reason not to overpay Matt Forte during the offseason.

In case you missed last week’s article, let me once again reiterate, this guy was in our tailgate party!

I entered Monday night with a 42-point lead in my home league but facing Drew Brees, Marques Colston and Matt Bryant, and the outcome was predictably torturous. Seriously, how good is Brees?!…Also, who cares that the Saints tried to get Brees the all-time passing yards record during garbage time? That’s all well and good the Falcons are pissed and will “remember” it next time they play (which looks like a real good chance in round one of the playoffs), but ultimately that won’t matter when they get boat raced again…Michael Turner has ran for 280 yards over his past five games, getting 3.3 YPC with just one touchdown. He actually leads the NFL with 53 broken tackles this season, and he even hauled in four receptions for 36 yards last week, so maybe it’s premature to totally write him off, but Turner will be on the wrong side of 30 entering 2012 and has shown real signs of decline recently. He would be an awfully risky first round fantasy pick next year.

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Bet On It

December 24th, 2011

By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 11-5, winning my best bet. I’m 112-107-5 so far this year. Best bet is 6-8-1. Onto the Week 16 picks:

TEXANS (Best Bet) -5.5 at Colts

Dolphins +10 at PATRIOTS

BROWNS +13.5 at Ravens

CARDINALS +4 at Bengals

VIKINGS +6.5 at Redskins

BRONCOS -1.5 at Bills

Rams +16 at STEELERS

GIANTS +2.5 at Jets

BUCCANEERS +8.5 at Panthers

JAGUARS +8 at Titans

RAIDERS +.5 at Chiefs

Chargers +1.5 at LIONS

Eagles +1 at COWBOYS

49ers -2 at SEAHAWKS

Bears +13.5 at PACKERS

Falcons +7 at SAINTS

Comments: The loss of DC Wade Phillips on the sideline proved drastic last week, but this seems like a good time to buy Houston low and sell Indy high. (Editor’s note: Dumb!)

The Scoop

December 22nd, 2011

By Dalton Del Don

What an abysmal offensive performance by Jacksonville on Thursday night. At one point in the third quarter, Maurice Jones-Drew had 20-plus more total yards than the Jaguars had net as a team…Let’s just hope this season is a lesson to the NFL when it comes to picking primetime games. Using Vegas over/unders would be an obvious solution…After recording a 137.3 QB rating in a near flawless performance last week, Matt Ryan has a 17:4 TD:INT ratio over the past seven games, taking just eight sacks over that span. He continues to play better at home, but he’s hiked his YPA up, and while the Falcons are rightfully underdogs Monday night, the over/under is 52.5, so it should be a high-scoring affair that requires a lot of passes from Ryan. Meanwhile, Roddy White has 38 catches for 537 yards and five touchdowns over the past five games, as there isn’t a hotter receiver in the league.

FedEx guy throwing and breaking a computer monitor.

Down 28-0 at halftime last week to the Cowboys, it sure appears like the Bucs have quit on this season…LeGarrette Blount has got 21 total yards or fewer in two of the past three games, as he’s really suffered from Tampa Bay’s downfall, as few backs rely more on game situations since he’s removed from all passing downs. He’s also fumbled four times (losing three) over the past four contests and is tied among all running backs with the most penalties committed in 2011. He remains a tackle-breaking machine in the open field, but Blount must improve his overall game to enter the fantasy elite…Mike Williams was held without a catch in Week 15, coming up small during a big fantasy time. He’s yet to reach 100 yards in a game this season and has scored just three touchdowns after reaching the end zone 11 times as a rookie last year. Williams’ eight dropped passes are tied for the eighth-most among wide receivers, and he’s also committed a whopping six penalties on the year. He’s certainly been hurt by Josh Freeman’s regression in 2011, but Williams has struggled to gain separation, and he’s a risky fantasy start in Week 16, even against a Carolina defense that has allowed an NFL-high 8.3 YPA this season.

Man eats cocaine from brother’s butt, dies.

At just 6.5 points, I found the Texans line to be fishy last week (that means it would have been essentially a pick ‘em if the game was in Carolina). After all, Houston entered 10-3 fighting for the AFC’s top seed, whereas the Panthers came in 4-9 with possibly the NFL’s worst defense. The latter has exciting skill position players, while the former was hit hard by injuries, but the spread nevertheless seemed curious. So naturally, the Panthers entered halftime with a 21-0 lead (and yes, I lost a teaser because of this)…T.J. Yates was pretty awful Sunday. He’s been a serviceable replacement for the most part, but don’t let it fool you, Houston’s Super Bowl hopes ended with Matt Schaub’s injury.

African Bull Frog ant crusher (stay till the end).

Reggie Bush was given 25 carries in a game Sunday for the first time in his career, and the result was 203 rushing yards (8.1 YPC). He’s now ran for at least 100 yards in three straight games and has six touchdowns over his past seven contests. Despite not getting 15 rushing attempts in a game until Week 8 this season, Bush is on pace to finish with 1,421 yards from scrimmage. Pro Football Focus rates Bush as the second worst blocker among all running backs in the league this year, but he’s clearly improved greatly as a runner inside the tackles, and who would have thought he’d excel by getting away from turf and onto grass. I must say I didn’t see this coming…Speaking of running back performances from the dead, C.J. Spiller totaled 164 yards on just 22 touches in Week 15, including nine receptions. He also added two touchdowns, doubling his season total in the process. He’s up to 5.0 YPC on the year and suddenly looks like an excellent start in PPR leagues as the team’s new feature back. Things will get clouded next year once Fred Jackson returns to Buffalo’s backfield, but Spiller has got 3.0 YPC after contact this season, which is tied for eighth-best among running backs. Good thing I dropped him earlier this year in my home league.

This runaway cart did quite a bit of damage.

I’m not saying the Titans’ decision to start Matt Hasselbeck cost them a chance at making the playoffs, but it certainly didn’t help. Hasselbeck has produced one touchdown over his past five games. Jake Locker has produced five touchdowns over his past three games, all in relief duty…Funny the NFL’s lone winless team won while the league’s only undefeated team lost Sunday…Donald Brown ran for a career-high 161 yards last week, thanks largely to a sick 80-yard touchdown run in the final minutes of the fourth quarter. The play highlighted Brown’s breakaway speed, as he got to the corner and never looked back. Brown entered the year averaging just 3.8 YPC over the first two seasons of his career, but he’s all the way up to 5.1 in 2011. His 3.2 YPC after contact is tied for fourth among all backs in football. Still just 24 years old, Brown might have quietly emerged as Indy’s feature back of the future in an otherwise lost year for the franchise…When the Colts went up 3-0, it was the first time they led in nine games (tying an NFL record).

This own goal is pretty legit.

Kellen Clemens’ 95.7 QB rating was the best he’s posted in a game during his career, which isn’t bad considering he was facing a solid defense and just signed with the Rams last week. Still, he’s facing a tough task in Pittsburgh this week facing an angry Steelers defense…A.J. Green showed a lot of heart playing through a painful shoulder injury…As someone who started the Bengals defense, it was painful to watch them turn to prevent and allow a 70-yard TD drive in the final two minutes of Sunday’s game.

This person freaks out whenever he sees an El Camino. He must hate the new Black Keys album.

As someone who was facing the Seahawks’ D this week, it wouldn’t be an unfair statement to call Caleb Hanie my least favorite human being right now (this gives a little bit of insight into my perspective in life). While most teams (like the Rams) gain garbage yards and points against prevent defenses down big late in games, Hanie was preoccupied taking sacks and throwing interceptions, including his second pick-six of the game. Hanie has now thrown three interceptions during three of his four games played this year. I’m beginning to think he’s a downgrade from Jay Cutler…Marshawn Lynch has now scored in 10 straight contests, totaling 12 over that span. It’s the unstoppable force versus the immovable object this week, as the 49ers continue to vie to be the only team in NFL history to not allow a single rushing score in a season.

Here’s a 59-year-old winning a truck with a ridiculous hockey shot.

Pretty crazy that Percy Harvin went back to disappearing once Adrian Peterson returned to the lineup. I can’t figure out that correlation (causation?)…Drew Brees now has a 16:0 TD:INT ratio over the past five games.

Green Bay hadn’t trailed during the fourth quarter of a game since December 10, 2010 before Sunday’s loss…With no Greg Jennings, it was a massive disappointment (and surprise) to see Jordy Nelson, James Jones and Donald Driver total six catches for 53 yards…How bad must Todd Haley feel right about now?

Here’s a funny video of kids reacting to their parents giving terrible Christmas gifts (be sure to stay till the end).

Not only did Hakeem Nicks drop a wide open sure to be 60-yard touchdown that hit him in the face mask, he had another ball slip through his hands in the end zone and yet another TD catch called back on a holding penalty. Needless to say, it was a frustrating game to watch as a fantasy owner. Nicks will have a tough time redeeming himself in the fantasy Super Bowl with a matchup against Darrelle Revis this week…So if the Giants beat the Jets on Sunday, the afternoon game between the Eagles and Cowboys becomes totally meaningless. That’s at least something to keep in mind, although I probably wouldn’t change any lineup decisions as a result, with the possible exception of Felix Jones being less likely to play.

Extreme high-lining.

It’s been an up-and-down year for Darrius Heyward-Bey, who averaged 96.3 receiving yards over a four-game stretch from Weeks 4-7, only to average just 21.6 receiving yards over the next five contests. He mysteriously disappeared from the game plan coming off the team’s Week 8 bye and clearly struggled to develop a rapport with new quarterback Carson Palmer. DHB also got banged up physically. With the rest of Oakland’s receiving corps ravaged by injuries, and Heyward-Bey back to health, the third-year wideout has racked up 13 catches for 233 yards over the past two contests, and he’s scored twice over the past three games. Heyward-Bey has been targeted 36 times over the past month, so he’s firmly back on the fantasy radar…What a performance by Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson. As a Stafford owner who needed big points in the afternoon games, that 98-yard TD drive at the end was a beautiful thing to watch, nearly bringing tears to my eyes…Hue Jackson not going for two with the score 26-14 with 7:47 has now moved into first place as the single dumbest coaching decision of the year (this is not a hindsight thing, I was going absolutely crazy at the time). He really thought it was more likely Detroit would score three more times with that little time left than two touchdowns? It really was poetic justice that Oakland ended up losing by the one point.

Notorious Siri.

It’s entirely possible Seneca Wallace is an upgrade over Colt McCoy. Wallace now has a 30:16 TD:INT ratio over his career…Almost every single one of Beanie Wells’ 10 touchdowns this season have come on runs to the left…The Cardinals are somehow 6-1 over their past seven games. Both they and the Seahawks have shown real improvement over the second half of the season.

These parents are ruthless.

I like how Vince Young finished Sunday’s blowout victory 0-for-0 with three sacks…LeSean McCoy is now up to 20 touchdowns on the year. He’ll have a strong case to be the No. 1 overall player taken at fantasy drafts in 2012…With the Jets’ season on the line, the battle in the Meadowlands on Sunday should be a good one.

This TV channel dedicated to watching rotisserie chicken looks fascinating.

The Broncos ran for 167 yards in the first quarter last week, but what a terrific performance by Tom Brady. Tim Tebow played well and continues to improve as a passer, but it’s tough to overcome three lost fumbles while facing New England’s offense…Aaron Hernandez caught nine balls on 11 targets for 129 yards and a score Sunday. Brady missed him while wide open that would have resulted in a long touchdown, he had another play in the end zone that could have easily been ruled a catch (still not sure why Bill Belichick didn’t even challenge it), and he was tackled inside the one-yard line as well, so Hernandez could have had a truly monstrous day. He’s been overshadowed by teammate Rob Gronkowski, but Hernandez has been playing hobbled and with a knee brace for most of the season, yet is still on pace to finish with 844 receiving yards over 14 games played. He’s also been targeted 21 times inside the red zone, and there’s no reason to think two tight ends can’t be plenty productive in New England’s passing attack, as he’s typically split wide anyway. Hernandez leads all tight ends with 21 broken tackles this season. To put that in perspective, no other tight end in the NFL has broken more than 10 this year. I’ll have him ranked third on my TE board entering 2012.

Presenting the 2011 Mug Shots of the Year.

It was nice to see Ryan Mathews get some goal-line carries, and he executed them well, getting to the outside with speed and looking a whole lot like LaDainian Tomlinson later jumping over the pile from three yards out. He entered the game with the worst career fumble/carry rate among all running backs in football, and he put another on the carpet Sunday night, but only health can prevent him from being a top-15 fantasy pick next year…Anquan Boldin will soon have surgery to repair a slight tear in his meniscus and is expected to be sidelined for the next two weeks, which means he should be back for the playoffs, but his regular season is finished. Boldin averaged more yards per game during his second year in Baltimore (63.4) this season than his first (52.3), but his touchdowns dropped from seven to three. He’ll be 32 years old entering 2012 and has taken a lot of hits throughout his career, so his fantasy stock continues to fall.

Metta World Peace is just as insane as Ron Artest.

It’s funny how people questioned whether Ben Roethlisberger was going to play Monday night, although to be fair, he was clearly hobbled, and at this point, it makes some sense for him to rest this week in a game they are heavily favored at home versus the Rams (it’s also an extremely short turnaround)…I was at Monday night’s game, and while the atmosphere was definitely electric, man do Steeler fans travel well. There were quite a few terrible towels…We started the tailgate early, which was a lot of fun, but then someone from our crew ultimately decided to do this. Two power outages, a bomb threat and a guy from our tailgate party getting arrested. Good times!

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Bet On It

December 17th, 2011

By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 7-9, losing my best by a half point. I’m 101-102-5 so far this year. Best bet is 5-8-1. Onto the Week 15 picks:

JAGUARS +12 at Falcons

COWBOYS -7 at Buccaneers

BENGALS -6.5 at Rams

DOLPHINS pick ‘em at Bills

REDSKINS +7 at Giants

TITANS -7 at Colts

SEAHAWKS +3.5 at Bears

Packers -14.5 at CHIEFS

Panthers +6.5 at TEXANS

Saints -7 at VIKINGS

LIONS -0.5 at Raiders

BROWNS +7 at Cardinals

JETS +2 at Eagles

PATRIOTS -7 at Broncos

Ravens -2 at CHARGERS

Steelers +2.5 at 49ers (Best Bet)

Comments: Picking this slate easily took me the most time of any this year. That reflects its difficulty more than any anticipated success on my part. I fully expect Big Ben to play, so we’ll find out if SF is a fraud.

The Scoop

December 13th, 2011

By Dalton Del Don

For a 14-3 final score, Thursday’s Steelers/Browns game was actually pretty watchable…Maybe leading the NFL in touches last season has had something to do with it, but Rashard Mendenhall just hasn’t looked great running the ball this year. In fact, his 2.2 YPC after contact ranks 52nd among running backs. He’ll probably reach double-digit touchdowns for the second straight season, but because he also offers next to nothing as a receiver, I can’t recommend him as a top-20 pick in 2012…What a horrible fourth quarter drop by Greg Little…What’s less likely to stop Ben Roethlisberger – an injury or the word “no?” Seriously, that ankle sprain looked brutal, but at this point, it should have come as no surprise he was able to shake it off and return for the second half. I love how there are still some people actually questioning whether he’ll play Monday night…What a brutal hit by James Harrison on Colt McCoy. It’s a joke Cleveland didn’t even check him for a concussion and let him return to the game. McCoy’s ensuing interception probably shouldn’t be blamed on him, since he was black out.

Local news is the best.

Rob Gronkowski has 11 touchdowns over his past six games and at times looks unstoppable, like during his ridiculous 37-yard TD grab Sunday. If you were guaranteed his 2011 stats next year, he’d easily be the No. 1 overall pick at fantasy drafts…My wife wanted to play Doug Baldwin over BenJarvus Green-Ellis, but I told her not to. It was the difference between her losing and winning her playoff game, and she’s seriously pissed. The Law Firm needs to file for bankruptcy – he’s done…It was nice to see a 49-yard touchdown catch by Santana Moss, but realize it came on a trick play with WR Brandon Banks throwing to him. Moss has another favorable matchup Sunday, but he hadn’t reached 8.5 yards-per-catch in a game previously since Week 6…That’s three straight games Roy Helu has got 100 yards rushing, totaling 436 yards over that span. Maybe he wasn’t ready for every down work earlier on like the coaches insisted, but the more likely scenario is they once again misevaluated their own talent.

This anchor doesn’t exactly seem sober. Again, local news is the best.

Jake Locker sure has impressed whenever given the chance this season. The sample is tiny, and outcomes are often different when defenses have time to prepare for the opposing starter, but he’s highly intriguing, exhibiting good arm strength and even better athleticism. Of course the stellar 8.7 YPA has also come with a 46.0 completion percentage, so accuracy remains his biggest issue. Still, I must say, this rookie QB class in general has performed far better than I expected…Considering upcoming schedules (and the fact they are also just plain better), the Saints are now favorites to finish as the No. 2 seed in the NFC over my beloved 49ers. I guess that means SF at least has a better chance of winning its lone home playoff game I’ll go to…I’m finished trying to analyze Chris Johnson this season, but at least he chipped in as a receiver during his second game in four weeks he produced fewer than 25 rushing yards.

Gordon Ramsay tells you how to treat a lady.

Funny the biggest worry about LeSean McCoy entering the year was a possible lack of touchdowns, since he saw just six goal-line carries last season, as he currently leads the NFL with 17 scores…Brandon Marshall owners better hope Matt Moore doesn’t miss any more time with his injury, because J.P. Losman will likely be a significant downgrade…While Michael Vick’s injury concerns proved true in 2011, his performance while on the field has to be equally as worrisome. While his INT% predictably increased, it’s done so markedly, and his completion%, TD% and YPA are all way down. And after rushing for nine touchdowns last season, he’s recorded zero this year. Vick will likely be ranked behind Rodgers, Newton, Brady and Brees on almost all draft boards entering 2012.

This is awesome: “Pulp Fiction” in chronological order.

Michael Turner looks clearly slowed by his groin injury, so it’s been a perfect time for Atlanta’s passing attack to pick things up. Matt Ryan has thrown 14 touchdowns over the past six games, and not only does Julio Jones appear back to full strength if Sunday was any indication, Roddy White has racked up 28 catches for 402 yards with three scores over the past four contests as well…Choosing between DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart appears to be a weekly venture not worth guessing.

Parallel parking like a boss.

Maurice Jones-Drew has racked up a whopping 745 yards from scrimmage over the past five games. He’s also scored seven touchdowns over that span, including four during the most important week yet of the fantasy season. And after gaining just 85 receiving yards over the first eight games, he’s suddenly on pace to finish the year with 428, which would be his most since 2008. All while playing for one of the five worst offenses in football. Impressive stuff…Looking ahead to their schedule, it’s a safe bet the Bucs finish the year on a 10-game losing streak…After having failed to score more than 20 points in a single game this season, Jacksonville scored 28 points over the final 7:36 in the second quarter alone Sunday.

Seriously, how good is Jon “Bones” Jones?!! After taking the biggest punch he has in his career Saturday night, he shook it off and delivered a blow so strong to Lyoto Machida that referee John McCarthy called the doctor to see if he was fit to continue, and while he was, Jones later ended the fight in the same round with a standing guillotine choke that made Machida unconscious – it was the first time he had ever been submitted, and he went nighty night. Jones is coming off possibly the most impressive fighting calendar year in the history of MMA, winning four fights against all top competition. Jones’ only loss of his career came on a disqualification (illegal elbows) in a fight he was absolutely killing Matt Hamill. He’s now going to take a much deserved respite, and fighting fans can only hope Manny Pacquiao mans up and accepts a match against Floyd Mayweather (unlikely).

Sticking with MMA, this one-armed fighter is the man.

Not only did T.J. Yates’ touchdown pass with two seconds left win the game for Houston by one point Sunday, it also changed the outcome both ATS and the over/under…Tough loss for the Bengals, who could easily win their final three games this season and have finished with 11 wins…Arian Foster owners shouldn’t worry too much about Sunday’s performance (assuming it didn’t contribute to knocking you out of your playoffs, of course), as he should bounce back in a big way in Week 15 at home against a Carolina defense that has allowed the second-most fantasy points to opposing running backs this season.

I’m a fan of “Sons Of Anarchy” in general, but I couldn’t agree with Alan Sepinwall’s review of this season any more.

For a game that was 21-0 nine minutes in, the Detroit/Minnesota contest was awfully close, with the former not covering and needing a stop at the 1-yard line (with the help of a face mask) during the last play of the game…Not sure why the Vikings started a clearly injured Christian Ponder in a lost season to begin with, but man is Joe Webb fast…It’s pretty crazy how much a team misses Kevin Smith…There might not be a hotter receiver in the league than Percy Harvin, who’s finally living up to the hype. If he proves he can be somewhat as productive once Adrian Peterson returns to the lineup, he’ll enter 2012 as a top-15 fantasy WR.

Speaking of reviews, my early one for the new “Black Keys” album is positive, but I’m not sure they are capable of making bad music, so it’s not exactly shocking.

The Jets outgained the Chiefs 253-4 yards at halftime Sunday. That’s right, four yards. The only thing more laughable than that in Week 14 came in the same game, when the Chiefs attempted an onside kick that didn’t even go four yards…I’m beginning to think Tyler Palko isn’t KC’s long-term answer at the quarterback position…Shonn Greene’s 187 yards from scrimmage marked a career-high, and after totaling just 16 receptions over the first 29 games of his career, he’s recorded nine over his past three contests, going for 96 yards. That latest development would be big news for his fantasy value if it’s a sign of things to come, which isn’t implausible with LaDainian Tomlinson’s career winding down.

What a ridiculous backdoor cover by the Colts on literally the final play of the game. The Ravens’ 7-0 record at home this season is the best in the NFL (of course, the Packers and Saints are both 6-0)…I’m not wasting any more calories talking about this dreadful Colts game, so let me talk about me recently spending Friday-Monday at a bachelor party in Reno. I’m about to turn 30, but apparently I’m already slower to recover than back in the day, as I’m still hurting. Of course, I treated my body like a sewer for a 60-hour stretch, so I have no one to blame but myself. I’m a big fan of going to a sportsbook during March Madness, but Sundays during the NFL season are pretty awesome as well.

Speaking of backdoors, I’ll challenge anyone to find a better fart than this.

Seriously, how many more times can the Denver Tebows do this? Down 10 points with 2:10 left in the fourth quarter with no timeouts left? Of course the Broncos still win. No problem. As someone who had them in a parlay on the money line, I’m embarrassed for ever questioning the ultimate outcome, no matter how bleak it looked. What was Marion Barber thinking running out of bounds? Chicago definitely should have just kneeled. Game over. And then the fumble, poor Barber. What crazy clutch kicking by Matt Prater…Demayrius Thomas dropped another backbreaking pass Sunday, this one a would-be sure 55-yard touchdown early in the third quarter…Tebow has attempted just 10 passes when playing with the lead this season. He’s completed three of them. That’s pretty insane.

While there may be some ugly rumors Tim Tebow contributed to the end of Lindsey Vonn’s marriage, I’d like to think his pious reputation is made clear by this image in which he’s completely ignoring two bikini clad coeds.

After the 49ers were denied a first down that was picked up during a fake field goal attempt thanks to a “malfunction” in Arizona’s stadium regarding the replay system, David Akers missed a field goal (one of five he attempted in the first half). The following play was a 60-yard TD pass by the Cardinals. That’s a turn of events if I’ve ever seen one right there. That touchdown was actually the first San Francisco has allowed in a first half in the last seven games…The 49ers’ red-zone offense is the worst in the league and has been a huge problem this season…The Cardinals are now 5-1 over their past six games, and their defense is actually a sneaky fantasy start in Week 15 at home against the Browns.

What is David Stern thinking with the handling of the Chris Paul trade situations? Especially after the recent botching during the lockout, this looks really bad, to say the least. The NBA has a lot of making up to do, that’s for sure.

My friend placed a sizable bet on the Chargers/Bills over/under, which was 48 points. The total came in at 47, with not a single point coming over the game’s final nine minutes. Oh, and there was also a missed extra point. That’s a bad beat. Although I guess in a way he was lucky it was even close considering the Bills’ offense produced three points, unless you count a pick-six the other way…Philip Rivers is now 22-2 as a starter during his career in December…Ryan Mathews had two 100-yard rushing games over his first 21 career games, and he now has three in his last three contests. He’s looked really good while doing so, getting 6.6 YPC over that span. If he stays healthy over the final three games of the season (admittedly a big if), Mathews will be a top-15 pick in most fantasy drafts next year.

Halfway through the second quarter Sunday, the Packers led 31-0. That’s fairly impressive…Ryan Grant entered having not scored a touchdown since 2009, but he got 8.5 YPC and hit pay dirt twice, although he wasn’t likely in many fantasy lineups, even with James Starks inactive. Oakland’s rush defense is apparently that bad (its 5.2 YPC allowed this season is an NFL-worst). Grant still only saw 10 carries in the blowout, so in yet another enticing matchup in Week 15 in a game Green Bay is favored by more than two touchdowns, he’s a risky fantasy start…With Greg Jennings (knee) out, Jermichael Finley, Jordy Nelson and James Jones’ value all increase…Carson Palmer would be on pace to throw 32 interceptions over a full season this year. That would tie for the most since the merger.

I remember being a fan of “Mr. Belvedere” as a kid, but this joke doesn’t exactly pass the test of time.

The Giants/Cowboys game was easily one of the best of the year, with eight lead changes and a team coming back from a 12-point deficit with less than five minutes remaining in the fourth quarter. Both quarterbacks played extremely well in the shootout, and while the defenses are partially to be blamed, these two signal callers deserve far more credit. Tony Romo’s ability to extend plays is amazing, and while he’s been getting killed for the overthrow to Miles Austin that would have won the game late, Austin wasn’t THAT wide open when a rushed Romo released the ball…And as for Eli Manning, he’s officially one of the most clutch players in the NFL of my generation. He tied the NFL record with his 14th TD pass in the fourth quarter in a season Sunday night – and he still has three games left to play this year. He also once again dealt with some egregious drops…Really tough break for DeMarco Murray owners (no pun intended). He was back being productive on a per play basis with his FB Tony Fiammetta returning too. Felix Jones benefits greatly as a result…While his snaps and targets were down, I sure feel stupid for calling Laurent Robinson a risky fantasy start with Miles Austin back in the fold…Jason Pierre-Paul is just scratching the surface, and we could be looking at a future Hall of Famer. He’s been that impressive…The Cowboys have lost three games when leading by 12-plus points in the fourth quarter this season – more than the franchise had previously lost in the past 50 years combined.

iPhone records a granny shooting her son-in-law.

Not surprisingly, Monday night’s game was pretty terrible, although with plenty of fantasy implications still on the line, it was still worth watching for many. I get Sam Bradford was playing hurt, and he was probably the team’s best option even at less than 100 percent with newly signed Kellen Clemens apparently the next best option, but man was he bad. The Rams are likely to have a top-three draft pick next year, and they have a very interesting decision to make with some extremely intriguing QB options available. I actually think they should draft one, but I doubt they do so…If you read my earlier comments, you’ll know what I mean when I say Doug Baldwin is going to put me in a “slump” for the near future. “Near” might be a best-case scenario actually…Marshawn Lynch has now scored in nine straight games with a total of 10 over that span. While his season YPC mark of 4.3 is far from overwhelming, he’s also eclipsed 100 yards rushing in five of his past six games and has broken 39 tackles on the year, which is tied for the third-most among running backs. His punishing style may eventually catch up to him, but at age 25, he’s going to be a top-15 fantasy pick next year barring a disastrous finish. I didn’t see it coming, that’s for sure.

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Bet On It

December 9th, 2011

By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 10-6, winning my best. I’m 94-93-5 so far this year. Best bet is 5-7-1. Onto the Week 14 picks:

BROWNS +14 at Steelers

Buccaneers -1 at JAGUARS

PATRIOTS -8.5 at Redskins

TEXANS +2 at Bengals

Chiefs +9.5 at JETS

Vikings +7 at LIONS

Saints -3.5 at TITANS

Eagles +3 at DOLPHINS

Colts +16.5 at RAVENS

Falcons -3 at PANTHERS

Bears +3.5 at BRONCOS (Best Bet)

49ers -3.5 at Cardinals

Bills +7 at CHARGERS

RAIDERS +11.5 at Packers

GIANTS +3 at Cowboys

Rams +5.5 at SEAHAWKS

Comments: No “best bet” jumped out at me this week, so when in doubt, go with Tim Tebow.

The Scoop

December 6th, 2011

By Dalton Del Don

That was one of the more pathetic displays of tackling by the Eagles I’ve seen in a long time. Normally I don’t question such things with pro athletes, but it sure seemed like Philadelphia checked out during that embarrassing loss Thursday…Pro Football Focus ranks Nnamdi Asomugha as the 100th cornerback this season, as in 99 are rated higher. He hasn’t exactly been an ideal fit in Philly…Marshawn Lynch has now scored in eight straight games and has eclipsed 100 rushing yards in four of his past five contests. His 15-yard TD run in the first quarter, when he looked stopped dead to rights, was especially impressive. For someone who apparently thrives in primetime, Lynch has another plus matchup at home against the Rams on Monday night.

The performance by these guys for this Indian talent show, which includes but not limited to eating fluorescent light bulbs and getting ran over by a car and a motorcycle at the same time, needs to be seen to be believed, but my favorite part is the terrified reaction by the female judge in this epic video.

With the score just 3-3 into the second quarter, those who had the Colts +21 points ATS had to feel pretty good. With the score 31-3 midway through the third quarter, Pats backers had to feel the same way, so it was a pretty crazy back-and-forth game, at least from a betting standpoint, especially considering the final score later became 31-24…Most of the scoring came in garbage time against a New England defense that has allowed the most fantasy points to opposing quarterbacks this season, but Dan Orlovsky appeared to be an upgrade over Curtis Painter. Sunday’s 24 points scored tied a season-high for the Colts…Selectively choosing, Pierre Garcon has totaled 421 receiving yards with six touchdowns over three games this season. In his other nine games, he’s totaled 384 yards with zero scores. He’s making Vincent Jackson blush when it comes to hit-or-miss wide receivers…BenJarvus Green-Ellis has three touchdowns over the past two games, but there’s no way he can be trusted in your fantasy playoffs. His usage is way too unpredictable, highlighted by getting just six carries at home against the Colts as 21-point favorites (and he didn’t see a single snap in the second half). I wouldn’t feel great starting him moving forward…Rob Gronkowski tied a single-season record by recording his 13th receiving touchdown as a tight end, and he would have broke it had his other one not later been ruled a rushing score. I can’t see him making it past the second round in fantasy drafts next year.

Not really sure what’s going on here, but let me introduce you to “dog disco.”

The Broncos/Vikings game was one of the best of the year, especially when you consider there were five scoring drives in the fourth quarter that resulted in a three-point win (at the buzzer) in a matchup that totaled 77 points…Percy Harvin in open space is deadly. Might want to defend the opposing team’s obvious best player with no Adrian Peterson, Denver…Speaking of the Broncos D, you certainly can’t credit this win to them, although a pick-six and a crucial interception late in the fourth certainly contributed. But Tim Tebow deserves a ton of credit. While he committed his first turnover in five games (a questionable fumble call), he got 13.5 YPA and threw a terrific pass to Demaryius Thomas facing a blitz late in the fourth quarter that could have been caught. Over the first three quarters of games this season, Tebow has got 5.0 YPA while producing six touchdowns. During fourth quarters, he’s got 9.5 YPA with seven total touchdowns…Why did the Vikings not let the Broncos score a touchdown with 1:12 left? Why was Denver attempting to score there?…Not only is Tebow 6-1 as a starter, but five of those victories have come on the road. As someone who put Denver in a parlay with Houston this week, all I can say is this; for once I was blind. Now I can see.

Peter Moylan gets burned by Nickelback.

I’m a fool and dropped C.J. Spiller in my home league earlier this year. Even if he’s not a special player, and the jury is still out, as plenty of running backs haven’t flourished until after they were considered busts in the past, the volume of touches he’s getting means he’s plenty relevant right now…Over his last four games, Chris Johnson has gained rushing yards in this sequence: 130, 13, 190, 153. It’s been a pretty crazy year for CJ, but I think it’s safe to say he’s officially back.

Meet the world’s heaviest insect, which weighs three times more than a mouse.

The Dolphins started the year 0-7, but let’s look a bit deeper. After two home games against the Patriots and Texans – teams fighting for the No. 1 seed in the AFC – they had three road tilts. After that, they lost by a field goal to the Broncos with Tim Tebow then playing (this appears to be only less damaging than a loss to the Packers) and again by a field goal in New York versus the Giants. Since then, they are 4-1, with the lone loss coming by one-point in Dallas while traveling during a short week by a field goal at the buzzer. They have allowed an average of 10.8 points over the past five games (including two garbage scores to Oakland with the game out of hand last week), and Matt Moore appears to be legit. This team is no joke…Rolando McClain’s pose here while getting arrested for fairly serious chargers is just such a Raiders thing to do.

Here’s a strong case for why we should abolish the penny entirely.

Nice to see Mike Shanahan stick to his word and feature Roy Helu extensively. In fact, no other Washington player saw a carry Sunday. Especially with his receiving ability, only health can prevent Helu from being a top-12 fantasy back down the stretch this year…Shonn Greene’s three touchdowns Sunday were more than he had previously scored in any season during his career…Tough break for Fred Davis owners.

This guy’s mugshot is fitting after trying to rob an MMA fighter.

T.J. Yates lost a fumble (that first appeared to be an incomplete pass) that would have been returned for a touchdown by Atlanta if not for oblivious coaches and players from the sidelines coming onto the field during the run back, resulting in a penalty. It was a truly bizarre play that most had given up on…I feel bad for Andre Johnson and his owners, as he once again appeared to be shot by a sniper Sunday. I guess it should be considered good news it’s his other hamstring this time…If Houston can somehow win in Cincinnati this week, they will be favorites in every other game the rest of the year, so they have a legit shot to be the No. 1 seed in the AFC, with Yates at QB (the first signal caller from UNC ever to start an NFL game). Crazy…Matt Ryan entered white hot, getting 8.5 YPA with a 9:2 TD:INT ratio over his past four games. He got 5.7 YPA with a 1:2 TD:INT ratio (and a 50.6 QB rating) Sunday, and Michael Turner was held to just 3.1 YPC. This Texans defense is the real deal. Especially without Mario Williams, Wade Phillips deserves a ton of credit. He’s one of many coaches who’s extremely valuable on one side of the ball yet have no business being in total control. Norv Turner won’t be a bad OC hire after he gets canned at the end of the year.

Crazy landing in extremely windy conditions.

After bragging about my parlay earlier, I’d be remiss not to talk about my teaser this week. I liked one team especially, but couldn’t find another. I finally settled on Pittsburgh, who ended up winning by 28 points. The team I was sure on all along? That would be the Bears. I’m not shocked or anything by their loss – few outcomes should do so for those who closely follow the NFL – but the cause being a Hail Mary was pretty frustrating, to say the least. I’m not complaining, but losing Matt Forte immediately and with a Robbie Gould short field goal miss combined with the Hail Mary at the end of the first half, let’s just say luck wasn’t exactly on my side…Speaking of Forte, what a brutal injury. He and Fred Jackson were two backs looking for big paydays having fantastic seasons only to go down later on. Pretty unfortunate…Taking away the Hail Mary, the Chiefs have scored one touchdown over their past 21 quarters.

If you’re missing a cat, here’s some hope it may have been found.

The Steelers scored 28 points in the second quarter. That’s a lot…Not sure what else I can say about A.J. Green at this point, but he’ll be a borderline top-five fantasy WR at draft tables next year, that much is clear…Mike Wallace, who normally relies on deep plays, scored two times Sunday while gaining just 38 receiving yards…Looking at their upcoming schedule, the only question with the Steelers is if they finish with 12 or 13 wins.

Pan for gold on the streets of New York City.

Cam Newton tied and later broke the NFL single-season record Sunday with 13 rushing touchdowns. He also recorded a 27-yard catch (that almost scored). Not bad for a rookie. I can’t emphasize how wrong I was about him. He’ll be a top-20 fantasy pick next year…Facing the team that had allowed the most fantasy points to opposing running backs, LeGarrette Blount had 11 carries for 19 yards. Ugh. The odds of Mossis Madu finishing with more yards had to have been pretty long.

Weatherman vowed to wear wife’s Colts panties if they lost to the Patriots.

The Ravens ran the ball 55 times. Just 28 passes total were completed in this game. That’s an oddity…The Browns have scored more than 20 points in just one game this season, and with three of their next four contests coming against the Ravens and Steelers (twice), they might finish the year with that distinction…Greg Little leads the NFL with 14 dropped passes this season.

An informative read about why NFL teams should throw deep more often.

What a terrific game between the Packers and Giants. With the ball at the 17-yard line, it made some sense New York called a run play before the two-minute warning, but only because they might have needed time should they not succeed on the two-point attempt. Still, it’s remarkable how 58 seconds was more than enough time for Aaron Rodgers to drive Green Bay down the field to get into easy FG territory…Can someone explain to me the difference between Greg Jennings’ touchdown catch and others that are called back for not “completing the process?”…After Hakeem Nicks beat him on an impressive, one-handed TD catch, even Charles Woodson had to give the WR props…During his coaching tenure with the Giants, Tom Coughlin is now 47-17 in the first half of seasons and 24-36 during the second half.

Here’s an extended trailer to the “Virgin Diaries” that’s every bit as cringe-worthy as expected.

I’m not sure how much there’s really a causal effect here, but the return of FB Tony Fiammetta certainly can’t hurt DeMarco Murray owners this week. Since starting, Murray has averaged 8.0 YPC with Fiammetta in the lineup and just 3.35 YPC with him out over the past three games…Kevin Kolb would be on pace to get sacked 58 times over a full season this year, and he’s committed more turnovers than touchdowns, but his 7.8 YPA at least makes him interesting moving forward…Jason Garrett deserves all the blame and then some for not only icing his own kicker, which was dumbfounding enough, but not using either of his two timeouts before that and settling for a 49-yard field goal was even worse. And here we thought those types of inept decisions left town when Wade Phillips did. Unbelievable. Even as someone who bet the Cardinals under and the Cowboys over before the season, I almost wanted to see Dallas lose for playing so stupid. Almost.

“Mashed potatoes” is Tiger’s new “Get in the hole!”

The Rams have allowed the fewest fantasy points to opposing tight ends this season, but Vernon Davis dropped a perfectly thrown pass from Alex Smith that would have been a 40-plus yard touchdown Sunday. It was brutal…The Rams never advanced the ball past San Francisco’s 35-yard line all game in Week 13. That’s not very good…Aldon Smith celebrating a sack like a boss…Frank Gore has been a solid fantasy performer this year, but he hasn’t scored since Week 8, and more disconcerting has been his difference in usage as a receiver. Before going down with a season-ending hip injury, Gore was on pace to finish last year with 74 catches for 723 receiving yards. He’s on pace to grab just 21 balls for 135 receiving yards in 2011.

This pig can walk on its front legs only, while this pig may soon need to learn how to.

Kevin Smith continues to frustrate, once again revealing upside by totaling 80 yards with a touchdown in essentially a half of work, only to leave after aggravating his ankle injury. He’s a highly risky fantasy start in Week 14, albeit one with upside if he’s active…Drew Brees has got 8.4 YPA with an 11:1 TD:INT ratio while taking just two sacks (for a loss of only four yards) over his past four games, three of which coming against potential playoff teams (ALT, NYG, DET). He has a ridiculous 20 touchdown passes over six homes games this year, which is a season’s pace of 53 scores…I can’t remember ever seeing a wide receiver get double teamed at the goal line like Calvin Johnson was Sunday night…Can someone explain to me why Detroit punted down 14 points with 6:38 left in the fourth quarter? It makes even less sense when you consider New Orleans is second in the NFL in scoring with 32.8 points per game.

FDA approves hangover pill.

Maurice Jones-Drew deserves a ton of credit, as he’s on pace to finish the season with 1,912 yards from scrimmage while playing on a team that has averaged just 12.7 points per game – the second fewest in the NFL. Not bad for someone who entered the year with a big question mark regarding the condition of his knee…According to Pro Football Focus, Philip Rivers leads all quarterbacks in the league with 33 balls “thrown away” this year. The next highest is Matthew Stafford with 22. Ben Roethlisberger has four all season long…While the Monday night matchup between teams with 4-7 and 3-8 records didn’t look good on paper, the outing likely decided a lot of fantasy contests entering the playoffs.

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Bet On It

December 3rd, 2011

By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 7-9, winning my best. I’m 84-87-5 so far this year. Best bet is 4-7-1. Onto the Week 13 picks:

EAGLES -3 at Seahawks

Raiders +3 at DOLPHINS

Falcons -2 at TEXANS (Best Bet)

Titans +1 at BILLS

Chiefs +8.5 at BEARS

JETS -3 at Redskins

BENGALS +7 at Steelers

BRONCOS pick ‘em at Vikings

PANTHERS +3.5 at Buccaneers

COLTS +20.5 at Patriots

Ravens -7 at BROWNS

Cowboys -4.5 at CARDINALS

Packers -8 at GIANTS

Rams +13.5 at 49ers

LIONS +9.5 at Saints

CHARGERS -2.5 at Jaguars

Comments: The Falcons defend the run well, but this spread is an overreaction to Houston using its third-string quarterback…My teaser this week is the Bears and Steelers. I also made a lesser bet on a parlay with the Texans and Broncos.

The Scoop

December 1st, 2011

By Dalton Del Don

With most speculating (rightfully so) how the early Thanksgiving game will finally be worth watching with the Lions being so improved, naturally, the third quarter ended with the score 24-0. Of course, the game was actually much closer than that, with the Lions arguably outplaying the Packers in the first half. Also, the following two games Thursday didn’t disappoint, so it wasn’t a disaster…Speaking of disasters, not only did someone from “American Idol” totally mess up the National Anthem, but this happened earlier in the day. Not exactly the best day for Fox’s promotional team, although they totally redeemed themselves by having Nickelback perform at halftime…I actually found Ndamukong Suh’s explanation afterward more offensive than his actions beforehand. And this is coming from someone who backed Detroit ATS (what a killer penalty). Speaking of which, since I had the Lions in a teaser, that was one of the sickest backdoor covers ever. And the Lions obviously should have gone for two there (to make it an 11-point game and bring the FG into play, and yes, any comeback there is 99.9% unlikely, but still, I appreciate Jim Schwartz thinking of my tease)…I personally didn’t have the FAAB, but I would have gone all in on Kevin Smith last week, which looked right when he racked up 57 yards though one quarter. It didn’t look so smart after he suffered an injury while making a handoff (toss) during a non-contact play shortly thereafter, reiterating just how brittle a player he is.

Pilot cheats death after his helicopter snaps in half.

The Cowboys are typically a pretty frustrating franchise, but it’s refreshing to see them give DeMarco Murray a full workload and make the inferior Felix Jones irrelevant. This type of decision-making, while obvious to most, shouldn’t be overlooked in a league that often fails in such situations…What a terrific 35-yard touchdown catch by Brandon Marshall…If you saw my teaser I mentioned above, this outcome meant I won the first two games by a total of two points, with each one coming down to the final 10 seconds. I got my money’s worth either way…But enough bragging, as an owner of Dez Bryant and Hakeem Nicks, it’s pretty frustrating watching guys like Laurent Robinson and Victor Cruz blow up facing lesser coverage. I’m certainly not saying the latter two aren’t talented in their own right, which is clearly not the case, but unlike fantasy baseball in which you should usually bet on talent and ignore roles, football is different. Then again, maybe I’m just bitter and recognizing isolated situations. Cruz is pretty damn good.

This is one of the craziest stories I’ve ever read. I strongly recommend it.

The score of the 49ers game could have been much different if not for two questionable calls, one coming on a Ted Ginn 75-yard touchdown (the call was technically correct, but it was close and had zero affect on the play) and the other being a PI on an interception in which both players went for the ball. Personally, I’d prefer refs make errors of omission than commission and let the players decide the outcome, but still, the 49ers took a whopping nine sacks while recording none, so it’s hard to argue they deserved to win, losing the line of scrimmage battle so badly…San Francisco hasn’t allowed a TD in the first half in any of its past five games…Remarkably, each team had just one possession in the third quarter…Not only did Mike Mayock drop the word “verticality,” but he also called the game “incestuous.”

This public drag race didn’t go exactly as planned.

Call me crazy, but I thought Toby Gerhart was a downgrade from Adrian Peterson…As someone who backed the Vikings +9.5, I didn’t appreciate them going for it on 4th-and-1 down two scores at the Falcons’ 1-yard line with 4:16 left in the 4th quarter, but to be fair, I thought it was the right decision…Speaking of Minny’s aggressiveness, I loved them going for it on 4th-and-13 earlier in the fourth quarter, and it has nothing to do with the result (a 39-yard TD pass to Percy Harvin). That situation was too long for a FG, but there was no reason to punt from there either…Speaking of Harvin, he’s totaled 200 yards from scrimmage with two touchdowns over the past two games, and his role in the offense grows when Peterson is out, a likely scenario for Week 13. Harvin can be a frustrating fantasy player, as he doesn’t see a full complement of snaps you’d expect for a receiver with his talent, and the touchdowns over the past two weeks were his first of the season (as a receiver). He’s actually got 7.1 YPC on 33 rushing attempts this year, and among wideouts with at least 30 catches, only Julio Jones has averaged more yards after the catch than Harvin’s 7.3 mark this season. He’s a playmaker whose role should only continue to increase.

Two 73-year-old CFL legends get into a fight.

I’ve written off Donald Brown in the past, but it was clear just how much more explosive he is than Joseph Addai on Sunday, and even with the caveat of opponent, he’s on the fantasy radar. Brown has proven to be a better option than rookie Delone Carter, and while his upside is obviously limited while playing on one of the NFL’s worst offenses, he no longer looks like a total bust. Although that’s little consolation to Indy fans…The Colts scored their first offensive touchdown in November on Sunday…I haven’t ran the numbers – because I’m too lazy, and math is hard – but I’d say the odds of the Colts not winning a game this season are around 87.5%…I’m sure plenty of fantasy owners have both Jonathan Stewart and DeAngelo Williams and went with the former this week, and I certainly wouldn’t have blamed them. What a frustrating situation.

Incredible speedboat catch.

I would love to call Chris Johnson back, but his matchup was so well set up, it’s tough to do so. Still, hard not to give him credit for such a great game. Maybe there’s hope after all…The same could be said for Mike Williams, whose fantasy value might not be dead either…Though he lost two fumbles Sunday, LeGarrette Blount is one of the better players in the NFL with the football in his hands…Tennessee and Tampa Bay combined for three turnovers over a six-play stretch. They totaled nine overall…The Titans’ kickoff return for a touchdown was one of the better coaching calls I’ve seen all season – brilliantly executed as well.

Man breaks into White Sox GM home, defrosts lobster.

As someone who relies heavily on Arian Foster (and even Ben Tate to an extent), it’s pretty clear these QB injuries hurt his fantasy value. Although Jacksonville’s defense is good, and it’s worth pointing out T.J. Yates is more athletic and showed a greater willingness to throw downfield than Leinart. The rookie may actually have more upside…I’m beginning to think Blaine Gabbert might have been a bad draft pick…Houston has now recorded an interception in 10 straight games…Marcedes Lewis’ drop (and subsequent missed play in the end zone) was the worst I’ve seen this season. He was wide open on an easy toss from the 3-yard line. Inexcusable.

Arnold Schwarzenegger gives the best DVD commentary ever. Especially if you’re blind.

Beanie Wells erupted for a franchise-record 228 rushing yards and a touchdown on 28 carries in Week 12, getting 8.4 YPC in the process. He continues to play at less than 100 percent and with a knee brace and briefly left Sunday’s game with what appeared to be a serious injury, but he returned and certainly looks more explosive than he did a month ago. The performance came against a Rams defense that has allowed 5.1 YPC on the year, which is the second-highest in the NFL, but Wells broke off runs for 71 and 53 yards in an impressive outing. After scoring six touchdowns over his first four games this season, Wells has hit pay dirt just twice over seven games since, but the return of Kevin Kolb should help the offense. Wells’ schedule down the stretch isn’t exactly favorable, but at least he has a home matchup against the Browns in Week 15…It’s safe to say it would be a long shot if Steve Spagnuolo is still a head coach in 2012…Patrick Peterson tied an NFL record with his fourth punt return for a touchdown in a season, and he’s the only one with all of them coming from 80 yards or more. He’s been a travesty in coverage, but that’s pretty impressive.

Man with UK’s biggest feet is a hit with the ladies.

I call running back a fungible position quite often and would usually argue for a younger player to replace a more established one, but wow is C.J. Spiller so clearly a downgrade from Fred Jackson. Not that it should have been unexpected at this point, but still…Stevie Johnson’s drop on the final drive that would have almost certainly resulted in a game-winning touchdown was far more egregious than his antics celebrating his earlier TD…Mark Sanchez’s four touchdown game had to be one of the least impressive in NFL history.

NBC’s I-Team wants to warn you about this new dangerous game called beer pong.

Peyton Hillis was questionable to play in Week 12, but after Montario Hardesty suffered a setback in pregame warmups, not only did Hillis see his first action in six weeks, he started and was given 21 touches. He certainly wasn’t overly impressive, gaining just 61 yards on those touches, but Cleveland’s playbook expands with him in the backfield, so as long as he doesn’t reinjure his persistent hamstring problem, he should be a workhorse from here on out. While that makes him once again relevant in fantasy terms, the problem is Cleveland’s upcoming schedule, which features the Ravens and Steelers in four of the next five games (although the latter comes in Week 17, so really it’s three of the next four in most formats, but that’s still brutal)…Cleveland scored a touchdown in the first quarter for the first time this season…I’m not sure I’m ready to live in a world where both Cedric Benson and Marshawn Lynch are top-15 fantasy backs.

Amazing 60-yard goal in last minute of soccer match.

Roy Helu racked up 162 yards and a touchdown on 30 touches during the Redskins’ win Sunday, acting as the team’s workhorse in the backfield. He’s now up to 4.8 YPC on the season and is a weapon as a receiver as well. It’s obviously risky trusting a Mike Shanahan running back at this point, but the coach did declare Helu the team’s clear starter after his recent performance, a label Shanahan has previously refused to declare. Helu has fresh legs, and the Redskins offense has improved with Rex Grossman retaking QB duties from John Beck, so the rookie back could be a major difference maker in fantasy leagues down the stretch…Not only does Red Bryant have three blocked field goals this season, but he also blocked an extra point Sunday as well.

Colorado man sues couple he kidnapped.

Darren McFadden’s return date from his foot sprain continues to be pushed back, and at this point, it wouldn’t be too wise to expect much from him in 2011. We are already approaching the fantasy playoffs, and McFadden has yet to return even to a limited practice, and since the injury was to his foot, he hasn’t been able to stay properly in shape. So he’d likely be limited for a game or two even if he were able to return to action. Moreover, with Michael Bush such a strong alternative, there’s no need to rush Oakland’s franchise player, especially if they think he can get back to 100 percent come playoff time. McFadden remains one of the most productive fantasy players when on the field, but he also continues to be one of the more injury-prone backs in the league. He’s never played more than 13 games in any of his four seasons in the NFL…Not only did Sebastian Janikowski go 6-for-6 on field goals, but Shane Lechler also had an 80-yard punt…Caleb Hanie was an obvious downgrade from Jay Cutler, but his 50 rushing yards mean he’s someone to keep an eye on in fantasy leagues moving forward.

Historian attacks congressman for attending crappy community college.

After being suspended in Week 10, DeSean Jackson was benched in Week 12 after committing a couple of ugly drops that would have resulted in scores, as his nightmare season continues. He hasn’t scored since Week 5 and has just two touchdowns all year, and he’s also averaging only 7.3 yards per punt return, which is easily a career-low. Moreover, his nine drops are tied for the fourth-most among wide receivers in the NFL, while he’s managed to break just one tackle all season long. Still, especially with no Jeremy Maclin (hamstring), fantasy owners shouldn’t give up on the frustrating Jackson, and it wouldn’t shock if he had a big game in Week 13…I’m not sure what happened to BenJarvus Green-Ellis, who didn’t do much at all after a big start over the first quarter and a half Sunday, but it’s remarkable he’s yet to fumble a single time during his career.

Man has 16 children with 14 different women.

Tim Tebow’s 22 rushing attempts were the most ever by a quarterback since the merger…Wide receiver is a position that’s inconsistent by nature, but Vincent Jackson has taken it to extreme levels this season. He’s racked up 586 receiving yards with seven touchdowns over four games. In the other seven contests, Jackson has managed 239 receiving yards with zero scores. That’s pretty crazy…There were a comedy of errors at the end of this game, starting with referee Jeff Triplett announcing before overtime that “each team must have the opportunity to possess the football…and score.” I enjoyed Dan Fouts’ response: “He just misspoke, that’s all. I do it all the time. Although probably not as much as him.” And then there was Nick Novak relieving himself on the sideline. Finally, Norv Turner called a timeout with just two seconds left on Denver’s play clock when the Broncos were unsettled and not ready to hike on the final field goal attempt (Denver had no timeouts). Are you kidding me? It doesn’t get much more incompetent than that.

Octopus walks on land.

Jackie Battle has averaged only 9.0 touches over the past three weeks, so his role has become much more shared than once hoped, when it appeared he might be KC’s feature back. It’s possible the Chiefs offense improves once Kyle Orton takes over, but as of now, with Tyler Palko at quarterback, it might be the worst in the league. They have scored just one touchdown in their last 45 offensive drives…Since entering the NFL, no one in the league has been sacked more than Ben Roethlisberger.

After this promo, I’m sold.

The Saints won a coin toss for first time this season Monday night…Victor Cruz is out of control good. He’s going to be a member of a lot of winning fantasy teams this year…Drew Brees put on an absolute clinic Monday night. He didn’t take a sack and would have approached 500 passing yards had New Orleans not stepped off the gas pedal up 35-10 entering the fourth quarter. As someone who faced him in my home fantasy league in a matchup that came down to MNF, it was a pretty brutal experience watching him surgically pick a part a helpless New York secondary. As if the four TD passes weren’t enough, he also added a rushing score for good measure – his first since 2009. Brees is on pace to finish the season with 5,366 passing yards, which would break the NFL record by 282 yards.

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Bet On It

November 27th, 2011

By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 7-7, losing my best. I’m 77-78-5 so far this year. Best bet is 3-7-1. Onto the Week 12 picks:

Packers -6 at LIONS

DOLPHINS +7 at Cowboys

49ers +3.5 at RAVENS

VIKINGS +9.5 at Falcons

TEXANS -3.5 at Jaguars

Buccaneers +3 at TITANS (Best Bet)

Cardinals +3 at RAMS

Browns +8 at BENGALS

Bills +9 at JETS

PANTHERS -3.5 at Colts

REDSKINS +3.5 at Seahawks

BEARS +4 at Raiders

Patriots -3 at EAGLES

BRONCOS +7 at Chargers

STEELERS -10.5 at Chiefs

GIANTS +7 at Saints

Comments: I had a hard time choosing between Houston and Tennessee as my best bet, but with the way I’ve performed with those this season, that just means you should be hammering Jacksonville and Tampa Bay. My teaser of the week is the Falcons and Jets.

The Scoop

November 21st, 2011

By Dalton Del Don

There’s no doubt the first 55 minutes of Thursday night’s game was brutal, but the ultimate payoff (and this coming from someone who picked the Jets ATS) made it worth it. Seriously how can an offense look so bad – they had five possessions that started in New York’s territory and produced three points – for the whole game and then produce a 95-yard drive like that at the end? Whatever you think of Tim Tebow, the guy clearly has a flair for the dramatic (check out NFL.com’s power rankings)…Denver’s defense obviously deserves a ton of credit for the team’s three-game winning streak. Forget Rookie of the Year, there’s a strong case to be made Von Miller has been the NFL’s defensive player of the year, period. He’s been fantastic against the run and also leads the league with 16 QB hits…For some reason, Tebow called a timeout with three seconds left in the third quarter (and the play clock wasn’t running out)…Mark Sanchez already has three “pick-sixes” this season…”If you get sacked in the end zone, it’s a safety.” Thank you Brad Nessler! I actually don’t have a problem with Nessler and Mike Mayock, who is obviously a big upgrade over Matt Millen, but both of them mispronounced Plaxico Burress’ name all night long…It certainly appeared like Shonn Greene’s injury was a blessing in disguise for the Jets, as Joe McKnight was an upgrade. Not only does the playbook expand greatly with him in, but he’s also more explosive as a runner (not sure he could handle 300 touches though). McKnight totaled 121 total yards, which Greene has bettered in just one of his 39 career games played. McKnight will likely go back to being a complementary player with Greene returning, but especially with his receiving ability, he’d become an extremely intriguing fantasy option should he ever become the feature back.

The footage of this lady thwarting an invasion from her home video is capturing enough, but frankly, the humor involves her TERRIBLE ability to describe what’s happening. I mean there were clearly two culprits right away, and how in the world should that outfit be described as a white shirt? You know, the one covered 90 percent by a black sweatshirt. And I’m guessing they used the tire iron to get in, not through the doggy door.

Oakland’s 24-7 halftime lead really hurt Carson Palmer’s fantasy day, although a TD run salvaged it. He should be considered a weekly QB1 moving forward…I have no idea what to make of the Raiders’ receiving situation, as Darrius Heyward-Bey was seeing a lot more action than Denarius Moore before leaving with an injury. Fantasy owners need to take a wait-and-see approach, as it’s tough to predict who’ll get the targets on a weekly basis…The jury’s still out on Christian Ponder the passer, but he’s certainly shown he’s quite athletic…Tough break for Adrian Peterson owners. Hopefully his absence won’t be lengthy…At 4-1, the Raiders have the AFC’s best road record this season…With 65 touches over the past two games, Michael Bush is an absolute horse. If you own both, Bush owners shouldn’t exactly be hoping for a Darren McFadden return at this point. The latter has more talent and is more explosive, but Bush is an every down back who gets all the goal-line work and is plenty capable in his own right. Oakland should easily be considered the favorites to win the AFC West right now.

Roger Craig (not the former SF RB) makes a mockery out of Jeopardy.

Matt Moore has got 8.5 YPA with a 6:1 TD:INT ratio over his past three games, completing 70.8 percent of his passes. Moreover, he’s also taken just three sacks over that span, and remember, before last year when he played for a dreadful Carolina team that gave him a quick hook, Moore got 7.9 YPA with an 8:1 TD:INT ratio over five starts in 2009. He’s 27 years old and already looks like an upgrade over Chad Henne. I hope Miami fans didn’t have their hearts set on Andrew Luck…Stevie Johnson hasn’t scored since Week 6 and doesn’t have a single 100-yard receiving game all season. He also gets to face Darrelle Revis on Sunday…The Dolphins haven’t allowed a touchdown over their past 12 quarters.

Pretty funny SNL skit.

Andy Dalton was picked off three times Sunday, but he also threw for 373 yards (totaling 405 yards) in Baltimore, getting 8.3 YPA while taking just two sacks without having A.J. Green at his disposal. I certainly can’t say I expected it, but he sure looks like a keeper. Another reminder just how little we should pay attention to the preseason…I found it funny the person who tackled Torrey Smith by his hair (looked painful) was Pacman Jones…As long as Green is out, it appears Jerome Simpson will be a fantasy option…Referee Ron Winter “all but disappears” in this pileup.

The song is actually catchy, but it’s the photos of people at Walmart that make it worth watching.

One week after Phil Dawson missed a 22-yard field goal (albeit the snap was bad) that cost Cleveland the game, his 38-yard miss Sunday nearly did the same. It was close and worth taking a second look, but apparently kicks that go over the goal post aren’t reviewable…This pass by Blaine Gabbert defies explanation. One of the worst I’ve ever seen…With eight seconds left on second down from the 1-yard line and no timeouts, the announcer said “I think you have to throw it here.” Really? Do you think so? The same wasn’t true on the following play with just three seconds left, however (they chose to pass), since it would be the last one regardless. Ultimately, the Jags cost themselves a play by not calling their final timeout after gaining a first down with 41 seconds left. There was just 18 seconds left when they ran their next play, and the final one of the game came on a third down.

Man wearing “I’m a drunk” shirt arrested for DWI.

In the first halves of games this season, Dez Bryant has 24 catches for 413 yards and five touchdowns, while after halftime, he has just 11 receptions for 172 yards and one TD. In fact, he has more receiving yards total in first quarters alone (269) than he does during the second half of games, with four of his six touchdowns coming in the opening 15 minutes. I have no idea what to make of this. But I do know no one in the NFL has more receiving yards with fewer dropped passes (one) than Bryant…Pretty crazy the Cowboys came so close to losing with Tony Romo playing such a fantastic game. His ability to extend plays and escape the pocket is highly impressive…I’m beginning to think Mike Shanahan is unpredictable when it comes to his usage with running backs…While holding for a potential game-winning field goal in overtime, Romo tried to call a timeout, only Dallas didn’t have any left (he later admitted he thought you were given three in OT), but Shanahan called one a split second earlier, preventing the delay of game penalty. Dan Bailey’s kick would have easily missed from five more yards out, which is just another example of how stupid “icing” a kicker is.

Blonde on an escalator.

Jordy Nelson has got 8.5 yards-after-catch per reception this season, which easily leads all wide receivers (minimum 30 catches). It obviously helps having Aaron Rodgers as his QB, but Nelson is absolutely legit…Kellen Winslow had a big game, but his drop while wide open in the fourth quarter on a two-point conversation attempt that would have tied the game was brutal…LeGarrette Blount is a grown ass man. What an incredible TD run…Nice to see Mike Williams has a pulse still…Late in the second quarter, Tampa Bay attempted a surprise onside kick that went just seven yards before coming to a stop, when a Green Bay player dove in and touched it. Luckily for the Packers, the only dumber player on the field was the Bucs one who illegally touched it right before, negating the recovery with absolutely nothing to gain by grabbing it in the first place.

After kneeing cop in groin, drunk driver poses for an epic mugshot.

Usually I use this space to bitch and complain, a therapeutic session in which I don’t have to pay a shrink. But I must say, as a Matthew Stafford owner who was facing someone who had Calvin Johnson in my home league, I was rather fortunate to get five passing touchdowns with none to Johnson. Pretty lucky…The Lions are the first team in NFL history to win three games in a season in which they trailed by at least 17 points (h/t Adam Shefter)…Cam Newton already has more rushing touchdowns (by two) than any rookie quarterback ever. He’s going to be a fantasy monster for years to come…Kevin Smith’s performance had to be one of the most out-of-nowhere in recent memory, but with such weak alternatives, there’s no way it should be written off as a fluke. It needs to be taken in context against such a poor Carolina defense that has allowed an NFL-high 14 rushing TDs this season, but Smith looked good and most importantly, he can be a real threat as a receiver. Smith is an injury risk and was out of the league up until three weeks ago, but he’s now seemingly fully recovered from his knee surgery and worked hard while unemployed, and the former third round pick totaled 1,262 yards with eight touchdowns as a rookie. With Jahvid Best’s status so uncertain and in such an explosive offense, not only is Smith the obvious No. 1 waiver wire pick this week, especially so late in the year, if I had all $100 (or $1000) of my FAAB remaining, I’d spend it all on him.

Accused Florida butt injector appears to have tried her own product.

To call John Skelton inaccurate Sunday would be a massive understatement. I guess Kevin Kolb’s job will be his when ready after all…The 49ers held the ball 44:16 in Week 11, which is the most by any team in a game this season…David Akers attempted a whopping four field goals in the first quarter and five in the game’s first 20 minutes Sunday (and six in the first half)…Beanie Wells’ lost fumble was Arizona’s first by a running back this season…Remarkably, Alex Smith’s interception Sunday was just his second in the red zone in his entire career…The 49ers are 10-0 against the spread this season.

Manny Pacquiao apparently suffered foot cramps during his fight with Marquez (for the second fight in a row and on the bottom, which means it’s unrelated to this), but who wants to see them fight for a fourth time over a matchup with Floyd Mayweather? I like Freddy Roach, but the answer is no one. It’s humorous that Pacquiao is now clearly the one ducking Mayweather (although I can’t blame him), but anyway, I guess it’s good news in that I won’t spend my bank account flying to Vegas it.

Marshawn Lynch has now scored in six straight games and has somehow had plenty of fantasy value despite getting 3.4 YPC (and often much lower) in six of nine games this year…Sam Bradford looks like a real problem, especially with that contract. He’s taken 31 sacks over eight games this season and hasn’t thrown multiple touchdowns in a game since Week 12 of last year. Matthew Stafford threw as many touchdowns Sunday as Bradford has all of 2011…I’ve had a somewhat disappointing but not terrible year ATS (around .500) and been moderately successful betting on teasers, but each week I pick a “best bet,” and it’s been a total disaster, with my latest being the Rams. I’ve lost three in a row and am an ugly 3-7-1 on the year. Embarrassing. You should be fading me.

This goal is “absolutely brilliant.” I can’t disagree.

Ryan Mathews had two more fumbles Sunday, as he continues to struggle with ball security and injuries. Quite the enigma, that Mathews…Norv Turner burned two timeouts during a failed challenge. Why even wait until the offseason to fire him? I get in-season coaching changes rarely work in the NFL, but at this point, what is there to lose? San Diego hasn’t won a game since Week 5…Hate to see Jay Cutler out with a broken thumb (and no, not just because we look alike), as it really hurts a team that probably was the Packers’ biggest threat in the postseason (and this coming from a 49ers fan). Cutler had really been playing well of late too, so let’s hope he can return before the season ends. I’m sure the breaks are different, and I’m in no way questioning Cutler’s toughness, but it’s funny Ben Roethlisberger is playing through a similar injury, but then again, he has the makeup of those who were around when the opposable thumb became evolved. And let’s not worry too much about Cutler, who just last weekend reportedly once again got engaged to Kristin Cavallari.

Possible U.S. governor ends up homeless in Ukraine after searching for would-be bride who was fake.

Enough with the excuses, Chris Johnson has been a disaster this season, and his big Week 10 now looks worse after Kevin Smith came off the bench (and his couch) to rack up more than 200 yards against the same Panthers team. Johnson somehow managed just 13 rushing yards on 12 carries Sunday and after scoring 23 touchdowns over his previous 24 games, he’s hit pay dirt just twice over his past 12 contests. Johnson’s 1.9 YPC after contact this season ranks 59th among 63 qualified running backs…It came against a prevent defense, but Jake Locker impressed when he replaced an injured Matt Hasselbeck, showing good athleticism and arm strength. Nate Washington owners maybe shouldn’t be rooting for a speedy recovery by Hasselbeck…After taking 13 sacks over the first three games this season, Matt Ryan has been taken down just seven times over his past seven contests. Atlanta has been disappointing, even if regression wasn’t unexpected, but 10 wins still aren’t out of the question.

Teacher admits to selling grades to pay off debt.

Vince Young looked legitimately nervous early on, but he certainly settled down, culminating in an impressive eight-minute game-winning drive. He wasn’t a bust or anything, but his six carry, five rushing yard performance really capped his fantasy performance…Brandon Jacobs is slow and is frankly, pretty terrible right now. Then again, the Giants’ blocking this season has been absolutely atrocious…Since he became relevant in Week 3, Victor Cruz has produced a pace to finish a 16-game season with 88 catches, 1,566 yards and 10 touchdowns – and that’s with him getting just two catches for 12 yards without a score in one game. Cruz is tied for fifth (with Michael Crabtree) among wide receivers with nine broken tackles, and to put that in perspective, Calvin Johnson leads the league in the category with 11, and he’s played 656 snaps this year. Cruz has played 386 (Crabtree has just 387). Cruz should be treated as a top-20 fantasy WR…I’m so confused about DeSean Jackson’s taunting penalty AFTER THE PLAY negating his 50-yard gain, because it was offsetting. Apparently, the Giants committed the best penalty ever on the play, because if they hadn’t, the Eagles would have netted 40 yards as opposed to zero. That makes sense. And by that I mean zero.

I personally wouldn’t have voted for Justin Verlander for MVP, but it has nothing to do with him being a pitcher. I don’t get the thought process behind lessening his impact by saying he plays only once every five days. Yes he doesn’t play defense, but he factored into 969 plate appearances, which is obviously more than any hitter, and if you don’t want to listen to me, just look at how Vegas’ odds change daily based on starting pitching. In comparison, the needle would barely move at all if even Albert Pujols were to sit out one game.

After averaging 148.0 yards over his first five games this season, Wes Welker has averaged 57.6 yards in five games since. While regression was a certainty, I’m also convinced he’s playing more hurt than the Patriots are letting on…Tyler Palko is a disgrace to Shane Falco…Not one tight end has ever scored more than 10 touchdowns three times in their career and only Antonio Gates has done so in back-to-back seasons (h/t Bill Barnwell). Meanwhile, Rob Gronkowski has 10 touchdowns over his first 10 games this season after scoring as many during his rookie season. We are looking at a special player (with a special QB throwing to him), so records are going to be shattered. Gronkowski is on pace to finish the year with 90 receptions, 1,288 yards and 16 touchdowns. From the tight end position, that makes him easily a top-10 fantasy commodity…During a pregame segment before Monday Night football, ESPN interviewed a bunch of random people named Tom Brady in the Boston area. When the real quarterback was later brought on, Rick Reilly told him they also came across 47 Gisele Bundchens as well, to which Brady responded “really??” dead serious. I love the thought of living in a world in which Tom Brady is apparently extremely gullible. Apparently, if Brady were a part of your group of friends, he’d be the one picked on incessantly.

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Bet On It

November 18th, 2011

By Dalton Del Don

Last week I went 8-8, losing my best. It’s past time to start fading my best bets this year. I’m 70-71-5 so far this year. Best bet is 3-6-1. Onto the Week 11 picks:

JETS -6 at Broncos

Panthers +7 at LIONS

Buccaneers +15 at PACKERS

Cowboys -8.5 at REDSKINS

Bills +1 at DOLPHINS

Jaguars – 0.5 at BROWNS

Raiders -0.5 at VIKINGS

BENGALS +7.5 at Ravens

Seahawks +1 at RAMS (Best Bet)

CARDINALS +9.5 at 49ers

CHARGERS +3.5 at Bears

TITANS +6 at Falcons

Eagles +3 at GIANTS

Chiefs +15 at PATRIOTS

Comments: This was without question the toughest slate for me so far this season.